Kern River Citra versus Hill Farmstead Double Galaxy Double IPA, LET’S SETTLE THIS SHIT ONCE AND FOR ALL

Vermont traders get their tampon applicators all sideways when people compare Kern River offerings to Hill Farmstead stuff. Sure both are in the middle of nowhere, Kern has a river and people who still wear Metal Mullisha, Vermont has maple syrup drenched liberals and people hella into Iron and Wine. Which is worse? Tough call I guess. Anyway, today we are gonna take two top 100 DIPAs head to head and settle this shit once and for all, until Ephraim is brewed at the same time as Citra, we will settle for this middleweight fight. A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS

TOE TO TOE, two DIPAs enter, ONE DIPA LEAVES ALIVE. .....FIGHT.

TOE TO TOE, two DIPAs enter, ONE DIPA LEAVES ALIVE. …..FIGHT.

Reigning champion:

Kern River Brewing Company
California, United States
American Double / Imperial IPA | 8.00% ABV

see the full review here: IF YOU ARE SLIPPING ON YOUR SHIT READ THE CITRA REVIEW

A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS:

Hill Farmstead Brewery
Vermont, United States
American Double / Imperial IPA | 8.00% ABV

stop being a hater, read the review here: READ THIS SHIT ALREADY

A: Look at those two, you get a crazy radiant glow from the DG but Citra stands poised with a deep grapefruit gold radiance, tough to call it on appearance alone. I love that deep yellow and radiation aspect of DG, but Citra seems more controlled in execution in its unbalanced balance, if that makes sense. If Bell’s Oracle is the moustache twirling asshole of the DIPA world, these are both heros. On appearance alone, I will have to give it to Double Galaxy because the saison lover in me is poking through my boxers, JUST THE TIP.

WINRAR: DOUBLE TO THE GALAXEEEZE

It's tough to make this GIF relevant to these beers but, solid execution.

It’s tough to make this GIF relevant to these beers but, solid execution.

S: The bouquet of DG is more acidic and lends itself to mask the abv flawlessly, albeit in a more one dimensional aspect. If you like Megan Fox tits, one dimension in Transformers is all you need. Citra has a bit more sweetness and honey aspect with a resinous profile to round out the experience, so let’s call it Brando in On the Waterfront, a paradigm of complexity but ultimately the same lack of balance. They both smell amazing and I will again liken DG to a Corvette, Citra is the Carrera, not excessive, but with a degree of hopthrottle control in the straight aways.

WINRAR: CITRA

T: Both of these present a crazy aspect of citrus executed via alpha acids, Double Galaxy just takes a strongarm bouncer approach reaching almost tangerine and Orangina, or if you are poor as fuck, Orange juice. Again, Citra imparts this aspect of TOOL fan/8th grader backpack that lets loose a resinous petruli oil finish to it that is strange if you dont fuck women on a spread of Tarot cards. I am not here to judge though. Burn incense with Citra, rub coke on your gums with Double Galaxy, in the end, you are still boning vegan chicks either way.

DIPA walez, dont stop getitgetit

DIPA walez, dont stop getitgetit

WINRAR: CITRA

M: The thin body of the Double Galaxy is fucking amazing given the Barret .50 cal this is holding underneath. I would hazard a guess that Shaun Hill has by proxy made so many size 9 Lane Bryant Vermont women pregnant with his beers than anyone else in the game. At first I felt like I was having a tame ass saison in a way, then it transitions into almost a nod to Ithaca Brute with the acidity and it finishes with a panache and aplomb of juice that is staggering. Citra has more of a solid dockworker finish to it, you know it is bad ass, you dont try and step to it, but it is predictable and within the realm of the DIPA world and came into the game feet first like a breached birth. If you are cock throbbing on that BJCP level, then maybe Citra is your Boo, kiss her resinous neck, but to the weird fetishists, DG is your baby, down to crazy hopsex.

WINRAR: Double Galaxy

D: So DG is thinner so it automatically wins this right? FUCKING WRONG. While it is thin and easy to drink, Citra presents a complexity like a Mars Volta album that stands up over many many many pints, as my EBT account will attest. I love DG, but the execution is more of a 750ml than the marathon boning that you get from Citra. There is a reason at this moment there are 14 ISO: Citra posts and not a single FT. People buy it and drink the fuck out of it, no questions asked. While DG is imbalanced and incredible, it doesn’t have that take home to mom appeal, its a madman that can take you to dangerous new territory, but you don’t fall in love with it, you just rub your hop cones to it later on.

WINRAR: CITRA

Get your cones blasting, shit is so alpha

Get your cones blasting, shit is so alpha

OVERALL WINRAR: CITRA.

Don’t come to me with your paltry ass Expo and Hopslam questions, these beers exist in a completely different realm. Not hating, but we are talking the God Tier of DIPAs.

Hill Farmstead needs to brew Ephraim in concert with a Citra release so we can finally settle this #1 DIPA of all time dispute.

One more for posterity

THAT IS WHAT WE CALL CLOSURE IN THE BEER WORLD

THAT IS WHAT WE CALL CLOSURE IN THE BEER WORLD

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