Author Archives: dontdrinkbeer

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@propolisbrewing Beltane, gabf gold medal Brett beer that is actually an awesome ba saison. Imagine that.

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Propolis brewing Beltane

7% barrel aged spelt saison

First let’s take a look at the commercial reach around:

“Spring floral nose, golden hue, crisp and creamy herbal smoothness, forest and farm buds, bright fruit undertones, tart rustic dry finish.”

I hate when the label is actually really accurate because it gives me jack shit to do as a rabble rousing commentator. While I used the chope for hilarious effect, the beer itself was a touch more amber than the radiant golden descriptors would indicate but still a pretty beer with a massive carbonated presence. My chope runneth over.

The nose is incredibly floral like that perfume Flowerbomb, if you have ever been to a second rate strip club, you know what that pink dust is redolent of. There’s a grassy profile like wet lawn and a celementine tartness to the closer. It’s ironic that this beer evokes spring and yard maintenance because the asshole who buys beers like this probably does zero gardening. MY HYDRANGEAS BULBS ARE SURFACING!

The taste is phenomenal and exists as this fantastic cross bar between ba logsdon seizoen Bretta and an imaginary saison d’erpeteau. It is creamy and silky, the lemon cascades with yogurt like a 50/50 bar and earthy musk. Why this won “ONG BEST BRETT BEER GABF” is beyond me when the Brett is hardly the most prominent characterisitic of this tasty joint.

This brewery makes some odd offerings like herbaceous gruits and all manner of organic madness, this unfortunately will appeal to even the most blunt palate and its deliciousness will pull these amazing bottles away from my rapacious man tits. The saison struggle is real.



Whenever people ask me if the saison was sour enough.

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@moderntimesbeer Grooming Molars by modem tones, it has monstertonka and shiptrub hops

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I have several questions about why a beer this delicious basically looks like a red ale. Why is there crystal malt up in this mix. Why are the delicious Citra and montueka hops muted by this malty sweetness. Why are these cans so damn hard to find. Why didn’t this entire paragraph have a single question mark.

Alright now that we sorted out the bad, let’s draw our attention to how God damn juicy and refreshing this beer is. It is crushable and refreshing and reminds me of a more tropical, albeit flabbier version of Just Outstanding. The dank alpha oils linger on long after the swallow, it feels more like a svelte triple ipa or a wonky unbalanced single ipa, like those old tymie bicycles. It cuts down other mediocre ipas like Butcher Bill and similarly leaves a lingering bitter taste in your mouth of the cold grave intensity that is the hoppy savagery of Daniel Alpha Lewis.

If you already have nocturnal emissions over what fortunate island did for the wheat beer sector, this is the next logical foray into that realm. Sold in four packs and, provided this gets its distro diapers in order, great things will be in store.



Stop frontin like you tried this before

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@councilbrewing Beatitude Set ROUND ONE: Mango, Pineapple, Blueberry, no boils, no stems no seeds no sticks

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God damnit I am sick of getting messages about this shit already.  Instead of doing a full on cagematch with these, I figured an FAQ format would be better to address these bottles since people have SO. MANY. FUCKING. questions.  Let’s just get into the meat and start braising this osso bucco.

Only three of these are out right now, the other three to follow shortly. Fire up your Dominos pizza app and get in the chill zone

Only three of these are out right now, the other three to follow shortly. Fire up your Dominos pizza app and get in the chill zone

Council Brewing

Fruited American Biere Du Pays with Monocultures Added, 3.8% abv

Mango, Pineapple, Blueberry

I am lazy as fuck, which one is the best so I can supplement my self esteem with a completionist verve, but then not have to try them all?

That’s a strange question, but I will allow it.  I thought mango was the best, followed by pineapple and blueberry following last as the most predictable in execution.  The mango and pineapple have this effervescent quality that crackles with vibrant acidity and hard mineral character like baller ass perrier variants.  The acidity isnt purely lactic nor is it needlessly excoriating.  These are endlessly crushable, to a fault really.  I wanted to take fatter pulls to embrace the paper thin body and bone dry resonance.  It finishes crisp like biting into an Anjou pear and doesn’t linger.  You could destroy the whole set on a weeknight and not need a GI referral in the morning, if we are being completely honest.  The blueberry while having the same appeal of the two, missed the mark in terms of original execution and was more of a table beer version of JK Colour Five, still good but like sex after 9 years of marriage, utterly predictable the positions it puts you in.

What were the releases figures on this first set so I can lowball as hard as possible?

There were 270ish bottles of each variant sold on a silent release during a weekday that sold out in 3 hours.  Two per person were allowed after the 3 per person was getting drilled on like an offshore BP platform.  $14 each. If you want to look like a profiteering asshole, offer up like a single Vanilla Rye for the whole set, I dont give a shit.

Third place, but still a tasty treat.

Third place, but still a tasty treat.

Why Am I So Poor?  Why Do I feel like $14 is Expensive for a 750ml bottle?

You may have been afflicted with DeGardiditis wherein you now feel like any 750ml that costs more than $6 is a complete rip off.  Or you may think you have some homebrewing experience and you immediately point your greasy roll of nickels finger at the 3.8% abv and start mumering “erhm production cosshttts” or something.  This isn’t a second runnings beer, it’s not just a dupont strain and some capri suns squeezed into the brite tank.  I don’t know why you are so miserly, if 14$ is too much for you, maybe take up cloud/bird watching or one of the innumerably cheaper hobbies.

The Carb Looks a Little Low In These Pictures, I Like to Assume Shit-

Those pours were from draft and sat for a few minutes while we talked, you know, that thing you used to do before logging in badges on Untappd like an obsessive self documenting alcoholic.  Those days.  People have told me the carb on the bottles is legit.

This was my favorite, but most people like pineapple more. WHAT DOES OLD DDB KNOW N E WAYZ

This was my favorite, but most people like pineapple more. WHAT DOES OLD DDB KNOW N E WAYZ

What Does the label say, I am bad at Googling, pls.

“Beatitude is the French word for bliss which is what we float away on whenever we enjoy this specially brewed beer. Although this Tart Saison is brewed in the historical Wallonian tradition of other low gravity, tart farmhouse ales, the magic happens when our house blend of Brettanomyces, Lactobacillus and Saison yeast throw an out-of-this-world party in our fermenters. Aged  on various fruits and bottled with precision and care – this yields a beer with a lacto forward nose, an intensely tart fruit flavor, a doughy complexity from our no-boil process, and takes the word “refreshing” to a whole new level.”  There you go.

When Do The Next Three Deviants Come Out So I Can Do Some Demonstrative Shit Like Opening All Six in My Backyard to Impress My Yu Gi Oh Friends?
Probably in like four weeks, I have no idea.  I have sand dollar nipples and a wordpress site, the fuck do I know.

Hey I read everything you wrote but I am still going to message you and ask for your REAL OPINION is that ok would that be good for you DDB?

I fucking hate this so much.

A pour of that size is not long for this world.

A pour of that size is not long for this world.

My Friend is a certified beer server and he said because of the ABV these are actually berliners

That wasn’t a question but please, just shut the fuck up.  You have no idea what you are talking about.  Let’s get this out of the way: these do not taste like saisons.  Sure they have a low abv and are fruited but these are not berliners either.  Look at the yeast strains, how in the fuck could you consider these berliners? Due to the no boil (they bring the temp up to 180 degrees, they dont just shake it in a sack with some DME) this has some residual grist to the swallow but again, its hard to pick out because these are POST MENOPAUSAL OSTEOPEROSIS BONE DRY. My best characterization would be “American Fruited Biere Du Pays with monocultures added” which I can only assume will be a GABF category next year.

I usually just read to the bottom of the things you say and look at the pictures, so should i get these seriously tho?

If you can only get one, most people like Pineapple the most, and yes you really should try it.  There is not a clear analogue in my mind for someone doing things in quite this way and its not fair to really compare them to De Garde beers across the board either.  These are really fucking tasty and OH NO YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO SHARE THEM TWELVE WAYS. Holy fuck imagine drinking a whole 3.8% 750ml to yourself, wow 2015 is a bold new year.

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Willett XCF, for when you want to pay 50% more for a bourbon that is 10% worse

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It is a fantastic problem that, as a result of dipshits raiding all of the BTAC and buffalo trade perpy vern wernkler offerings, many incredible offerings turd it up on the shelf now. Willett 9 year rye for $90, just posted in the cut, not turning any heads. This is the opposite of that issue. In the attempts to get everyone jazzed up with secondary Casking, the ever increasing high priced retail offerings, and angels envy cask flying off the shelves in defiance of the price tag, this offering was born.

This is a $150 bottle of Willett aged in grand marnier casks and, while it is far better than angels envy cask, like AEC, you are better off saving that sperm bank scrill. 

It looks darker than the age would indicate, nice caramel and amber hues, that odd additional darkness that was present in the Corti Bros offering. I braced myself for that angels envy cask wave of disgusting tannins, but this nose is more sweet, slightly vinous, cinnamon, nutmeg, and of course that flambé Carmelized Orange. It smells nice but kinda all over the place, like how midsummer nights dram wanted to be a Kriek and a spirit at the same time. That kinda shit

The taste has a degree of heat to it and a sticky sweetness exhibiting red grape and raspberry, but seems to neglect the orange aspects in my opinion. It burns off that parlor trick and gets back to its Willett roots, dry, spicy, and a floral hibiscus closer.

It isn’t bad by any means and there’s not exactly a ton of readily available cheaper offerings out there but, if you are going this route and aren’t wed to the cask strength, just buy Angels envy rye or even regular ass AE for half the price.

It should be clear at this point that I have no business reviewing whiskey and I will try to keep these misguided ass posts to a minimum. Just some engagement shit to drive push bourbon Scrooges into this den of iniquity.

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HOW TO DETERMINE IF YOU ARE #NEWMONEY, a clinical diagnosis

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You might be new money if you set up pretrades for bottles then back out to get harder to obtain bottles that you saw on the BA top 250

You might be new money if you started trading constantly focusing on secondary values

You might be new money if you have never participated in a BIF because you dont want to get “RIPPED OFF”

You might be new money if you have tried to excise every last possible + from the bottle you bought off the shelf

You might be new money if you used tired adages like “BRUERY IS BEETUS” or “FANTOME IS BANDAIDS”

You might be new money if you intervene on every potential trade to hype up the bottles you bought to attempt to trade upwards

You might be new money if Cherry Rye seems like a mysterious unobtanable whale and you will fuck over anyone to obtain it and show off to your homebrew club

You might be new money if you have no idea who Charlie Papazian or Michael Jackson are

You might be new money if you take pics of bottles at your bottleshare with a passive aggressive humblebrag as the caption

You might be new money if you have ever said “TRADE WAS FOR [clearly not rare bottle] and he threw in [clearly more rare bottle] AS AN EXTRA!”

You might be new money if you think saisons should have the same ph as beatification

You might be new money if you haven’t been around long enough to see beatification released

You might be new money if you prefer your stouts to have at least 3+ adjuncts so that you can identify the flavors

You might be new money if you love ORVW and have no idea what Weller 12 or Michter’s 10 is.

You might be new money if you think a biere de garde is a sour

You might be new money if you stand in line for beer releases and casually mention things you might be trading the beer for

You might be new money if you have an account in good standing on BA

You might be new money if you mention brewers by their first name in conversations in an overly friendly manner

You might be new money if you post ISOs with no idea what you want but you know that what you have FT is super rare

You might be new money if you post ISOs for coffee stouts that are over 2 years old, just to say you have had them

You might be new money if you post chug videos or dipshit beer pong photos with sought after beers

You might be new money if you have used the term PORCH BOMB nonironically

You might be new money if you think a table beer should cost $20, and should be super sour

You might be new money if you enter Upland lotteries without a proxy and attempt to trade away the bottles before you have even won them

You might be new money if you have ever attempted to trade a quantity of HD/BCBS/Zombie dust for a Cantillon one off

You might be new money if you constantly complain about Fedex bills and refuse to print at home

You might be new money if you have taken a 3L bottle and acted like you were chugging it or held it near your penis suggestively

You might be new money if you have a 1oz pour in a dirty glass and enter a pithy untappd review

You might be new money if you think that a 40,000 bottle count item you bought at Walgreens should trade for Falling Rock

You might be new money if you just googled Falling Rock

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@santeadairius Always in Death, 25th fret shredding, black farmhouse death stainless fermentation

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Well as 2014 creaked to a close, the final bottle from the SARA Cellar program was the caress of death. This was the swan song and a single bottle was issued to 2014 members before all these 2015 SARA cellar gentrifiers come in pushing up property values, ruining the rich cultural heritage of the invite only society, driving out the original residents. Let’s see how this tart DARK farmhouse performs, whether you can slam this at a Bauhaus concert or if you should save it for the next Joy Division show.

Time to play that cliche game LIST SOMETHING IN THE BACKGROUND OF THE BEER PHOTO. always funny ervy tiem.

Time to play that cliche game LIST SOMETHING IN THE BACKGROUND OF THE BEER PHOTO. always funny ervy tiem.

Capitulation, Santa Cruz, CA
Black Barrel aged Saison, 5.6% abv

That commercial rubdown:
Everything ends. This simple fact reminds us to make the most of the things, to breath deeply, to chase inspiration, to live and love with abandon. With this in mind, we offer you the final installment of SARA’s Cellar 2014. Always in Death. A tart, barrel-aged, dark farmhouse ale, this single barrel selection stood out from the rest, and is now yours to memorialize in solitude or with friends. Everything ends, always, in death.

Put on The Spill Canvas, pour a glass of Grenache and sink into deep contemplation with your Sartre tome, WE ARE DISCUSSING DEATH.

A: Well true to form, this is a dark dark farmhouse that leaves you looking circumspectly at the jet black inky depths, that foam challenging you to a slap boxing fight in the old barn. I usually don’t enjoy this style or really any sours predicated entiretly on a porter base, but this is admittedly a pretty beer due to the bone dry lack of sheeting or residual sugars. This is like Natalie Portman in Black Swan, you come for the white swan, you stay to see her get stabbed.

Pictured above: target dark saison demographic. Look for them at the next bottleshare.

Pictured above: target dark saison demographic. Look for them at the next bottleshare.

S: The nose on this is phenomenal and reminds me of a baller version of Tart of Darkness, with a turbo charger and cat back exhaust. You get merlot and currant, tart cherry, craisins, oak and light cocoa. The closer is a sort of red wine Dr. Pepper aspect that again, feels agile and doesn’t leave its dark husks and tannins laying all around the living room its like HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS.

T: The taste sheds the Tart of Darkness robe and the ebony form glistens beautifully across the palate. You get the malbec and blackberry, tartness, a faint cheesiness, and a lingering intensely dry closer. I can confidently add this to a list of two other dark farmhouses REALLY worthy of your attention, next to Civil Disobedience 4 and Guillermo Prunus. Yes CD8, Shadows of their Eyes, and Edith are intentionally left off of that list. Dark saisons usually dont do it for me, but this exhibits the red grape and hay profile in such an elegant way, its worth your attention even though you might not give a shit about the style.

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME, i like my farmhouses DARK and DEEP, i have substance and depth, I OWN A COPY OF HARLAN ELLISON SHORT STORIES

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME, i like my farmhouses DARK and DEEP, i have substance and depth, I OWN A COPY OF HARLAN ELLISON SHORT STORIES

M: This is dry and presents a bouquet of tart floral goodness, its this odd melange of dry bakers chocolate a flanders red and a straight up saison. At warmer temps it feels a bit acetic but never enters a realm that someone would really complain about, I am just that prick who watches Whiplash and complains that the syncopation isnt timed with the frames of the drums. Nitpicking garbage because shit, otherwise why even read this.

D: This is this and you can easily crush the entire 750 without getting dry rot. It never becomes cloying or warrants splitting a million ways. Thankfully this doesn’t have any stonefruit in it, so dipshits on the trade boards will continue punching one another in the dick over the same tired lacto blonde ales and leave this well alone.

This saison tastes like when the wolf cries to the black corn moon. You probably wont get it if you havent painted with the colors of the black wind.

This saison tastes like when the wolf cries to the black corn moon. You probably wont get it if you havent painted with the colors of the black wind.