God damnit I am sick of getting messages about this shit already. Instead of doing a full on cagematch with these, I figured an FAQ format would be better to address these bottles since people have SO. MANY. FUCKING. questions. Let’s just get into the meat and start braising this osso bucco.
Fruited American Biere Du Pays with Monocultures Added, 3.8% abv
Mango, Pineapple, Blueberry
I am lazy as fuck, which one is the best so I can supplement my self esteem with a completionist verve, but then not have to try them all?
That’s a strange question, but I will allow it. I thought mango was the best, followed by pineapple and blueberry following last as the most predictable in execution. The mango and pineapple have this effervescent quality that crackles with vibrant acidity and hard mineral character like baller ass perrier variants. The acidity isnt purely lactic nor is it needlessly excoriating. These are endlessly crushable, to a fault really. I wanted to take fatter pulls to embrace the paper thin body and bone dry resonance. It finishes crisp like biting into an Anjou pear and doesn’t linger. You could destroy the whole set on a weeknight and not need a GI referral in the morning, if we are being completely honest. The blueberry while having the same appeal of the two, missed the mark in terms of original execution and was more of a table beer version of JK Colour Five, still good but like sex after 9 years of marriage, utterly predictable the positions it puts you in.
What were the releases figures on this first set so I can lowball as hard as possible?
There were 270ish bottles of each variant sold on a silent release during a weekday that sold out in 3 hours. Two per person were allowed after the 3 per person was getting drilled on like an offshore BP platform. $14 each. If you want to look like a profiteering asshole, offer up like a single Vanilla Rye for the whole set, I dont give a shit.
Why Am I So Poor? Why Do I feel like $14 is Expensive for a 750ml bottle?
You may have been afflicted with DeGardiditis wherein you now feel like any 750ml that costs more than $6 is a complete rip off. Or you may think you have some homebrewing experience and you immediately point your greasy roll of nickels finger at the 3.8% abv and start mumering “erhm production cosshttts” or something. This isn’t a second runnings beer, it’s not just a dupont strain and some capri suns squeezed into the brite tank. I don’t know why you are so miserly, if 14$ is too much for you, maybe take up cloud/bird watching or one of the innumerably cheaper hobbies.
The Carb Looks a Little Low In These Pictures, I Like to Assume Shit-
Those pours were from draft and sat for a few minutes while we talked, you know, that thing you used to do before logging in badges on Untappd like an obsessive self documenting alcoholic. Those days. People have told me the carb on the bottles is legit.
What Does the label say, I am bad at Googling, pls.
“Beatitude is the French word for bliss which is what we float away on whenever we enjoy this specially brewed beer. Although this Tart Saison is brewed in the historical Wallonian tradition of other low gravity, tart farmhouse ales, the magic happens when our house blend of Brettanomyces, Lactobacillus and Saison yeast throw an out-of-this-world party in our fermenters. Aged on various fruits and bottled with precision and care – this yields a beer with a lacto forward nose, an intensely tart fruit flavor, a doughy complexity from our no-boil process, and takes the word “refreshing” to a whole new level.” There you go.
When Do The Next Three Deviants Come Out So I Can Do Some Demonstrative Shit Like Opening All Six in My Backyard to Impress My Yu Gi Oh Friends?
Probably in like four weeks, I have no idea. I have sand dollar nipples and a wordpress site, the fuck do I know.
Hey I read everything you wrote but I am still going to message you and ask for your REAL OPINION is that ok would that be good for you DDB?
I fucking hate this so much.
My Friend is a certified beer server and he said because of the ABV these are actually berliners
That wasn’t a question but please, just shut the fuck up. You have no idea what you are talking about. Let’s get this out of the way: these do not taste like saisons. Sure they have a low abv and are fruited but these are not berliners either. Look at the yeast strains, how in the fuck could you consider these berliners? Due to the no boil (they bring the temp up to 180 degrees, they dont just shake it in a sack with some DME) this has some residual grist to the swallow but again, its hard to pick out because these are POST MENOPAUSAL OSTEOPEROSIS BONE DRY. My best characterization would be “American Fruited Biere Du Pays with monocultures added” which I can only assume will be a GABF category next year.
I usually just read to the bottom of the things you say and look at the pictures, so should i get these seriously tho?
If you can only get one, most people like Pineapple the most, and yes you really should try it. There is not a clear analogue in my mind for someone doing things in quite this way and its not fair to really compare them to De Garde beers across the board either. These are really fucking tasty and OH NO YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO SHARE THEM TWELVE WAYS. Holy fuck imagine drinking a whole 3.8% 750ml to yourself, wow 2015 is a bold new year.