On instagram straight flexin

I swear to douche dick if one more brewery sends me a teku imma slam my erect penis in a car door

Ain’t a damn thing funny, You got to have a car in this land of oat 🍞 and honey 🍯, a pretty solid if not earth shattering offering from Holy Mountain and Monkish. If you took Biere De Miel and a more acidic Anna, you would get this lightly sweet, bit o Honey, lemon chic o stick adventure. 

It is extremely crisp and has a wafer thin frame, all knees and elbows. Almost offputtingly underweight like Allison Williams, but it has a certain sharp Brett L profile like key limes that doesn’t take it too far like some of the Monkish “saisons” and the monoculture emphasis is kept in check. The swallow is sharp and has a touch of chalky alkalinity, I see the contrast and ph disparity between those modifiers but, just trust me. There are other similar saisons and this is pretty charming throughout.

People who bought it, will drink it. Dudes who want dissolved tootsie rollpaccinos, won’t give a shit.

Few boxes get me as torqued as when a Voodoo box arrives. Every hole in the shipped is pumping thick liquids. I suspect that the ba quad father will be the best from this bunch and dipshits will still overlook it bc “I had stbernardus once not my style I have evolved since then TBH”

Their barrel game is God tier and I am always ready to crank down when these BRCs drop.

Here we have a Tombstone stout aged in woodford rye barrels, a tasty albeit not earth shattering foray into Dr Pepper riffs. This has an extremely svelte body and you expect a ribbon floor routine to commence. 
It is ironic that a classic iteration almost draws ire for being insubstantial when palates are so skewed to accept 1.040 as a reasonable FG these days, but here we are. This has Cola nut, a spicy rye crackle like pumpernickel bread, a bit of prailine and some earth chia seed going on. Again the mouthfeel leaves no cling and almost reminds me of a Baltic porter in how clean it is. If you enjoy that ultra continental European riff (cf. Narke, MN town hall, Central Waters) then you will love this old school approach to a stripped down BA stout.

Tfw a brewer writes the recipe for their next stout

I anticipate most sleep apnea riddled beer nerds will demand more sugar and a less efficient yeast profile and complain that this reminds them of Pepsi, their breakfast beverage. I am somewhere it between, it’s pretty tasty and easy to drink but it’s not remarkable in the Platonic sense in that the faults are by design and fall into preference rather than objective oversight. It’s probably already triple digits in Arizona so can we really fault them for making a “refreshing”‘stout? TAKE A WALK IN THEIR TEVAS B4 U JUDGE 👩‍⚖️ 

Chaotic Insecure Nucleations, another beer from second shift that I expected to be some excoriating vial of radioactive spiders actually presents a thin, lemony fabric pull from the Logsdon loom. The back end has this Brett B bittering Brie rind funkiness which chain combos into the next sip because the front swallow is all jazz apple and muscat grape must. It isn’t terribly complex, but it feels like the Nissan Murano of the farmhouse world, just an old dependable to get you from A to B without people clowning the shit out of you at a tasting. If you didn’t tell me I would swear there was some white grape 🍇 interplay here because the Brett profile is so dry that is drags long along the gumline crackling a Welch’s juicy juice along the mandible. Some heft to the viscosity would make this most drinkable and add depth to the middle body which is kinda like a forgettable Barefoot Riesling. But the rest of it bangs like a Rockford Fosgate bandpass box.

I’m doing my best ok

The inimitable Tim Weable keeping DDB in growlers and pours.

What a swell lady. Increasing my BMI tenfold.

I mean by ten actual folds.

Y the fuck you call it purple when you mix it pink. You know I fucking mix the drinks when the shit’s too strong, this ain’t a saison. Mite not make it.

That Chateau de Douchebag was a surprise hit so it piqued my interest in these Second Shifters. This little berry spritzer did not disappoint either and for a brewery that I expected some ham fisted execution, actually rolls out very refined caseyesque offerings. The nose has a touch of ground bloomer detonated firework sulphur, but there’s a cherry 7up crackle to it that is loveable like grape fruit leather. It pops and sizzles but doesn’t maintain a bullshit sucrose krausen that crackles away, it keeps pumping out the raspberry la croix tones.

The taste is extremely light and there’s a deliberately gentle messaging of the acidity. It strikes with a Hawaiian Punch to the lower gumline but like a SFII jab it recoils instantly and remains poised. This isn’t like most blackberry iterations in that it doesn’t go tannic, merlot, sour; it falls almost closer to the framboise realm and I am ultimately grateful for same. It’s has a weird chalky hardness to the finish that is lip smacking and actually lends itself to faster drinking without that acidic turbo lag while your upper GI spoils up.

For the uninitiated, this drills like a fun Rosé or a fruited pret nat. Everyone can drink  this, and they should. I’m not gonna make some condescending sexist jab at sorority palates and then retreat behind craft beer marketing statistics, but there is a certain segment that would very much enjoy this that perhaps would otherwise be occupying themselves in a more Bellini forward ambit.

It’s good, and thanks to the crushing Side Project hype defraying attention, the cost of entry couldn’t be more reasonable. Get it inside of u.

I had pretty meh expectations for this. On paper a hoppy purveyor of alpha acid goods rarely crosses the aisle to craft some compelling ba stouts. I was very wrong and this beer has a Nestle Quik poise coupled with a silky Buffalo Trace dove bar finish. The carb is minimal and emphasizes the crushed satin along the gumline. This doesn’t have an underattenuated drag to it but it isn’t bone dry either, the Hershey Syrup to 2% ratio is spot on, mama is gone let me lick the spoon.

 I could use a touch more roastiness to temper some of the sweet notes but this is far from the Three Floyds or Cigar City realm of “FG vis a vis OG” type of sticky sweetness. Barrel profile unified the experience with a type of krispie treat meets tollhouse chip. The beer drinks akin to Parabola which is essentially the gold standard in my book for integration and tightly woven stout seams. I have no idea how accessible this one is but I would be shocked if this brewery makes a beer better than this, exceptional.

“Hey let’s make an amber lager. Also fuck those prediabetic dipshits lining up for confectionary aisle ales” – Live Oak, probably.

Here is the Live Oak marketing strategy in a nutshell: 1) brew only the most completely forgotten or irrelevant styles, 2) do them better than anyone else in the entire world 3) let other breweries make saccharine stouts.

Zero haze. Failure pilsner. 

Talk about a brewery that couldn’t give a squirt of second runnings about what is “in” I don’t even think they have a house ale strain. This place makes beers from this bizarro Papazian timeline where Gore won in 2000, no one discovered hops, and clean ass lagers became refined. 

I went there last year and the hilariously simple yet genius lay out of this place is underscored with the direct focus of what they do: they make like eight beers total and none of them have subdordinate clauses as names. They use horizontal used dairy tanks to reduce hydrostatic pressure.  You don’t give a fuck. I tell people all the time about simple elegant canned lagers and as we speak a raffle for a rum barrel neopolitan beer is filling for $800.

I took this to a sketch comedy show and a casual said “this is the best normal beer I’ve ever had.” That’s a phenomenal compliment in my book.

We deserve the beer scene we create. I almost never urge people to exit their markets and leverage FedEx but, for cost of entry please lean on a friend from Austin because there’s no way you have anything like this in your local market.