2

Fantôme Extra Sour Special Original Creation, The Tartest Ghost To Inhabit Your Liver

|

It is no secret that I love saisons, within that penumbra exists Fantome, a ghost who haunts the cockles of my heart. So what happens when Fantome releases ~600 bottle release of extra sour, incredible saison? The world fucking ends, that’s what. I had the hardest time landing this. I tried to hit up my Hill Farmstead friends and they sold out immediately, then I bought one online, OOPS OVERSOLD IT, so they returned my order. I gave up hope. All was lost. UNTIL MY FRIEND TIM SAVED THE DAY FOR NO REASON. So here’s to Fantome, here’s to Dany Prignon, and here’s to Tim. Saison week just wouldn’t feel right without an epic Fantome up in the mix.

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts.

Brasserie Fantôme
Belgium
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 10.00% ABV

A: This is just a radiant turbid murky little lightning bolt that looks messy, but inviting at the same time, like sticky cinnamon rolls. The carbonation, as usual, is out of control. Some Fantomes you just set down and let them get their shit together because you look like a 17 year old pouring his first beer with these saisons. The lacing is minimal but the whole glass just radiates light like when you corrode something in Borderlands, yellow edition. This is staggeringly pretty, Ithaca Brute levels of prettiness.

At 10% abv, this doesn’t feel ruff at all.

S: The smell takes the normal saison offering and kicks up the lactic and pineapple elements to a juicy new realm. There’s a huge funk monster that is musky like wet leather and makes you think you left your bike outside in the rain. You get a slight element of peach and pear from the acidity and some old attic aspects from the closer. A strange, yet incredible quaff to it.

T: This is the smoothest 10% that I think I have ever encountered. The abv is masked brilliantly and there’s a creamy tartness at the outset like an orange julius, You get some residual wheat aspects from the middle body but it washes away into a funky pumpkin patch hay bale sort of musk. The whole beer is aggressive and takes saisons to dangerous new territory.

Fantome is serious business. Let the shortsighted n00bs have all the BA stouts.

M: The mouthfeel is dry, but not excoriating, the abv just sits back and orders the tart drones to do palate strikes. Again, this beer is not SOUR, per se. I have read reviews where douchenozzles complain that it wasn’t some lactic bomb that makes Cantillon blush. This is about as tart as a saison can get while being remotely to style. Some would argue that the 10% abv and huge fruit presence almost takes this into a new realm but to me it feel like a heavyweight boxer who tricked officials into letting him tear up the lower classes. On that note, this bottle was $35, so I doubt many lower classes are enjoying this.

D: This is scary drinkable, to the point where it hits the “MARVEL vs. CAPCOM 2” level where you can trick the fuck out of your friends with this trojan horse of a beer. You can drink this bad boy anywhere. Pull this out at a baby shower, enjoy your 10% treat and it looks like pineapple Ocean Spray and no one is the wiser. So, someone hook me up with another bottle please.

This beer takes saisons to SHOCKING NEW LEVELS. Tap low punch repeatedly to recover.

Narrative: Jerry’s Juice Emporium was failing miserably. First and foremost, people in Nebraska had an aversion to produce on par with 15th century Marseilles serfs. The midwest contingency just did not see what natural things growning on trees had to offer when Brach’s could make fruit snacks that were far more portable. One day, Jerry had the ultimate idea of leaving fermenting barrels of apricot and orange preserves mixed with the wheatgrass out back to make a SUPER SMOOTHIE BOOST. The usual crowd from Curves would pass, or sometimes enjoy a 700 calorie Milk Chocolate Protein MooMax shake, but never fruit. “Wait, what’s this here, HUNGER GAMES SMOOTHIE!” one patron who was likely named Tanya exclaimed. “Well no, it says hunger grain, but you, nevermind, sure.” She hurriedly ordered the juicy hay concoction and immediately felt as rosy as when she was 16 years old, just prior to her first child. “Imma keep my eye on you! I BE FEELING LIKE KATNISS ON THIS ONE!” The high alcohol content was completely masked and more empty pre-diabetic housewives came in droves. And that is how Belgium conquered the dustbowl. Fin.

0

Fremont Brewing LAMB Saison, Gwen Stefani was not hurt in the brewing of this beer

|

SAISON WEEK TAKES ON UNDERKNOWN SAISONS.

Fremont Brewing kicks out underground jams that don’t get much play in the clubs but they tear up the freestyle battle scene. KDS was amazing, BBomb continues to be amazing and fly under the radar of most. I just pray that Washington traders still keep hooking up these gems on the DL. Saison week keeps chugging along with this interesting take on my favorite style.

Oh my goodness, oh my damn, Fremont Brewing, they going LAMB.

Fremont Brewing Company
Washington, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 6.50% ABV

A: huge carbonation even with a gentle pour, light straw color to bright yellow at the edges, huge 4 finger head in a pint glass with thick lacing. It starts to toe that Upland sour line where you are like, alright enough already carbonation. It is like an interloping stepdad where you are just like “get the fuck out of here, no one was talking to you, you aren’t my real carb.”

pop open dank sticky saisons, enjoy that honey bath.

S: smells of honey, apple, bright bouquet with sweet finish, there’s a really sweet aspect to this that almost leaves the saison building to pursue a career in Adult Belgian Golden modeling. Just don’t tell this lamb’s parents.

T: This has a bright sweet honey taste on the initial palate with a biscuity middle that abruptly finishes, leaving you wanting another taste, aftertaste does not linger, a one two punch of bright then dry flavors. The citrus hops bring up the final flavor with a very subtle compliment. Overall, this is just too much honey in my honey pot, things be all sticky icky ooh wee. Maybe Pooh Bear would be all up in this mix but to be, it just generates too many bothers.

Sometimes the magnitude of the treat is too much to bear.

M: It is very light on the palate with just enough maltiness to sustain the drying hopes and sweet notes. three very nuanced flavors held in a delicate balance and very fleeting, no coating in the mouth making it an easy beer to drink quickly if not for the substantial carbonation. The problem that arises with this beer is that with the C&C format you are hoping for some crazy musk, funk, or even some Brett C up in the mix but the whole funk infection aspect is pretty restrained. I want my saisons in a sex swing, not boring Episcopalian Missionary position.

D: This is incredibly drinkable in a variety of conditions, go out work on your transam and class it up with this, serve this inside on a rainy day and it will impart the crispness of the air, if not cost prohibitive, a great session beer, despite the 6.5% abv. I don’t think this is exactly affordable though, so it might not be a candidate for absolute combo chains.

Whenever I pop open a dank saison, my face be all like-

Narrative: ::Ding dong:: he’s here already? I havent even finished me eye lin- ah but who cares, he’s so easygoing that he wont even notice that I only flatironed my top chunky layers. His bright blonde locks, cool disposition, who am I to keep him waiting. “Sorry I’m no rea-” oh well that’s a new bit of panache, a step with a ball turn into the marble foyer and he leans lazily upon the ballustrade. “-eady.” His light breezy air is welcoming but not cloying, you exhale and turn around closing the door, noticing the sunlight cascading through an eddy of dust particles dancing on a sunbeam and- he’s gone. But you aren’t worried, you have 11 more ounces of this fellow, to lithely waste away this verdant afternoon. Ah he brought honeycombs, your favorite treat, what a supple little lamb.

0

Boulevard Brewing Saison Brett, For those who like their saisons a lil bretty. Saison bretty give real good head.

|

I really enjoy this beer and it blows me away when my regular trading partners toss this in as an extra. CFrances33 in particular on this one, thanks homie. California now gets Boulevard distro so that good days are upon us. Here is a midwest saison with a sharp brett character, let’s get it.

If you have ever opened one of these, you know that I did not pour it like an asshole.

Boulevard Brewing Co.
Missouri, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 8.50% ABV

A: Just look at this ridiculous beer, I mean, could you seriously ask for any more carbonation? I know Upland and Fantome are notorious for this kind of nonsense but when carb is so aggressive that you have to go play some RPGs and come back to it, that is simply too much. The body is light golden straw and highlighter yellow at the edges. The lacing is substantial and the whole beer just goes hard in the farmhouse paint.

Sometimes the background elements are the most noteworthy.

S: This has a deep hay meets barnyard musk like puppy breath. There is also a sharp brett character that reminds me of wet leaves and a sort of acidic/white grape aspect to it. The whole beer is amazingly refreshing for 8.5% abv and could easily be a session master that even someone from the UK with the most aggressive of overbites could enjoy at the pub.

T: This is crisp and dry at the outset and the solid wheat base is there in the background like a supportive DJ, nodding on ever 2/4 clove and spice note. There is a light taste of alcohol as it warms but the banana aspects hang in there, like Denzel Washington in FLIGHT. I was going to address this in the M section but this beer has a deep crackle to it that pushes the flavors up and out, leaving a crisp bretty funk in its wake. The hop presence gets pushed out of the way with all of the moshpit of other things going on, but someone holds up the hop’s shoe and they retrieve it and get back up in that pit.

If you can’t handle over the top sours or huge belgian beers, this is a comforting gateway drug.

M: As I noted before, the carbonation just expands on the palate and foams in your mouth with a snap crackle and pop to it. I am not saying Rice Krispies are up in this mix, but the excessive dryness and crackle might put it in that realm. The brett almost reminds me of a chardonnay oak musk to it, solid through and though with deep refreshment.

D: As it warms, there is a bit of the ethanol aspect to it, but the clove/banana/dryness does a great job masking it. I killed this bottle really easily and wanted more while I was playing Borderlands. You can give this beer to damn near anyone and if they have their sea legs in the Hennepin territory, they can likely take this upgraded beer. Your friends are worth it, well, maybe they aren’t.

Pop this saison and it is go time Donny.

Narrative: Fourteen years at the Pepperidge Farm and this is how they treat Devin Francseon. He entered on the Goldfish line and revolutionized the flavor blast line when he added extra clove and allspice to the mix, creating something exceptionally sessionable for the consumer. Apparently no one remembered that. Devin added a level of complexity to the Milano melts, going beyond the overweight female/recent divorcee market. He gripped the pink slip with a tense stare at his Ziggy calendar and calculated his next move. “They take my contributions to the Geneva line and just kick me out, we will see about that.” He went and retrieved a sack of Thiamin Monotrate and headed to the Enriched wheat tanks. He was going to add something to that traditional wheat to funk it up. The batch went out the door at the same time Devin was cleaning out his desk. The company saw 140% profits on their new funkwork cookies, Devin stomped a bag of Tim Tams in frustration.

0

Swamp Head Brewery, Saison Du Swamp, It is Harvest Time in the Swamp I GUARANTEEEEEE-

|

SAISON MARATHON REVIEWS BOTTLES THAT ARE HARD AS SHIT TO OPEN.

SAISON WEEK FORGES ONWARD. I got this beer in an amazing box donated by Taylor Cox, big thanks for this elusive gem. The first thing that was confusing as a David Lynch movie was the label on the beer, a sticker really, that instructed me how to open the beer. It is caged and corked. I can usually figure these things out, but no, not this time. To open this you seriously have to uncage it, take a blade, cut the cork in half, then use a wine opener to pull the half cork out. I am not shitting you these are the directions right on the bottle. So I got this open finally and shared it with some hippies at the Topange Earth Day festival. Let’s get earthy.

Apparently in the everglades it is common to have a knife and a corkscrew when enjoying beers. Refined people, those swamp dwellers.

Swamp Head Brewery & Tasting Room
Florida, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 7.60% ABV

A: This beer is a light yellow, straw meets light gold with a faint amber hue in the center, lightens around the edges, moderate carbonation, 1/2 finger head with some lacing lacing. Let me clarify, this beer was an IED at first and detonated with foam, like all these other saisons, this style has fucking self esteem issues and always overcompensates at first.

Put the walez in the glass.

S: There a sweet honey notes with apricot and pear and peach overtones, very crisp, the added hops are faint and overpowered by the lemon zest. This seems like a standard affair, if not a bit wheatier, ya feel me? Daddy gotta get that grist, hustling is a habit, saisons gotta have it.

T: the hops are lightly drying at the outset and followed almost immediately by sweet biscuit honey notes. the tastes have a very seamless interplay, which adds complexity to the usually simple dry refeshing saison. The hops aren’t too aggressive, but present – it’s more of a Belgian pale ale like Petrus meets saison rather than an standard belgian offering. The faintness and/or masking from the dryness of the saison makes it difficult to classify the hops, certainly nothing with ultra-high alpha acids such as tomahawk or warrior, but a welcome addition to old tradition. I must comment on the lovely funk and musk bouquet that takes a bit of a backseat to the chewy wheat profile, but is a welcome addition.

No one will ever find out that I really don’t even drink beer. NOBODY.

M: the mouthfeel is a tiny bit creamy, nothing too overwhelming with the coating but still refreshing and crisp. it welcomes warmer weather and/or working on a TransAm. It is not filling and the initial creaminess subsides pretty quickly into a thinner nature, making the next sip welcomed sooner rather than later. The crispness ultimately reminds me of biting into a Fuji apple, it should be noted that Japanese people will likely never try this saison, though. Sorry Japan, no swamps for you.

D: this is where this beer shines above all. The drinkability gives mundane pilsners and lagers a run for their money, while retaining complexity and great flavor. It is a shame that this is a seasonal and relatively expensive (I am assuming somewhere around $20?) it would easily join the ranks of great warm weather beers. Like the cadre of other saisons, this is a versatile beast that can run in a variety of circles and can serve as a gateway drug to harder belgian drugs or stand on its own for its mild complexity.

At first you don’t know what to make of it, then you realize how awesome this beer is and how badly you need it.

Narrative: “Carrot. Zucchini. God is that all there is? Vegetable medley every Wednesday, lasagna on Thursdays.” She lamented idly while cutting away the vegetables and her Wednesday afternoon. The granite counters were not pedestrian, but nothing to write home about. The routine provided stability yet- “Why hello…” her eyes strayed as a festive Guatemalan man began skimming her pool. “I don’t recall seeing him before” She watched him, pep within his step remove dead frogs from the skimmer basket, an artful spin while he skimmed the weeping willow leaves from the surface of the pool. “Such grace, finding majesty in the menial” her eyes glazed over as she startled herself upon cutting to the end of an overly ripe zucchini. “How could he add such panache to seemingly uninteresting tasks?” The spring heat seemed to lean oppressively upon the task of the ceiling fan, clicking under the stress of its laborious gyrations. “HE FINDS SUCH PLEASURE IN THE MENIAL” Menial to some, a festive retreat to others, he removes the dead leaves of fall with aplomb, casting their black vestiges into the soil. “Senora, la piscina esta limpia” she exhales and pushed the vegetables into a united medley, “work on joyful Pan, the season of the swamp is upon us.”

0

Russian River Erudition Saison, OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW RUSSIAN RIVER FUCKS WIT FARMHOUSES?

|

SAISON MARATHON REVIEWS DRAFT ONLY SAISONS TOO.

I was pretty shocked when someone busted this one out. Not only is this beer not bottled, it is very rarely on draft either. At first when he told me that he had Erudition, I cocked my head back like Ed Lover like “come on son.” But when that swingtop flipped open, I knew some Napa shit was going down, some straight up musky farmy hoppy goodness was unleashed. Thanks to Bombadil for this one, or his friend more properly. Let’s get it.

The most ironic thing ever is when people get dreezed and mispronounce this beer’s name, HOW APROPOUGH.

Russian River Brewing Company
California
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 7.15% ABV

A: This looks suspiciously like pale and crystal malts what with that light carbonation and the deep gold hues. I want some murky farmhouse hand giving me the business, not this clear, radiant beer. Where’s the mess? I am further suspicious because I am almost certain that this saison was pasteurized, which is almost a deal breaker for me, but if you can grit your teeth and bear it, dig in and proceed.

YO SAISON CHOSE ME

S: Well I am glad that they did not go all Three Floyds and hop the shit out of this, this is actually dead on for the style and smells like belgian esters, light yeast profile, some cracked white pepper, banana peel, and some light coriander. Again, my bitch ass wants more funk but oh well, I will settle for a clean archetype I GUESS. People complain about how boring the Accord is, but then they go and buy them by millions every year so it must be working, so sometimes the expected route is the most preferred.

T: This carries the normal aspects of the traditional saison and pretty much carries a paint by number approach with some light wheat, yeasty esters, some clove and light lemon citrus. There is no brett presence to this beer, which is kinda a letdown but you can’t boo a NASCAR event when someone doesn’t get in a horrible crash but, you sometimes hope for it.

If you merk a growler of this, be prepared to call Bank of America and/or the local authorities.

M: This is incredibly light and stays close to the book in almost every aspect. It isn’t as crisp as something like Cisco Saison, not as dry as Saison Vautor, and not as turbid as any offering from Hill Farmstead, in the end it is hard to really hang my hat on this or really knock it. I guess being unoriginal is a vice but when it is this traditional, maybe I JUST AM BEING A CURMUDGEON. This is saison week and the stakes have never been this high. THINK OF THE FARMHOUSE CHILDREN.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable but for the wrong reasons. This finishes too clean in a way and doesn’t linger at all, the lack of a resonant note makes it come across as something from the Belgian single or golden realm almost due to the drinkability and simplicity to the execution. Then again, Super Meatboy sold like a billion copies on Xbox live, so maybe people enjoy the simplicity of a pedestrian existence.

FIREWORKS: this beer does not evoke them.

Narrative: Waylon Brannings ate the same tuna fish sandwich for lunch, wore the same mauve suit on Thursdays, and was the paradigm of predictability. However, he was the best analyst at Association for the Study of Peak Oil and Gas. Some would say that he is forgettable, he would sharply reply that ASPOG is the most influential organization supporting the “peak oil” theory, meaning that future oil supply will be much less than commonly expected, and he will make sure that you know all about it. Specialized to a fault and forgettable at worst, his mahongany shoes click the floor metronomically while he works at the whiteboard. It is always interesting to meet someone new, however, most people forget old Waylon after he leaves the room. That doesn’t make his mission any less important: To study depletion, taking due account of economics, demand, technology and politics of natural gas. Most people wont dislike him, they simply wont remember him.

1

Cigar City Leon Brandy Barrel Aged English Barleywine, The King(s) Or Leon

|

Time to get down to brass tacks and finally review what many have dubbed as the “King Henry” slayer although others believe that Bloody Mary is the true King Henry slayer, wakkawakkawakka. I was holding out for someone to send this 1200 bottle limited release AND NO ONE SENT ME ONE FOR FREE, but then I landed this bottle on mybeercollectibles.com go check them out. So anyway, an apple brandy barrel aged barleywine? Does it have the temerity and strength to overcome the progeny of Rare? Let’s find out.

Leon spelled backwards is NOEL. Perfect xmas beer.

Cigar City Brewing
Florida, United States
English Barleywine | 13.00% ABV

A: This has a dull reddish mahogany hue to it that doesn’t go a particularly turbid route but maintains a beautiful sheen to it. The sheeting was minimal considering the 13% abv but the carbonation left nice archipelagos. They are tiny apple brandy islands of foam where the indigenous people are wasted non-stop like a Vengaboys concert.

If you take this abroad and don’t share it, at least know how to offend people properly. This beer begs to be shared.

S: This might be the most amazing part of this beer, flat out. This is like if someone burned a Werther’s Original factory to the ground. This boasts a full caramel bouquet with nice sweet roast to it. This also reminds me a bit of a Payday bar but with a prominent brown sugar all up in the mix like some official Creme of Wheat action. The finish of it lacks much alcohol presence and reminds me of Bruery White Chocolate and a macadamia nut cookie. This is pretty decadent, even by my 10 year old palate.

T: This goes a bit sweeter than the roasty balance of the nose and if you have had apple brandy treatments of anything, you know what I am talking about This has a nice brandy aspect at first with a sweet almost cognac caramel aspect to it with the malts pulling full steam with some dark fruits like plums and pluots be grinding on one another like a slow jam. This feels like a hybrid between a nice Belgian Quad and an Old Ale given the sweetness but roasty balance. This is an exceptional beer.

This beer will warm you up more than a baby rhino wearing a blankie.

M: The coating is pretty substantial but doesn’t go balls out like Hunah, which is a good thing for this execution. I wasn’t the hugest fan of the base beer but this, like Hunah, is a completely different beast altogether. The alcohol doesn’t seem to lend heat so much as it lends a stickiness like so many ungrateful Craigslist girlfriends.

D: For 13% and massive sweetness, this is strangely drinkable. I did not find myself wincing at working through a 750 of this. Then again, most beer drinkers are gigantic blubbering labias and will find something to complain about. This will likely be where they voice their shitty timid concerns about how when it warms it is too sweet or how they wanted more chocolate stout notes in their English Barleywine just the way Mama Goose Island likes to make. Wah wah wah, don’t listen to them. Seek this beer out. This is an interesting beast and can go toe to toe with Sucaba and Kuhnhenn with Alpine Great nodding knowingly upon an altar made of bone.

Let the others stumble over themselves to land King Henry, you are a refined gentleman.

Narrative: The Kingdom of Leon held its traditions proudly, despite the constant Moorish interference with their golden heritage. The bowed masses gnashed their teeth in the gold mines, awaiting the coming of a ducal potentate to liberate them to a sweet future. They indulged on holy days and presented sweet gifts in the classic tradition. It was upon these backs that the roasted fields presented the sticky promise of a future holy barrel empire. The citizens of Leon would be challenged again and again with unerring faith, harvesting the sweet fields of malt and grain, enduring the mistreatment of a malignant king with cool determination. Leon would one day overcome. Each dynasty results in Patricide and ultimately a free exchange of golden discourse. This was no different and the Iberian Peninsula teemed with wanting desire, for soon the King should fall.

1

Rogue White Whale Ale, A Beer Brewed with a Copy of Moby Dick in the Brewkettle

|

I am not shitting you:

A reading from the book of Hyperonomy.

Rogue White Whale Ale, brewed with Moby Dick, just released in bottles

As though their last foray into Maple Bacon Burned Down Planned Parenthoods was not enough, now they are putting printed paper into the brew kettle to drum up hype. I get it, whales are a trope of the trading and ticking culture. There are tan whales, taupe walez, white wales, and even midwestshelfwalez. At the heart of all wales is usually 1) rarity 2) taste 3) bottle counts or 4) inaccessability. This beer takes a regular beer, adds recycled paper with ink on it and therefore destroys #2.

It is made by Rogue so we know that item #1 is out by default. If you are shipping to BevMo, you can expect n00bsexual traders to offer this up looking for BA Batch 9000 and shit. What about bottle counts? Well this is available online, so let’s just guess upwards of 30,000 bottles. So item #3 is out. On that same point, if you can sit back and order it ONLINE and have it delivered to your house, unless that box says “Etre Gourmet” or “Cascade” on it, it likely won’t be a white wale. This parade of dumb ass adjuncts seems to be the new rage either in this form, or by fruiting base beers that taste like shit to pass them on to an unsuspecting beer nerd populace.

THIS IS NOT A WALE. Giving it pieces of paper will not make it a WHALE

Look forward to your uninitiated normal friends to buy you this garbage and then you have to nod thoughtfully and thank them for their pointed gift. Call me Bitchmale.

0

New Glarus Thumbprint Saison, Wisconsin Get Its Hand on The Farmhouse Style and Straight Up Fumbles

|

SAISON MARATHON SOMETIMES REVIEWS MEDIOCRE SAISONS.

Let me say this at the outset, this is not a BAD saison. In fact, it is dead on and falls directly in line with what you would expect from an American take on the Belgian style. That is the whole problem, it is too predictable and ultimately is the most frustrating type of review to write because it is too conformist, too gentle, for some what would not even register as a bad thing, however, in the realm of top tier heavy hitters that we are addressing, this comes off as more of a sessionable belgian golden with aspects of saison interplay. Enough bitchassness and complaining, let’s get on this grizzy.

New Glarus always delivers, just sometimes not to my tastes.

New Glarus Brewing Company
Wisconsin, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 6.50% ABV

A: This is a beautiful beer, let’s just get that out of the way. The carbonation is not excessive and the lacing is pretty like nana’s doilie collection. There is a radiant golden hue to it that almost reminds me of a Belgian Tripel with some deep gold at the center. It looks refreshing and substantial at the same time like a Charlie Kaufman screenplay.

This is not an exceptionally dramatic saison.

S: This is where they bust out the cookie cutter and makes it fall in line with the ultra-predictable saisons and borderline, dare I say it, Hennepin levels. If we are looking for some crazy lactic element or a crazy blast of funk, this is not where you will hang your hat. You get a nice cornbread waft from it, a light spice, some very faint lemon rind, some banana but more like the yellow runts type of banana and finally a light grassiness.

T: This follows the nose almost congruently and presents the wheat and chewy bready aspect, some recumbent light spice, and closes with a honey meets sod sort of execution. Again, this is not bad at all, but you drink it, the glass is empty, and you carry on with your stamp collection. Nothing to really say about the lingering aspects or any level of ruminating necessary. For some people, the lack of impression might be the hallmark of a refreshing farmhouse ale. For me, this just kinda comes across like a John Hughes movie that isn’t memorable but is temporarily uplifting.

This is a sweet loving beer, but it might not executing things exactly as you hoped.

M: This has a light chewiness to it and a lingering honey finish to it but the refreshing watery aspect is the overriding aspect to this beer. I am not sure if this is sold in 4 packs but it seems to be less of a special occasion saison and more of a “I fucking hate my daughter’s dance recitals” sort of every day beer. In this aspect, it is phenomenal. Usually when I am opening a saison, it is caged and corked and feels like a substantial event, but this beer makes it more of an approachable glory hole where you don’t feel bad for wasting it.

D: If you missed it, this is exceptionally drinkable, but not necessarily the best saison evar. It is kinda like that person you rent Redbox movies with and make out with but know that there’s no lasting potential in this one. Wisconsin fanboys might lose their shit over this appraisal, but seriously go drink Squatters Fifth Element and tell me those two are comparable “but they are totally different beers” yeah I know, and I enjoy one more than another, zero fucks given.

Don’t think about it so hard, take it, put it in your face hole.

Narrative: Julia was never really tall for her age, or exceptionally intelligent for her grade. She not an unremarkable 5 feet 5 inches, shoulder length brown hair, enjoyed baking and flagging innocuous items on Pintrest. When she went to clubs, she would order a vodka soda and keep her composure and remain poised in an unnoteworthy Bebe dress. No one would fault Julia for not taking risks, some would applaud her conservative presentation. Her favorite book is 1984 and she enjoyed watching One Tree Hill. No one is saying that there is anything wrong with that. Somehow, on those lingering coffee dates, all of her courtesans would secretly long for something more deviant, something funky, acidic, or a hateful streak to compliment their own shortcomings. She was too supplicant for the general public for the simple reason that she was just what the world needed.

0

Cisco Brewing, Island Reserve: Saison Farmhouse Ale – MA has some fertile farms

|

SAISON MARATHON CHUGS ALONG LOVINGLY.

Cisco recently killed it at GABF and Lady of the Woods has been received as a crowd pleaser by all accounts. I have enjoyed quite a few of their sours but remain relatively uninitiated with their other beers. Since this is a saison marathon, I could not rob you of this unappreciated (underknown?) gem. With their strong pedigree of sours, I expected this to go off the rails into a whole new realm. This did not disappoint and actually presented itself as one of the best american saisons that I have had in recent memory, straight up lemon lime on the funky tip. Highly recommended.

Having an island saison kinda makes me wonder about the farmhouse cred, maybe granary cred but do islands usually have a farmhouse on them? WHO KNOWS.

Cisco Brewers Inc.
Massachusetts, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 6.00% ABV

Label jazz:
Saison Farmhouse was fun to brew and is fun to drink. Buckwheat, oats, and rye fermented with Brettanomyces and a Saison yeast in a 50 hectoliter french oak cask. Herbs and spices grown here at the brewery replaced most of the hops. On it’s way into package it was treated to a host of microflora to create additional character over time.

A: This was a touch darker than I expected but by no means is offputting, it presents an amber and almost verges on the realm of the bronze in execution. Much like all the other saisons we have been seeing, the carbonation is intense and you have to go play a round of Borderlands and wait for it to subside. There is a nice webbing of lacing and spotty cling on the glass. I enjoy that whipped up lemon merengue, reminds me of when my alcoholic babysitter would let me mix soaps from under the sink together and breathe in the fumes.

I would hit this on the reg.

S: This smells amazing and goes a completely acidic lemon lime path very similar to last year’s old label Fantome Printemps, if you don’t know what I am talking about, I mean this:

Last year’s batch, Fantome Printemps

not to be confused with this year’s new label batch:

2012 Printemps THE RETURN

Anyway, you get a deep sprite and sierra mist with some carpet sample book that has been left in the rain. There’s a fresh grassiness to the finish and the whole things just reminds me of a fresh rain bodywash or something. Sure there’s some light breadiness on the backend up the whole beer is executed magnificiently, relative to my 11 year old palate.

T: This has an incredibly crisp apple skin at the outset with some white grape and bisquik biscuit in the middle providing some chewiness. There is a light clove aspect but largely the juicy aspects make this toe almost toward the wild ale realm ala Ithaca Brute. The cask and brett in this give it a fantastic finish that reminds me of an IMPROVED VERSION of Sanctification. I said it. Cisco killed it on this one, someone send me more plz.

It took hours of extensive saison research to reach these findings.

M: This is incredibly crisp and has a sort of chardonnay aspect to it with a brackish oakiness on the backend that makes you drill this like a negligent dentist. The fruit character and wine cooler aspect also make this approachable for all of your underaged sorority friends that you are trying to so desperately to impress. Get John Locke on them and disaow epistemological actions that you cannot confirm you performed. Feided.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable despite being drier than people’s eyes after watching Battleship. I enjoyed it thoroughly and it came across like kind of a hybrid between Printemps and Hill Farmstead E. in execution and drinkability, enough pumping up the unstoppable hubris that is Cisco Brewing, they did a hell of a job.

This beer is so good it is almost inappropriate.

Narrative: Skylar Jergens had hit his writers block. Well to be proper, it was a creativity block. Being the lead creative director at Mountain Dew entailed a mountain of responsibilities that he was heretofore able to manage. A quick glance around his spacious Pepsi Co office could evidence his series of achievements with high fructose corn syrup and water. There was his platinum bottle award for the inimitable Mt. Dew Code Red, the Pop Award of Distinction from the Midwest Conference for his Baja Blast, and who could forget his integral part in Halo Mountain Dew, brewed exclusively for gamers complicated dietary needs. Skylar tapped his pen on the legal pad and looked out the window onto the Missoula city skyline and wondered what combination of water and artificial sugars would be his next masterpiece. He idly rolled a tangelo in front of him and it suddenly hit him “HAY, WATER, INFECTED LIMES, AND ORANGE JUICE.” He clicked his Pentec pen and furiously began writing out the recipe for his new Mountain Dew magnum opus: Farmhouse Burst.

4

TIRED HANDS CAGE MATCH: Singel Hop Nelson vs. Farmhands – Two Saisons Enter, ONLY ONE LEAVES

|

I have enjoyed the marketing, branding, products and general panache set forth by Tired Hands Brewing Company. They set forth an extremely high quality product, laid out a groundwork of not only delicious beers but also a solid framework of innovation as well. The beers and marketing structure reminds me of another certain saison master out of VERMONT , but I will defer on that topic for the time being. Their galaxy hopped gose, GHOST, is a perfect example of it. Instead of trying to determine which saison to review from these saison ballers, I will treat you to an old fashioned CAGE MATCH. There will be only one survivor left to rule the farmhouse.

Here are the contenders:

For the visually impaired, this is the Singel Hop Nelson

Tired Hands Brewing Company
Pennsylvania, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 5.00% ABV

I forget what was going on, I forget a lot of things when I drink this much saison. I can’t be expected to be responsible for all of Nana’s medication all the time.

Tired Hands Brewing Company
Pennsylvania, United States
Saison / Farmhouse Ale | 5.00% ABV

Appearance:

Nelson: This isn’t a particularly beautiful saison at the outset, the carbonation is pretty tame by the outrageous saison standards that we have seen this week, but it is far from deficient. It has a sort of dull shine to it like a yellow/orange shirt that has been washed with some towels. The lacing is pretty and makes some wispy lil ghosts on the glass.

Farmhands: This looks very similar to Nelson, no fucking shit, right? I enjoyed this a bit more though because it had less of wateriness to it and came across as a bit more creamy in execution. It was the same type of growler, shipping, and conditions so this should be pretty fucking equal but this one is clearly more attractive. Feel me.

WINRAR: Farmhands OG.

Both beers come from a proud lineage.

Smell:

Nelson: This should be obvious, but it is overwhelminly Nelson hops. I drank this beer 4 days after it was growlered and it was still raging with a lemon, tangerine, light pine, and a faint bandaid aspect to it. I usually am not a fan of single hop variants using all Nelson, that Stone Best By was a completely bag of melted plastic. This is quite the exception. At the backend is a bad ass grassiness that supports and compliments the lemon scone aspects going on.

Farmhands: This takes a more traditional approach and I feel is better as a result because you can actually apprehend some of the nuances. In the Nelson it is hop onslaught, in this version you get some light honey, grassiness, a gentle spice, and some lemon peel. This just comes across as a more developed beer for anyone who isn’t a stupid ass Oracle chugging hophead who just discovered beer.

WINRAR: Farmhands OG.

Taste:

Nelson: The outset has a sharp sweet and almost tart aspect to it that I absolutely love in light watery saisons. The malts are almost imperceptible due to the fact that a huge grassiness moves in and leaves an aggressive bittering aspect. Haters may hate due to the hop profile pulling it off style, but fuck it, this is flat out refreshing and delicious.

Farmhands: This is more traditional and stays closer to style with a cornbread and wheat profile that lingers with a faint lemon but, for the same reason that New Glarus saison was kinda janky, this is more boring in execution. This is by no means bad, but the Nelson version just takes more risks and I end up liking it more.

WINRAR: The Nelson.

Two draft only saisons? 4 fucking liters? surfs up bro, getting so pitted.

Mouthfeel:

Nelson: This initially has a sweet honey stickiness to it but the hops are so over the top that all other nuances are completely choked out like Will Smith’s dog in I am Legend. As a result this is almost medicinal after the first pint because the pints seriously just do work on your cage, steady grassy hadookens right into your chest. I can’t hang with this kind of alpha acid abuse.

Farmhands: The farmhands has a creamier mouthfeel and a gentle sort of lemon acidity to it, but it again doesn’t blow me away with something I can tell my ungrateful ass grandkids about. I enjoy the light crisp finish of the Nelson version more, it feels like they added water to it and kept the abv, which doesn’t make sense TO SCIENCE, but I don’t care, sometimes I like those cones in my facehole.

WINRAR: Nelson version.

Drinkability:

Nelson: This would be super high on the D scale if it wasn’t so. god. damn. hoppy. some people will have a fat cone boner and love this beer for that reason but I seriously challenge them to take down a full 2 liter by themselves like I did. Shit goes from fun to a full on drying chore. Your mouth ends up feeling like an incense show and smelling like Lillith Fair.

Farmhands: This is far easier to drink and doesn’t have a huge liability sack of dryness and resin in tow. I enjoyed the sweet meets acidic aspects to the Farmhands with the light grassy finish instead of subjecting my mouth to fucking Bath and Body works for 2 full liters, wait, make that 4 full liters. I am a champion.

WINRAR: Farmhands OG.

TOTAL WINRAR: Farmhands Saison is the more delicious making beer. Nelson is still legit but feels more like a hybrid trying to bang two styles at once, which at a party, never works out and it goes home alone.