Ther are more pajotenlands made every year and this vedeo shows you where they are and how to fruit beers so new consumers feel special and aliv.
American lambics soon to be reocgnized by BJC and Cicerone University.
Tag Archives: beer
I Went to the @smogcitybeer Black Currant Saison Release and Didn’t Even Die Once
If you have been keeping pace with old DDB, you know that I have been riding Smog City’s recent releases like a bucking sybian. When they announced that they were doing a black currant saison, I got fully torqued and had to go to the ER after I had an erection that lasted longer that 4 hours.
The place was packed but there was an alarming paucity of neckbeards, much to my dismay
I showed up late like an asshole and the place was packed. Even with several pouring stations, the brewery has been picking up steam and there was a dearth of beta casuals and normal people. The average BMI was well below 35, which is pretty disappointing, but I guess normal adjusted people need to drink beer too.
The kumquat saison was pretty pithy and oily, tart and akin to SitR Kumquat, but with a more watery finish.
I walked in like an entitled dipshit with a magnum of Equipoise and for some reason people lose their fucking minds when you have a large format beer, even if it is barely a mag. People were all touching on it like Johnny Gill at a New Edition concert.
I was trying to snap pics of that dreamboat in the back but this delicious mixed fermentation saison got in the way
Equipoise was legit and ultra refreshing since the tasting room’s temperature was somewhere just north of hot as balls. Didnt really get any melon, faint brackish aspect to it, crisp and cheesy, I could merk the entire 1.5L and not even feel bad about myself. I mean, I would feel bad about myself for other reasons, the usual ones.
The 240 bottles of this beer sold out instantly. Fucking typical.
When I saw the jammy magenta hues looking like a Lisa Frank binder I braced myself for some Smuckers extravaganza, but god damn it is this beer phenomenal. It is dry, tart, tannic, bursting with blackberry jelly and acidic black cherry skins. It toes the line of exceptional balance that you find in VSB and SHBRL where it is fruit forward without being overly sweet or cloying. God damn it, this beer slays on many levels. It is hardly a saison and puts a distinct American Wild Ale foot forward. I would have enjoyed more brett C or musk from this, but at this point it’s like being angry about the spoiler on your Murcielago. Pithy ass complaints from a beer dipshit.
They were taking that world class Barrel Aged OE and making Old Fsahioneds with it.
I fucking love BA OE, but that is already well established. When I saw they were making cocktails with it, my initial reaction was eye rolling and images of foodie dipshits trying to bridge the gap into the baller ass beer world. I was wrong again. They took the dank ass barleywine, added bitters, and flambeed an orange peel to open up both the bourbon aspects and underscore this awesome Grand Marnier/Sweet Brandy sort of interplay. The beer was sadly degassed through the treatment but ZFG because the drink was awesome. Being a skeptical asshole did not pay me any dividends on this outing.
I usually facepalm when someone brings up “beer cocktails” but I will give this a pass because it was fucking delicious.
The whole event was dope, but then to polish things off they busted out their barrel aged imperial coffee stout, Infinite Wishes. While I thought “The Nothing” was underwhelming, this takes shit to a whole different level. It is substantial, frothy, hefty, and delivers a wallop of bakers chocolate and deep dry roast. While I used to be indifferent to Smog City’s core offerings, their new barrel room releases are causing me to trip not an insubstantial amount of balls.
Peep those low ass fstop values oh fuuuuu
I can’t go to the May 30th release, someone send me that shit already.
Domingo 7: La Micro Brewing Co, BUHO Amber Bock, Wet Costa Rican garbage washing up on my doorstep
Sometimes I get donation boxes. You will be able to spot them a mile away because it will be a review of something that makes no fucking sense on this site, like a random Idaho brewery that someone wants me to give an honest appraisal/dress down of their local favorites. Some of the readers in Costa Rica wanted me to try their new local jams and comment on how their craft scene is budding on the post-imperialism island. First and foremost, if I lived on an island paradise, the last thing I would give a fuck about is the Reinheitsgebot. Secondly, the highest rated amber bock in the entire world is a less than mediocre score globally. At any rate, here’s an obscure shitter from the Carribean, LOWWW LANDS LOWWWW LANDS AWAY do me johnny bolger do.
VERMONT GLASSWARE!? Already disrespected right out of the gates.
Bock, 5.8%
Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, I dont atlas
A: This label looks like someone is stroking it hard for Geddy Lee, either that or CR is just getting Rush. I can see all these islanders sipping German lagers in their Starter jackets. Admittedly this is a very pretty beer, substantial carb, graceful lacing, deep amber and mahogany hues. But if that crazy ass hairdresser you used to date is any indication, sometimes the worst things are beautiful on the outside.
Try as we might, DDB cant polish this mediocre shit.
S: The nose is gristy, sweet caramel, walnuts, a touch of estery clove, but mostly like roasted sugars with a conspicuous wateriness to the profile. This is one of those types of beers that late 90s beer fan dipshits would point to while saying shit like “THE MODERN CONSUMER JUST DOESNT APPRECIATE NUANCE” and all those tired ass phrases. I get it, trust me. I know what bocks should be, I have had upwards of 8 in my life. I can make jokes about Capricorn, BECK, all kinds of shit. This just isnt particularly interesting. Sorry if you just dropped your 2003 issue of DRAFT magazine while reading that shocking revelation.
I bet back in the pre-Stone days people drank Bocks and thought they were on some Radio Rahim shit.
T: This continues with the toasty, nutty, almond character but introduces this out of place sweetness like nutella and that sort of conspiculously Michelob hand in things. If I didn’t know better, I would swear this was literally a craft subsidiary owned by a macro rebrander because it pangs of all the staples of that shit: boring styles, easy to produce, low production costs, classifications that were relevant in the early 2000s which is about where the macro producers still feel safe in placing their palate projections.
The sweet notes show up and you know you are about to get lazy H’ed by three fictional breakfast cereal mascots
M: This is lager thin, for obvious reasons, exhibits a watery aspect and a lingering boring sweetness kinda like pumpernickle. Again, this is marginally better than Yuengling Bock and I know I will have to field PA complainers who still crank down for that beer. I guess it’s like having a girlfriend who is consistent, moderately sweet, but whose amiability cloys over time and with every passing Amateur Allure tab you open, you seek something wilder, less stable, more apeshit. Like that crazy hairdresser.
D: This is admittedly drinkable and offers more complexity than straight adjunct lagers but, at this point you are doing the Jeremy Bentham ethical calculus and the calories simply are not worth it for the taste and enjoyment of these 170(?) calories. You can find far shittier beers, but if you read this site you are already hitting the cervix of the beer world, discomfort setting in for all parties. If you are this deep, you dont need the Latter Day Saint foreplay of some mediocre bock, you are Max Hardcore.
DDB is here to tackle the real controverises, settling srs hot button issues
EDIT: I know where Costa Rica is. I realize it is not an island. Please stop messaging me about the geography of that South American country.
Man that mule post couldn’t have come at a better time, the shitlords are already roning it up over Kiwis
d00d wants 5 kiwi for a kibbibbibiibis, legit.
It never gets easier, lyke if u cry evrytiem.
New Glarus R&D Very Sour Blackberry, V.S.B. PO PPA, no info for the D.E.A.
If you give the midwest a brewery only release, prepare for some hyperventilating from a cadre of ex-bandos. Whenever this happens, neckbeards jump in their Chevy Aveos and drive hours across bleak terrain that looks like it is north of the wall, all to secure some bottles. This happened with Fuzzy, this happened with Cahutlow, this happened with BA Abraxas, this happened with KBBS, and god help us if the bottle count is in that ultra rare 2000 or less range.
Enter VSB, an american wild ale with a story to tell, berries to flex, and a proud lineage rolling deep like an MC Hammer entourage. At a staggering $8 a bottle and 3 per person staggered over 3 days, you would figure this should trade for what, Double Huna? Flora? GUESS AGAIN AND GIVE ME YOUR CCK MOTHERFUCKER. The trade threads for this went to hell in a handbasket real quickly and honestly, if Secretpizza didn’t send this ratchet bitch to me for free, I don’t think I would have bothered throwing my hat in the ring. Whenever you see an Illinois dipshit posting things like “I only have 3 left but, I don’t think I would ever trade it, it is that good, unless something really good came along” you know shit just got real.
So thanks to Secretpizza for keeping my butthole intact and allowing me to get my berries juiced in today’s review.
Pour this bottle and it looks like the inside of a Claire’s or a Wet Seal.
New Glarus Brewing Company
Wisconsin, United States
Style | ABV
American Wild Ale | 5.00% ABV
Notes/Commercial Description:
Fourth in our series of spontaneous sour ales. Fermented and aged in oak barrels – on yeast lees – with Oregon blackberries. Refermented in this bottle. Open with care – This is a funky wild sour beer! There is also a bunch of illegible shit on the label I welcome you to try and read.
A: Just look at this fuchsia madness taking place above, it looks like a tween’s bedroom and only needs some chartreuse inflatable furniture to hit full on third grade sleepover status. The carb ranges from hilarious to excessive and doesn’t even burn off as exceedingly quickly as you would anticipate. The hue looks like St. Lam’s viscous cousin, deep thick grape Otterpop, that velvet violet merging with purpiest of purps. It is admittedly a very pretty beer and looks great sprayed on the hood of a Bugatti. Ball the fuck out already.
VSB for 50n? Wait hold on-
S: This presents more of a jammy countenance that the previous R&D endeavors would have led me to believe. There is a smuckers grape jelly, blackberry tannins, no cloying artifical sweetness and you get the crushed fields and farmer’s market kisses at the outset. Another interesting thing is, for all this VERY SOUR CUP YOUR BALLS talk on the label, it doesn’t smell intensely sour. It exhibits an incredible balance in form an execution, terroir from the berries, but a substantial complexity from the sharp shocktart back end. Can’t even front, it smells phenomenal.
T: This leads with a sharp acidity that immediately is pushed aside to convey a deep berry character, purple gushers, blackberry preserves, razzleberry pie, and this light dryness on the finish. This beer isn’t overly sour, it isn’t overly sweet, it isn’t intensely acidic, and it doesn’t go for an artificial heavy handed approach with adjuncts: IT JUST DOES EVERYTHING RIGHT. This is essentially a deep purple M3, a product that is so well balanced and highly revered that the biggest dipshits in the world covet them and it ruins the experience for you. I am fairly confident that this beer is not yet a staple in Persian bottle service culture, but soon.
If you decide to trade for this, be cautious: this pretty little beer can be a total asshole
M: This is not your daddy’s intensely drying Upland Lambic, it isn’t your momma’s one dimensional lactic Cascade, it lacks the sticky sweetness of the other cloying New Glarus fruit beers: it goes in hard. It provides tartness with a sticky resonance that steps in graceful time in a berry 3/4 scherzo. Usually I would toss my hater hat in the ring and pipe up with some shit like “BUT YOU CAN JUST GET St. LAMVINUS FOR LESS” but I don’t even know if that is accurate. This is distinctively American and seems to supercede the fruited lambic offerings that would be analogous. American Wild Ales are a genre born on derivative inspiration and this is the clearest example, second to Cable Car Kriek, of an AWA that is a genre defining beer. Place this next to batch 1 Persica 750ml and a short list of exceptional American sours. This that shit you need to learn though, that VSB, shit that makes your cellar burn slow.
D: This is intensely drinkable and the impossibility of obtaining one of these makes this entire appraisal laughable. I could drink several of these linked together like a chain wallet on some purple JNCO jeans. You could serve this to anyone, your lady friend who uses “supes” and “gorg” nonironically, or a confused young minor seeking your help. Everyone will get their mouth on this purple throbber. Wipe the juice from your chin and seek this out if you feel like it, but realistically, just drink Almanac Blackberry sour, it is verrrrry close, but not quite as good. Think like 09 BCBS Bomber to Rare levels of comparability. All in all, an otherworldly beer of staggering quality in almost every way.
Midwest coveting, ruining things for the rest of McDonaldland
Narrative: Grimace was misunderstood in Mcdonaldland from his very origin. He first appeared and swung his berry endomorphic frame, gripping the milkshakes of others, being a covetous monster. It was not his blackberry breath or his radiant violet hues, it was his offputting nature and unendingly sweet nature. It wasn’t his fault that he was overweight, he spawned that way in a land that no one wished for. A landlocked zone of purple obesity and hate could hardly beget the nicest of creatures, but Grimace rose above. Grimace had an unnamed mom, an unnamed dad, a grandma named “Winky”, a great-great grandma named Jenny Grimace, and might have had a brother named “King John Bailey”, who was the king of all Grimaces: BUT NO ONE GAVE A SINGLE FUCK. In the muck and mire of mediocrity and imitation, Grimace transcended the monster genre and became something sweet and sour at the same time. He was a gentle creature capable of deep destruction, but checked his privilege at the door and bumbled around lovingly. “YOU KNOCKED OVER MY ARCH DELUXE YOU FAT FUCK-” one patron would exclaim, but deep in this sticky sour heart, Grimace knew that he was worth more than those that surrounded him.
@hillfarmstead Biere de Norma BATCH 3: Garde’ing That Northern France Swagger By Way of Vermont
You might remember waaaayyyyy back in 2012, I reviewed the first batch of norma, that 180 bottle pre-Ann baller
AND THEN
I opened a batch 2 Normaa and was all pussy hurt because it wasn’t as lactic or tasty as b1. It toed the traditional BdG style guidelines and that isn’t necessarily my go to stroke material for that realm of beers.
BUT THEN FUCKING BATCH THREE CAME OUT
That top-down lighting makes everything look turbid.
So what the fuck is happening with old Norma these days? Well it is much of a Goldilocks approach, more tart than b2, but more akin to traditional Biere de Gardes than that puckering b1. If b1 is cuddling up close to the AWA section and b2 was laying in bed with Northern French BdG’s, then b3 is somewhere in between, hanging down from the top bunk breathing hard and making both feel uncomfortable.
I still prefer batch 1, but this is a vast improvement over b2, and one of the most unique entries in the HF catalog of top tier saisons. It is not quite the acidic american wild that most bitch tickers favor these days, but it isn’t the earthy metallic biere de garde you might be expecting. Awesome cherry, red grape and merlot oak interplay with a beer that is highly drinkable without fucking your gumline like a Flanders Red. One of the best examples in the underserved BdG realm, certainly.
This is an old style but Vermont is keepin it sexy.
New vedeo revue: Hot Coffee KIBBIS, Ghost Scoprion FUSSEL NOTES.
so many kibbis notes, today we are learn about coffe bers. most aren’t fussel enough, to increase the heat units you need ot unblock the malts.
today we use the toyota solera method to make more hotter beers. using a soler vessel.
@tiredhandsbeer Tired Hands, The Emptiness is Eternal; the void in my farmhouse jeans is eternally filled.
Tired Hands and I have a turbid history with their bottled offerings. They released one of the best saisons of recent memory but then they also release intensely strange beers brewed with esargot shells. Thankfully this falls well within the realm of the latter and even goes beyond all prior iterations and offerings.
If we are going to use something in the realm of Blue Label Arthur as a benchmark, this hits real close to the pin and is one of the best American saisons of recent memory. Take that Cask 200 swagger, add some Lil Lobster on the Prairie, and you get the idea of what Kobe shit we are addressing. This farmhouse puts up 83 on those haters.
Workin them persimmons, clacking those red bottoms, putting itself through saison college.
Tired Hands Brewing Company
Pennsylvania, United States
Style | ABV
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 7.00% ABV
Notes/Commercial Description:
The Emptiness is Eternal is an oak barrel fermented Saison conditioned on a copious amount of Hachiya persimmons grown by our dear friend Tom Culton at his family farm in Lancaster, Pa. We produced 400 bottles of this beautiful Saison.
A: At the outset you get this intensely radiant beer that just LOOKS bone fucking dry. They golden notes look like radioactive hay like it came from some locally sourced Chernobyl farm. There is a mild turbidity to it with frothy thin bubbles that crackle and toss up some wispy stacks and let them rain. The lacing is decent but cling isn’t this beers mainstay, it’s all about that yellow ringpop glow. Marcellus Wallace briefcase shit.
Get your mouth on this golden treat ASAP
S: This is acidic but not in that Side Project/borderline AWA realm, it has a tangerine and white grape waft, since this is a 400 bottle release you get serious rare notes at the outset the sublimate into a sort of “unobtainable” and dissipate. The persimmons are light and, as a side note, as a complete bitch to capture in the flavor profile, come through lovingly in the waft. You get some sour skittles acidity and faintly brackish aspect but again the whole thing comes across as a tropical fruit stand with a faint biscuit underpinning. Drank this in bed and had to change the sheets, got that horse blankie all dirty.
T: This is more acidic in the taste than the persimmon sweetness of the nose would indicate and it imparts a riesling dryness upon swallow. The middle is all clementine and orange zest, intensely drinkable, but never going overboard on the acidity and maintaining its wheat backbone enough to paint the ph canvas. Admittedly this is not the most complex beer in taste execution, but it really doesn’t need to be. If you strip down a Datsun 240z and drop an acidic 350 in it, it will get the job done without complexity or panache. This shit drops Molly all in your champagne and people be fuxxin after you pop one of these.
Some people can’t handle the farmhouse lifestyle, do u even rustic
M: This is on the dryer side of the farmhouse realm and doesn’t provide a lingering creaminess for the gumline, but again, it never loses its identity within the folds of that ATP acidity, Kreb’s citric acid cycle kept all in check. You can drill this and wont be left with gerd or cankersores. It exits with a white wine oakiness that is almost drowned out from the fruit notes, but when you see them sparklers in the club, you forget all about the minor details.
D: This is exceptionally drinkable and you can lay these down racksonracksonracks, well, relative to the 2 per person allocation I guess. If ever a 7% beer needed to be in a 750ml, this is it. THe 500ml is like a full release massage where you never get to flip over. I want more and will tip up, but the opportunity is over all too soon. This isn’t some musky complex banger, but it is awesome in the 3 tricks it does turn out. I can safely recommend this to anyone, stretch marked Cicerones or size zero BEBE dress wearing ASU students alike. This beer goes in.
borderline wild, but domesticated enough for you to fall in love
Narrative: Billy was commonly known as one of the Double Dragon brothers, but there was so much more to Mr. Lee. While some would protest that an industrial garage was an uncomely location for a citrus garden, he still pressed on diligently. He had a small plot of land in the year 19XX and tilled the soil arduously in between rescuing his girlfriend from local thugs. He would pack a few tangerines in his pocket and then proceed to strike a woman armed with a whip directly in the face. There was a simplicity to his agrarian existence, romantic in his goals, and a Roussean nature to his exploits. Billy pushed a huge bald man off of a conveyor belt and peeled a clementine and watched Abobo fall to his death, another day for an industrial farmer caught in the grips of modern existence.
BREAKING NEWS: Pliny the Younger Declared Incredibly Rare, VINNIE CILURZO stands in OWN LINE FOR HOURS FOR A MERE TASTE
As if today hadn’t seen enough hard-hitting, solar plexus shattering news, DDB HAS AN EXCLUSIVE BREAKING STORY BROUGHT TO YOU BY CBS SAN FRANCISCO:
According to the video and article, co-owner and brewery founder Vinnie Cilurzo is ecstatic to try his own beer; so much so that he stood in line outside his own establishment, despite having keys, for over 8 hours just to taste Pliny the Younger.
If you thought Zwanze was rare, imagine not even being able to taste your OWN BEER AS THE BREWER: that is how limited this precious potation truly is.
The article even interviews an early 20’s Vinnie Cilurzo in the video, showing his enthusiasm for a beer that he has brewed for years, seemingly since before he could legally drink based upon the footage provided.
The article goes on to add:
“It’s supposed to be some of the best,” said Vinnie Cilurzo, who was first in line at 6:45 a.m. Friday. “We’ve been standing here since about 11 p.m. the night prior.”
I don’t see Patrick Rue standing in line to try Wineification, to try this TRIPLE IPA YOU GOTTA GO BALLS TO THE WALL IN RARITY. This is a clear example of a growing inability for brewers to be able to taste their own beer, making them resort to standing in lines or trading with customers, often switching places at the cash register to organize traders with the customers themselves. A truly epic day indeed.
The article closes with very sage words from the traditionally modest Cilurzo:
“Get it while you can, definitely,” said Cilurzo.”
UPDATE: CBS San Francisco has just been awarded a fact checking journalism award for their exemplary work on this piece. A magnificent day for beer and telecommunications at large.
GUIZE: Huffington Post Decided that THE MIDWEST HAS SOME OF THE MIGHT BE BEST BEERS PERHAPS TRIED
I will allow you a moment to go obtain the permits for a fallout shelter, as the most hard-hitting beer journalism is about to detonate in and around your face area:
OH SHIT THE CORONATION OF A NEW ARMAND. Brewers not located in land-locked flyover states: time to fucking quit immediately. You lost, no more quarters, exit the ale arcade, the Midwest scooped up all them chips.
Since HuffPost wants you to link every single one of your media accounts to interact with their shitty message board, here is my comment I attempted to leave:
“Nice use of qualifiers throughout the piece. “OFFICIALLY” like who was the official who certified this? Ratebeer? Are they officials with certification powers? “HAS SOME” oh, like more than a single discrete unit of “best beer” so basically anywhere that has NONE of the best beer is excluded from this public interest piece, “THE BEST BEERS IN THE WORLD” by style? Rating? I guess anything can be hard hitting journalism if you paint with a wide enough brush. Your article then goes on to list 4 midwest beers among what 11 other styles from other non-midwest areas, lambics and belgians largely unaddressed. I was going to address your reader base, then I read the first comment on this article:
“Founder’s KBS goes for around $40 a 12 oz. bottle on eBay, or $10 a bottle when they have it. They only release a few kegs a year…I hear it’s phenomenal!”
And it was clear to me you are doing your job churning derivative commentary works to people who know very little about beer with a decorative trojan horse headline.
I don’t even know why I am bothering with this aggregate content, this article posits nothing new and serves to simply clutter newsfeeds, grab low hanging page views, and spawn more moronic cicerone afficionados crowding a teeming market of limited resources. Maybe write an article about that.”
Huffington Post is dripping with sticky beer news, in 2016 expect an exposee on a new beer THAT COMES IN A CAN: HEADEY TOPPLER.
I am not one to talk since DDB has more padding than a Zumba class, but at least there is some context given, a realm of qualifiers to place some tastes intersubjectively within parameters that can be apprehended. But critiquing people’s BA or RB reviews is a fool’s errand. 99.999% of beer review blogs contribute very little to the beer scene and are merely a podium to address a limited “audience” of friends and family who know Uncle Jerry as their BEER GUY: HE’S AN EXPERT HE HAS A WEB SPACE, ITS A PAGE WITH REVIEWS. He brought a BEER WITH A CORK LIKE CHAMPAGNE TO THANKSGIVING!
DDB is comparing himself to other beer sites again? BRB going to sleep, not giving any fucks.
dontdrinkbeer 