I am a gentle soul who has lived upon the sweet succor of unicorn tears until, one fateful day, I was informed that the homeshire had no need for my acrimonius reviews.
I was cast out.
It became apparent that my pot, that one designated for pissing in, was far removed. Henceforth I left and created this refuge for those threadbare souls who sought comedic refuge in a world of serious foodies, corsicans, and winos. Welcome to dontdrinkbeer.com, a place where you are free to drink or not drink whatever you please.
The ASTMD means something, it’s not just random Nickelodeon acronyms:
A: Appearance, what does this look like? Does it amuse you? What, amuse you what, like a clown?
S: Smell, What is that ambrosial fragrance? Is this worth your time? Do they still make Tommy Girl?
T: Taste, once you get your mouth on it, what’s all that lipsmacking taking place? Put that sugar, on your tongue, sticky sticky yum yum.
M: Mouthfeel, Once it is all up in your dome piece, then what? Is it frothy? worthwhile? thin? Does it subside like an Alex Mack marathon? How do you FEEL
D: Drinkability/Overall, alright you drank it, what do you want a medal? Now what? How was it, how do you move on after doing what you just did?
dontdrinkbeer 
Good call on the foodies. The NAACP should have buried that word too.
What’s your email? I love your fucking blog so much and want to talk about it on my own. Let me know if that’s okay with you?
If we’re gonna do it like this – I’m gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes.
I miss your phenomenal writing on beeradvocate, but then again I don’t, because this site is better.
loveyoumeanit
You are my fucking hero. Thanks to Healthy Spirits in San Francisco for the point in your direction.
David McCullough
Where are the shirts? I’m small.
Email me dontdrinkbeers@gmail.com
Love all your reviews. Are you on IG?
DontdrinkbeerS
Some shit lord took the original and doesn’t use it
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“It is not good advice to say ‘Don’t drink beer.’” It’s because “There are many who need it.” http://brookstonbeerbulletin.com/beer-in-ads-2244-it-is-not-good-advice-to-say-dont-drink-beer/
Thanks for drinking beer for the rest of us, DDB.