I Couldn’t have picked a better hiking beer, were such a thing to exist outside of say, Colorado. Even at a suboptimal temp, that slightly brackish Powerade lemon note was drillable on a BP level. Tempered acidity and the mild grist make carbonation the only tether limiting full on croosh, but that is probably for the best. There was an undeniable degree of “venue bias” attendant to the experience, like when you have to suffer through dipshits who studied abroad in Praug rattle on and on about unpasteurized Pilsners. We get it. Even still, very tasty.

Notwithstanding this beer shines greatest in warmer conditions, the “out of doors” that is universally shunned by the alabaster skinned beck beards who form obedient ranks in the sleet for syrupy vials of saccharine succor. Those kinda guys. At any rate, Athena is god damn refreshing and seems to lovingly crowd the space that Westbrook gose all but eked out in the hillside, the grapple points for low abv lacto now well-tread. Winter is never coming, so might as well stock up.

  
Not as sweet as last year and the hop profile peeks through, in my opinion it’s not as noteworthy but still fucking awesome. I just hope Caifornia traders: the state of perpetual errand boys, saved a few to actually drink before proxy fatigue sets in.

You get a blast of oak, tootsie roll, cut lumber, Skor bar, and fantastic sweet caramel dipped leather. YEAH I HAVE EATEN LEATHER TIMES IS HARD ON THESE STREETS.

it’s been a bit since we have had to suffer through a barley wine whale, releases like this cuts the hype at the knees and just delivers uncut really into the streets this are only accustomed to stepped on product. Tickers gonna OD on these London Ale strains, parents wandering downstairs to do the laundry finding their adult children all khaki teethed reeking of Brandy.

Typical.

  
Bourbon is the initial priming stage for stouts, they condition the oak with this liquid before the stouts are put in the barrels. Sometimes they even sell the contents of the emptied barrels, but it’s not as chocolatey as stouts and they don’t even add chilis or coconut to the priming liquid. Still interesting to try tho

  
So you order a beer package, then invite all your friends over, put in the online access code and watch the beer tutorial video while huddling around the laptop for that raw uncut knowledge. Also make sure your Realdoll is plenty oiled since the person doing this clearly has no actual friends.

If only the Internet weren’t so barren of shitty 12 minute pedantic videos of husky dudes filming themselves giving flowery appraisals of shelf beers. God wouldn’t that be amazing, you could find out what Narwhal tastes like, just by sitting through the sad ramblings of a DMV employee pontificating about something he bought at the grocery store.

Until then, this is our best shot.

  
You used to call me on my Kiwiphone. You used to used to.

  
Oh also, the folks at Victory sent me this can:  

I would make some prickish joke like “how am I gonna finish this haul!” But horses and gift mouths and the like.

  
Someone is getting written up. Pass me a Skoalpen.

  
I went into this expecting a more nimble/Jenny Craig version of Melange 3 and this definitely did not disappoint. By making a voltron of arguably three of the best component Ba beers around, they knocked it out of the park. The end result is almost greater than the sum of its parts: melted caramel, vanilla, whoppers, long blast of oak and refined booziness to the closer. 

The only disappointment would be that the coffee and roast of the speedway contribution gets lost in the fray, but it is a welcome trade off because each blended aspect brings structure and validity to the endeavor. The sweetness from the wee heavy balances the hop profile of the old numbskull and speedway grips the reigns lovingly and directs this gilded Barrel carriage down the thoroughfare. 

OH SHIT BONUS WHEATWINE ALERT

  
I thought the base beer for this was pretty lackluster and forgettable, but in classic analsmith form, their barrel program is unmatched and made something entirely new. This is the film trope equivalent of taking the glasses and hair tie off of the nerd and the prototypical “hot chick” reveal is complete. The sweetness is tempered by this agile alcoholic profile and mild heat. There’s buttered biscuit, creme brûlée shell, and lady fingers soaked in bourbon. Their barrel program consistently transmorphs forgettable Decadence shelf offerings into compelling original gems.

If you took Surly Syxx or Hell Dorado and sanded the rough aspects from their threadbare banisters, you would be left with this noteworthy foray into an oft-overlooked style. Start boxing up the zombie dust now, get out those big guns.

  
Alright now that the window to buy these is closed, time to pointlessly do a retrospective for all the assholes who prod me to make their consumer decisions for them:

Humulus terreaux: I had no idea what this was going to taste like and set expectations to “dredge.” Thankfully this is akin to an even better version of Jardinier and is essentially a lightly hopped, grassy, svelte Biere bu pays that is all knees and elbows. If you like all of the Petit XXXX variants from De garde, or was a fan of the likes of Noble King/Dorothy, this is essentially an even thinner more crushable version of that. 

Humulus lager: legit as usual, I don’t have shit to say about this that I haven’t already praised.

Imperial cabinet: when I saw a massive abv “gin fizz” cocktail inspired beer, my testicles receded into my inguinal cavity. This actually came out pretty delicious and never goes too herbal, never too sour, never too fusel, and operates exactly as advertised with a light sweetness like Caro syrup and woodruff on the acidic closer. It sounds odd, but the mouthfeel saves it. Worth a spin for sure.

Melange 3: holy ethanol nightmares, this is a drag strip racer running slicks with side piping. This is not only the hottest but also one of the thinnest and worst m3’s vintages to date. In a solid year once the beer becomes more integrated this will be great but it feels like it simply was not ready for release, and I don’t have that vulva palate, I can handle taking rock salt slugs of heat to the chest. The only payoff is that this is the least sweet m3 I have ever had so dipshits who make unfounded assertions about saccharine can rub their tip on this. This just missed the mark for me, but with time it should become more structured and less aggro-lopsided. 

Ukele: this beer was nightmarishly big, oddly executed, sweet and hot in varying degrees, not quite a big beer and falls short of a great sour. Split this freely as you will get a platinum trophy if you take this down solo. Thick, spicy, syrupy, and clashing like rubbing bourbon soaked SOS pads together. I can’t recommend this in clear conscience to anyone as this is one of the worst Bruery beers to come out this year.

  
Black Tuesday truffle with berries: this was muddy, fruity, sweet and bitter at the same time like those chocolate covered blueberries you buy at Whole Foods. The cake profile of course killed the mouthfeel and the carb was dead still, it seemed like a distracting wing and side skirts tacked onto the already awesome 2015 BT. The sum is less than the whole of its parts.

  
2015 Black Tuesday: this vintage bangs hard on chrome hydraulics, almost 20% Rockford fosgates pounding hard in a barrel band pass box in the trunk. This is the thinnest, most drinkable, and most noteworthy vintage of BT. This oddly sets dark roast over sweetness, and feels like the first vintage since 2009 that I could take down solo, which doesn’t make any sense and seems downright dangerous. 

Mocktail BT with cold brew and simple syrup: this was simply all undiluted cold steeped coffee. If you love that intense, unstepped on profile of undiluted cold brew, you will love this massive bean grinder. Again, because the base BT is so fucking good this year, every else seeks to gild the lily.

  
Red velvet cake: this is a “golden” oatmeal stout Brewed with chocolate and beets, I will allow the bile pre-spew to drag back down your asophagus. But in all seriousness this insane idea somehow works, delicious even, from the “Shorts brewing recreating food” standing. But even beyond tasting exactly like a cake, it is clean, nimble, sweet and a bit waxy in the residual swallow.

Esb toasted coconut: this tastes oddly like A&w root beer with a bitter nutty vegetal closer. It was fine, nothing to drop Perkies over, keep to the Xannies.

Fathom with cherry bomb and carrot peppers: holy fuck this is brutal, and I can’t pan them for false advertising. Novocaine desdening from intense pepper, arugula, pico de gallo and a weird simcoe closer. 

Salt n peppa gose w lime and jalapeño: best of the bunch, refined heat, awesome salinity, touch of acidity and a juicy like zest closer like spicy Sprite. Really good stuff.