People always ask me “ddb, when are you going to get those incisors fixed” then they ask me “where can I find some shelf barleywine? I am n00bing it hard and my pubes just arrived” the latter question is usually resolved with some massive Duvel held and distributed product or some degree of trapezius lifting when I’m supposed to know the distro for every single state ever and what every bottle shop in rural fucking Alabama carries. But usually my answer is 1] tiny @firestonewalker bottles in cardboard boxes or basically similar shit 2] @boulevard_beer BBBq or Rye on Rye or whatever. They are massively distributed, serviceable and present a 75% throttle to what life is capable of. Crushable yet complex with a comparatively thin body with a spicy undercarriage with no noise dampening. This has what Chrysler calls a “cabin forward design” with molasses and spice and mallow and pumpernickel like some bizarre TMNT pizza breakdown. Plus this is arguably the cheapest life approximation in the game while still being compelling.
Alright cherry eis-ees slurries like we shopping at Target on a srs pitted adventure. These god damn fruited freezie adventures make no sense to me. The raspberry is consistently robitussinal without a ton of age, the blueberry is majestic IHOP collarbone kisses, and they never released the rawdog non fruited non BA eis. Then we have the BA line up of these that are a staggering $50 a bottle 1pp that basically change them from Urkel to Stefan instantly. That’s some next level shit. So understand my trepidation when I flexed my core and expected a buckshot of sucrets lossenges to the chest. Interestingly, unlike the raspberry, this was actually less prmoethazine than expected and had some malty character deep down under all the jammy extravagance. The blueberry is still decadent to a hilarious point and the barrel aged Eisies make all non barrel aged variants seem underripe and completely pointless. However, contrasted to KRE this seems more approachable and like medicinal, muddled Mike and Ike’s in some grenadine reduction. It’s absurd and over the top but in light of all these honeymouthed mead dipshits, this seems like South Beach Diet compared to what other consumers in Michigan and Florida are up to, talking about mead magnums and shit. Zoot suit riot eis down a cherry lagered beer.
Whenever someone brings up @boulevard_beer and how they just recently became about that Life, I remind them that they have been bagging up raw in the malty trap with RoR and BBBQ for years. I can’t wait for the inevitable bundled up, but part of me wishes the branding on this hinted at Barley roots since this would be an excellent foray into the life adjacent realm: same sticky school district just not maltrified yet
Also putting this in smaller format is 10/10 ign review, 100 maltacritic score
For those of you who already know my aversion to rauch and peat profiles, you understand when I say that this @gooseisland offering is a tire aisle nightmare. If you absolutely love terroir and bog and black and Milds then you can disregard my ptsd attendant to this latex thanatopic experience. It crackles and wisps out with zero allure or fervor, lying supine yet compliant, the crinkle of examination table paper and that reluctant hateful obsequience of a diagnostic exam. It doesn’t want to be here and either do I. The nose is an existential affair in that my olfactory is thrown so far left of center that I question its very nature. It’s parking lot burnouts, thrift store leather, Home Depot turf builder, mixed with old bowling alleys who haven’t yet outlawed indoor tobacco. That stale smoky canvas of a leaky industrial tattoo parlor coupled with the experience of planting perennials for a glimpse of spring bougainvilleas that will never bloom. The body sort of undulates in like CGI from the 90s, it has clear questionable aspects that shatter the reality. It’s just more heft that paints with a Cohiba robusto by way of a Splatoon roller. The swallow is mercurial, like the element not the God. There isnothing fast about this and it breaks into hateful black licorice beads, good and plenties soaked in bong water. It’s good to see some inventive new things in the pipeline but, Evander Holyfuck, I cannot go 3 rounds with this, it’s all latex star punches. Bayonet trials rust propellers away.
bllllatatatat. [ @skabrewing aged life in dank ass barrels for two years and won awards with this, we shall see if it can 123412341234 ]
Fn1. The swingtop on a 500ml shows a complete vote of no confidence in the true lifers who will inevitably session this
Got this box and was like “what meanspirited brewery sent me this?”
But then got my produce on lock frfr
I enjoy @wrenhousebrewing and they remain what child therapists and economists call “an ongoing concern.” Despite their clear abilities in the strong ale game, they continue to dabble in the pastrynomicon. Thankfully they always err on the thinner side and even their massive beers feel more akin to shredded Baltic porters in body and hip range of motion. It’s like those chocolate malt flab masters who love residual platos and ABv dead lifts, wren takes the pastry realm in more of a lean mass with roasted mallow, bakers chocolate , but it’s more dry and coffee driven [inb4 Georgia sts dipshits have a meltdown] it feels like the 85% Whole Foods checkout cacao that waxy oddly lip smacking with a touch of Nestle chip. It doesn’t feel like straight up adjunct because it’s lean and shredded, it feels more like a european counterpart: sans the disgusting black patent malt overload. [cf. prime sharpie offender @mikkellerbeer ] its very good and the barrel presence is nuanced and imparts a ZERO bar shellac to things. @horusagedales hands are felt and it’s a hilarious Punnett square of their Mendelian genetics and the cross pollination works due to Drew’s dialing in and Kyle’s pushing out. Fuck that sounds like some gross Motherless content.