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Revolution Brewing Strawberry Jacket, Seedless Smuckers Integration

When @revbrewchicago announced a “strawberry Straight Jacket” I was both excited and filled with jammy trepidation. Strawberry is a notoriously difficult fruit to wrangle in fermentation. If if runs too rich, you get a smuckers disaster and your world class barleywine turns into New Glarus Wisconsin Redfashioned. If you run too lean, it’s a Kiwi Herman plastic fatality. Furthermore, berry and boozy peanut brittle is so decadent even the enamelly challenged in the U.K. don’t hazard the combo. Thankfully, this is good stuff. First, the base beer doesn’t seem exactly like Straight Jacket. It feels closer to Boss Ryeway or whatever the Saharan dry canvas of Code Switch was painted upon. That’s a good thing. The berry is prominent but not distracting and feels like unset arabesque detailing on Byzantine pornography. It’s all sticky.

You know those weird grandma candies that are strawberry with jelly inside? Ok that’s is the olfactory. You know how grandpa reeks of old crow and says “they can come here just gotta do it legally is all” that’s the base beer. It’s a merger of sweet tolerance and latent violence. The preserves and fruit leather quickly escheat to extremely dry/rye aspects. Add some grenadine to single barrel four roses, you’re already there. Lonestar.mp4. The aggregate result doesn’t feel entirely like barleywine, it feels like…Kuhnhenn. That’s a good thing. Avis car rentals aside, this is a tightly constructed beer that sticks the berry patch landing. I like it less than VSOJ and Boss Ryeway, above ROSJ, and well above the recent Ryeway. So: in the middle of one of the best barrel programs in America. 2, 8 no sats barely instafills at $110/4pk. It’s like, you pull up in a Porsche Macan and people are like “is that an Audi? Oh it’s pretty nice.” And you get the obligatory deference. Strawberry barleywine is well engineered but nobody is quaking at the hips like when the VSOJ911 revs. Someone should get VSOJ911 as a license plate. 🍓 🥖 🍷

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Wow Four Roses Small Batch Select is a spicy new bourbon you can safely disregard if u feel like it

These little lacquer boiz are popping up in a few markets. I bought this thinking 4RsmbLE had a different sticker and then read it was 6 and 7 year strains bro. U JUS GOTTA FIND UR OESV STRAIN DOG. So at $60 you’d expect this to be markedly better than the regular ass small batch, but not quite as good as the older single barrel picks. This is basically the case.

It’s a lot of Darjeeling and clove and allspice, an exceptionally dry and Lipton driven affair. It doesn’t have the syrupy body or residual depth of confectionary hugs to balance the split cherrywood. As a result it feels older, less balanced, a Patagonia fleece for your esophagus. the finish is longer than I expected with a red hots crackle to it. It’s mad deece. Now that even regular old Noah’s mill is $70+ this is kinda in that segment that three years ago would have cost $15 less. It’s fine but nothing exceptional, better than a daily drinker but nothing you would dazzle Company with. It’s like 89 octane where you go, why does this exist.

Soon dumbshits will start reselling all the McKenna and Eagle Rare so enjoy having only old crow and Kessler on the shelf. Stupid assholes using fermented water as blue chip stocks will be the death of all fun in every hobby. Might as well start stockpiling vintage Green Chartreuse now. #bourbon #whiskey #barrelaged #singlebarrel #fourroses #kentucky #mash #corn

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NEW San Diego MALT COUTURE LIVE SHOW: 7/18 at the Casbah!

If you live near San Diego this is not to be missed. link in bio, Ganon in comments. You will be cleaning spent grain out of your jeans for weeks afterwards. We are going full attenuation with guest taps, spicy beer news, and a linen closet bottleshare for those baller vips including awesome ticks from @jwbrewing // @horusagedales // @foragerbrewery // @caseybrewing // @monkishbrewing // @creaturecomfortsbeer // @moonlightbrewing // @wrenhousebrewing :::: like what more do you want? Like seriously do you think you’re better than me? My dad owns Club Penguin he will fukn cancel ur account.

http://bit.ly/MaltCoutureLiveAtTheCasbahSanDiego

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Westbound and Down Acid Jazz volume 2 is both rooted in the past and surpassing modern standards

Unless you’re in Colorado, @westboundanddownbrewingco is not probably a brewery that you give a shit about. No memberships, no razzle value, people just buy and consume the delicious bottles like total dumbshits. Idaho Springs, Colorado still lives in the early 2010s, but the beers this place is putting out are consistently noteworthy. I just figured this was some forgettable 15bbl brewpub off the I-70 with Edison lights or predictable chicken and waffles, until I tried their wild ales. Amlam has taken fire lately since forever as the demands for acidity reparations increase. These beers opt for that @foragerbrewery and @floodlandbrewing softness that I adore. In lieu of mandible dissolving intensity, the beers drink closer to brett B rosé. This beer acid jazz volume II is a hyperaged Golden with a massive tannic presence not from heavy handed purée pounding, but residual skinny skins. Don’t stand there and act like you crush Cab Francs you @450northbrewing sipping hypocrite.

The end result is this massively funky beer that drinks exceedingly similar to fruited advanced oak theory in the best way. If you enjoy that construction paper and flintstones pushpop sherbert aspect you will enjoy this completely. I skulled almost the entire bottle, which is hugely aberrant from the modern pool chemical sours I am subjected to. My palate has fatigue from so many terrible/aggro sour goldens so when you hit gold it feels all the more refreshing. I will stay patiently watching this brewery to see what other hijinks these guys get mixed up into. Watch it will be some god damn $500 reserve society or canned kettle sours or a conglomerate buyout and I can return to my “lost faith” setting. #colorado #beer #instabeer #rarebeer #jazz #acidjazz #beerstagram

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Calusa Brewing Ravenhold, you probably never even GAVE ESBs A CHANCE

Hang onto your sessionable areolas because today we are reviewing a god damn Extra Special Bitter. Wow ESBs what next is DDB gonna ruin Grodziskies for us? YES. So this is a style that almost doesn’t even exist in America because it has a tendency to sit on draft in perpetuity once a brewer gets his way and finally makes one. The hoppy dipshits won’t drink actual English beers, the stout squad will think it’s too thin and for some entry level palates they won’t reach for it. I really enjoy these because deep down they are kinda session barleywines. The malt of this beer works in perfect tandem with the clean hard water profile to make this feel like rye bread Gatorade. The flavor to weight ratio is off the charts imparting baking crust but a frothy carb with sustain and cling. Even real ale purists could tip their Ben Sherman cabbie hat 🎩 to how gently and precisely this beer sticks the landing.

Hot weather doesn’t mean you need forego depth or go full acid beer, go revisit the past, for some beer nerds it will actually be their first foray into classic British styles. They aren’t actually bitter and the mouthfeel and low residual carb is the real star here compelling almost involuntary chugs. It’s a weird flex to do something as uncoveted as ESBs so well, it’s like being popular on Tiktok. Or the world’s best Monkey Island streamer on twitch. Hats off to @calusabrewing for giving me something I didn’t even need. No one will buy this, I’m ok with that, most people in the beer scene today don’t actually deserve nice things. They deserve the irradiated commoditized attention seeking blast crater that they engineered. Lmk if ESBs start trending on #beerselfie accounts.

Maybe people should stop bringing every little piece of hyped up trash that they happen to find

I used to be such a nice person.

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Three Floyds Dark Lord Roundup 2019: RRARI, Reptilefund, Lounge Against the Macromachine

It is Dark Lord variant season again, as ceaseless as the ever-lapping tides, the rapacious demands crash upon the shores of Munster. This year pure trade fatigue and a beer culture that brazenly embraces cash-is-king to recoup costs resulted in making trading for these gems a laughable endeavor.

Either traveling to Indiana is far more exotic than I thought, or perhaps these umamibois shouldn’t be going on elaborate beer trips that they outright can’t afford. To trade for RRARI alone it required something like 30+ messages and nearly every person was HOLDING OUT FOR A CASH OFFER BRO LMK. We get the beer scene we deserve.

On the other end of the spectrum we had Reptilefund: Dark Lord aged in mezcal barrels. This was universally lauded as predictably nightmarish, not on tap, and its 200 bottlecount ensured that no one would open it. The result was this Schroedingers Soy where no one would open one for fear of lost profits and no one would accept less than $250 because “RAREST VERIENT BRO.” Turtledogg 2.0, essentially. GOTTA HAVE IT TO COMPLETE YOUR 1oz POURIZONTAL FOR THE GRAM.

Finally we have Lounge Against the Macromachine, a rebrew of the bizarre tangerine, cinnamon, and chili endeavor from last year. So obviously that one needed an encore performance. Except this time with bourbon barrels involved. So I got three variants, hey I did my best in this culture.

The base beer Dark Lord from 2019 is less of the classic Kikoman jokes you’re used to and actually goes towards a caramel maillard aspect. When you couple this with the underlying salinity and brackish acidity, you get straight up Jack Links jerky. All of the Floyds continue to mess with the ‘Squatch.

First and foremost, RRARI Crochet is an absolute masterpiece. This beer is a testament to just how impressive and expressive Dark Lord can be when uniting cask and heavy adjuncting. The strawberry is amazing on the olfactory and has a sort of fruit by the foot and Berry Special K/red 5 that i legitimately love. The heft and sheeting provides a massive basis for the oily coconut aspects with cocoa nibs that thankfully play more of an auxiliary role in the swallow. For something that pangs of imbalance on the label, it sews the patchwork so tightly that it feels like a unified Neapolitan ice cream sandwich. This is the pinnacle of what can be done with Dark Lord as a canvas. It is the sticky Pygmalion that is a Munster Eliza Doolittle, and you can barley reconcile how this shares the same lineage as other deviants.

Reptilefund, however, leaves much to be desired. There is a sharpie meets skoal aspect that seems to tread far from the agave fermentables. I do enjoy the interplay of the sweet smokiness, acidity, and brownie batter. It’s like a Paloma milkshake, so insane that you might just order it for the gram. We exist in a realm where “I traded confirmed two god tier bottles away and I received something not even that terrible” is a nonironic statement. I mean, I landed this explicitly on a palate defining adventure and it delivered across the board. It’s crazy but not nearly in the nightmare tier like Trump and Pump, or the end game boss of dryer sheets: Earl of Biggleswade. So in not being shittier, it failed me.

Lounge Against the Macromachine was just fine. Crazy additives aside you end up with a lightly spicy chocolate Christmas orange. It’s like when you put on a Gaspar Noé film and just expect ridiculous and it delivers but still feels pretty satisfying if not overwrought. It’s fine. We are fine.

Thanks to everyone who came out to the Malt Couture live show at KiloKilo Brewing and drank Dark Lord pipettes with us. If the dark lord consumer is going to de facto set up a secondary market exclusively incentivizing NOT opening bottles, then I give zero fucks about rationing out 10ml pours. Nothing about high end craft beer is about actual consumption, it’s the fleeting sense of value in manipulating something someone else created. Be it by online validation posting pics, pure profits from resale, negging the product to implicitly be “above” the beer, or by gleaning praise sharing .5oz pours with as many gladhanding strangers as possible: the end goal is never drinking beer. After 9 years of attention seeking bullshit, now the brewers create the parody and the customers quite literally Don’t Drink Beer.

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Batch 48 of Malt Couture is absolutely overfilling the podcast mash tun

Batch 48 of @maltcoutureddb is dripping with @creaturecomfortsbeer rarities and @brewdogofficial IP theft allegations. We play a dark lord variant guessing game! there is a very special guest appearance by @angrychairbrewing with NO ADJUNCTS. Finally, To bring balance to the new money force i make @paulmichaelgabriel drink @hillfarmstead Ephraim and get his impressions of an old school hoppy stunner.

http://bit.ly/Batch48UncleanHandsDoctrine

Alsoooooo

We cant wait to see you at this!

Here u go

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/malt-couture-live-at-kilokilo-brewing-tickets-61607349240