Category Archives: Uncategorized

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We Asked 8 Brewers What Ingredients They LOVE to Use While Brewing Under the Crushing Futility of the Human Condition, YOU WONT BELIEVE THEIR ANSWERS!

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Craft Beer is experiencing a huge market bubble in recent years, recent studies show that a new craft brewery is opening every 18 hours!  Despite this rise in interest and market share, the inherent lack of meaning in life and existence devoid of purpose helps these pro brewers ferment some TASTY TREATS.  The taps wont stop flowing! We asked each one of these brewers about their secret ingredients used in brewing, well knowing that their struggles against the mortal coil will be completely in vain.

NUMBER NINE! – Vinnie Cilurzo, Russian River Brewing

THE PLINY MASTER!

THE PLINY MASTER!

“One thing most people overlook are simcoe hops, it imparts a nice resinous aspect, especially since a person exists only as a consequence of his culpability and whose life is an expiation of the crime of being born. So it rounds out hoppy beers really!”

NUMBER EIGHT – Wayne Wambles – Cigar City Brewing

Huna MASTERMIND

Huna MASTERMIND

“A great late boil addition is turbinado sugar, if you can somehow overlook the fact that the higher the organism, the greater the suffering, the more acute awareness of mortality. Plus it boosts the abv, cleans out the mouthfeel, and helps to eschew the omnipresent feelings of dread at the inequities of life.”

NUMBER SEVEN – Matt Lincoln – Fremont Brewing Company

MATT IS THE B-BOMB!

MATT IS THE B-BOMB!

“When I am not dwelling on the oppressive inherent adsurdism of free will, I like to spice things up with a fistful of Caravienne to give my beers a touch of that toffee taste, and take my thoughts away from recurrent sisyphean sadness.”

NUMBER SIX – Brian “Spike” Buckowski – Terrapin Brewing Company

Spike dips a madeline into Earl Grey and it all comes rushing back to him LIKE A FOAMY KEG!

Spike dips a madeline into Earl Grey and it all comes rushing back to him LIKE A FOAMY KEG!

“Since we are in Georgia, we tweak our water supply with malic acid to lower the pH to get a more continental execution to our beers.  But to be honest, no amount of human activity will secure a meaningful legacy in a thoughtless, uncaring world.  I don’t know why we even bother, really.”

NUMBER FIVE – Cory King – Side Project/Perennial Brewing

Cory takes expert care with his barrels, despite the fact that all matter will ultimately be destroyed by entropy

Cory takes expert care with his barrels, despite the fact that all matter will ultimately be destroyed by entropy

” Most people overlook the classic Optic malt from the UK.  While our beers might seem Belgian in execution, eventually the sun will explode, consuming everyone we have ever known or loved, leaving no record of our endless toils behind.  Despite this, we like to keep a very dynamic brewing schedule, and this malt is a great workhorse!”

NUMBER FOUR – Jason Perkins – Allagash Brewing

Perkins produces world-class Belgian inspired ales, well knowing that the weight of ethical responsibility can never be truly attained

Perkins produces world-class Belgian inspired ales, well knowing that the weight of ethical responsibility can never be truly attained

“While we are certainly inspired by Senne Traditions, we use German Acidulated malt to stop the night tremors and constant feelings of dread that our one finite existence is squandered with perpetual inaction, also it helps to lower mash pH, but primarily we use it for the former reasons. It really shines in Curieux.”

NUMBER THREE – Dan Carey – New Glarus Brewing Company

Wisconsin's own master of malts

Wisconsin’s own master of malts

“You can’t over-complicate the beer you are setting out to create.  Wisconsin Door Cherries are a great addition that gives that natural rustic sweetness, but never approaches being overly cloying.  Ultimately, Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does. There’s really no escaping that axiom in brewing.”

NUMBER TWO – Ron Gansberg – Cascade Brewing

The genius behind Cascade's serious SOUR POWER

The genius behind Cascade’s serious SOUR POWER

” At Cascade we- a man never is happy, but spends his whole life in striving after something which he thinks will make him so; he seldom attains his goal, and when he does, it is only to be disappointed; he is mostly shipwrecked in the end, and comes into harbor with mast and rigging gone. And then, it is all one whether he has been happy or miserable; for his life was never anything more than a present moment always vanishing; and now it is over.”

NUMBER ONE – Arthur Schopenhauer – Schopenhauer Rustic Ales

Triple Gold medal winner at the 2009 GABF Awards

Triple Gold medal winner at the 2009 GABF Awards

“in order to increase his pleasures, man has intentionally added to the number and pressure of his needs, which in their original state were not much more difficult to satisfy than those of the brute. Hence luxury in all its forms; delicate food, the use of tobacco and opium, spirituous liquors, fine clothes, and the thousand and one things that he considers necessary to his existence.”

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED ALL THE HOT BREWING TIPS! Remember: the best beer in the world IS THE ONE IN YOUR GLASS!

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Coffee Mexican Cake Dropped and all the adjunct-coveting Instarones are out in Full Force

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THIS BEER TASTES LIKE THE INGREDIENTS LISTED ON THE LABEL 100/100 MASTER PALATE

THIS BEER TASTES LIKE THE INGREDIENTS LISTED ON THE LABEL 100/100 MASTER PALATE

JUST WAIT UNTIL I SHOW THE BOYS IN MY HOMEBREW CLUB WHAT I LANDED I AM THE BEST OH SHIT NOW WITH COFFEE SO MANY TASTES

That’s it, i am taking my trade to Reddi-

AH GOD DAMNIT

AH GOD DAMNIT

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RYE VS RYE CAGEMATCH: @Michterswhiskey Single Barrel 10 year Rye vs. Barrel Strength Rye, IT’S GONNA BE SPICY

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Alright we have been to Japan and stomped all over the verdant grasslands of VerdeMont, let’s bring some down home earthiness back to this tire fire of a website: RYE REVIEWS. Today was have a double header shootout, some Michters on Michters action, M4M NSA encounters.

On one hand we have an old favorite which has been out of production for a few years: single barrel 10 year michters rye. On the other reach around we have a brand new upstart in the Michters limited release catalog: a barrel strength rye weighing in at 112.2 proof. TWO SPIRITS YOU DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DUKING IT OUT TO THE DEATH.

Pop a roggenbier and get your pussyface ready for today’s shootout

Basses, Michter's. Papillons. What else do you need in life?

Basses, Michter’s. Papillons. What else do you need in life?

Michter’s 10 year single barrel rye

This pours a radiant amber gemstone, it has a nice caramel darkness to the center and appears older than its stated age without any “black back label” chicanery muddying the waters.

The nose is bakers spice, cinnamon, floral in a hibiscus and pepper sort of way but exhibits a restrained fusel profile. It exudes fall but remains welcoming enough for warm weather swerve, pushing kids off their bikes, eating that summertime ass. Typical rye-based endeavors.

The taste is a smattering of allspice, apple fritter, light oakiness, clove, a touch of peppermint and red fruit to the finish. It is endlessly drinkable and I wish I had the means to make this my go to, but these bottles get scooped hard and clock in around $175 on secondary these days so, poverty tier Four Roses single barrel oesk picks will have to do.

It is phenomenal and better than Saz18 in my opinion, but I am sure vas deferens will shatter at even mentioning such a proposition.

no photo of the two bottles side by side? man fuck this website

no photo of the two bottles side by side? man fuck this website

Michters barrel strength rye

Before this was even released, spirits enthusiasts has achy nipples at the $80 price tag and bemoaned the rising cost of Michters products. The saber rattling of “WE DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE THIS IS SOURCED FROM” resounded through leaky basements and katana sword collections.

Big salty alligator tears rolled down stretch marked mantits and people already decided that SAOS and Willett single barrel picks were a better deal before even trying this shit. BOOHOO UNNAMED SOURCING AND NO AGE STATEMENT, I cant even enjoy it, who cares if it is delicious I HAVE ALL THESE REASONS.  I DONT CARE IF WILLIE PRATT GAVE ME AN HJ DIRECTLY OVER THE ORIGNAL STILL I NEED INFORMATION BEFORE THINGS TASTE GOOD.

"I might like this rye, hang on let me Google more information about it before I decide if it tastes good"

“I might like this rye, hang on let me Google more information about it before I decide if it tastes good”

So what’s the real deal?

This pours even darker than the single barrel rye and seems to have a more syrupy consistency to the legs. This is oddly dark for the “projected” 8 year age (BRUH ITS REALLY A 4 YEAR CASK WOODFORD RYE D00D I CAN TELL) and looks like some of those geriatric teenager rye offerings. Before you start blubbering about MGP sourcing, chill the fuck out, while Michter’s is cagey about identifying anything THE BOTTLE SAYS KENTUCKY, relax.  Get drunk.  Stop being an incendiary dipshit.

The nose is more aggressive than the single barrel and pushes an agenda replete with pencil shavings, red hot candies, raspberry tannins, gingerbread, and crushed leaves. It is unquestionably bolder but even with the 56% abv, it never becomes cloying or even hints at warranting water.

The mouthfeel is far superior to the single barrel and leads with a syrupy mint and coriander, the oak is more pronounced and it has less of a holiday feel to it, offering instead sheets of pepper and spice. To balance things our there is a bit of marshmellow and faint sweetness, like 4ROBSK/high ryed bourbons in a way.  It feels like a tamer version of THH, or a more ballsy Saz18, hitting an Aristotelian golden mean well warranting the cost of entry in my opinion.

Y ONLY ONE PIC OF THE m10 RYE WORST WEBSITE EVR

Y ONLY ONE PIC OF THE m10 RYE WORST WEBSITE EVR

So which one is the turbo badass?

The m10 rye is certainly the more refined and overall more enjoyable rye. It has balance and poise, it needs no coddling and is perfect to slam right before a PTA meeting.  Try them both, or just talk shit and buy SAOS instead, I don’t give a fuck what you do with your money.

I have no business reviewing whiskey of any sort.  I barely finished my community college air conditioner repair associates degree.

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DOUBLE FERMENTATION @sapporobeer Reserve, Ultra Whaley Japanese Lagers

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Odds are, if you have ever gotten shithoused while sake bombing in undergrad, there’s a one in three chance that you have encountered one of the three Japanese brewing Megazords: Kirin Ichiban, Asahi, or Sapporo. If I had my choice between the three, Sapporo is usually my go to, despite the gentle and almost diaphanous nature of the three competing styles.

But what do you want, some syrupy old ale or intensely juniper ipa masking that expensive ass Uni you just paid for, you gentrified asshole? But today we have the walezbro Sapporo Reserve, Kotaku culture on full swole.
sometimes I get fully turnt and cant control those fstop values, why do I even bother with nice things

sometimes I get fully turnt and cant control those fstop values, why do I even bother with nice things

Sapporo Reserve, Japan
Euro Pale Lager meets Japanese Lager, 5.2% abv
Commercial tug job:

“Sapporo Reserve is a super premium lager brewed almost twice as long as other competing brands. Reserve is brewed with only finest European barley, and the most select European hops.”
 
A: this pours looking more honey hued and amber than the pale yellow of regular Sapporo, it also has a slight degree of more cling and lacing, well above the call of duty for something a stupid investment banker will spill all over while saying some microaggressions at a sushi bar. As a corollary, their steel can branding is iconic and I love drilling those from the can, the heft like some nimble cutlass in my drunken shuffle boarding Palm. I have no idea what “brewed twice as long” means. It spends a needlessly long time in the primary? They don’t dry hop this so it sits in the secondary uselessly? Who the fuck knows, my external hard drive full of Hentai/tentacle porn offers no answers.
OH SHIT GUIZE: Shiraseru Am: a smartphone-integrated wearable pet behavior and health monitoring device

OH SHIT GUIZE: Shiraseru Am: a smartphone-integrated wearable pet behavior and health monitoring device

The smell is tame and gives a “blast” of Saaz and maybe Sterling Golden. The rice and cloying saltine aspects from normal Japanese lagers is absent here and this comes across more Germanic in execution, like a pale marzen in a way. It won’t change your life but it gives a degree of actual complexity beyond “I am a beer, order extra yellowtail Travis always takes it all.”
The taste is again very European and has a lightly grassy aspect and fades into a bisquik biscuit with a touch of honey sweetness. It is dismissive in its presence, like a neglected girlfriend it allows you to attend other affairs and, as a result, it endlessly pairable. The silent grace has a clean mouthfeel, without lingering dryness or hoppy residuals. “No no palate, you go out with your friends, I’ll stay home and catch up on STITCHERS on ABC Family.”
NO WAY GUIEZ: Chogokin Miracle Henkei Hatsune Miku Rody: the most unusual, awesome tie-up toy of the year!

NO WAY GUIEZ: Chogokin Miracle Henkei Hatsune Miku Rody: the most unusual, awesome tie-up toy of the year!

The chief virtue behind a beer that goes with the flow is placing it in dynamic situations. Pair this shit with Thai or Barbeque, tapas or duck confit. It won’t protest or really compliment the flavor profiles, but it is so malleable that you can shape it and bend it like Floam. I’ll give you a second to go and Google “floam.”
The funniest part about the dipshits who review this beer on BA or dumbass badge hunters who lambast this is the fact that many “craft” offerings are far shittier. Like the adolescent palate defining itself by rebelling against large companies, many entry level tickers rip on the Sapporo lineup unjustly to validate their own weak ass collection of Rogue beers.
Japanese women who are hella into katana swords get me harder than adamantium

Japanese women who are hella into katana swords get me harder than adamantium

It is summer, bring a few of these big ass steel cans to a cookout and see if your normal/non-basement dwelling friends don’t 1) drink the shit out of them and 2) not think you are a Megan’s Law weirdo for once.
It is 85 degrees out, don’t be the foreskin baller who shows up to a bbq with Adam from the Wood: no one gives a fuck except you. Keep that nerdy shit to yourself and drill some Japanese lager like a real God damn american.
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PLUM WATCH 2015: @hillfarmstead Flora Plum, Cleaning Up Harmful Free Radicals with Beer

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Been getting that Vermont trim on the reg lately, keeping the farmhouse flows going. I recently dropped that Flora B/B review and I think people were needlessly harsh on what was a pretty legit, if not earth shattering, offering in the pristine Flora lineup.  Then, Flora cherry dropped this week and the things VT traders are demanding has me posted in the LOLNOPE cut with unflinching repose. But what about this rarity, Flora with them juicy plums? Let’s prune the fuck out in today’s review

Get Ticks or Dyin Tryin

Get Ticks or Dyin Tryin

Hill Farmstead, ArizonaLOLPSYCHE Vermont
Barrel aged saison with plum, 6.5% abv

If you went into this shit with expectations of seeing some frothy violet extravaganza, I urge you to actually look at what color a plum is after you bite into it. I get this same stupid fucking complaint from those cicerone assholes who judge how much fruit was used based on the srm. “You can tell kiwi herman was barely fruited BC it wasn’t even green like at all.”  This looks almost identical to regular Flora with a slightly darker orange hue to the center and a more refined carbonation. They used a weird Duchessic style flange on the underside of the cap that felt like a .38 special round popping that bad bitch open in the club.

Picture me writing lines knowing Draft Magazine will quote it, when I die they gone read DDB an say a genius wrote it

Picture me writing lines knowing Draft Magazine will quote it, when I die they gone read DDB an say a genius wrote it

The nose is far more acidic and tart than I was expecting and the pendulum swings away from gentle approachable Flora and more into the Fou/Emptiness series from Tired Hands. You get lemon, lime, wheatgrass, cut nectarines, pluot and kumquat. Oddly it finishes with this pithy Glade smell that reminds me of the persimmon beers we have all had. It is very pleasant and feels like a liquid sun-drenched hammock in intensity.

The taste delivers on the acidic threats to the point that is almost unnatural for those HF boys, but somehow pulls it off. In the mutton busting world of wrangling lacto strains, it is easy for shit to get out of pocket but this is more creamy and tart like lemon meringue and pineapple juice. It has a wheat grist to the mouthfeel that allows the acidity room to breath and contributed a frothy aspect that embraces the plum tannins lovingly. If you have ever ate a shitload of Rainier cherries you will know that sweet dryness that the skins will impart. It is intensely crushable but jockeys for your reflection, you’re getting mixed messages because Flora is wearing a low cut shirt and telling you not to focus on them plums but they are like right there come on now.

You go to the bottleshop but you never cop nothing, all your untappd reviews are shared ticks and you need to stop frontin

You go to the bottleshop but you never cop nothing, all your untappd reviews are shared ticks and you need to stop frontin

The Emptiness series from Tired Hands comes to mind when approaching this beer in the distinctively AWA character, fruity juicy interplay and all around intensely drinkable character.  While I enjoyed Satsuma Flora more due to its stripped down simplicity and fresh squeezed pith, I can see most people who love ramped up acidity to say that this is the best fruited beer that Shaun has produced to date. At a certain point it becomes a Mountain Dew Baja Blast versus Code Red preference debate. Both are exceptional at 6th grade slumber parties.

such beer knowledge, wow, comparisons, many tastes

such beer knowledge, wow, comparisons, many tastes

All available analogues will be equally hellish to acquire, 500-800 bottle count 1-2 per person nightmare trades so, have fun on those boards and do your anal kegel exercises.  Be prepared for the Vicster to officiously show up and tell you that you need to add a Zomer or some shit.