Cigar City Leon Brandy Barrel Aged English Barleywine, The King(s) Or Leon

Time to get down to brass tacks and finally review what many have dubbed as the “King Henry” slayer although others believe that Bloody Mary is the true King Henry slayer, wakkawakkawakka. I was holding out for someone to send this 1200 bottle limited release AND NO ONE SENT ME ONE FOR FREE, but then I landed this bottle on mybeercollectibles.com go check them out. So anyway, an apple brandy barrel aged barleywine? Does it have the temerity and strength to overcome the progeny of Rare? Let’s find out.

Leon spelled backwards is NOEL. Perfect xmas beer.

Cigar City Brewing
Florida, United States
English Barleywine | 13.00% ABV

A: This has a dull reddish mahogany hue to it that doesn’t go a particularly turbid route but maintains a beautiful sheen to it. The sheeting was minimal considering the 13% abv but the carbonation left nice archipelagos. They are tiny apple brandy islands of foam where the indigenous people are wasted non-stop like a Vengaboys concert.

If you take this abroad and don’t share it, at least know how to offend people properly. This beer begs to be shared.

S: This might be the most amazing part of this beer, flat out. This is like if someone burned a Werther’s Original factory to the ground. This boasts a full caramel bouquet with nice sweet roast to it. This also reminds me a bit of a Payday bar but with a prominent brown sugar all up in the mix like some official Creme of Wheat action. The finish of it lacks much alcohol presence and reminds me of Bruery White Chocolate and a macadamia nut cookie. This is pretty decadent, even by my 10 year old palate.

T: This goes a bit sweeter than the roasty balance of the nose and if you have had apple brandy treatments of anything, you know what I am talking about This has a nice brandy aspect at first with a sweet almost cognac caramel aspect to it with the malts pulling full steam with some dark fruits like plums and pluots be grinding on one another like a slow jam. This feels like a hybrid between a nice Belgian Quad and an Old Ale given the sweetness but roasty balance. This is an exceptional beer.

This beer will warm you up more than a baby rhino wearing a blankie.

M: The coating is pretty substantial but doesn’t go balls out like Hunah, which is a good thing for this execution. I wasn’t the hugest fan of the base beer but this, like Hunah, is a completely different beast altogether. The alcohol doesn’t seem to lend heat so much as it lends a stickiness like so many ungrateful Craigslist girlfriends.

D: For 13% and massive sweetness, this is strangely drinkable. I did not find myself wincing at working through a 750 of this. Then again, most beer drinkers are gigantic blubbering labias and will find something to complain about. This will likely be where they voice their shitty timid concerns about how when it warms it is too sweet or how they wanted more chocolate stout notes in their English Barleywine just the way Mama Goose Island likes to make. Wah wah wah, don’t listen to them. Seek this beer out. This is an interesting beast and can go toe to toe with Sucaba and Kuhnhenn with Alpine Great nodding knowingly upon an altar made of bone.

Let the others stumble over themselves to land King Henry, you are a refined gentleman.

Narrative: The Kingdom of Leon held its traditions proudly, despite the constant Moorish interference with their golden heritage. The bowed masses gnashed their teeth in the gold mines, awaiting the coming of a ducal potentate to liberate them to a sweet future. They indulged on holy days and presented sweet gifts in the classic tradition. It was upon these backs that the roasted fields presented the sticky promise of a future holy barrel empire. The citizens of Leon would be challenged again and again with unerring faith, harvesting the sweet fields of malt and grain, enduring the mistreatment of a malignant king with cool determination. Leon would one day overcome. Each dynasty results in Patricide and ultimately a free exchange of golden discourse. This was no different and the Iberian Peninsula teemed with wanting desire, for soon the King should fall.


Darkhorse Brewing Plead the 5th, For Those Nights When You Are Going to Self-Incriminate

It’s no secret that I absolutely love the Bourbon Barrel version of this beer, but what about the original source of all the majesty? Is this the magnificent seed from which the 14% abv monster was begotten? We shall see in today’s review. If things get heated, step down from this review and plead that fif.

I lost my picture of the beer, somehow after hundreds of reviews, got feided like Tyga. So if this is yours, enjoys its notoriety on my site.

Dark Horse, Plead the 5th
Imperial Stout, 12% abv

A: This is another deep, angry stout, and it delivers on the appearance in a huge way. The inky blackness spills out as from a pressed squid, delivering no splashiness, just dropped heavy and thick into the glass with little rebound. This is incredibly viscous and lets no light escape its dark pallor. Nice mocha chocolate foamy head that subsides at its own pace.

This is not as amazing as the barrel aged bretheren, but I regret nothing.

S: This has huge acidic coffee notes, bitter chocolate, burnt caramel, and smoked raisins present. Very nice smell, this beer has nice roast and a great cocoa finish. No jokes to be made here, pretty by the numbers, much like an episode of Home Improvement.

T: This tastes very similar to Event Horizon, but with more of a coffee bitterness to it in place of the sweet notes. This delivers a great sweet chocolate note for a moment then starts going to town on the haunches of your bitter zones almost taking your mouth to a tobacco no-no zone where daddy keeps his secret things. The most pleasant part of this beer is the swallow which is, trout cleaning, firewood gathering, man all the way though. It is a deep bitter smokiness with hints of cigar. Tough enough.

This is how it feels to sip pt5. For rls.

M: This isn’t a malt bomb, despite the huge flavor profile, it has a moderately fleeting taste that allows the taster to reel a bit but return wanting more and not carrying it around all day like a pengiun with a salmon in his backpack. It imparts huge charred notes and then gets on down to the liver where the matter of payment is directly at hand.

D: This isn’t exactly drinkable, but for the same reasons that make it great. A Dodge Viper would be a great car for Sunday drives where you take pictures of local children at parks with a high power lens, but not an everyday experience. It is just too imbalanced and aggressive to really invite over to dinner or have on a long car ride. Somehow, I get the impression that this beer doesn’t care what I have to say about it. If a beer had a dismissive brow, this is it, it stares down it scornfully waiting for me to complete my order uncaring of my tastes.

I dont know if pleading this fifth will protect you from anything, but the stories will be amazing.

Narrative: “But, if I don’t testify, the record will remain incomplete and all those people will think that I RAPED THAT GIRL!” William Colgate pleaded with his attorney entreatingly. His counsel, Bruce Levinson sighed audibly and rested both palms on the cool metal table in between them. “GOD DAMNIT WILL. If you DO TESTIFY, they will find out that you RAPED HER DOG.” There was a tense silence between them for a moment and William sipped his water pensively. “I ain’t no human raper. I don’t get off on that SICK SHIT” he noted emphatically. “Well quite the catch-22 we have here, your alibi make it seem as though you raped the dog sitter, but GUESS WHAT, you aren’t charged with raping her, you are on trial for animal abuse” Bruce ejaculated and slid a packet toward William. “You have to plead the Fifth, we can’t have you testify, human raper or no.” William sighed and shook his head in disbelief, “well, if that’s the way of it, I guess Scylla of sexual assault is no better than the Charybdis of dog sex.” Both parties looked at one another in cool reverence.