Victory Vital IPA: That PA Supergiant is Checking the Vital Signs of the Hopgame

November 5, 2015 | dontdrinkbeer

Oh Victory, what a tremulant history we have shared. They are that entry level brewery that engages your interest, then you outgrow, but then you embrace again when you are done moralizing and giving a fuck. Victory Brewing is kinda like that uncle who did sleight of hand magic and always invited you over to his studio apartment, but then later you found out it was because your uncle was on house arrest for petty theft. Eventually you come full circle and realize your uncle is pretty kick ass, despite his larcenous trappings.

So Victory is hazarding a branding reboot of sorts, embracing their first canned offering, and bridging the gap to a more accessible consumer base from what I can gather. I mean look at this shit:

Embedded adjectives like a TGI Fridays menu and shit.

I think we can agree that the marketing is dumber than a Rice Krispee Treat dildo. But remember, this is appealing to the type of dude who says “WHEN WE GONNA GET YOU OUT ON THE BOAT” non-ironically. The official press statement boldly asks “WHAT IF WE LIVED IN A WORLD WITH ONLY ONE IPA CHOICE” so I am guessing this is some Fallout 4 dystopian future simulator IPA.

One thing you cant deny is a pretty fucking legit IPA 6 pack for $9.99. That was the reason I loved DIRT WOLF but price alone cannot be Victory’s savior because Hop Ranch was a bag of pulverized chive and garlic nutsacks. So where does this one stack up between those two polar opposites? Eh, somewhere in between, falling closer to the Dirtwolf awesomeness.

The press release is fucking hilarious and makes me wish I wrote copy for this No Fear t-shirt designer turned beer mogul: “WHETHER YOU ARE LOOKING TO RELIEVE A STRESSFUL DAY, TOAST TO ONE OF LIFE’S MANY VICTORIES…REACH FOR THAT WHICH IS VITAL TO ALL FIVE SENSES IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD.” Go ice your boner down and continue reading.

So how does this taste? It appears to have subacriomial bursitis and a rotator cuff tear from patting itself on the back at release. The look is admittedly awesome, that radiant hue with a touch of hay and light orange like when a Filipino dude decides that he would look good with bleached hair.

The nose follows suit and doesn’t go strict IBU overload and instead offers a pretty fulfilling with a sort of shallot and carmelized onion meets mango puree. The waft is thin and has a touch of lemon hand soap to it that is forgivable because it ultimately comes across as refreshing rather than substantial in scope.

The taste is better than the nose and offers up a safe interplay between coniferous cones, yard trimmings, and grapefruit pith. It has a clean fast finish that anomalously would work well in hot weather, and not as a late-Fall release but, I guess that’s fine? It doesn’t have any of the usual malty sweetness problems attendant to, let’s call it, PA’s bordering states. There is a lightly danky oiliness to the swallow that peaces out faster than when the professor says “attendance will not affect your grade.”

These labels. FFS.
CLASS : ALE, +2 DPS TO ELEMENTALS, HOP ALIGNMENT: CITRUS DAMAGE

So overall, this is welcome offering in a bar that probably is serving like SHIFT or some other shit, but I don’t see you reaching for this over your [insert smaller local superstar brewery.] It will raise the nationwide Grocery Store caliber of beers and act as a cool counterpoint to the likes of Lagunitas and Green Flash in that segment, but people who are drinking Societe or Columbus or Trillium will not be bothered by the spread of this ambitious upstart.

Buy a six pack, crush it, start accusing your children of things that they couldn’t possibly have been responsible for.

Creature Comforts Revisited: Storming through the South, Sherman’s March Redux

October 26, 2015 | dontdrinkbeer

If you follow DDB with that frothy regularity that most of my readers subject themselves to, you will remember recently when DDB reviewed Creature Comforts Tropicalia and Athena. The TL;DR was that Tropicalia was a very good but not earth shattering IPA in the late 2000’s fashion and I got an off can of Athena that was like taking a baby diaper full of butyric acid to the Sadie Hawkins dance. I got zero brewery retweets, and as usual, my readers bitched that I hadn’t reviewed See the Stars yet.

Typical day at the DDB offices.

Fast forward a week later, approximately 1.2 millenia in the beer world, and a gigantic fucking box shows up unceremoniously on my doorstep. A careful examination evidences that the box is sopping wet, smells rank, and it is ice cold. I thought to myself, “is DDB about to make history by receiving a shipment of human organs/piss from a disgruntled brewery? Quite the opposite.

gaze upon the hellish expanse of less than a day old IPAs, busted in transit, those who weathered the journey lived to deliver the hoppy message upon high.

The box is dated the DAY BEFORE from Creature Comforts and it was overnighted with cans of Tropicalia that were hours old. The experience was surreal and mind blowing from a customer service point of view.

The ice packs were still frozen and the cans were ice cold and likely cost upwards of $150+ to ship. BUT WHY. What is the rub? Battered brewery syndrome? THERE HAS TO BE AN ANGLE.

My fears subsided when I found this

The whole package was jawdropping and unprecedented in my experience and 2000+ beer reviews. This brewery went out of their way to not only address my petty grumblings in the most respectful, high browed manner possible, but it was executed with an ethos that is oddly absent in the cold calculations of most brewery PR departments: Creature Comforts legitimately gives a fuck.

So a few of the cans busted but, the action drives home a larger point about the state of customer relations in the modern era of over brewery saturation, 5 tap handle California ale strain cash grabs. A cynical mendicant might be like “yeah so what, they dropped $200 on the easiest marketing possible, no brainer.” But I feel that this is something beyond the scope of dollar to exposure ratio. It is the climate where integrity and product is becoming paramount over just being “local” or “craft.”

after their bath, shit reeked like Chinatown in a heatwave

The prior model for shitty beer blogs in the late 2000s was to slap up some glad handing enterprise for your 50 readers, and hope for some wonky bottles of free Ruination to show up. Then all those dipshits made podcasts that no one can stomach or 15 minute long Youtube videos with double digit view counts. Let’s be clear: DDB gets plenty of free shit and there’s many times a brewery specifically walks into the DDBayonet, inexplicably. This isn’t about free IPAs and berliners, it is more about a changing of the guard attendant to press relations. Yes, that sentence framed DDB as legitimate form of press: finger your cousin’s dickhole, the site gets thousands of views a day.

canned the day before? 2fukn old.

So Creature Comforts not only decided to amiably handle the situation, be the bigger party, but also go above and beyond, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BEER HUH STOP CRADLING THEIR BRITE TANKS IN YOUR MOUTH.

Well, good news and mediocre news. Let’s address Tropicalia First:

SRM: still looks like throwback shit

So how does a 1 day old tropicalia compare to a 3 week old can? Put simply it is much better in terms of vibrance, lively oils, radiant fruit pith and pine. But all of those things were ALREADY VERY GOOD. Let’s be clear here, Tropicalia is a very good ipa, and is likely amongst the best in the GA market to be sure, if not the best. An ultra fresh can is like your friend who wont shut the fuck up about Radiohead KID A who is like “oh you heard the CD? no here, try the vinyl, you clearly didn’t get it the first time.” People never shut the fuck up about KID A. I get it, it is a very very good album, timeless, sonically challenging, aesthetically awesome, and undoubtedly a top notch offering. So is Tropicalia, it is a very very good IPA without any overt flaws. It just isn’t my favorite of all time. Shut the fuck up about Radiohead already.

If this is readily available in the GA market, then a new high water mark exists for surrounding breweries and they are in deep shit. Buy it, trade for it. Pour it on your meaty sand dollar nips.

This Athena is a completely different affair

This Athena however, is a wild wild departure from the “bad” can I previously received and this bangs hard on 808 drums. All of the off diacetyl and DMS aspects are gone and this shines radiantly like that Westbrook Gose star in the sky. There is a nice salinity and mineral character to it, brackish saltines and lemon water, oceanic spray of juicy refreshment. It is intensely crushable and the pinnacle of a session driller, BP certified. While the fruited version is still much better, I can’t think of anything on the old west coast channels akin to this and it doesn’t have the needlessly lacto/aggro kettle soured profile of some of the, let’s call them TILLAMOOKIAN DEVIANTS.

In sum, I gather that Creature Comforts is a year and a half old upstart who cares a shitload about how they are perceived and it will be interesting to see how they handle the mounting interest and pressures of bottle releases in the future. This won’t be the last we hear from this incredible brewery or their infinitely shittier fan base.

WED MD: the old SideProjectitist, a disease wherein you cannot control who loves you, or the childish lengths they will go to in pursuit of completely subverting that relationship and ruining shit for everyone.

Trillium Brewing Just Got 5 Hop Cones in the Source: Hot in those MA Streets

October 22, 2015 | dontdrinkbeer

If you are like me, you are sick to your perineum of hearing about hoppy beers from the Northeast. Every other week it’s some new whipped egg yolk looking DIPA pitched with London Ale III strain or something unclarified with tons of messy ropes like cum in a hot tub. I get it, everyone wants their own Huddy Trooper riff. Usually the coat tails are gripped so defiantly that it is hard to separate the cone from the chaff and the prospect of taking a fedex flyer on hoppy beers from across the continental U.S. is not an inviting prospect.

These Trillium beers though, God damn.

Without qualification I can say that these are absolutely worth your time and I would be shocked if your unknown local brewery crafting beers out of a revamped Red Robin on some shitty third owner brewpub system are making anything like this.

beers taste better bokehed

At the outset the innumerable list of hoppy beers from Trillium appear samey in execution, but each shines in a distinct fashion. Melcher street is the more herbal and grassy companion on this Massachusetts stroll through dandelion fields. This is a stern east coast response to the likes of Societe’s Pupil. This pushes for angiosperms, conifers, and apricot on the closer.

trub a dub dub

No matter where you stand on the haze vs. isinglass debate, Melcher street tastes phenomenal and finishes creamy with a long sappy resin like a freshly stained deck. I can’t wait until someone with better distribution bites this style and does it marginally worse because I need this to be sitting on shelves, no courier intermediary needed.

the meringue whip

Sleeper street is aptly named for much of the Trillium canon at this point. Sure you see ISOs for these, but I usually wait for the galvanized steel of hoppy beers to cool before I go treading upon unproven paths. This beer is not as good as Melcher but it still shows a capacity for variety within even the style that doesn’t usually get praise for nuance or depth. This has a kind of menthol and minty Sazerac 18 kind of woodiness going to it. There is a leafy oiliness to the mid palate and it feels earthy but still wholly refreshing like a woodruff shot or a fernet branca spritzer.

poppin shots at them MA haters

So in sum, this is a throwback of sorts to the Hoptimum era of massively resinous IPAs but ensconced in the framework of the frothy turbidity of the modern era. It’s like when Brendan Fraser emerges from the past in any one of his movies where he is a guy who is emerging from the past to adapt to new circumstances. Pick one.

SHIT JUST GOT REAL

But is that DIPA game strong tho? A resounding affirming head nod shatters my c1 in this regard. Upper Case is hands down my favorite offering from them and it heismans others squarely in the collarbone by taking the messy DIPA framework that HF Double Galaxy presented and presses it to an oddly refreshing realm. Usually these are hardly what you would reach for when you seek satiation.

“We hear you guys are digging our hop forward beers…so we busted out another double IPA to celebrate our 2nd anniversary. UPPER CASE has a delicate, dry pilsner malt character with a smooth, soft, doughy mouthfeel from the raw wheat, oily hop resin which all serves as a canvas for this twice dry hopped 9% double IPA. Overipe mango, pineapple and passion fruit aromas leap out as the beer is poured. The impression of tropical fruit also takes the lead in the flavor which is layered further by white wine, pine resin and grapefruit zest. Hopped primarily with Mosaic with supporting roles played by Galaxy, Citra and Columbus. We figured there will be considerable interest, so brewed 3 batches!”

I mean, god damn it. Sure this is not as balanced as the “perfect” DIPAs like Kern River Citra or HF Ephraim, but it is a novel entry into a sort of almost farmhouse meets ultra hopped 2 row realm.

just look ffs

I know your local realm has fresher, awesome DIPAs. No one is contesting that, but it likely doesn’t have this guava and pine explosion, it doesn’t have this grapefruit puree pressed through autumnal foliage, the ride on mower sits absently longing for the grow season, and this beer is the reductio ad absurdum of those devices. Absolutely top notch.

honorable mention

Not to appear one note: brewmaster Jack has been turning out some tasty beers as well. I was not as huge a fan of this as the adamantium hard lineup from Trillium, but it is still very tasty. You get grapefruit pith, mandarin oranges, pressed pineapple juice and a nice mineral clean finish without excessive oils. If you have a MA guy, have him also toss some of this Brewmaster Jack action your way as the whole region seems to be in a hoppy arms race where only the consumer is the victor.

Get that deep cone pump, throbbing oils, zygotes straight tumescent at full bud.

Guize Let’s Review Four Beers from Saint Archer before the Storage Wars Marathon Starts.

September 2, 2015 | dontdrinkbeer

Like baseball, the beer world is a sphere with a tight orbit. Revolutions come and go, epochs arrive within the space of a year, and sunsets cascade endlessly like so many sliders strewn across the horizon. As a result, beer consumers are assholes with elephantine memories. If a beer was infected during the Bush administration, you’ll be damn sure someone who wasn’t even into craft beer at that time will be spouting petty epithets. LOL BC FLAT ABEY and Hellshire II amirite? You can even give full refunds for beers a and there will be some dumbass fresh out of undergrad who wants to still mention BURERY IS QC PROBLEM.

Montage Pale Kids

This is the culture we live in, petty mouthbreathers who don’t often forgive and even more rarely forget.

In the spirit, today I want to review some beers from a brewery that had a PR face plant earlier this year, to give them a fair shake and see if the product warrants overlooking some baseball comments. Full disclosure, I don’t even sports so I could give a shit less what stadiums peddle what beers at which huge arenas funded by public money then named after shitty corporations. I care about sugar water, not vicariously living through people in better shape than I am playing professional versions of elementary school recess diversions.. Just so we are on the same page.

Let’s review some shelfies today, for a change of pace:

that Bt1 glass, a ghost from the past.

St. Archer pale ale:

Ok get ready for your nutsack to detonate with a de novo beer of complete first impression. No way, a California ale strain with two row, cascade, simcoe and citra. I guess I can’t really fault a simple design since that is the archetype for a million pale ale iterations in closet carboys as we speak. The beer is admittedly pretty if not a touch dark in hue to my sensibilities, but maybe this is one of those beers that craves a can format. The nose is more aserose, chive, a bit of melon, and a waft of ride on lawn mower. Pretty standard affair with nothing discernibly bad or noteworthy either.

The taste is watery, a bit of sap and pine, some shallot and a chard finish. Nothing that will give you pause one way or another. At a certain point what the fuck do you really want? Should every pale be zombie dust and edward? Can’t we just stop arguing over finances and agree that your mother in law cannot stay with us? This beer is fine, you could do worse, or you could pay less and buy Lagunitas and be in materially unchanged position. Who gives a shit.

I drank this poolside to test the marketing on “normal” people and it was received with much fanfare. I am a jaded old hermit with long balls.

Regular Ass IPA

WELP, if you loved the pale ale, you will really love the slightly larger version with more rear passenger legroom. This is better than the pale because of the finish having a touch more malt to balance out the vegetal pale ale aspects and the mouthfeel isn’t a water park affair replete with splish, splash attendant thereto. In the most crowded craft beer segment, this offers up an offering safer than a Latter Day Saint using two condoms.

AN excellent beer for BOOM CUP, if you know what that is. U betr axe sumbuddy

In a blind IPA tasting this will hit the dead median by courting palates with accessibility over originality. It is world’s better than Sam Adams ipas or New Belgium’s Ranger, but from a smaller craft segment it has a tough time actively competing against Pizza Port or Three Floyds’ comparable offerings. Again, nothing to avoid and a solid grocery store pick. Price point is there, product is there, what more do you want from DDb? We live in a world awash with choices, so why are you making out with your second cousin? SHE IS CLEARLY ON MOLLY.

Now things are heating up.

Double ipa:

One thing that you begin to notice while working through the St Archer lineup in reverse ethanol content, lowest to highest, is that you see that they maintain that Three Floyd’s sort of existence where they shine the most in the upper registry. Their marketing and branding seems wholly focused on some fresh fun San Diegan experience but I don’t buy it. Like those gems Arctic Panzer Wolf, Deadnaught, and Space Station Middle Finger, their Dipas are where the tires meet the asphalt. The St. Archer double ipa takes the muted aspects from the regular ipa and ramps them up beautifully. The malts are still restrained and provide just enough volume for that hoppy internal combustion to occur. It is sappy, pithy, a nice sweetness to the middle body that underscores the pine and baby kale. The tropical fruits sit idly in the backseat asking how much longer, kicking the alpha acid seat making you wish you opted for those coney flip down monitors in your India pale Aledyssey. It almost seems massively out of place relative to the rest of their gentle catalog and its a shame you don’t see it being pushed nearly as hard as the sessionable offerings. Typical. Hide the best shit, pump the forgettable offerings aka that Fremont Brewing strategy.

shit gets real when that TB2.0 globe hits the scene.

Mosaic Ipa
Alright now to the logical conclusion of this “saint bigger is saint better” archetype. The mosaic ipa is a massive 9% Abv arsenal of cut grass, wheatgrass, lemon zest, cantaloupe, and cut firewood cords. This one is not just phenomenal within the subset of the St Archer catalog, it is great in the global sense relative to all other Dipas, mosaic or otherwise. I know you will do a spit take but hear me out. This is seriously awesome.

Part of me feels like they dropped the marketing ball once again in a major way. At first glance this looks like a mild riff on the existing ipa, but no, this is an altogether different beast. The mouthfeel coats substantially and burns off under the press of its own oily disposition. They really should have done a better job establishing that this is damn near on the rails to bring a triple ipa, not just some standard ipa. It feels weird lambasting a brewery for not doing a better job explaining why their shit is amazing, since most self aggrandizing marketing is laughably bad. But seriously, the average consumer has no idea what they are passing over, and how could they? This is a hulking giant of alpha acid firepower that craves your oral embrace.

I know most Vermont dipshits think DIPAs need to look like Donald Duck orange juice to be good. settle down.

In sum, St Archer is silently creating some awesome beers and their marketing team needs to direct consumer attention to these very relevant developments. No one gives a shirtless uncle fuck about the blonde, or the innumerable predictable riffs on a california ale strain. If they are gonna make massive delicious beers like this mosaic (d)ipa, then sign me up for that and leave baseball and the low abv bullshit off my radar.

Tl;dr the mosaic is awesome so buy it, baseball isnt srs bznss.

Guize, Let’s Review Five Different Other Half Beers to See How the Other Half be Livin.

August 31, 2015 | dontdrinkbeer

Let’s talk about these fellas at Other Half Brewing. The New York beer scene is interesting in itself and mirrors Los Angeles bber culture in many ways. It is ever a hub of incredible beer bars and a simmering cauldron of activity in the craft beer world. However, the action of simmering is an exothermic reaction to external forces, and the two metropolitan areas function as weathervanes from external change. SD bubbles LA’s britches. Sure New York has their share of Captain Lawrence’s, Ithacas, and Southamptons smattered around the landscape, but the driving pulse lies largely in the icy north.

So today we have an upstart that is carving their own legacy in reviews and trade ISOs: Other Half Brewing. Lets find out if these stand on their own or merely mirror facets of the frozen Vermont population living north of the wall.

I only pop you when it’s half, past five.

Mosaic ipa
This is seemingly the paradigm of reactionary given how many fucking breweries are leaning hard on Mosaic hops almost exclusively at this point. It is the CITRA hop of the 2011 era. This is a gentle beer across the spectrum that delivers exactly what it promises, a fistful of chive and shallot, resin and a floral finish. It is highly crushable and very well done.

that TB snifter getting mad max mileage

The only reason j can fault this is due to the fact that there are x to the nth power of other breweries doing the exact same thing. It’s like being super impressed with a paper towel company. Just buy the ones that clean up child vomit and get on with your life.

Certified whiptixxx in the subbydoobaruu

Galaxy ipa
Essentially the same as the mosaic with a bit more creaminess to the mouthfeel. It comes across as drier and more refreshing albeit less drillable than the mosaic. This is an overall better beer but the hops are such a fantastic panacea that you would have to be a pretty shifty brewer to drop the ball on a galaxy brew. It’s no HF double Galaxy, but likely better than what is available at your local bottleshop. If this is regularly on draft at Blind Tiger and the like, an incredible new crusher has joined those NYC ranks.

I mean, I do that, I make time for that.

Hop Showers
I have seen so many people seeking out these iconic cans and I feel that this is the best example of infectious marketing this side of those insufferable Rogue bottles. Sadly, the beer itself is nothing to go crazy over. It feels like some two row that was fermented too high and somehow still has a residual sweetness to the body that calls back to the Founders ipas from days past. There is a notable sense of honeydew and almost menthol herbaciousness to the swallow.

You get that link I sent you of a woman havin sex wit a bee?

I guess it’s greatest sin is that it doesn’t really command your attention or demand contemplation . For some people that would be a massive merit to their IPAs, but not for this salty worn out leather donut of brackishness. The can art carries the day for what would otherwise be a forgettable entry. Not bad but nothing you need to open an incognito tab for.

The fact that this is sold in any kind of multiple can format is amazing and horrifying at the same time.

All green everything TIPA

Ah yes the triple ipa. A style no one but novice hopheads begs for, a style breweries continue to fuck up time and time again by scaling up ineffective DIPA recipes, an often flabby mess replete with crystal malt or honey or some other stupid shit. This is the style that elevates the beta casual hop lover Into the trading and reviewing ranks. Thank god for this style, for its unending comedic effects. The line for Pliny the Younger extending longer with soccer moms and asian foodies every year, Sunset magazine running spreads on Triple IPAs, disenfranchised cousins sending you TIPA links at work, ah yes.

last week fucked around and got a triple double

Sadly this beer is one of those 5% of TIPas that are actually exceptional. It is really good and still svelte to an extent. It never raises to a fusel problems, never stumbles into a dank american barleywine, and fails to oil its hop cones in the bedsheets. This finishes slick and woody like shop class, I love the weight of the mouthfeel and this lacquer closer reminds me of an amazing lemon pledge cocktail: that sounds gross but this is amazing. It has power and balance like a young Bo Jackson in his prime. The first taste is oddly clean with grapefruit and Twbgerine zest. This draped over the long line finish makes for a really great beer.

There’s likely nothing like this available at retail and this comes scary close to the Boneyard Notorious levels of God tier greatness. ISO this. Srs.

If there were a farmhouse in NYC that shit would look like the house in UP

Barrel aged Brett saison
No brewery can be the master of everything, go try Hill Farmstead’s dortmunder and you’ll know what I mean. That sentiment is what gave me pause when I poured this other half saison, it looked pretty tasty. The nose was present and accounted for, some Brett c and cardboard paper, mandarian oranges. It feels genuine and inspired from a hop focused brewery, this can’t be right. The taste brings things back into the “pretty good” realm enjoyed by the likes of Prairie. This beer reminds me of a more tame version of Jester King biere de Miel, not overly sweet, not annoyingly acidic, a fantastic Orange Julius mouthfeel but lacing a haymaker to compel your returning attention. If this is priced in the $12 range, stock the fuck up like the T-virus was just unleashed on raccoon city. If this is in that ridiculous $20 realm, then perhaps it’s time to diversify your portfolio with some Vapeur or Blaugies.

So as to be expected, some amazing offerings, some forgettable ones, but in sum, Other Half is certainly worth a once over and there appears to be great things on the horizon.

@columbusbrewing Bodhi DIPA, Touch that Bodhi, Get All Up in the Bodhi, Put my Bodhi inside You

September 28, 2013 | dontdrinkbeer

Alright, we can all agree that Christopher Columbus was a complete shitbag, right? I mean ok, he rediscovered a trade route, committed genocide of thousands/millions of natives, sold Carribeans into slavery, we all know about that; but he also probably never brewed a DIPA. If you do all that horrible shit and then never offset it with at least a quality beer, then, that’s just babystomp levels of wrong. Columbus Brewing would be the inverted analog to the imperialist mariner: solid land locked people with no boats, no imperialistic aspirations, and they brew a fucking amazing DIPA. I saw this lil elusive minx pop up on the old school top 100, back when the mics used to mean something, 95 was meant you were the shit, now a 99 is like the least you get. Mad props to BlacknYellow for sending me this sticky banger. Anyway, this is fucking amazing and the best hoppy offering to come out of the midwest in a long time. Sorry Head Hunter. This is vastly superior. This one is for you Sendsilk, stop complaining and let’s get up in that Bodhi.

Classic DDB form: skulled the entire fucking 2L solo while playing GTAV. Typical Tuesday.

Columbus Brewing Company visit their website
Ohio, United States
American Double / Imperial IPA | 8.00% ABV

A: This is just beautiful. It isn’t that orange julius turbid mish mosh that HF presents, but it isn’t that deep gold SRM from west coast offerings, nor the ugly brassy east coast maltbombs: it is it’s own aesthetic. Looking at it, you wouldn’t think 8% abv DIPA, it looks like a tamer sort of Zombie Dusty affair. The carb held up well and there is light cling and little retention, but you didn’t put this hop porn in for the foamy storyline. You just want those hop oil money shots all in your mouth. Triple ropers.

Once this growler was opened I couldn’t keep my mouth up off it

S: This has a fantastic floral meets citrus boquet that doesn’t dominate on either profile. At first it is a bit aserose and you have sad feels, but then that grapefruit comes through like pith on the backend lightening up the bitter Coen Brothers hop profile with a bit of Raising Hopizona. Jamean.

T: Again, the pine needles are swept gently into a corner with some smashed lemon and yard trimmings in a beautiful medley that is distinctively grassy, resinous, but bright enough to maintain that complexity. It is the halfway house between shitty east coast malt bombs and simplistic refreshing west coast citrus profiles. The ABV is masked impeccably, you wouldn’t even know there were bricks stuffed up in the spare moving mad weight up in this whip. Pine cones soaked in grapefruit puree, bottled with unfiltered sunlight. Straight ratchet and worth the hype.

People who dont trade will be all rustled and talk about how their local IPA is the best, lol, rite.

M: This is exceedingly thin and all the better as a result. In racing they say “if you want to make your car do everything better, reduce the weight” and that is essentially what is going on here. This is a stripped down malty 240z with a fucking 350 of hops dropped into the chassis. I am not sure if this amount of resin to citrus ratio is street legal, but it def gives southeast asian kids erections. It washes away clean with an almost dry finish due to the oily bitterness that leave you with little recourse besides getting face down in it for another taste.

D: I killed this entire growler on a weeknight and wondered just what the fuck happened the next morning. My Roomba looked on in cold disapproval and swept up all the smashed goldfish from the entryway. This will get you on that Mossberg swerve to the point where, who knows, maybe you might get banned from a local establishment and/or beer website. Anything is possible with this minx. Highly recommended Boneyard/Alpine level shit. Seek this one out, srs.

It is like they took a classic formula and amped it up with speed, cornering and mid 90’s extreme intensity

Narrative: Dwayne Clark knew that his grill was illfitting and he didn’t care to address the issue. The lack of balance was his calling and the street youth loved him for it. In urban circles this was an issue of ultimate reproach and he instead chose to clench his bicuspids defiantly. “What type of cheesy gordita crunch would you like?” “mhm.” He just felt the pang of knowing that his vestigial dental accessory was somehow subpar to the most luxurious on the block, but ornate and amazing in execution. “I shed, jush a regular scheesy gordita, crunsh.” He gritted his jaw knowing they were mocking his ostentatious purchase, the precious stones obfuscating his speech. It was sheer excess, to be sure. WHAT WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO? TAKE IT OUT? That is simply not an option when you come so close to regal greatness. No sir, he resolved to show this grill in all of its majesty, despite the “minor” problems that he may encounter on a day to day basis. Dwayne would tend the danky vines in his grandmother’s basement and wait for the day that Interscope saw the true genius behind his radiant flows.

Kern River Citra versus Hill Farmstead Double Galaxy Double IPA, LET’S SETTLE THIS SHIT ONCE AND FOR ALL

February 2, 2013 | dontdrinkbeer

Vermont traders get their tampon applicators all sideways when people compare Kern River offerings to Hill Farmstead stuff. Sure both are in the middle of nowhere, Kern has a river and people who still wear Metal Mullisha, Vermont has maple syrup drenched liberals and people hella into Iron and Wine. Which is worse? Tough call I guess. Anyway, today we are gonna take two top 100 DIPAs head to head and settle this shit once and for all, until Ephraim is brewed at the same time as Citra, we will settle for this middleweight fight. A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS

TOE TO TOE, two DIPAs enter, ONE DIPA LEAVES ALIVE. …..FIGHT.

Reigning champion:

Kern River Brewing Company
California, United States
American Double / Imperial IPA | 8.00% ABV

see the full review here: IF YOU ARE SLIPPING ON YOUR SHIT READ THE CITRA REVIEW

A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS:

Hill Farmstead Brewery
Vermont, United States
American Double / Imperial IPA | 8.00% ABV

stop being a hater, read the review here: READ THIS SHIT ALREADY

A: Look at those two, you get a crazy radiant glow from the DG but Citra stands poised with a deep grapefruit gold radiance, tough to call it on appearance alone. I love that deep yellow and radiation aspect of DG, but Citra seems more controlled in execution in its unbalanced balance, if that makes sense. If Bell’s Oracle is the moustache twirling asshole of the DIPA world, these are both heros. On appearance alone, I will have to give it to Double Galaxy because the saison lover in me is poking through my boxers, JUST THE TIP.

WINRAR: DOUBLE TO THE GALAXEEEZE

It’s tough to make this GIF relevant to these beers but, solid execution.

S: The bouquet of DG is more acidic and lends itself to mask the abv flawlessly, albeit in a more one dimensional aspect. If you like Megan Fox tits, one dimension in Transformers is all you need. Citra has a bit more sweetness and honey aspect with a resinous profile to round out the experience, so let’s call it Brando in On the Waterfront, a paradigm of complexity but ultimately the same lack of balance. They both smell amazing and I will again liken DG to a Corvette, Citra is the Carrera, not excessive, but with a degree of hopthrottle control in the straight aways.

WINRAR: CITRA

T: Both of these present a crazy aspect of citrus executed via alpha acids, Double Galaxy just takes a strongarm bouncer approach reaching almost tangerine and Orangina, or if you are poor as fuck, Orange juice. Again, Citra imparts this aspect of TOOL fan/8th grader backpack that lets loose a resinous petruli oil finish to it that is strange if you dont fuck women on a spread of Tarot cards. I am not here to judge though. Burn incense with Citra, rub coke on your gums with Double Galaxy, in the end, you are still boning vegan chicks either way.

DIPA walez, dont stop getitgetit

WINRAR: CITRA

M: The thin body of the Double Galaxy is fucking amazing given the Barret .50 cal this is holding underneath. I would hazard a guess that Shaun Hill has by proxy made so many size 9 Lane Bryant Vermont women pregnant with his beers than anyone else in the game. At first I felt like I was having a tame ass saison in a way, then it transitions into almost a nod to Ithaca Brute with the acidity and it finishes with a panache and aplomb of juice that is staggering. Citra has more of a solid dockworker finish to it, you know it is bad ass, you dont try and step to it, but it is predictable and within the realm of the DIPA world and came into the game feet first like a breached birth. If you are cock throbbing on that BJCP level, then maybe Citra is your Boo, kiss her resinous neck, but to the weird fetishists, DG is your baby, down to crazy hopsex.

WINRAR: Double Galaxy

D: So DG is thinner so it automatically wins this right? FUCKING WRONG. While it is thin and easy to drink, Citra presents a complexity like a Mars Volta album that stands up over many many many pints, as my EBT account will attest. I love DG, but the execution is more of a 750ml than the marathon boning that you get from Citra. There is a reason at this moment there are 14 ISO: Citra posts and not a single FT. People buy it and drink the fuck out of it, no questions asked. While DG is imbalanced and incredible, it doesn’t have that take home to mom appeal, its a madman that can take you to dangerous new territory, but you don’t fall in love with it, you just rub your hop cones to it later on.

WINRAR: CITRA

Get your cones blasting, shit is so alpha

OVERALL WINRAR: CITRA.

Don’t come to me with your paltry ass Expo and Hopslam questions, these beers exist in a completely different realm. Not hating, but we are talking the God Tier of DIPAs.

Hill Farmstead needs to brew Ephraim in concert with a Citra release so we can finally settle this #1 DIPA of all time dispute.

One more for posterity

THAT IS WHAT WE CALL CLOSURE IN THE BEER WORLD

Cisco Brewing, Island Reserve: Saison Farmhouse Ale – MA has some fertile farms

November 19, 2012 | dontdrinkbeer

SAISON MARATHON CHUGS ALONG LOVINGLY.

Cisco recently killed it at GABF and Lady of the Woods has been received as a crowd pleaser by all accounts. I have enjoyed quite a few of their sours but remain relatively uninitiated with their other beers. Since this is a saison marathon, I could not rob you of this unappreciated (underknown?) gem. With their strong pedigree of sours, I expected this to go off the rails into a whole new realm. This did not disappoint and actually presented itself as one of the best american saisons that I have had in recent memory, straight up lemon lime on the funky tip. Highly recommended.

Having an island saison kinda makes me wonder about the farmhouse cred, maybe granary cred but do islands usually have a farmhouse on them? WHO KNOWS.

Cisco Brewers Inc.
Massachusetts, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 6.00% ABV

Label jazz:
Saison Farmhouse was fun to brew and is fun to drink. Buckwheat, oats, and rye fermented with Brettanomyces and a Saison yeast in a 50 hectoliter french oak cask. Herbs and spices grown here at the brewery replaced most of the hops. On it’s way into package it was treated to a host of microflora to create additional character over time.

A: This was a touch darker than I expected but by no means is offputting, it presents an amber and almost verges on the realm of the bronze in execution. Much like all the other saisons we have been seeing, the carbonation is intense and you have to go play a round of Borderlands and wait for it to subside. There is a nice webbing of lacing and spotty cling on the glass. I enjoy that whipped up lemon merengue, reminds me of when my alcoholic babysitter would let me mix soaps from under the sink together and breathe in the fumes.

I would hit this on the reg.

S: This smells amazing and goes a completely acidic lemon lime path very similar to last year’s old label Fantome Printemps, if you don’t know what I am talking about, I mean this:

Last year’s batch, Fantome Printemps

not to be confused with this year’s new label batch:

2012 Printemps THE RETURN

Anyway, you get a deep sprite and sierra mist with some carpet sample book that has been left in the rain. There’s a fresh grassiness to the finish and the whole things just reminds me of a fresh rain bodywash or something. Sure there’s some light breadiness on the backend up the whole beer is executed magnificiently, relative to my 11 year old palate.

T: This has an incredibly crisp apple skin at the outset with some white grape and bisquik biscuit in the middle providing some chewiness. There is a light clove aspect but largely the juicy aspects make this toe almost toward the wild ale realm ala Ithaca Brute. The cask and brett in this give it a fantastic finish that reminds me of an IMPROVED VERSION of Sanctification. I said it. Cisco killed it on this one, someone send me more plz.

It took hours of extensive saison research to reach these findings.

M: This is incredibly crisp and has a sort of chardonnay aspect to it with a brackish oakiness on the backend that makes you drill this like a negligent dentist. The fruit character and wine cooler aspect also make this approachable for all of your underaged sorority friends that you are trying to so desperately to impress. Get John Locke on them and disaow epistemological actions that you cannot confirm you performed. Feided.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable despite being drier than people’s eyes after watching Battleship. I enjoyed it thoroughly and it came across like kind of a hybrid between Printemps and Hill Farmstead E. in execution and drinkability, enough pumping up the unstoppable hubris that is Cisco Brewing, they did a hell of a job.

This beer is so good it is almost inappropriate.

Narrative: Skylar Jergens had hit his writers block. Well to be proper, it was a creativity block. Being the lead creative director at Mountain Dew entailed a mountain of responsibilities that he was heretofore able to manage. A quick glance around his spacious Pepsi Co office could evidence his series of achievements with high fructose corn syrup and water. There was his platinum bottle award for the inimitable Mt. Dew Code Red, the Pop Award of Distinction from the Midwest Conference for his Baja Blast, and who could forget his integral part in Halo Mountain Dew, brewed exclusively for gamers complicated dietary needs. Skylar tapped his pen on the legal pad and looked out the window onto the Missoula city skyline and wondered what combination of water and artificial sugars would be his next masterpiece. He idly rolled a tangelo in front of him and it suddenly hit him “HAY, WATER, INFECTED LIMES, AND ORANGE JUICE.” He clicked his Pentec pen and furiously began writing out the recipe for his new Mountain Dew magnum opus: Farmhouse Burst.

Hill Farmstead Galaxy Single Hop IPA, A Double IPA with a SINGLE HOP. Hoparadoxes abound.

July 14, 2012 | dontdrinkbeer

You knew it was coming. Don’t act surprised when one of these HF bruisers ended up on IPA week, it was just a question of WHICH ONE. Abner? A solid choice. Harlan? Maybe next time. Double Citra? We shall see. I figure with all of the consternations and bemoaning surrounding the Ephraim news (DONG only, joining the ranks of Pliny the Younger and Exponential Hoppiness) it should be underscored how amazing EVERY OTHER Hill Farmstead beer is. Today’s review is on plenty of top 100 lists and we might as well address this amazing hoppy citrus warhead in today’s review since these Vermont bombs seem primed to blow.

For those times when the world isn’t enough, YOU NEED AN ENTIRE GALAXY.

Galaxy Single Hop IPA

Hill Farmstead Brewery
Vermont, United States
American Double / Imperial IPA | 8.00% ABV

A: Just look at that beer, it looks like the golden reactor inside of a platinum unicorn melted into a radiant mess of radioactive hoppy lupus materials. The golden radiance pulls light in and magnifies it tenfold. I enjoy the turbid cloudy look to this beer, it flexes a haziness to it in a way that would make most saisons blush. That’s just how Galaxy aka the “G DIPPA” rolls in the trap.

It is getting harder and harder to land Hill Farmstead growlers. Pic related: it is that hard.

S: If you have ever smelled galaxy hops, take that platonic idea and magnify it 350 times with some Humean/Lockean/empiricist sense impressions. This may be one of the best smelling beer that I have ever smelled in my life, it reeks of citrus, pineapple, tangelo, grapefruit rind, and a very faint hint of conifer on the backend. It is like a jambajuice gangbang that a park ranger stood idly by to watch, and I love it.

T: This carries on the citrus tradition in a manner that is almost just straight up juice in execution. The fruits drive hard to the hole and impart the aforementioned fruits and start flirting with those listed usually on tropical starburst. You get orange and clementine, mandarin, and the elusive naartjie pokes its head in there for a moment. I can’t underscore this enough, this is citrus with hop oils instead of that annoying Vitamin C all up in the mix.

This is not the most balanced DIPA in the world. Fucks given: 0.

M: This is incredibly light on the palate with the grave exception of the huge hop AR-15 oil rifle that it fires wildly. It is like the little guy who is a demolitions expert in movies, you know shit is gonna get wrecked real quick. There’s a light creaminess that balances out the intense fruit flavor, but it doesn’t toss an albatross around the neck of this raging hopbull.

D: This growler disappeared instantly. I don’t know how else to qualify that statement but, it’s like when you do rails of bath salts and all you want is the loving caress of your Pier 1 Imports dealer. You pour yourself a glass and it is instantly gone. The ABV slides in like so many Greek phalanx into Troy. This is the beer that launched a thousand ships, and then smashed them all. It reminds me of this kid I knew 10 years ago when the WRX first came out and he upped the boost to something like 22 psi on the stock block BOOM hop destruction, but entirely bad ass in the interim.

When my growler was gone, I was super sad.

Narrative: “Hank, he bought more equipment, will you say something to Taylor? This is really getting out of hand.” Mr. Davidoff walked into the garage and saw a mash cooling unit and what was clearly a lauter tun. “Hey, Taylor, sorry didn’t mean to startle you there-” he walked forward and kicked a bag of grapefruits. “HEY! Uh, just science in here, science fair project, that orange battery that I was uh-” Taylor mumbled as he kicked a book titled “Sparging for Dummies” underneath an indoor hydroponics hop growing system. “Listen son, it’s pretty clear you are trying to make beer in here, but son, you are 14. There are far easier ways to land booze than this, and I don’t know if I approve of you drinking.” Taylor’s hands began to sweat “wha? BEER? I don’t even know how, do they even sell strains of cultured yeasts for wild saisons? No, didn’t think so, just science fair and testing that hypothesis that I was er telling you about.” A bolivian man arrived with a wheel barrel full of malted barley sacks and sleepily began unloading them on the Davidoff’s lawn. “You know what, if you want to try and make high-end saisons instead of scoring 4Loko down by the train station…I guess I am ok with that.” Mr. Davidoff threw an arm around his son and spied a freshly emptied 15 gal rum barrel. “THAT’S MY BOY!” high fives were dispersed pell mell.

Selin’s Grove IPA, Backwoods Pennsylvania Taking Hops Right to Your Dome Piece

July 10, 2012 | dontdrinkbeer

IPA week chugs along with another fantastic draft-only offering. Hell if Taco Bell can do a world class burrito bowl, I figure I can try my hand at rating a world class IPA. Back in yesteryear this was on the top 100 and haunting the top IPAs but it has since subsided into relative anonymity BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN IT ISN’T AMAZING. Let’s get after it in today’s review

Mashing out on growler only gems, on the reg.

Selin’s Grove Brewing Company
Pennsylvania, United States
American IPA | 7.00% ABV

A: There is a nice translucence with brassy straw meets gold hues. The carbonation, despite being shipped thousands of miles, is still holding strong and flexes hard with moderate lacing. You might be partial to some off shelf selections, but sometimes you gotta walk in someone else’s liver.

This beer reminds me of simpler IPA times, when Ruination was enough to turn your bitter zones inside out like a Gusher’s commercial.

S: The smell was actually pretty tame and almost went a light honey route with some grassiness and playground romping. There’s a dull lemon rind but nothing really blasting my face off with hop oils. Perhaps there is a precision in execution like a trebuchet, but again, for a world class IPA, I would say Sculpin rustles my jimmies more than this.

T: The taste is even more tame and pops a percocet and slides you a small saucer of light citrus, pale malt, creamy middle body like a baked biscuit with a bitter finish. This isn’t something that makes me lose it, and with a 2 liter serving size, I am positive I got my fair share.

I was expecting the R8 of the IPA world and instead got the A4. Which is still nice, but I don’t see Tony Stark drinking this IPA is all I am saying guize.

M: The mouthfeel is incredibly light and washes away clean. There is a sweetness to it with barely any lingering hops. The dank hop oils might be lingering somewhere in there but it feels more watery and refreshing like an alcoholic’s sports drink more so than a big hop warhead. Maybe I am just too demanding, MAYBE I AM JUST LIKE MY BREWER, he’s never satisfied. This is what it sounds like, when hops cry.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable, slick and watery and obliges the dancefloor amiably with a waxed surface of water and pine hops, and that is about it. Consuela has done an expert job pulling off the balance between an impressive IPA and something you can drink at the lake. In the end, nothing I would lose my oils over, just leaves me with blue cones.

This is an amiable delicious IPA that anyone can get their mouth on. However, this gentle demeanor makes it less memorable, even the Mouth of the South would agree.

Narrative: Narrative: “I hate yearbooks” you grit your teeth and attempt to conjure up a page worth of something to commemorate all the good times with. “WHATTT WHO HATES YEARBOOKS, TYLER JUST WRITE WHAT YOU FEEL!” You know that Geometry was fun, that the pranks were the best, but what do you say to a person in a single yearbook page to sum up all the good times? How do you commemorate the fading visions of the past? Suddenly it clicks and your pen cannot keep up with your Dostoyevskian insight, eevery phrase parsed perfectly, with Hemingway precision, terse but fantastically executed, insightful self referential quotes fold into themselves like mitochondrial membranes, you scribble out your signature and hand it to her. “You wrote ‘I cant believe that they closed Hot N’ Now’? And then signed it with someone elses name? What does this mean Tyler?” She doesn’t get it, you flip your aviators and walk away, you are too bad ass for memories, too bad ass for yearbooks, and you sure don’t need to spend your life living on a semiglossy page. You are Tyler and you live in the moment. The smell of the IROC tires lingered in the air, peppering the masses for effect.

dontdrinkbeer

Drinking beer, so you don't have to.

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Cisco Brewing, Island Reserve: Saison Farmhouse Ale – MA has some fertile farms

Hill Farmstead Galaxy Single Hop IPA, A Double IPA with a SINGLE HOP. Hoparadoxes abound.

Selin’s Grove IPA, Backwoods Pennsylvania Taking Hops Right to Your Dome Piece