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DDB went to @absolutionbrewing and the facepalms were not insubstantial – LA BEER WEEK EXPOSE

With the craft beer bubble reaching the saturation point, the real fun these days lies in finding Johnny Come Latelies to the scene, or breweries that maybe are doing things in a highly questionable manner, jumping from plastic carboy to a 10bbl system because his father in law BELIEVES IN HIM.

Los Angeles has long had an anomalous relationship of being a second class citizen to San Diego and San Francisco.  Despite the massive population, Beachwood BBQ has largely been tasked with pulling the cart for the past half decade.  However, in the past 3 years we have seen several pop-ups in the South Bay from the rising star, Smog City, to the ultra-shitty Dude’s Brewing Company.

A large part of this culture is the gladhanding and backslapping that occurs from the local beer publications that massage the palms of some of the weakest new breweries, for the sake of reciprocal support.  OC Weekly and LA Weekly will regularly launder praise with amorphous “OLD WORLD STYLE WITH EXCITING NEW EXECUTION” and shit like that.  The fact is, some breweries are simply not that fucking good.  If every new brewery is exceptional, then nothing is exceptional.

I can unequivocally note that Absolution Brewing, while it may have an exceptional intent, donate to charity, and serve as a watering hole for Torrance residents: their beer is simply sub-par.

No taster glasses? I guess just serve me 3 ounces...in a pilsner glass?

No taster glasses? I guess just serve me 3 ounces…in a pilsner glass?

The facility reminds me of a mix between Lost Abbey and TAPOUT CLOTHING. It has some odd religious underpinning and then old script and A FUKN NAIL BRO IN THE LOGO.  But plenty of breweries have shitty marketing and exceptional beers, look at the fonts on Russian RIver bottles for God’s sake.

They have 18 beers on tap but HOLY FUCK WAIT not one, but TWO barrel aged IPAs? Fully triggered.

Here’s a breakdown of some of the eight beers that I tried:

Penance Pale Ale: this was a dark, flabby, sappy, resinous pale malt that feels like it came from the Michael Jackson era of crystal malt and oversaturated vegetal cones from excessive dry hopping. Trifling, sticky malty kicks to the nutsack, not refreshing.

Guilt? What is this, i dont even

Guilt? What is this, i dont even

Trespasser Saison: this is a page straight from the predictable, wyeast, zero modification Dupont playbook.  Fermented a touch colder than you would want, a grainy boring closer.

STRAWBERRY TRESPASSER: oh wait, i hope you dont enjoy strawberries because this has none. It tastes almost identical to regular Trespasser. That grainy boring saison, but with an oily plastic “strawberry” aspect?

Purgatory Hef: this was their least shitty beer because, how do you fuck a hef up? It was fine, nothing to write home about but everyone in the tasting room seemed to be having a good time, a mixed demographic and my wincing reminded me how I am a huge asshole and beer is no longer fun to me.  In sum I have no business reviewing their beers because it simply isn’t designed for DDB.

Angel’s Demise: this was essentially a ramped up version of the mediocre Penance pale.  None of the offerings are clean and there is a bitter, coniferous bite like if you proofed down an American Barleywine.  I had the bourbon barrel aged version and it was not enjoyable, butterscotch greasiness and the clash of old hops and toffee was dissonant.

Pictured above: every. single. brewery's business model.

Pictured above: every. single. brewery’s business model.

Are there worse breweries in LA? Sure.  Dude’s Brewing just straight up sells beers riddled with diacetyl and tosses blood orange into them.  This isn’t quite like that, it is just not worthy of your precious beerbuxxx. This place unabashedly asks $40 for a two liter growler fill of 8% Abv dipa. That shit was funny when Societe pulled it with awesome beer and stainless growlers but here it is straight up laughable.

But this is endemic of the surge of new breweries opening left and right.  Very few are inspired beyond the scope of “I JUST GOT $250,000 TIME TO UPGRADE MY BLICHMAN AND START PUMPIN OUT SOME RED ALES!!!!”

It is L.A. Beer week, go see them for yourself.  Maybe I am just a curmudgeonous prick, not fit to comment on beer at this point.

Typical ddb shit, hyping up LA beers to trade

  

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Dry hop Surette riserva, God damn @crookedstave hot like Mya on the cover of that King

 
 Weak tickers slept on this release like Lunesta. Criminally overlooked and I am content to allow misguided dipshits trade their entire cellars for more inferior bottles. The crisp tropical acidity and that herbaceous oily hop blast got CO fertility rates through the roof, couple of these and those Dro smoking,  Birkenstock wearing Homies start ovulating over awas hard.

It was so good and I ain’t even mad tho.

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PLUM WATCH 2015 CONTINUES: enough of @caseybrewing Grippin on my Plums also, OAK THEORY REVISITED

In the past four months the upstarts over at Casey have experienced seemingly overnight skyrocketing demand, and CO hoarders have been hitting the trade boards harder than Soda Popinkski. In what was previously the typical overly-generous, Subaru-driving bonhomie of the mountain people, Colorado traders are flexing hard on the recent releases. They are getting Cut in more ways than one.  When KBBS went 1:1 with Blackberry Cut last week it was like when Bane pumps that green shit into his skull and you know things are about to get completely out of pocket.

So it goes.

So what is the deal with this plum fruit stand? We all know cherry was legit as fuqqqq but them plums are tough to massage, that tenuous dance between pith, acidity and insoluble fiber, did Troy Casey bruise ur fruit brah? Let’s get pitted and find out

Enjoying a productive afternoon at Beachwood cruising for chicks on Ancestry.com

Enjoying a productive afternoon at Beachwood cruising for chicks on Ancestry.com

Casey Brewing, high altitude north of the wall, CO
Fruited barrel aged saison 5.5% abv

The pour comes out radiant and ruddy, slight glow of turbid tangerine tones and a whipped meringue to the carb that sits in a frothy cap like an orange creamsicle starbucks frap. The sheeting looks like the agitated gallons of juice at the Sunkist factory.

Other entries in the PLUM WATCH canon include:

PLUM WATCH 2015: @hillfarmstead Flora Plum, Cleaning Up Harmful Free Radicals with Beer

and

A review of Out of the Emptiness that I cannot find right now because this site is a pile of disorganized garbage.

Again, some assholes still believe that a plum sour should be purple, but then again I cant expect dudes who wear husky sized elastic waisted jeans from Lands End to know what the inside of a fruit looks like. The nose is far less sharp than Flora plum and has more of a refined acidity leaning towards skins, juicer dregs, Roebeks atmosphere, the late harvest of plums overripe in the sun, closing with a sort of cheesy puppy musk. Them up the nose tangerine tongue kisses.

Chasing this down with an order of cured albacore, typical weekday lunch shit.

Chasing this down with an order of cured albacore, typical weekday lunch shit.

The taste has this tenuous relationship where it wants to go balls out with the fruit but with that comes potentially overbearing acidity. IT IS LIKE UNCLE BEN SAID POWER AND RESPONSIBILITY IN BREWING, PETER. In a decidedly unamerican execution, the beer favors creamy drinkability in lieu of intense ph forward kicks to the taint. It feels a lot like the Tilquin plum ancienne but admittedly I enjoy this more because the mouthfeel isn’t nearly as excoriating. Yes I realize beer nerds rip their tutfy brillow pubes out if you suggest that an American sour is in any way superior to a Belgian iteration so I’ll allow you to go grab some Ben gay and cool the burn.

Overall, this is well worth your time and while not as complex as HF Flora plum, it is a marked improvement over the Almanac plum entries which are simply too sour in execution, by comparison. If you enjoyed the plum emptiness from Tired Hands, this is lock step just as good and incredibly similar, acidic but crushable, worthy of your reflection but doesn’t command your focus like some community college drama asshole who won’t give it a rest.
If you can land this 400 bottle banger for something in the realm of Vanilla Rye, absolutely jump on it. I can’t stop grippin my plums. Things are likely gonna get worse before they get better with regards to landing Casey bottles, might as well lay on this Semtex now and shatter your cellar before the next hot 3bbl brewery opens in the middle of nowhere Idaho and starts doing 130 bottle releases. High tide floats all boats.

OK THE OTHER BOTTLE WAS OFF ALRIGHT SHIT

OK THE OTHER BOTTLE WAS OFF ALRIGHT SHIT

As a corollary, I wanted to revisit my controversial review of Oak Theory. Colorado tickers were seed pissed about my prior impressions that oak theory was too sour so I decided to review another bottle to see if I was being a cranky crab that evening when I initially drank Oak Theory alone.

@caseybrewing Oak Theory, psh not even advanced oak theory, I didn’t even get any AP credits for this review 

Upon another sampling, my initial review of oak theory was wildly different than my second bottle.  The second go round felt more like a gentle, more complex, more lactic version of East Bank.  Listen, I can’t do every iteration and every batch of every bottle and sometimes my shit is misguided based upon a limited sample size of A SINGLE BOTTLE. Nevertheless, if you previously decided NOT to seek out Oak Theory because I said it tasted like Planned Parenthood afterbirth (I didn’t) go get it now, the subsequent bottles are far different.

TASTES SO GOOD TO BE SO WRONG

TASTES SO GOOD TO BE SO WRONG

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Sippin Sahalie Joel Osmond sixth sense got @drugstorebrewer straight ghosting

 This is a tried and true stallion of the mega farmhouse world and the 11/14 release is no exception. 

It still has the obnoxious cork that is impossible to remove. It still has that apeshit carbonation that settles down about as easily as a 3rd grader after a 2 liter of Mountain Dew code red and Ritalin.

    
The taste has a bit more of this acidic pithiness like grapefruit rind than I recall that is a touch off-putting when it warms but that sky high Abv lies silent in the kudzu gripping a farmhouse .300 knockout ready to no scope headshot your entire evening.

I always am torn about reporting back on the ale apothecary offerings because every time I write about them, they slip further out of real and it throws blood in the farmwater for that undergrad money to dive in. The grist of the body almost feels like it has spelt or some other unfermentable solids in there to boost the cheesy heft of the mouthfeel and I love that pear meets Brie closer.

  
The acidity isn’t a deterrent and the mouthfeel still has a dry frothiness like a tangerine Chardonnay milkshake. Thankfully, At $30 a 750ml most beta casuals will be scared off and be like “that saison prolly isnt even sour enough anyway” and leave it next to the Oak aged Seizoen Bretta on the shelf. If the 2014 dipshits ever realize that Belgians also brew saisons, we are totally f’ed in the a.