HOW TO DETERMINE IF YOU ARE #NEWMONEY, a clinical diagnosis

You might be new money if you set up pretrades for bottles then back out to get harder to obtain bottles that you saw on the BA top 250

You might be new money if you started trading constantly focusing on secondary values

You might be new money if you have never participated in a BIF because you dont want to get “RIPPED OFF”

You might be new money if you have tried to excise every last possible + from the bottle you bought off the shelf

You might be new money if you used tired adages like “BRUERY IS BEETUS” or “FANTOME IS BANDAIDS”

You might be new money if you intervene on every potential trade to hype up the bottles you bought to attempt to trade upwards

You might be new money if Cherry Rye seems like a mysterious unobtanable whale and you will fuck over anyone to obtain it and show off to your homebrew club

You might be new money if you have no idea who Charlie Papazian or Michael Jackson are

You might be new money if you take pics of bottles at your bottleshare with a passive aggressive humblebrag as the caption

You might be new money if you have ever said “TRADE WAS FOR [clearly not rare bottle] and he threw in [clearly more rare bottle] AS AN EXTRA!”

You might be new money if you think saisons should have the same ph as beatification

You might be new money if you haven’t been around long enough to see beatification released

You might be new money if you prefer your stouts to have at least 3+ adjuncts so that you can identify the flavors

You might be new money if you love ORVW and have no idea what Weller 12 or Michter’s 10 is.

You might be new money if you think a biere de garde is a sour

You might be new money if you stand in line for beer releases and casually mention things you might be trading the beer for

You might be new money if you have an account in good standing on BA

You might be new money if you mention brewers by their first name in conversations in an overly friendly manner

You might be new money if you post ISOs with no idea what you want but you know that what you have FT is super rare

You might be new money if you post ISOs for coffee stouts that are over 2 years old, just to say you have had them

You might be new money if you post chug videos or dipshit beer pong photos with sought after beers

You might be new money if you have used the term PORCH BOMB nonironically

You might be new money if you think a table beer should cost $20, and should be super sour

You might be new money if you enter Upland lotteries without a proxy and attempt to trade away the bottles before you have even won them

You might be new money if you have ever attempted to trade a quantity of HD/BCBS/Zombie dust for a Cantillon one off

You might be new money if you constantly complain about Fedex bills and refuse to print at home

You might be new money if you have taken a 3L bottle and acted like you were chugging it or held it near your penis suggestively

You might be new money if you have a 1oz pour in a dirty glass and enter a pithy untappd review

You might be new money if you think that a 40,000 bottle count item you bought at Walgreens should trade for Falling Rock

You might be new money if you just googled Falling Rock

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4 thoughts on “HOW TO DETERMINE IF YOU ARE #NEWMONEY, a clinical diagnosis

  1. why fore beer nerds latch on whiskey train? cognac/good brandy best good though cant wear beer work shirt while drinking because he look like extra on Drew Carrey show.

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