Associated Fermentation Press
Area Spokane resident and National Forestry Service employee, Jon Billingsly, made the unprecedented determination that his local brewery, Iron Goat Brewing Co., is the best in the entire world. “I been coming to the Goat for, shit, three years now, nothin else compares,” Billingsly noted while enjoying a pint of “Trashy Blonde”, “I mean, they got a porter on, a scotch ale on AND an irish red, at the same damn time. Who else is doin’ what the Goat is doin?”
Billingsly admitted that he had not been to any other brewery aside from B.J.’s outside of the greater Spokane area, but defiantly stood by his sweeping appraisal that no brewery of greater quality could possibly exist. “I don’t need to go to France and try Belgian beers or German triples or whatever, shit, they just put a keg of Cap’n Kidd wee heavy on, you seein this shit?” Billingsly gesticulated while spitting Skoal into a nearby pint glass, “plus they tell my wife I ain’t here when they got the live music goin on Tuesday nights, who else does that for a guy?”
When presented with innumerable other breweries or suggestions that could undermine his position, Billingsly remained recalcitrant. “‘Drink local’ alright, local is always gonna be best. No doubt in my mind. And hell, if your local ain’t like Iron Goat, well then, you’re shit outta luck buddy because we already got the best,” Billingsly noted and began pumping his fist when the local cover band, “The Shit Kickers” began playing an Eric Church song.
Owner, Greg Brandt, sagely commented, “We named Iron Goat after a famous goat in Spokane who eats garbage. Our ‘Garbage Pale Ale’ is named after that same goat. You tell me another brewery with that degree of self-awareness and connection to the community. the Iron Goat stands by Jon’s ruling.”
At press time the Iron Goat had just tapped a keg of “Punkid Punkin Ale” and Jon Billingsly nodded in solemn affirmation, resolute in his convictions, noting “there’s not a doubt in my god-damned mind.”