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@Degardebrewing Currant Gin Bu, 2015 Already Bouncing like Juicy J

I previously chracterized De Garde as an all or nothing power hitter.  If they miss, it is a complete whiff, but god damn when they get a piece of it, they crush them ticks way out into the parking lot.  This is an example of the latter and is truly a benchmark for innovation in the quasi-berliner style, moreover wild ales in general.

GIN. CURRANTS. SOUR NIPS DRIPPING WITH ACID.  Let’s latch on to that teat and get that fruity goodness.

Crooshing wild ales in that cemetery called Los Angeles.

Crooshing wild ales in that cemetery called Los Angeles.

De Garde Brewing, some Oregon Farm

4% abv, Berliner/american wild ale 4 realzdoe.

A:  God damn can you even approach the radiant tweeniness that is this radiant purple.  God tier drops and fatty lootz are distributed pell mell.  The carb clings like fuchsia running alongside the violet train leaving the station.  It looks almost identical to VSB, really and is easily one of the most beautiful beers this side of De Cam oude Kriek.  Just phenomenal to behold, like that Anna Kendrick pic you keep crumpled up under your futon.

feels good to take a break from relentless adjunct stout reviews every once in a while

feels good to take a break from relentless adjunct stout reviews every once in a while

S:  This isn’t the sweet bomb you would expect, nor is it the acidic romp you would begrudge.  It opens a touch brackish with a light salinity, a tannic cherry presence that feels more floral than actual red5 jolly rancher cherry.  Think cherry blossom, not fruit by the foot.  It smells phenomenal and refreshing like that dust from when you used to make your own powdered Gatorade OH JUST ME? OH OK I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO GREW UP IN ABJECT POVERTY OK FINE.  I will note that the closer is oddly herbal and has a touch of juniper from the gin, it isn’t bad by any means and it actually adds a depth to what is essentially a very thin and simple beer, the oak itself gives that crazy depth only presented by those Sole Comp gin barrel releases.  OREGON JUST LOVES TO FUCK WITH GIN BARRELS, THEY CANNOT BE REASONED WITH.

T:  This again, lacks the overwhelming fruit, and refuses to put forth an intense acid profile and instead hits a balanced middle road of spice, dried currant/black cherry/plum, and floral oakiness like hydrangeas.  If you have ever had craisins in a salad, take those and add a spicy pine/fir tree aspect from the gin barrel that seems like it would never work but it gives an incredible layer upon layer of strata to this deceivingly simple beer.  In sum, it drinks like a baller ass mexican Fanta, grape flavor.

those purple notes bring you to full release so hard

those purple notes bring you to full release so hard

M:  This is very dry and swallows clean with no residual aspects along the mid palate or gumline.  It really FEELS in the spirit of a berliner in this respect and I wouldn’t be shocked if the abv fell lower than 4% because it has such a thin body and obviously no waft or fusel aspects.  It is so clean that you could drink this before meeting with your parole officer and he would be none the wiser, excepting your fucking burgundy teeth.

D:  This is in the intensely crushable range, a 750 disappears faster than singles at Magic City.  Rank it next to Live Oak Hef and Stillwater Classique in those beers that just jump into your liver with aggressive deep swallows.  It takes a large swallow to bring out all of the nuances and to abate the substantial carb and you are left with your loins pumping to pop more of those currants.  Moreover, there simply isnt anything else out there at present that tastes like this, so you owe it to your mom to at least try this.  Otherwise you will just be walking about making statements about shit, value appraisals, when deep down everyone knows you havent had a currant gin barrel aged beer, and basically aren’t about that life.

If you have a pretentious wine prick friend, open this for her and shatter her world.

If you have a pretentious wine prick friend, open this for her and shatter her world.

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@fremontbrewing You think that Coffee KDS is all soaps and suds, ticker what?

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I don’t need to elaborate about how god damn phenomenal this is. The roast is on point, the coffee aspect is dialed in to perfection, it is dry and gritty but has such a subtle sweet barrel character that lingers.

This is not only better than BCBCS but nests lovingly with ba speedway in the annals of top tier ba coffee stouts. I wish I had a stool so I could kick it over.

This should be no surprise and I have to apologize in advance to the Fremont people for blowing up their spot, but I can’t in clear conscience not tell people how good this is. The barrel character opens after 60 degrees and has a fantastic vanilla and espresso grind to it, the mouthfeel is akin to parabola and, this is what coffee parabola should have been.

Just incredible toe to tip. Apologies in advance to the Fremont operatives for blowing up they spot.

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Coffee BAZONGAS

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Regular BBomb. Watching Fremont flop, you got a better chance copping an early copy of Detox.

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Harder than the Don’t shoot lineup.

Pull the rag off the 6-4 and pop a Fremont, those PnW kids got too much rain to appreciate how dope their own bottles are. Pop this in the club and tell the bottle girl to put that cheap ass Hypnotiq down. Tell your homies where these bottles are at, incredible old ale meets barleywine ale that PnW swappers are demanding that I stop promoting. They are too good and I am ruining it for everyone, trust me I know.

Charlie PapaZian passes the torch to me, I lit that DDB boil flame with it now the Beer world is my ash tray. I can’t in good conscience not tell people repeatedly to seek these out. Just short of bb4d, nothing is this good.

Pure and simple, nWa in bottle form, bourbon barrel aged flava flav with a wrist watch.

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So many new traders in this game before they put that tick flag in they back pocket imma need to see that resume

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The best the west has ever seen, no disrespect to Calvin.

This 2001 disaster tasted like liquid cardboard and hits you harder than the rampart scandal. It is diacetyl in a way that makes green apple seem tame, this is limitless stomach acid and immediate gagging.

I traded for this, like on purpose. I couldn’t drink more than 3 ounces. This woke up out that coma 2001 same time Dre dropped 2001, I told vibe that working wih Hansens was a dream but then you realize how bad shit can get. This is Aaliyah and left eye wrapped up in one, you can’t recover from a beer this horrible just putrid ropey sickness and dead flat.

Look at this mess, it is darker than new castle. Almost died, thought I saw Eazy talking to jam master J, even wasting half this on a vedeo revue, still felt more infected than Eric Wright.

If Curtis Jackson still is holding on after some early 2000s shit, then maybe this mead can…nope…horrible.

Seriously so bad.

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@hillfarmstead Sue, my name is SUE, now HOW DO YOU DO?

It feels like forever since we posed those old Vermonteer bottles with pedantic books, spinning some yarns about the current state of farmhouse affairs.  Might as well get back on that grizzy with this wild aley, saisoney, IPA-esque mushing of tips, the likes of which we haven’t seen since Stone decided to crash their brett IPA head on into the marketing divider. So what can we make of this bretty, hoppy, oaky lady? LOL JUST READ THE NEXT 650 words!!! LOLK

Insert Johnny Cash, Sioux Native Americans, Buddy Holly, lawyer joke, or whatever you feel is the best Sue pun you have been SUEving up.

Insert Johnny Cash, Sioux Native Americans, Buddy Holly, lawyer joke, or whatever you feel is the best Sue pun you have been SUEving up.

Hill Farmstead Brewery, HP Lovecraft Woods/Vermont

7% abv, barrel aged IPA cum de wild ale by way of brett addition

This is wine barrel aged Susan, with brett added.

A:  This has that classic frothy eggshell foam and copper underpinnings that gets my undercarriage all overheating.  The lacing is generous and belgian in execution leaving broad sheets of soapy love for the maid to clean up.  It isn’t as radiant as their other saisons, nor is it exactly as clean and transparent as their hoppy offerings either.  It is a weird halfway house for both and doesn’t present itself as especially beautiful in the SRM and clarity but that carb gets my bubbles pumpin.

They need to hand out saisons in school, get kids started early.

They need to hand out saisons in school, get kids started early.

S:  This is decidedly more bretty farmhouse oakiness than it is the Susan was have grown to know and love.  The Susan aspects are sitting in the background whittling, presenting a grapefruit and orange bitters sort of dryness, overlooking the parapet ever so gently while the wild ale grenaidiers perform the main advance.  You get some twine, rope musk, leather/hay, and a tropical fruit closer.  The whole affair is just gentle and soft, its like the Downey bear’s taint, with equal parts laundry musk delivered in kind.

T:  The wild ale aspects meet the bayonet of the advancing hops, so aged, so experienced, flanking the right wing of this beer’s overall performance.  There exists an IPA core to this that has a resinous, aged hoppy character to it that seems to work in intervals with the brett and the oak.  A sharp bite of amarillo goodness (if there’s no amarillo in here, zero fucks given, THIS IS PROSE) then the creamy mouthfeel sublimates into a juicy citrus and tangerine that finishes dry and long, like postmenopausal labias.

Whenever I see an Art b3 hit the trade boards

Whenever I see an Art b3 hit the trade boards

M:  This is not nearly as dry as E, which is the natural comparsion here, and it retains more of the hoppy underpinnings.  The mouthfeel is arguably the best quality and just exudes character in its whipped lemon meringue and pine finish.  It feels like if E and Dorothy were parking lot smashing and the kid came out bigger than both of them, by way of Barrel aged group homes.  Dorothy couldn’t support her and, hey she deserves a fair shot at life, Sue deserves better.

D:  This is exceptionally drinkable despite the dryness and the faded hops on the backend.  It isn’t drillable on the Florence or Side Project Grisette level, but it is a weird hybrid class with DPS and healing abilities. This is well worth your time but, it’s tough to deliver a blanket statement with what the HF tickers demand for these bottles as of late.  I mean, you could always drink Stone Enjoy After and try to figure out when your life became a shitty approximation of your forgotten dreams.  You could always do that, Stone bottles are sitting on the shelf, go for it.

new money Cicerones be like "drink Logsdon Oak Aged Seizoen Bretta?-"

new money Cicerones be like “drink Logsdon Oak Aged Seizoen Bretta?-“

Narrative:  Sue lay in wait, deep below the weeds and earthy compost of South Dakota, a fitful slumber for her time worn bones cased in sediment.  During her prime she was an apex predator, consumer of fauna, the top tier of an unsustainable ecological model.  The wood would encroach and the world was not long for the aggressive bite of the T rex.  Eventually it would be a world replete with wood and bugs and microflora, the soft caress of herbivores humming gently through the clicks of time.  The year was 1990 and the boots of the expedition sent shocks below the topsoil and she knew it was time to rise again, forever changed but oddly intact.  Her frightful skeleton would serve as a harbinger to the complacent doughy museum going populace of the modern era.  There once was a fierce bite that has given way to the Dionysian culture of complacency.  Sue’s time would come again, such is the way of all things.  Until then her suspended jaws hang ever suspended, ever waiting, to consume again.