@cellarmakerbrewing fukn my head up because they floss so much. Everyone knows their hop prowess and the love for their coffee and cigs lineup needs no articulation but their saisons go in. The fact that they collab’ed with @highlandparkbrewery on a fodder farmhouse already has me at full attenuation. Them cans WE GOT LONDONNNNN [III] on the trackkkkkk
Breaking in the toaster2.0 with barleywine. The more convections change the more they stay the same. @cigarcitybrewing is and has been a fucking world class purveyor of strong ales and barleywines. Look at any apeshit BBBW tasting and you’ll see any innumerable examples: Leon, church on a hill, Roosevelt, the list goes on and on. American, English, Madeira, bourbon, port: they tear this shit up. It’s such a fitting end for most dipshits to stop their exploration with ingredient pounded huna riffs. They don’t deserve the Loren Ipsums and Error Establishings. This beer like most of their best beers doesn’t leverage any baking class nonsense and just saturated your BALs and juices that stave. It’s a tighter less bitter more almondy Perfect Storm sort of affair that takes the often sweet aspects and tempers them with this golden Aristotelian mean of deep oak and walnut meets bananas fosters. It’s great but that’s not fucking news. The dryness and completely tailored experience that demonstrates with glaring acuity that barleywine isn’t subject to the same “LOLOLOL beetus” ejaculations that dudes two years deep into craft beer like to lead with and make themselves look like myopic rones. This is a super enjoyable beer that I’m confident people will continue to overlook, and I’m extremely content with that.
Someone in the Barleywine Is Life Facebook group felt bad for old ddb because I have had the same shitty toaster for a decade so he straight up bought me a nicer toaster. What in the name of urethral sounding.
The Floridian masters of pastry @3sonsbrewingco have set out to make new inroads in Life. This is a barrel aged English barleywine with no stems no seeds no adjuncts just pure malt to the flywheel power. We shall see if their pedigree crosses styles and if their barley prowess holds up without Game Genie Mostra vanilla leveraging.
Finally, the crow to unite them all: the OG 2005 white maltwhale. Some of my readers my be too young to remember when BA was still relevant and may have never seen the original top 100 white whale list but this beer changed the scope of what I knew was possible in the style of barleywine and vintage beer in general. This remains one of my favorite beers of all time and after seven discrete trades over 17 months I have assembled the full aviary, 2005 through 2018. The flock will blacken the sky and livers tomorrow as the masses are redolent of faded hops and toffee cardboard. Neckbeard will molt. Never before has such a beastiary been assembled and I can scarecrow imagine just an avian affair ever flocking again. From flockboys past to the cringeworthy floccboiz of present, no feather will remain unruffled.
Additional infinity stones click into the barley gauntlet, lord Maris summoned from the depths of an endless boil, the guardian of aviaries past and present, @eastendbrewing the celestial arbiter of non barrel aged barleywine standards with flapping casks deafening the masses bent on their FG 1.050+ confectionary hedonism. The reckoning is tomorrow and Woodshop will purge the world of black patent malt evils.
Taking time to revisit @kernriverbrewing Citra. While not as bad as the version from last November, this batch from the scaled up production still leaves much to be desired. It doesn’t have that gross crystal sweetness and dark AF srm that we were treated to when the new facility began turning it out, but it still lacks a lot of what made Citra so great and iconic in the early 2010s. The nose goes for more of s chard/arugula thing in lieu of the Kyle-era bouquet of cut melon and seated grapefruit. The mouthfeel is less substantial and doesn’t have that oily cling with round bitter swallow, it’s more watery and drinks akin to several other breweries who are now turning out incredible west coast ipas and have improved their own product in the interim. It’s still pretty good but no longer a genre defining entry or something one should actively trade for considering the likes of Arctic Panzer Wolf or even your best local spot might be better. I only hope @lengthwisebrewing has improved in leaps and bounds with Kyle coming onboard because while the beauty of Kern River itself is timeless, these recent releases have been disheartening to watch one of the old greats go full Alpine on us. Nothing gold can stay c:\winamp\newfoundglory.wav
Bud Light Lime. Coco Nut Rita. We are reaching the depths of complete depravity with this one. It’s like how you thought World War II couldn’t get much worse after Stalingrad, then they develop a Hawaiian Tropic nuclear bomb. This is basically a novelty store candy soda with the wacky label. SPF rice lager. It pangs of if you melted coconut lip balm into some Sierra Mist and vapid dumb fucks will crush these at REHAB, thinking about their life coaches. It’s not just thin, it’s non beer. I can’t criticize 7up for having a sucrose body because it just is. But ostensibly this is supposed to be something beyond a teen pregnancy enabler. If you want to recreate this experience, take the rag used to wipe down tanning beds, dunk it into some stale Natty Ice, then wring it out into your waiting mouth. The swallow underscores the gross off flavors with a waxy synthetic car freshener bit. If you tossed an Answer label on this it would be razzling for $80 in tomorrow’s Mega. We get the beer scene we deserve and this is pure tropical depravity. 🌴