So you order a beer package, then invite all your friends over, put in the online access code and watch the beer tutorial video while huddling around the laptop for that raw uncut knowledge. Also make sure your Realdoll is plenty oiled since the person doing this clearly has no actual friends.

If only the Internet weren’t so barren of shitty 12 minute pedantic videos of husky dudes filming themselves giving flowery appraisals of shelf beers. God wouldn’t that be amazing, you could find out what Narwhal tastes like, just by sitting through the sad ramblings of a DMV employee pontificating about something he bought at the grocery store.

Until then, this is our best shot.

  
You used to call me on my Kiwiphone. You used to used to.