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@Degardebrewing The Lily, Those Tillamook Ballers Unequivocally Hit Wild Ale Excellence.

If you are like the average person, you might grow a little confused with the 14 different De Garde beers released every month, each with moderately different labels.  Some are Keepers only others are Trappers only, some are sold inside of Trapper Keepers reserved only for Founders members.  It gets confusing.  Other times you will seek out a beer only to find “OH YOU JUST GOT THE REGULAR CHERIMOYA BU? No that one sucks the currant gin Imperial Cherimoya Bu is THE SHIT.”  Well rest assured, this beer is the best beer that De Garde has brewed to date and it enters into the realm of God Tier AWAs so forcefully that I don’t see how Trevor and them boys can outdo themselves after this masterpiece.  Let’s review this 180 (?) bottle jammer in today’s review.

It took me a long. ass. time.  To finally land this.  For some reason when people know they have the best bottle possible, they dont want to trade it away.  WEIRD.

It took me a long. ass. time. To finally land this. For some reason when people know they have the best bottle possible, they dont want to trade it away. WEIRD.

De Garde, Tillamook Cheeseland, OR

7% American Wild Ale with Tempranillo Grapes

As usual, let’s let the FIVER employee do his commercial copy for the beer:
“One of the oldest barrels from our stock, a lambic influenced sour ale.
We added a hefty harvest of whole cluster Southern Oregon grown Tempranillo grapes from a favorite vineyard. Big rustic and spicy fruit aromas with a bracing acidity, and earthy backdrop.
We expect this beer to evolve positively in the bottle over a long period, but the brightness and fruit character is very enjoyable now!”

A:  This looks quite a bit like Grrzz Druiven at the outset and I kinda rolled my eyes with an “OH YOU” thinking I knew what was about to go down.  The carb crackled away with light pinkish marroon foam that subsided quickly.  There was minimal sheeting and it just drops into this ruby purplish amber three point stance and starts poppin for dollars.

If they named this beer BRISTOL it would have left a more sour taste in my mouth

If they named this beer BRISTOL it would have left a more sour taste in my mouth

S:  This is where shit starts to get real, the dry tannic grape aspect wafts like a massive pinot noir and raspberries.  This is certainly dry to the core but it also has a sort of madeline bready sweetness to the nose with a touch of vanilla, on the tip of your nose like an ultra cute first date where you schedule a baking activity because both of you are socially awkward and need a crutch to facilitate interaction before you decide if you want to fuck.  WAIT A SECOND.  There is a bit of ultra lactic Cascadey shit going on here like Cascade strawberry, but I guess I will give it a pass depending on how it tastes.

T:  PASS OBTAINED. This delivers the most nuance of any De Garde offering to date and never is hamfisted in its pucker, or too brash in its acidity.  In a staggering move, this De Garde impresses by sheer balance and moderation.  If your face was melted by the Ambrees and you need speech therapy, this will be your Esuna.  The grapes are present like a blend of Alexander the Grape and Strawberry Short Cook otter pops, you get a smuckers strawberry jamminess, acidity that serves to compliment instead of dominate, and a lingering tannic closer that tells your stepdad that he can sleep on the couch tonight.  It is a beautiful moment.

Gotta offset those AWA kCALs

Gotta offset those AWA kCALs

M:  I was bracing myself at each swallow for this to pull off the mask and turn into some punitive Upland dominatrix just stepping on my cubes, making me beg for less acidity because I BEEN A BAD BLOGGER O FUK YA. But that thankfully never happens.  It provides this dry, yet jammy execution like a well done Rose, bursting with fruit and then dropping off the moisture cliff like when your Sig Ep buddy TRAVIS tries to guess women’s bra sizes at the club.

D:  This is exceptional through and through.  It stands head and shoulders above the whole De Garde canon, and approaches that near impossible rank of Southampton Black Raspberry Lambic, Cable Car Kriek, Pipeworks Blue Lady and all the other usual suspects you see listed as flawless iterations of the AWA genre, if maybe a touch below. If for some reason you can’t land this I would suggest uhhh, taking Omniscience and Proselytism, mixing it with Cerveza Tempranillo and a splash of Atrial Rubicite.  Landing all three of those would probably take less than this elusive minx. BUT WHY GILD THE LILY AMIRITE?

Whenever someone talks about Oregon, this is what I imagine.

Whenever someone talks about Oregon, this is what I imagine.

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@rightproperbeer Kick Kick Snare Berliner, the imperial version of BA DUM TISH punchline style ale.

D.C. has DC Brau and several noteworthy beer PLACES, but aside from the Hardywood contingency is solidly RVA.  Bluejacket emerged and seemed like a hot contender but nothing has really set the region’s nuva rings ablaze. Now we have RIGHT PROPER, a place to get Howard University students swerved.  But is it the regional hegemony that can affect the beer world at large? ARE THEY THAT FYCKING POWERFUL?  Let’s reach across the aisle in today’s review

KICK KICK SNARE hitting hard like them 808 drums. 909 drums are full of meth.

KICK KICK SNARE hitting hard like them 808 drums. 909 drums are full of meth.

Right Proper Brewing, Washington DC

3.2% Berliner, dry hopped with citra and cascade

A:  This beer looks beyond yellow into a type of neon radiant yellow 5/mountain dew territory.  It is so faint that is becomes radioactive like wheaty isotopes banging around the glass, emitting substantial carb.  It honestly looks like someone took Gatorade and force carbed it, and I have no fucking problem with that at all.  Put this in a waterbottle for your big mountain bike ride, or whatever michelob ultra drinkers do.  This is like 80 calories a glass, drink it while you deliver UPS boxes on your route, who cares.

LYKE if u cry evrytiem BERLIENRS

LYKE if u cry evrytiem BERLIENRS

S:  This is a touch salty, wheat grist, ironically for all the hoppy promises, the most prominent element is a sort of clean alkaline chalkiness/salinity and a tangerine finish.  Again, this just hits like a radiant sports drink that seems to want to cure the hangover that you haven’t even earned yet.  THIS IS A FORWARD LOOKING BEER, trying to keep you from watching entire Netflix seasons on Sundays.  I can applaud that.

Maybe it needs more body, maybe you are a meercat and dont know what a berliner needs

Maybe it needs more body, maybe you are a meercat and dont know what a berliner needs

T:  This is bready for a fleeting moment and then kicks in the acidity in a real way, lemon and yuzu, key lime and a creamy finish that crackles out of existence like a genie entering a lamp.  It is over so fast you take another huge sip just to grasp at fragments that speed down your throat, each gulp becoming successively more tart and dry.  You get caught in this feedback loop where you keep taking bigger gulps chasing the lemon dragon to get a “real” taste but its so thin you are constantly eluded.  I am ok with that, this does the opposite of overstaying its welcome.

M:  This is dry, acidic, and works with successive swallows to take a run on your molars but never quite brings hard hits.  The whole thing feels like an absence of being, the consumption of beer and fleeting sensations with nothing to grip definitively into beyond light acidity and a juicy finish that crackles like Fundip and disappears.  It doesn’t pull that Golden Road shit where its intensely acidic, it is only a touch too tart for the style and the De Garde acidity seems unreasonable by contrast.  You can drill this without reprisal and it would almost be a full on challenge to get meaningfully drunk on this because you are perpetually hydrating while seeking inebriation.  The sisyphean chase that is ever fulfilling.

HARD AS FUCK LIGHT AS FUCK

HARD AS FUCK LIGHT AS FUCK

D:  If you couldn’t figure this out, it is endlessly drinkable in the way that Candy Crush is endlessly playable, but both ultimately make you feel a touch empty and ashamed of yourself.  You kill an whole 2 liter of this and then look around your life in calm sobriety, none of that laundry got done and you are still moderately sober. Actually, this is a perfect beer to get your life back together because no responsibility or self control is needed.  Go HAM, try to get yourself drunk, if you come from a pedigree of Kuhnhenn and Bruery tier ABV, this wont put a dent in your blast shields around your liver.  Maybe you dont need to eat Totino’s pizza rolls at 3am on a weeknight.  LIFE IS A GAMBLE.