This that Orviamo, the OVO, that SZN, this that new Tillamook Toronto @Sideprojectbrew @degardebrewing

August 5, 2015 | dontdrinkbeer

Side Project and DeGarde both are underground germinating rhizomes from a distant alien being, spore technology sent back through the time continuum to alter the double helix of american wild ales as we know them. Today they spacedock in careless abandon with ORVIAMO.

I remember safe houses down in Tillamook

Both breweries arose around the same time and took palates by storm with small runs of fruited acidic beers that continue to captivate faceholes. A collaboration was a no brainer, the only question was where they would go after the De Say collabo that was, admittedly, really amazing.

Both breweries have their fair share of intensely acidic beers and when I heard about the specs on this one I knew it would go one of two ways : 1) intensely acetic red wine vinegar blowout or 2) some phrnomenal fruit hybrid akin to Hommage/Caracterie Rouge.

Thank god it was the latter and my gumline remained intact, no GERD was transmitted. Thanks Obamacare.

10 bottles, 20 bottles, man fuck it brewer, let’s just not even discuss it

The beer pours a beautiful slice of crimson sunset, staves of blood red ruby igniting within the confines of the glass. There is a certain muddiness and burnt sienna to the center like clay courts that rich assholes play tennis upon.

The nose leads with a smattering of the acetic character I initially feared, but thankfully it subsides into a fragrant fruit blossom profile and sublimates into a perfumey fruity bloom like Flowerbomb. Lol referencing perfume on this site is pointless for all these forever alone readers. While there’s a degree of jamminess to the raspberry, black cherry, and blackberry, it is a far cry from straight up fruit beers like New Glarus. The compromise works well to keep what could have been paint removing acidity in check.

It is 20% better than this beer, which was also very tasty, but still less tasty on the tasteyscale metric

The taste is incredibly dry and loaded with fruit tannins, farmers market bites into fruit tarts, currant, cherry, craisins (these go in salads, a salad is- nevermind) cranberry and even a touch of sour plum. YES EVEN SOUR PLUM HAS SCIENCE GONE TOO FAR? The sky high 10% Abv is well integrated and this beer drinks like one of those innumerable 6% fruited bus from them Tillamook boys.

The finish is long and dry like a John Cleese stand up set. The oak maintains a sort of light earthiness that underscores the vibrant fruit. The whole affair is pretty enjoyable, but tough to really justify given the straight vertical plane of entry.

Orviamo is not better than this beer, TASTYSCALE NUMBERS DONT LIE

Should breweries get beat up in reviews for having inaccessible products and covetous assholes for consumers? How much of that is crafted by their own marketing macchinstions? Is it just human nature to defile and hoard limited items until the world is steeped in the rancor of inequality? That is probably a topic best served on another day. I don’t feel like dealing with armchair economist dipshits.

In sum, this is a really tasty beer that would be inimitable if Rodenbach didn’t have world class Caracterie rouge just turding it up on BevMo shelves. This beer is an improvement but how much are you willing to tip up for this back room treatment? You want your cherry fully pitted? Then bring your fuckin checkbook, Cory and Trevor are going in dry.

@Degardebrewing The Lily, Those Tillamook Ballers Unequivocally Hit Wild Ale Excellence.

March 19, 2015 | dontdrinkbeer

If you are like the average person, you might grow a little confused with the 14 different De Garde beers released every month, each with moderately different labels. Some are Keepers only others are Trappers only, some are sold inside of Trapper Keepers reserved only for Founders members. It gets confusing. Other times you will seek out a beer only to find “OH YOU JUST GOT THE REGULAR CHERIMOYA BU? No that one sucks the currant gin Imperial Cherimoya Bu is THE SHIT.” Well rest assured, this beer is the best beer that De Garde has brewed to date and it enters into the realm of God Tier AWAs so forcefully that I don’t see how Trevor and them boys can outdo themselves after this masterpiece. Let’s review this 180 (?) bottle jammer in today’s review.

It took me a long. ass. time. To finally land this. For some reason when people know they have the best bottle possible, they dont want to trade it away. WEIRD.

De Garde, Tillamook Cheeseland, OR

7% American Wild Ale with Tempranillo Grapes

As usual, let’s let the FIVER employee do his commercial copy for the beer:
“One of the oldest barrels from our stock, a lambic influenced sour ale.
We added a hefty harvest of whole cluster Southern Oregon grown Tempranillo grapes from a favorite vineyard. Big rustic and spicy fruit aromas with a bracing acidity, and earthy backdrop.
We expect this beer to evolve positively in the bottle over a long period, but the brightness and fruit character is very enjoyable now!”

A: This looks quite a bit like Grrzz Druiven at the outset and I kinda rolled my eyes with an “OH YOU” thinking I knew what was about to go down. The carb crackled away with light pinkish marroon foam that subsided quickly. There was minimal sheeting and it just drops into this ruby purplish amber three point stance and starts poppin for dollars.

If they named this beer BRISTOL it would have left a more sour taste in my mouth

S: This is where shit starts to get real, the dry tannic grape aspect wafts like a massive pinot noir and raspberries. This is certainly dry to the core but it also has a sort of madeline bready sweetness to the nose with a touch of vanilla, on the tip of your nose like an ultra cute first date where you schedule a baking activity because both of you are socially awkward and need a crutch to facilitate interaction before you decide if you want to fuck. WAIT A SECOND. There is a bit of ultra lactic Cascadey shit going on here like Cascade strawberry, but I guess I will give it a pass depending on how it tastes.

T: PASS OBTAINED. This delivers the most nuance of any De Garde offering to date and never is hamfisted in its pucker, or too brash in its acidity. In a staggering move, this De Garde impresses by sheer balance and moderation. If your face was melted by the Ambrees and you need speech therapy, this will be your Esuna. The grapes are present like a blend of Alexander the Grape and Strawberry Short Cook otter pops, you get a smuckers strawberry jamminess, acidity that serves to compliment instead of dominate, and a lingering tannic closer that tells your stepdad that he can sleep on the couch tonight. It is a beautiful moment.

Gotta offset those AWA kCALs

M: I was bracing myself at each swallow for this to pull off the mask and turn into some punitive Upland dominatrix just stepping on my cubes, making me beg for less acidity because I BEEN A BAD BLOGGER O FUK YA. But that thankfully never happens. It provides this dry, yet jammy execution like a well done Rose, bursting with fruit and then dropping off the moisture cliff like when your Sig Ep buddy TRAVIS tries to guess women’s bra sizes at the club.

D: This is exceptional through and through. It stands head and shoulders above the whole De Garde canon, and approaches that near impossible rank of Southampton Black Raspberry Lambic, Cable Car Kriek, Pipeworks Blue Lady and all the other usual suspects you see listed as flawless iterations of the AWA genre, if maybe a touch below. If for some reason you can’t land this I would suggest uhhh, taking Omniscience and Proselytism, mixing it with Cerveza Tempranillo and a splash of Atrial Rubicite. Landing all three of those would probably take less than this elusive minx. BUT WHY GILD THE LILY AMIRITE?

Whenever someone talks about Oregon, this is what I imagine.

@Degardebrewing Currant Gin Bu, 2015 Already Bouncing like Juicy J

January 1, 2015 | dontdrinkbeer

I previously chracterized De Garde as an all or nothing power hitter. If they miss, it is a complete whiff, but god damn when they get a piece of it, they crush them ticks way out into the parking lot. This is an example of the latter and is truly a benchmark for innovation in the quasi-berliner style, moreover wild ales in general.

GIN. CURRANTS. SOUR NIPS DRIPPING WITH ACID. Let’s latch on to that teat and get that fruity goodness.

Crooshing wild ales in that cemetery called Los Angeles.

De Garde Brewing, some Oregon Farm

4% abv, Berliner/american wild ale 4 realzdoe.

A: God damn can you even approach the radiant tweeniness that is this radiant purple. God tier drops and fatty lootz are distributed pell mell. The carb clings like fuchsia running alongside the violet train leaving the station. It looks almost identical to VSB, really and is easily one of the most beautiful beers this side of De Cam oude Kriek. Just phenomenal to behold, like that Anna Kendrick pic you keep crumpled up under your futon.

feels good to take a break from relentless adjunct stout reviews every once in a while

S: This isn’t the sweet bomb you would expect, nor is it the acidic romp you would begrudge. It opens a touch brackish with a light salinity, a tannic cherry presence that feels more floral than actual red5 jolly rancher cherry. Think cherry blossom, not fruit by the foot. It smells phenomenal and refreshing like that dust from when you used to make your own powdered Gatorade OH JUST ME? OH OK I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO GREW UP IN ABJECT POVERTY OK FINE. I will note that the closer is oddly herbal and has a touch of juniper from the gin, it isn’t bad by any means and it actually adds a depth to what is essentially a very thin and simple beer, the oak itself gives that crazy depth only presented by those Sole Comp gin barrel releases. OREGON JUST LOVES TO FUCK WITH GIN BARRELS, THEY CANNOT BE REASONED WITH.

T: This again, lacks the overwhelming fruit, and refuses to put forth an intense acid profile and instead hits a balanced middle road of spice, dried currant/black cherry/plum, and floral oakiness like hydrangeas. If you have ever had craisins in a salad, take those and add a spicy pine/fir tree aspect from the gin barrel that seems like it would never work but it gives an incredible layer upon layer of strata to this deceivingly simple beer. In sum, it drinks like a baller ass mexican Fanta, grape flavor.

those purple notes bring you to full release so hard

M: This is very dry and swallows clean with no residual aspects along the mid palate or gumline. It really FEELS in the spirit of a berliner in this respect and I wouldn’t be shocked if the abv fell lower than 4% because it has such a thin body and obviously no waft or fusel aspects. It is so clean that you could drink this before meeting with your parole officer and he would be none the wiser, excepting your fucking burgundy teeth.

D: This is in the intensely crushable range, a 750 disappears faster than singles at Magic City. Rank it next to Live Oak Hef and Stillwater Classique in those beers that just jump into your liver with aggressive deep swallows. It takes a large swallow to bring out all of the nuances and to abate the substantial carb and you are left with your loins pumping to pop more of those currants. Moreover, there simply isnt anything else out there at present that tastes like this, so you owe it to your mom to at least try this. Otherwise you will just be walking about making statements about shit, value appraisals, when deep down everyone knows you havent had a currant gin barrel aged beer, and basically aren’t about that life.

If you have a pretentious wine prick friend, open this for her and shatter her world.

@degardebrewing HOSE, oh man these gose puns NEVR SEEM TO GET OLD.

December 26, 2014 | dontdrinkbeer

A year ago, you couldn’t get a brewery to make a Gose. The Bruery made one back in 2011 and it was really unique and polarizing, intensely brackish and earthy, people rioted in the streets by way of their sticky moleskin journals. Flash forward a couple years and those same lazy ass brewers realized they could just use a California Ale strain, their same tired ass witbier recipe, and add some coriander and sea salt: BOOM CASH IN ON THIS HOT NEW STYLE. That certainly isn’t the case here because, we are dealing with not only Oregon, but De Garde. If they made a Gose that didn’t involve a gin barrel, we would call that a normal day. Anyway, let’s see if barrel aging a gose with coriander and then dry hopping the shit out of it improves this old recipe.

In 2008 Draft magazine awarded its FIRST PERFECT SCORE: to Westmalle Tripel.
Fantome Saison caught a hot 96. How far we have come.

Oregon, Somewhere on a cow farm or something, De Garde Brewing

Gose 4% abv

A: This comes out the gates looking all grassroots as can be, small batch, turbid, messy orange rind, intense carb that billows upward like the inevitable foamy discharge from bottles of Dom P up in the club. The lacing is lovely and clings with each sip cascading sirrus ringlets of malty residuals like the ever encroaching tide. I wipe a tear away from my eye and get back to shopping for Elsa’s Frozen Ice castle on ebay. The struggle.

S: The nose is brackish but intensely bright with a citrus aspect like Squirt and Sierra Mist. There is a sort of white grape and honey sweetness which closes dry and lightly herbal, a touch of green tea. It doesn’t present itself like a gose and the funk wafts more like a barrel aged table beer, if such a thing exists.

DISCUSSING GOSESES? This blog is shitty, but it could be way worse. Thank goodness for small blessings.

T: This is like the narrow penumbra between American Wild and Biere de Pays, it is lightly tart, musky carpet, grapefruit and lemongrass that closes with a touch of earthiness like chantarelle mushrooms. The salinity is largely consumed by the varying elements at play, tartness grinding up on that muskiness, things get salacious real quick, foam going everywhere, there’s one Bosnian dude no one invited just filming the whole thing in a sweatsuit. The salt and cheese lingers in your mouth and you secretly knew it would end like this.

M: This exhibits a creamy mouthfeel that is expansive on the swallow and ends up finish dry and with a certain degree salinity. It isn’t some tart bomb, but it isn’t exactly a blasee wheat affair either. It is the meeting of a hoppy brett beer like Crooked Stave dry hopped brett d’or and something more akin to Avril and the result is an intensely crushable beer that delivers on many levels. Really tasty stuff through and through.

posted in the trap sipping 40s of barrel aged coriander wheat beers

D: Again as I underscored above, this is mad croosh and you can just drill it endlessly without pause or cause for alarm. At this point a 4% beer is what you space in between your 15% abv stouts so you cant really fret about the alcohol, but the real problem enters when you drill an entire bomber as an afterthought and immediately crave another and you realize that the shipping on the bottle cost almost as much as the beer itself. It is far too drinkable for its own good and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The Source tried to fuck Dre on the Chronic, but haters cant deny De Garde when they are pushing this kinda weight, five mics.

drilled that entire bottle in like 18 minutes. The piss is forthcoming.

@drugstorebrewer Ale Apothecary Triple Scissor Shootout: Those sub-300 bottle count bangers, for the haters.

April 18, 2014 | dontdrinkbeer

Slowly but surely, beta tickers are starting to turn off their Tae Bo tapes and now are discovering saisons. As much as I didn’t want this to happen, like those first tufts of curlies, all those baby 2012 bitches are taking those wobbly farmhouse steps, jingling daddy’s Wallonia keys. I guess this was the logical extension of waiting on kids who were all about Black Note and KBS last year, now they have a litany of ultra-lactic, wild, high abv super saisons at their disposal and suddenly we have a new crop of saison masters.

I wouldn’t have it any other way. Those same weak peninses who thought saisons were all Hennepin and Red Barn suddenly are flexing their traps in the yard, tryna run shit. I am fine with that because I let my Biere De Garde lats swole like bat wings. So what is the deal with all these small run saisons that push the inner butthole of the American Wild Ale game? Cory King is kicking out these 400 bottle runs monthly and now has main bitches and side bitches in his Sidekick. Chase started crushing up lines of Caravienna on a CD case and letting tickers wipe it on they gums now guess who is hooked?

Today I wanna holler at these mountainous farmhouse purveyors up in Oregon. I picture head brewer, Paul Arney, doing burpees and deep dips in a hollow out spruce coolship, cooking up these super saisons turned wild ales, working on his chest piece. So it wasn’t like their “normal” lineup of Sahalie and…uh…La Tache I guess, were easy to come by. Those were already like 700 bottle runs and asspensive. So I moaned initially at the idea of having to seek out their LIMITED shit. The waiting list for their AA club is over a year long and I don’t have that kinda patience. Luckily, the PNW traders are staggeringly charitable and hooked it up.

Today we will be counting down the recent limited Ale Apothecary releases, RANKING THEM, and tossing beats along the way. Because I am not writing no 2700 words with narratives and shit.

THIRD PLACE:

We are not the same, I am a Martian, approach these cellar doors with caution

The Ale Apothecary
Oregon, United States
Style | ABV
American Wild Ale | ABV 9% (handwritten, hard to see?)

Why is this a bitch:
270 bottles produced
Ale Club members will receive theirs automatically, leaving “100-150 up for grabs”
No bottles will be available for public retail sales

– Alright first and foremost this is by no means a “bad beer.” Not unlike the Blind BABW tasting results the competition is fierce because we are talking about top tier super saysuns/AWAs. I initially opened this super cold because I had carbonic acid issues with MASSIVE carb and gushing. It’s like AA takes a page from old Logsdon on their attenuation swag. This spill out as lively as Champagne and just sits soapy with a thick domeshot of Palmolive bubbles.

This is strange, but you welcome it lovingly. RIEEEECHARD PARKER farmhouse swagger.

– This beer is just too. fucking. sour. I know some people do naked diamond pushups and call me a pussy but the lactic profile coupled with the low ph, intense dryness, and crackly overcarbing just makes this hard for the 750ml trudge. I mean, I still finished it and really enjoyed it but god damn, it’s like going to Mormon summer camp, just running your mouthraw with that farmhouse heavy petting. This has a tart bouquet of tangerine, light bitterness like orange pith, grapefruit juiciness, and a closer that is bittering like some of the Blaugies offerings. I still killed it, would love to try it again, but this is the least balanced and more extreme of their offerings. Still def. recommended.

SECOND PLACE:

IN CASE THINGS GET TOO EXTREME INSIDE THAT ARTISANAL KNOT WILL KEEP THE CORK IN PLACE

The Ale Apothecary
Oregon, United States
Style | ABV
American Wild Ale | 10.70% ABV

Why people lose their shit over this:
SPENCER (The Dispenser of Provisions) is our annual fruit beer. In the early fall, we harvest wild blackcurrant fruit and add it to a batch of year-old SAHALIE. The sugars in the fruit produce another fermentation and the blackcurrant tannins create additional structure over the 8-month aging period. Prior to bottling, the beer is dry-hopped for a month in oak barrels. With close to 2 years in oak, Spencer has a much more developed Brettanomyces character than our other beers.  Because of the extremely limited quantity of wild blackcurrant available, we produce only one oak barrel of Spencer every year. This beer is unlabeled and reserved exclusively for our Ale Club members.

This tart sniper looks inviting and will put you down just as fast

– See all of that above? That reads like a romance novel for the modern beer trader. All those adjectives just create that perineum tingling that people who seek Raries just gotta have. I really enjoyed this beer and loved the riff on the same Ale Apoth offerings. This has even MORE absurd carbonation, on the same level of Sahati where you pour it and just stand back like “alright, enough already.” When this finally settles down it has a radiant golden, quasi turbid precious metal allure to it.

– This beer is less dry than Sahalien and is easily the most drinkable, the abv in all of these beers is laughably imperceptible but this one drinks like a belgian table beer and you could pull some PUNK’D stunts on your bisexual roomate with this sleeping beast. You get apricot, tart kumquat, there is light graininess to it and this would be the closest to the super saisons and less in the AWA realm. If you liked Fantome Extra Sour, you will really dig this beast. Again, highly recommended. Top tier, china white, not stepped on product.

WINRAR: THE BEER FORMERLY KNOWN AS LA TACHE AGED IN RUM BARRELS WITH WHITE PEACHES or “TBFKALTAIRBwWP” for short.

Prepare to not drink this beer. Fucking top tier AWA/Saison, whateveruwannacallit. It goes in hard. Multiple climaxes,

The Ale Apothecary
Oregon, United States
Style | ABV
American Wild Ale | ABV ?

WHY ARE PEOPLE LOSING THEIR SHIT:
First and foremost, I think La Tache got caught up in some petty wine litigation not unlike SUCABA, because now we have this disclaimer version. I can only speculate, but any way. The base beer was fucking awesome, then they RAR’ed it hard in rum barrels, then added the WHALEFRUIT: white peaches. I think this was a 230 bottle release with most of the bottles taken to the Second Annual Portland Wild Ale Festival. I think the AAclub members then got the chance to buy maybe one? If you areolas aren’t tingling then maybe you need to go back to drinking Colette.

This doesnt fit in AWA or Super Saisons, it just stunts hard as fuqqq

– God damn, if this is the Goldlocks paradigm, TBFKALTAIRBwWP just tears it up and is “JUSSSST RIIIITE.” If Sahalien pulled your hair too hard, but Spencer wouldn’t talk dirty to you, this is just the right amount of wrong. The balance is incredible between the juice, acidity, funk, barrel, and laughably hidden abv. The carbonation is the most retrained out of any AA offering thus far, the hue is a perfect deep orange, slightly murky, that orange and pineapple ester profile just banging, peach jolly ranchers falling in but dropping a 2/4 acidic beat, not a sticky sweetness. The nose has a muskiness, light funk that is dominated in equal parts by the acidity and juiciness which wasn’t metabolized by that high ass attenuative yeast strain. This is like if Fou Foune and b1 Persica were all tongue kissing and you are peeping through a painting with the eyes cut out. It’s that decadent and tawdry, but so fulfilling.

– The taste is fucking phenomenal top to bottom and I would be surprised if this isn’t within the realm of DDB top beers of 2014. I really can’t offer many descriptors for improvement aside from a slightly sweet cloying aspect at higher temps, light fusel presence in the low 60’s, and other nit picky shit. But in all honesty, the fruit interplay with the acidic tannic finish and caramel underpinnings of the rum barrel make for a peach jubilee that is both dry but assertive, juicy but gentle, you can take her to your parents but also pull her weave.

This is the real deal, through and through. Cannot recommend highly enough. Now I will never try this shit again because asshole DDB readers always ruin it for me on the ISO;FT boards.

Logsdon Seizoen Bretta, SAISON MARATHON IS FINALLY OVER. Also this saison is super dank.

December 14, 2012 | dontdrinkbeer

You guize, I didn’t die, and saison marathon is finally over. Closing out like a boss with an amazing PnW saison that people have been jocking harder than Starter Jackets in the 90s.

Looks like orange juicy juice, cream on the inside clean on the outside.

Doubling down on the pics to close out saison marathon

Logsdon Farmhouse Ales
Oregon, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 8.00% ABV

A: Just look at that turbid milky mess of saison. The wheat is poppin like cheeks at Magic City and makes me wanna pop bands and sprinkle bills all over it. The carbonation is downright hilarious. I ordered this at Little Bear and the bottle gushed so hard it made the server look like he was pulling off some Urkel shit. The lacing is substantial but somehow looks clean at the same time. Filthy yet desirable, Sasha Grey level saison maneuver.

After a full month in the weeds, time to celebrate…with a saison.
God damnit.

S: There is a huge dryness to this and the brett profile is more pronounced than a non-regional dialect. You get lemon rind, puppy breath, grapefruit juice, the musk of cookie dough without the sugary sweetness, and finally some pineapple aspects on the closer. If you cannot land Fantome Ete, this is about the closest thing I can approximate that beer to.

T: This is incredibly musky and earthy and almost has a sort of mushroom and Jazz apple interplay going on. There is the classic belgian yeast strain, white pepper in the middle body, and this dry execution like pear skin that is more legit than Trinidad James. This doesn’t go overboard on any aspect because the musk is ratcheted back enough to give the tart aspects enough stage time. This is something I imagine the elementary school grounds keeper drinking after a long day of mowing down crabgrass, earthy and bitter with a tinge of tart hope for the future. Excellent and profound like a Soulja Boy album.

I was gonna try and tie this picture in to the review, but it is a god damn baby kangaroo. Joey so hard.

M: This is dry but like I noted, that musk adds a complexity that just wipes out your bitter zones and daisy chains it to make you want to take another sip. The brett with the substantial wheat body has this one two punch that if either aspect was ratcheted back, would be imbalanced. You remember how Garbage Pail Kids cards were dirty but at the same time refreshing and intruiging, that is kinda how this beer is because you know it is messy, but you secretly like all the soil smashed in your hair and your skin all dried out. You nasty.

D: This is one of the most drinkable saisons, it is all over shelves, it has an amazing price point, and delivers every time without that Russian Roulette of Belgian bottles. I highly recommend showing this to someone who doesn’t know dick about saisons, show them your dick, I mean, the beer. Damnit. This has the aspects of other baller/expensive saisons and glimpses the tiers of greatness like Tintoretto, but fails to hit that farmhouse perfection like Titian exemplars HF, Fantome, etc, all the other breweries whose jocks I ride like a sybian.

My face when I completed an entire month of drinking the best saisons in the world.

Narrative: James Kurtz pounded each step in rhythmic pain, exhaling a cloud of mist through his strained lungs. It had been an aggressive 26 miles but he had now entered the final stretch and an Oregon morning had never seemed so crisp. He crossed the finish line and walked with an antalgic gait to a pile of leaves and laid down to stretch. He swallowed deep from the cup of lemonade and looked up to the sky, watching the nimbus ornaments drape their alabaster fingers across the sky. It had been a battle the entire way, but he had finally done it: HE RAN AN ENTIRE MARATHON COMPLETELY DRUNK. James pulled off his Camelpak and took a final pull of the saison bladder in his backpack. His physician told him that drinking 8% beer while dehydrating himself was a suicide mission, but he pressed on. Some complained that he reeked of alcohol and wheatgrass, but his pores were a testament to his achievement. With a gentle repose, James laid in the grass and inhaled deeply. Saison marathon had finally been completed.

Block 15 Ferme De La Ville Provision, Two Saisons Might be Too Much Love for the PnW, but it is warranted

November 27, 2012 | dontdrinkbeer

SAISON MARATHON REVIEWS PACIFIC NORTH WEST SAISONS.

California simply does not do things like this. I love the Bruery but Saison Rue doesn’t fall within the same realm as this incredibly refreshing banger that slams beats by the pound. Saisons with a nice musk to them are already so deep within my wheelhouse that I have to move other wheels to…access…those wheels. Anyway, I wasn’t set on reviewing this beer since I already hollered at the PnW in my Fremont Brewing Lamb review, but this is too damn good not to review. I have loved everything that Block 15 makes and who can forget my old review of Block 15 Imagine Anyway, I guess saison week is gonna keep on rolling, file your complaints in the top right corner.

Oh snap, my block is turning into a Ferme 15.

Block 15 Brewery/Restaurant
Oregon, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 6.90% ABV

A: The appearance is a bit thinner than I am accustomed to with a deep gold aspect to it like this bad ass locket I bought from Target for my 6th grade girlfriend. I mean, my girlfriend in 6th grade, I…I am not hooking up with 12 year olds. The lacing is minimal and looks soapy and clean. The carbonation is straight up Goldilocks status, not too much, not too little. I must fault it for not having that ugly turbid aspect that Fantome and Hill Farmstizzle generates but, to each his own I suppose.

Please tell my cellar, I am a saison lover.

S: This beer has a delicious grape and pear tart aspect to it, deep chardonnay, ripe melon, and a musky baseball card sort of aspect to it. It would be like if someone that was hella into Crossfit was also into produce a huge nerd. Oh wait, REDUNDANT DEFINITIONS.

T: This is incredibly crisp and reminds me of a “less dry” version of E. If Hill Farmstead E. was the Sahara Desert, this is somewhere like oh, Barstow. There is a light sweetness at the outset and conveys a light honey and chardonnay white grape that finishes with a crisp fjui apple skin aspect to it. The whole beer is as refreshing as a John Stamos movie but as fulfilling as a Jesse and the Rippers album.

This beer is incredibly drinkable, it will get you exploring things.

M: Again, this is incredibly dry, but toes the precipice of lambic and super chardonnay and ratchets it back before it spills over the edge. It gives with a light honey aspect but after you swallow, the barrel and grape come back to linger and remind you of brut champagne or some baller ass Bartels and James. If you have a discerning ass mid-30’s woman to impress, or a particularly classy 14 year old to court, this will do the trick just fine.

D: This picks up the ball where E. fumbles and delivers a light fruit and gentle brett aspect to it that balances out the incredible dryness of the chardonnay. Ultimately, the entire beer comes together in a remarkable way that reminds me less of a traditional saison and starts to toe the line to a straight up American Wild Ale along the lines of Brute or Sanctification. Some people can’t get on board with this because it is too dry but those saison haters and exit stage left, everything they need in a box to the left. Those are also the types of people posting “Horses and Bayonets” and “Binders Full of Women” shit and feeling relevant so I don’t concern myself with them.

This beer is like a merger of familiar old things and enticing new things.

Narrative: “His resume was just so impressive, quadlingual, volunteer in Burma, summa cum laude from Vassar…” “Yeah summa cum garbage, he has the worst people skills I have ever seen, how is he going to sell anything? He’s just so…abrasive.” It wasn’t Dan Mikelson’s demeanor that was offputting, in fact he was attractive to the untrained person. He would even seem exotic and interesting, until he opened his mouth and began talking about Jimmy Johnson’s points in the Nextel cup. Most customers would sigh and move lithely from the digital camera section until he followed them intentionally into the digital printers section, and continue to harangue them with tales of last years bocce ball tournament. “Look at that, that canadian couple just requested an item outright and he convinced them that they werent going to use it to its full potential, I dont care how attractive he is, you gotta fire this guy.” “But sir…think about if someone get’s hurt his resume says he is a registered RN and” “I dont care, his resume is a lie, he is a jerk and I want him OUT OF MY OFFICE DEPOT?! YOU HEAR ME?!”

Deschutes The Abyss Imperial Stout, Total Abyss of the Heart

February 26, 2012 | dontdrinkbeer

Every time this beer comes out, I shrug it off as a “widely available” top 100 stout and act like I dont want it. Then I can’t get it and the butt hurt ensues. Anyway, I landed this the old fashioned way from Sunset Beer in Echo Park and figured now is as good a time as ever to start giving sick props to this gem that most people have already had their way with.

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I opened this at my housewarming party when I bought a house and pretty much everyone wanted nothing to do with it. My house was all the warmer with this potation lighting up my chest like E.T.

Deschutes The Abyss, light pilsner, PSYCHE, Imperial Stout, 11% abv

A: This looks like an Exxon valdez rampage. Pure black with shimmering darkness like the gulf of mexico. Huge khaki carbonation with sticky lacing. If you spill this on your clothes, just throw them out. No middle carbonation, at least not much that I can see. It reminds me of those villains from Pirates of Dark Water, oh well, Google it I guess, my jokes aren’t for everyone, you gotta earn that shit.

Ever since I started drinking Abyss, I never win because these stouts make you fat as fuck

S: There is a huge chocolate profile, not similar to most stouts, it registers sweeter more of a syrupy bitterness like those bags of syrup you add to soda machines but with a ton of awesome coffee balance. As a side note, I feel like Deschutes sometimes ends up with too much sugar attenuation and they defy the status quo here with this chocolate syrupy note that remains balanced.

T: Very sweet on the first taste that coats the bitter zones with an overwhelming hop presence that subsides into a tarpit of gooey coffee notes. The heat is there but the alcohol is overridden by almost distracting sweet notes. It is reminiscent of if you subjected a normal stout to a 120 min boil. It just feels like stout concentrate in a good way.

I only got a single bottle of Abyss this year and I was all like this as a result.

M: I can’t overstate this enough, it coats harder than a single guy at 1:45 a.m. at a club. Chocolate robitussin with teeth staining presence. It will linger with you, whether you want it to or not.

D: I don’t know what crazy cold conditions or type of Siberian misery that I would have to endure to put away several bottles of this away. Perhaps the people in Bend Oregon have a tough gulag life that I can’t comprehend from my Mediterranean climate throne but one 22 oz bottle of this is plenty, anyone who “wishes” for another bomber seems questionable, but understandable.

Making a beer this delicious and alcoholic just seems like a dangerous idea.

Narrative: “So this is how product liability lawsuits happen,” Warren Dolce thought as the maroon viscous liquid glugged out of the cocoa butter vat and all over the factory floor. “Of all the things to skimp on, I don’t think that the pressure control valve and the blow off valve were proper,” he reflected “at least not for the chocolate refining tank.” Thousands of wanting Cadburry eggs would remain wanting frosting yokes, in endosperm stasis. The chocolate crude gurgled up to his jaw line and Warren reflected, “perhaps the basement lock was not the way to cut costs either, here I am, 3 floors down, about to endure the prophetic Death By Chocolate, to be honest, I kinda always knew that it would end this way.” He exhaled into the mucilaginous depths watching the bubbles struggle to the surface. “A sweet death, to be sure, but who will finish my screen pl-”

dontdrinkbeer

Drinking beer, so you don't have to.

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