Batch 48 of @maltcoutureddb is dripping with @creaturecomfortsbeer rarities and @brewdogofficial IP theft allegations. We play a dark lord variant guessing game! there is a very special guest appearance by @angrychairbrewing with NO ADJUNCTS. Finally, To bring balance to the new money force i make @paulmichaelgabriel drink @hillfarmstead Ephraim and get his impressions of an old school hoppy stunner.
We cant wait to see you at this!
Here u go
At a certain point it’s like “why even bother reviewing @hillfarmstead we get it, almost all of them are exceptional.” The leaves of grass series warrants particular comment because it is their own sub “off brand” for the ultra luxury heritage series. Sometimes these tiny underwing bottles will be the bag cereal versions of Arts and Samuels at a fraction of the cost of entry. It’s akin to buying a random Knob Creek single barrel that smashes you out almost as hard as Booker’s. This beer has incredible sustain like a vintage telecaster, frothy meringue whip, aromatics redolent of hyacinth, lemon verbena, a bevy of bath and body works citrus. Taste is that @jesterkingbrewery 1.0000000 FG dryness, underwear at a Joe Rogan show. The herbaceous aspects mix lovingly with a base beer that remains sacchro forward and doesn’t swerve into probiotic land. Who cares? They’re all good. We get it. Arthur’s teacher is gay, this is the world of enduring character I want to live in. Six of these couldn’t land the worst new Dark Lord variant.
Alright truth be told @jackieosbrewery Apple Brandy Brick Kiln is the “worst” of the BK lineup, but that’s like how the Ford Ecoboost Mustang is the “slowest” but it’s still pretty appealing. This is the softest iteration and the mouthfeel is some Marvin’s Room duvet. It is less sweet but oddly presents more spice and hard candy. If you’ve ever had those geriatric Strawberry candies with the jelly middle, drop that into a Manhattan for an approximation. The sheer depth and complexity of Prodigality makes up for any less than stellar entries and this is still very legit.
I applaud their ability to wrangle what can become a caramel apple carnival disaster with those AB casks, to massage nuance from them shows gentle fingering of the stavey clutch. The swallow is intensely long and the best part of this beer, loaded with allspice, almost a dry nutmeg. If you can’t get the labia shattering Prodigality, you are in good hands with this or Rodeo Time. #bil #barleywine #barrelaged #brandy #oak #ohio #craftbeer
Or like go to Dark Lord Day who cares
I love how diametrically opposed the contents of this box from @foragerbrewery is. On one hand we have subtle, delicate green glass saisons, with intent and mindfulness to the sourcing of the produce. Then we have apeshit confectionary frosting water that is the glucose equivalent of a Dodge Hellcat on your pancreas. Most breweries have to make boring beers so they can make a barrel aged stout or have lagers sit on draft forever. With Forager, it’s like there are no boring beers so Austin Jevne has to brew Hayabusa bean batter so huskyboiz will leave him be when he wants to
release gentle European inspired farmhouse ales. They aren’t about to be dabbling in genomorphic generational mixed ferms, what even is a free rise. That’s why I love these guys, they have to deal with the exact same people I do and the dichotomy is lovingly tolerant, like when a libertarian meets a social worker.
It has been a spicy minute since I have put the initimable @hillfarmstead Ephraim inside of me. This borderline triple IPA harkens from a simpler time of hop culture. In 2011 all we knew was Liquid Sunshine, and Horny Tubers, and Coast Boy King and Kern Citra. You see you didn’t designate a “west coast” IPA everything was just an IPA, even god awful crystal bombs out of the Midwest, Bells Devil Dancer tasting like an imperial amber. We didn’t have haze as we now know it, there was a light Coastal fog of Conan yeast. Now we have haze ~ pulp ~ egg drop soup ~ hollandaise all the way to PuréePA. Ephraim was on the Ba top 100 and remains one of my favorite DIPAs of all time. It has a massive sticky resinous structure to it that unites sativa with tangelo, clementine pith and grapefruit JUUL. On the swallow is an impossible long conifer aspect that streaks with a caramel structure amongst the oily drag. They didn’t even add cardamom or star anise to it. Almost all of the classic West Coast iterations are dying and the rise of the Jamba Cadre is largely thanks to IG hazefluencers posting endless iterations of the same beer, and vapid 40 word reviews complete with cross tags, links to their custom beer tee link, and the first comment littered with algorithm optimized hashtags. What a time to be drinking 2 row and simcoe like a total idiot. Ephraim doesn’t require a ring light or an impossibly doctored selfie, I guess a janky toaster will have to do to honor the old monarchs of rhizome lore. DONT FORGET TO BUY UR TICKETS TO THE DDB LIVE SHOW 5/31
People in Baltimore will not stfu about this Natty Bo. Before I came here I figured it was some Coors variant I had never encountered, Natural Light Bohemian aged in an Anthropologie store on vision boards. This beer goes back to post-Prohibition which means it’s an adjunct lager riding a colossal wave of nostalgia feels like the Ready Player One of bottom fermenters. No one could explain to me why the mascot only has one eye but given the rowdy Baltimore population I feel like self harm is attendant to natty BO sessions. The taste is firmly within experiences you have had many times before the nose and swallow is almost part and parcel identical to Miller Lite but the taste itself and mildly ritz meets change jar execution screams PBR. This makes sense as all of these Bo’s are made by Pabst in Milwaukee a thousand miles away, but 85% of these Nat King Bo’s is consumed in Baltimore. It is forced economics in a crazy way. Plus Pabst re-upped their contentious contract with Miller in 2014 so all the pieces slide together. This is a contextual experience that has buttressed many teenage pregnancies and Orioles public urination charges, and that’s fun. It’s an ambient beer to fill the crushing silence of Baltimore’s rain and the constant barrage of The Wire references. Growing up in Fresno, I know about a 650k city with no public transportation, unpleasant weather, crime, geographic self loathing, and being at odds with other more salacious cities, so Baltimore speaks to me on a fundamental level. Natty Bo is for my populace. The type who make their own fun like “Drinking Mario Party” and let the beer take a back seat. At least it isn’t @duclawbrewingco so thank god for that.
Have you or the person who owns the house you live under been hurt or injured by an exploding 450n can? Have you fallen victim to BBTb2 investment scams? Have you been on the receiving end of a shared toxic beer society membership you can’t get out of? Then you need DDB LAW. Here at DDB law we litigate all of the Beer Scene’s most complex and difficult issues. Has someone at a share called the hypewhale you brought “underwhelming” based on a 1oz pour that they didn’t contribute anything to help land it? You can sue them for that. Misappropriation of Untappd toasts? We will sue them. What about collusion between homer traders to drive up the cost of a 300 bottle release from a brewery no one has heard of? The Midwest is getting sued. We also offer services to hide and transfer cellar assets in the unlikely event that a beer nerd has somehow gotten married. Maybe you need to transfer title of your Side Project bottles into BTAC bourbon so you can clearly sell the bourbon and cash out? We offer Tick Ad Litem services to assist in the straw man transaction. Buy too many bottles you had no intention of drinking? We can restructure your Adjunctron bottles into a liquidity picture that is right for you. Here at DDB Law we know that actually drinking beer isn’t the goal, but maximizing self worth from bottles made by someone else absolutely is. We will fight corrupt trade groups and clear your name from Bad Trader lists if you repeatedly back out of trades to wait for something better. We have all been there and DDB Law is willing to fight for your shitlord rights. If you have broken your ankle negligently attending a beer release despite being told not to show up, DDB LAW will represent you interests. We can even show you how to file a FedEx insurance claim to reap even more profits. Here at DDB Law we know, life isn’t about enjoying beer, it’s about sharing 1oz pours of rare beer with strangers to glean feelings of self worth from their equally insincere gratitude. CALL DDB LAW TODAY.