0

Goose Island Bourbon County Vanilla Rye, It is Actually that Good. God Damn it.

DDB is no stranger to eating shovelfuls of molten crow.  Back when I was yapping off at the nanners before the BA Barleywine tasting, the midwest cleaned up and Great got the heisman right to the chest.  It’s fine to be wrong and tuck the acorn peen between the thighs.  In this instance being speculatively wrong has never felt so right: BCBVR is amazing.  I can’t backpedal or use artful qualifiers to wriggle out of this one.  It really is that good, lamentably.  Let’s get to it already and get this pageantry over with.

NUCLEATION!? This review is now completely worthless.

NUCLEATION!? This review is now completely worthless.

Imperial Stout, Chicago, 13.4% abv, whalezbro

Ok so what sets this apart from the previously, already good, BCBVS? Different beans to flick, different BALs to juggle.  Bourbon in the previous iteration and rye in the current one.  Let’s get to it.

A:  This has a thinner aspect than coffee and the other variants with less sheeting and less, more carb, and just overall seems livelier.  There is a degree of balance to what is typically intensely massive and just looks dead on in every aspect.

S:  The nose is rich and decadent with layers of waffle cone, vanilla milkshake, Whoppers, nougat and of course sticky vanilla.  This is not vanilla extract or Yankee Candle or Glade Plug In, legit WE ARE BAKING SNICKERDOODLES, vanilla.  It is frustratingly good, it’s difficult to take in the layers of smells concurrently with the gnashing of teeth.

I got Xannies in a Bourbon County bottle, I dont take them shits but you

I got Xannies in a Bourbon County bottle, I dont take them shits but you

T:  This is a touch thinner than regular BCBS but shines as a result.  Without hefty residual sugar flab, the bakery goes into full production with mounds bar, almond joy, rich chocolate notes, cake pops, and a lingering sweet vanilla finish.  IT never becomes too sweet for its own good and delivers without excess the promise of that bean.  It is an unquestionable improvement over regular and coffee BCBS, I prefer it to Propreeshitors, baconator or otherwise.

M:  The rye barrel takes this to places that made the original BCBVS seem uninteresting.  The spicy crackle from the rye helps to offset the sticky vanilla and seems to thin out the vanilla oils with a touch of balance adding nuance and depth to a beer that could have been like sticking your cock in a soft serve cone.  It is the thinnest of the BCBS treatments since Cherry Rye and just works so well with a light fusel heat and crackle along the gumline.  It is silky but never flabby, excellent carb and you keep hitting up the ATM to get more vanilla singles/fun tickets to rain on the stage.

PART OF THE FUN IS ATTENDING BLACK FRIDAY RELEASES WITH MY PALS IN CHICAGO

PART OF THE FUN IS ATTENDING BLACK FRIDAY RELEASES WITH MY PALS IN CHICAGO

D:  This is just an outright phenomenal beer and no amount of brow furrowing, or quoting distro numbers, or making fun of dipshits on the trade boards will change that fact.  I could try to whip up a 2 minute youtube masterpiece to bring myself to terms with this but, it is just simply too well done and widely available to the masses.  Sure there are other stouts that are better, but with a much steeper casting cost.  This wont tap your lands that hard, relative to the other top tier stouts. It would be absurd to tell a DDB reader to seek this out, but I would temper that sentiment with “within reason.”

A solid stout for the holidays, but don't crack your nuts landing it.

A solid stout for the holidays, but don’t crack your nuts landing it.

Advertisements
0

@gooseisland Cthulhu, Srs Revue guise, not jokes time. Not ruining beer time. Srs.

Alright, by now you have already probably seen DDB do dumbshit and ruin Cahutlow in a coovie, but I got plenty of messages asking me to actually address what the fuck this 320 bottle midwestwhale actually TASTED like. Sometimes ruining shit is not enough, people want subjective opinions to go with their free experience on DDB. Alright, so let’s just get this out of the way off the bat: this beer is awesome, but there is no way it was worth what you gave up to land it. If you enter this maltyanoos pounder with that in mind, victim complex in hand, then the healing will be so much easier.

Bootleg tome ghost repping that bootleg Parabola in the cut.

Bootleg tome ghost repping that bootleg Parabola in the cut.

Goose Island Beer Co.
Oatmeal Stout | 10.00% ABV

First and foremost, thanks to tbadiuk and thousandfoldthought for donating this bottle for me to fucking ruin.

A: This is deep black at the center with no light permeating this bad bitch at any point. It goes hard and crushes all photons up in the chocolate malt game. The mocha foam looks like a river in Ohio, except this beer doesn’t catch on fire. The carb is on point, the lacing is phenomenal and this is beautiful and has this ebony dream sort of execution to it like a POWERFUL BOURBON STALLION YOU JUST WANT TO MOUNT AND RIDE HARD AND PUT AWAY WET. You know the feeling, your lips and thighs all raw.

Wait. Not on shelves? low bottle count? This can't possible be from Chicago. No Magic allowed.

Wait. Not on shelves? low bottle count? This can’t possible be from Chicago. No Magic allowed.

S: This is the halfway house between the vanilla/coconut/oak from Elijah craig but the base beer contributes this sort of 4 roses barrel treatment sweetness that is like mallowfoam and caramel. It is fucking phenomenal on the nose and exceeds Parabola in this regard. That is as hard for me to type as you can imagine. This whole fucking beer is like, alright they release the Porsche 911 and you are like “fuck, that is sick.” but then for $45,000.00 more, you can get a lil bit more horsepower and some extra badges. Yes, it is 8.5% doper than Parabola, but god damn this shit is optioned out so hard the dealer will be dancing on your grave before you pay it off. They need to toss this shit in 4 packs and stop pushing beer nerds collective faces into the 550 thread count stout sheets.

T: This has a fucking mind blowing balance between the roast, decadent coffee/chocolate sweetness, brownie batter and just barrel for days that just pounds like an Ernie Ball stingray out of that Ampeg 8×10 cab. The beats are steady knocking and the oak gives the sweetness a partner in crime that dries but leaves shit all sticky, like when you used to piss the bed, except it is a torrent of chocolate bourbon piss, like in your dreams. I got some people asking me how we did that “camera trick” when I poured a fuckload of this into a bowl, no camera trick, but I sure as fuck ALMOST regret it because this beer is just that good. When I say I am srs, i am not jk, am srs.

FT: one of 320 bottles so rare ISO: a fucking girlfriend

FT: one of 320 bottles so rare ISO: a fucking girlfriend

M: This is sticky as huna, but less substantial in those patented CCB sugars. It doesn’t roll that Three Floyd’s 1.045 FG. It doesn’t go all eating disorder thin like Eclipse. It somehow addresses the issues that I had with base BCBS (which is essentially fucking nothing) and improves upon the barrel, fusel notes, ratchets the heat down, improves that silky mouthfeel with a blast of oat, and just leaves you with a bukkake chocolate blast all over your gumline.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable and just gets drained LIKE V FROM ERIC NORTHMAN TO SOOKIE STACKHOUSE AMIRITE. You want more, and it is gone and you shake a snowglobe like a complete pussy and think of stouts long past: that first sip of FBS before your life was in shambles, a yeasty shell of accomplishments. This is a great beer, but it is tough to justify the cost of entry and I am sure many a person walked with a limp after getting their tradeanooes distended, giving up top tier lambic and shit. The 312 will always w[h]in[e].

OH YOU MADE AN OATMEAL STOUT IN BA BARRELS OF BOURBON BA? FUCKIN TOUGH

OH YOU MADE AN OATMEAL STOUT IN BA BARRELS OF BOURBON BA? FUCKIN TOUGH

Narrative: “NOBODY CHARGES ME FOR ADDITIONAL SAUCES, NO BODY.” His neck strained with rage and a sweaty brow. He used to be such a good friend and, for a few moments he was actually pretty fun, but this is not the Chad that you remember from college. “OH I AM SORRY AM I MAKING A SCENE? well guess what GOOD I DONT NEED TO BE EATING HERE BRO I JUST WANTED SOME GOD DAMN RANCH FOR THESE STRIPS. I DONT. LIKE. DRY. STRIPS!!!” The smell of chocolate and bourbon hung in the air. It takes so much just to even meet up with this guy. You hang your head sulking, oh great, a co-worker happens to come into this Denny’s? It used to be such a good time with Chad, going to ball games, kicking back a few brews, now he is misquoting the Da Vinci code and hitting on the receptionist from your office. “YEAH SO THATS WHY THEY CALL IT A JET BOAT, I am sorry, too much for you? Too much speed? Or you just dont know nothing about boats? Don’t touch me bro, I am hollering at this girl, OH IM SORRY, SORRY FOR BEING SO EMBARASSING YOU, CAPTAIN NO SEX WITH HAYLEY SINCE 5 MONTHS AGO. “We should do this more often, check please.” You would only meet once, but that was a powerful bourbon soaked endeavor.