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Domingo 7: La Micro Brewing Co, BUHO Amber Bock, Wet Costa Rican garbage washing up on my doorstep

Sometimes I get donation boxes.  You will be able to spot them a mile away because it will be a review of something that makes no fucking sense on this site, like a random Idaho brewery that someone wants me to give an honest appraisal/dress down of their local favorites.  Some of the readers in Costa Rica wanted me to try their new local jams and comment on how their craft scene is budding on the post-imperialism island.  First and foremost, if I lived on an island paradise, the last thing I would give a fuck about is the Reinheitsgebot.  Secondly, the highest rated amber bock in the entire world is a less than mediocre score globally.  At any rate, here’s an obscure shitter from the Carribean, LOWWW LANDS LOWWWW LANDS AWAY do me johnny bolger do.

VERMONT GLASSWARE!? Already disrespected right out of the gates.

VERMONT GLASSWARE!? Already disrespected right out of the gates.

Bock, 5.8%

Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, I dont atlas

A:  This label looks like someone is stroking it hard for Geddy Lee, either that or CR is just getting Rush.  I can see all these islanders sipping German lagers in their Starter jackets.  Admittedly this is a very pretty beer, substantial carb, graceful lacing, deep amber and mahogany hues.  But if that crazy ass hairdresser you used to date is any indication, sometimes the worst things are beautiful on the outside.

Try as we might, DDB cant polish this mediocre shit.

Try as we might, DDB cant polish this mediocre shit.

S: The nose is gristy, sweet caramel, walnuts, a touch of estery clove, but mostly like roasted sugars with a conspicuous wateriness to the profile.  This is one of those types of beers that late 90s beer fan dipshits would point to while saying shit like “THE MODERN CONSUMER JUST DOESNT APPRECIATE NUANCE” and all those tired ass phrases.  I get it, trust me.  I know what bocks should be, I have had upwards of 8 in my life.  I can make jokes about Capricorn, BECK, all kinds of shit. This just isnt particularly interesting. Sorry if you just dropped your 2003 issue of DRAFT magazine while reading that shocking revelation.

I bet back in the pre-Stone days people drank Bocks and thought they were on some Radio Rahim shit.

I bet back in the pre-Stone days people drank Bocks and thought they were on some Radio Rahim shit.

T:  This continues with the toasty, nutty, almond character but introduces this out of place sweetness like nutella and that sort of conspiculously Michelob hand in things.  If I didn’t know better, I would swear this was literally a craft subsidiary owned by a macro rebrander because it pangs of all the staples of that shit: boring styles, easy to produce, low production costs, classifications that were relevant in the early 2000s which is about where the macro producers still feel safe in placing their palate projections.

The sweet notes show up and you know you are about to get lazy H'ed by three fictional breakfast cereal mascots

The sweet notes show up and you know you are about to get lazy H’ed by three fictional breakfast cereal mascots

M:  This is lager thin, for obvious reasons, exhibits a watery aspect and a lingering boring sweetness kinda like pumpernickle.  Again, this is marginally better than Yuengling Bock and I know I will have to field PA complainers who still crank down for that beer.  I guess it’s like having a girlfriend who is consistent, moderately sweet, but whose amiability cloys over time and with every passing Amateur Allure tab you open, you seek something wilder, less stable, more apeshit.  Like that crazy hairdresser.

D:  This is admittedly drinkable and offers more complexity than straight adjunct lagers but, at this point you are doing the Jeremy Bentham ethical calculus and the calories simply are not worth it for the taste and enjoyment of these 170(?) calories.  You can find far shittier beers, but if you read this site you are already hitting the cervix of the beer world, discomfort setting in for all parties.  If you are this deep, you dont need the Latter Day Saint foreplay of some mediocre bock, you are Max Hardcore.

DDB is here to tackle the real controverises, settling srs hot button issues

DDB is here to tackle the real controverises, settling srs hot button issues

EDIT: I know where Costa Rica is.  I realize it is not an island.  Please stop messaging me about the geography of that South American country.

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7venth Sun Saison Extreme, TAKING YOUR FARMHOUSE TO THE XXXXTREME!!! DO THE BELGIAN DEW!

Happy 12.12.12, make a wish if you happen to be a 13 year old girl, or someone who is creaming his jeans for some Stone release. For those of you who are knee deep in trade bullet casings, ducking in the trenches and lobbing Cable Car grenades, you know about 7venth Sun. You know about their 30 bottle runs, you know they have those banging Berliners that Funky Buddha and Wakefield had been pumping in the streets; but what about their Saisons? We already looked at Swamphead to see what the business is, but what about an even smaller brewery that is burning up the underground like Mike Jones? Let’s see if Florida can slang hot beats in today’s review:

Get your Ecto Cooler and Gogurt, this is gonna get exxxxtreme

Get your Ecto Cooler and Gogurt, this is gonna get exxxxtreme

7venth (Seventh) Sun Brewery
Florida, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 8.50% ABV

A: First off, I had this in both the growler and in one of the (~30?) bottles, but I sent one of those bottles to a solid homie, so this is ONLY a growler review, ya dig? Well, I cannot say that this is extreme in the saison world, it actually seems refined and gentle like a John Updike novel. Run Farmhouse Run. The carbonation was still pretty generous considering the cross-contiental journey. The color was a light copper bordering on dark gold with nice lacing that streaked the glass like so many BIFs that I have seen.

This beer is refined and yet savage at the same time.

This beer is refined and yet savage at the same time.

S: The nose was extremely spicey and had a light touch of fusel elements, YOU KNOW ABOUT THOSE DAMN FUSELERS. There’s some white pepper, clove, and a touch of that sweetness you smell in Djarum smokes. There is a bit of musk but it really made me wish that I had the Brett version of this, BRETGERS CANT BE CHOOSERS.

T: This is a fairly standard execution in that it presents a nice wheat grist to it, a bit of lavender in a way, the clove and honey aspects are preserved, and this deep floral aspect like I just made love in a pastoral thicket to a woman or a confused young man. However you like it. It is tough to really pick this apart because this is essentially the Nissan Altima of saisons in that it presents all of the things that are required, doesn’t go apeshit on ABV or extremely lactic, no barrels were involved, no one has a black eye or torn Juicy Couture sweat pants. All is well.

Ehhh...noooo....Mr. Saison no es home...

Ehhh…noooo….Mr. Saison no es home…

M: This is slightly dry but there are enough residual sugars to sustain the day. The floral aspect lingers on but not in a hoppy manner, just a sort of hibiscus dipper in agave nectar sort of execution. Reviewing this beer is tough because it is like when someone goes “Was Wicker Park good?” and you be like “ehhh, it wasn’t bad, but I don’t see it landing on AFI’s top saisons list” and the metaphor gets all diced up.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable and masks the ABV well, despite the slight tinge of heat on the nose. There is a variety of the old saison favorites, with a subtle twist, like the difference between No Strings Attached and that other movie that was exactly the same, released the same year. It is not like Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Observe and Report where one is clearly shittier, this is a solid saison that would warm your heart if only 1) you could find it and 2) you weren’t such a jaded beer ticking asshole.

Theft never gets anyone anywhere.

Theft never gets anyone anywhere.

Narrative: Adelbrecht Herjj was having a hard time adjusting to his contemporaries in Jacksonville, Florida. For starters, he was a pasty white obese Belgian man who looked not unlike Tintoretto. For seconds, he was not a Jaguars fan, nor did he even understand the basic tenants of the violent American past time. Santaesque or not, he moved to Florida clutching the American Dream, knowing that Florida was one state where liberty reigned and Deomcracy was truly pure. Adelbrecht wished to move to the Sunshine state and start his very own farmhouse, complete with apiary and meadery. Things started off rough when the corrupt Jacksonville government fined him for unlicensed zoning, water usage, and reindeer breeding. The last item was largely overlooked, but the problems still remained. Adel set out his koelship tanks and exhaled in dismay, “THINK ADELBRECHT, what do the Americans like…” he looked askance and saw a CornNuts package with a menacing character on the label, questioning his extremeness. “EXTREMENESS! That is IT!” The sleepy Belgian brewery overnight became an X-Games sensation when he let BMX Legend Dave Mirra carve hardcore in his Brite Tanks. His saisons were also XXXTREME when he decided to serve them IN A ROLLERBLADE. In summer months, partons were free to climb the grain silos and base jump off the roof into spent grain. Things became distinctly EXTREME and Belgian at the same. Damn. Time.

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Boulevard Brewing Saison Brett, For those who like their saisons a lil bretty. Saison bretty give real good head.

I really enjoy this beer and it blows me away when my regular trading partners toss this in as an extra. CFrances33 in particular on this one, thanks homie. California now gets Boulevard distro so that good days are upon us. Here is a midwest saison with a sharp brett character, let’s get it.

If you have ever opened one of these, you know that I did not pour it like an asshole.

Boulevard Brewing Co.
Missouri, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 8.50% ABV

A: Just look at this ridiculous beer, I mean, could you seriously ask for any more carbonation? I know Upland and Fantome are notorious for this kind of nonsense but when carb is so aggressive that you have to go play some RPGs and come back to it, that is simply too much. The body is light golden straw and highlighter yellow at the edges. The lacing is substantial and the whole beer just goes hard in the farmhouse paint.

Sometimes the background elements are the most noteworthy.

S: This has a deep hay meets barnyard musk like puppy breath. There is also a sharp brett character that reminds me of wet leaves and a sort of acidic/white grape aspect to it. The whole beer is amazingly refreshing for 8.5% abv and could easily be a session master that even someone from the UK with the most aggressive of overbites could enjoy at the pub.

T: This is crisp and dry at the outset and the solid wheat base is there in the background like a supportive DJ, nodding on ever 2/4 clove and spice note. There is a light taste of alcohol as it warms but the banana aspects hang in there, like Denzel Washington in FLIGHT. I was going to address this in the M section but this beer has a deep crackle to it that pushes the flavors up and out, leaving a crisp bretty funk in its wake. The hop presence gets pushed out of the way with all of the moshpit of other things going on, but someone holds up the hop’s shoe and they retrieve it and get back up in that pit.

If you can’t handle over the top sours or huge belgian beers, this is a comforting gateway drug.

M: As I noted before, the carbonation just expands on the palate and foams in your mouth with a snap crackle and pop to it. I am not saying Rice Krispies are up in this mix, but the excessive dryness and crackle might put it in that realm. The brett almost reminds me of a chardonnay oak musk to it, solid through and though with deep refreshment.

D: As it warms, there is a bit of the ethanol aspect to it, but the clove/banana/dryness does a great job masking it. I killed this bottle really easily and wanted more while I was playing Borderlands. You can give this beer to damn near anyone and if they have their sea legs in the Hennepin territory, they can likely take this upgraded beer. Your friends are worth it, well, maybe they aren’t.

Pop this saison and it is go time Donny.

Narrative: Fourteen years at the Pepperidge Farm and this is how they treat Devin Francseon. He entered on the Goldfish line and revolutionized the flavor blast line when he added extra clove and allspice to the mix, creating something exceptionally sessionable for the consumer. Apparently no one remembered that. Devin added a level of complexity to the Milano melts, going beyond the overweight female/recent divorcee market. He gripped the pink slip with a tense stare at his Ziggy calendar and calculated his next move. “They take my contributions to the Geneva line and just kick me out, we will see about that.” He went and retrieved a sack of Thiamin Monotrate and headed to the Enriched wheat tanks. He was going to add something to that traditional wheat to funk it up. The batch went out the door at the same time Devin was cleaning out his desk. The company saw 140% profits on their new funkwork cookies, Devin stomped a bag of Tim Tams in frustration.