Orange County is a wellspring of pre-existing craft beer lords and sprightly upstarts who are attempting to muscle in on market share at every turn. Under the calm watchful eye of the Bruery lords, other breweries have sprouted up with their OWN reserve societies, and their OWN emphasis.  Not quite the beer wasteland that Los Angeles can be, but far from the oversaturated nightmare that is San Diego, the County of Orange is an odd proving ground for new ideas.

Santa Ana doesn’t exactly spring to mind as a rustic landscape for saison innovation.  There are government buildings and Yoshinoyas and dudes selling roasted corn and off-brand Dora the Explora dolls at every turn. If a city could literally be a Quincinera, that would be Santa Ana.  BUT CAN YOU MAKE SAISONS THERE?  Good Beer Company is damn sure willing to try.

Their model is a type of Tillamooky endeavor offering a well-crafted stable of samey saisons each with a different riff or run on the mixolydian scale.  You have the Oro lineup, which is essentially an incredibly clean, FG 1.0000000000000 table saison that is usually fruited to some DeG(a)r(d)ee.  The paralells to Trevor’s work are tough to shake because it really makes you think of the Bu series and the innumerable fruited Jester King sours. The blackberry is not jammy and puts a skin and tannins foot forward, driving that crushability index through the roof.

The nectarine has an incredibly refreshing citrus nose coupled with an acidic bite that never hits an acetic level, but lacks the gristy complexity to buttress the depth that is solicited from other world class AWAs.  Perhaps asking all of that out of a 4% table saison is a bit much, TAKE IT EASY TIGER MOM SET REASONABLE STANDARDS I DONT EVEN LIKE THE VIOLIN

Then you have the sangria lineup, which would be an Imperial Bu sort of analog and these are really fucking tasty.  If your fedex limitations only allow you to toss your hat into one Santa Ana barrio, seek these out. They have the substantial 6% abv and more nuance grist bill to allow some creaminess to come out, each a little different than the last.

The labels are cool and have a sort of kitschy 70s appeal to them, each tossing out that Denny’s menu approach of just showing you the fruits therein.  The produce sourcing is on par with Alamanac and they never lean towards jammy jeans, the peach and cherry was almost more like a Rose wine meets an American Kriek of sorts.  This wasn’t my favorite blend but it was still pretty drillable and without any overt discernable flaws.

This one though, holy fuck.  This triple stone fruit blend surpasses the clear analogues in your mind with the pure bouquet alone.  If they made this a cologne I would be the victim of perpetual sexual assault because those pitted fruits lend themselves to a magical tropical escape.  This is that weird cum colored Life Saver meets a biere de pays, so fucking awesome.  This is the best beer that GBC makes and you owe it to your dead grandfather’s legacy to try this beer in his honor. You know how he loved nectarines.

And then there’s the middle children like this variant which is kinda like Sans Pagaie scissored with a less acidic Framboise de Amarosa.  Incredible nose, slightly watery krieky execution that dominates the esters, but still pretty tasty.  A touch of DMS issues was underlying at higher temps but that might be some off note from the produce, who knows?  It could be the Santa Ana [insert latently racist, Hispanic-intolerant generalization] THAT WE ALL KNOW ABOUT!

Their house beers are clean, simple, well-executed but honestly nothing to lose your shit over.  It’s not like tired Dupont strains or reverse coded Westmalle shit, but it isn’t god tier Sante Adairius propagation either.  It is a nascent cultural development, like when you give a Nascar driver money and act surprised at the shit he spends it on.

Let’s see, what else are these dudes doing?

They have these hoppy riffs which at the outset are kinda aserose/grapefruit/resinous plays on their meh house beers, but then barrel aged with fruit added and they are flying under radar hard for how delicious they are.  I am totally fine with these not setting the ISO boards on fire, because I will warm myself contently with this funky, apricoty, juicy banger.  THOTs be flockin.

This line is kinda a smash up of the fruit forward Sangrias and the saison purist of their house beers and it plays a conservative line that ensures sheer crushability and never drills your gumline in a menacing way.  Like Dorothy or Noble King, you can put down a full 750ml and still feel confident to get your balloon knot bleached.  You dont get set back in any meaningful way and the beauty is in the balance and well rounded profile, it’s like Toad in Mario Kart, of the saison world.

Finally we have the Blends, each one is totally different but these are the most “traditional” offerings and while usually talking about the marketing or label is a total fucking cop out, the faux-Southwest/Native American look makes me want to pass out in an Adobe house while making some turqouise jewelry.  Blend 3 is pretty okay, it is like a less cherry/amber Biere De Garde and you certainly could do worse in this realm, but their other offerings are so good that it’s hard to rub one out to this aspect of their lineup.  These are essentially on par with the “regular” Prairie beers in that they are focused, and usually make other breweries saisons look shitty.  But if you are gonna make them fight about their weight class with the likes of HF or Mackenzie, prepare for the cauliflowered ears.

The two bottles I had evidenced retention problems and had a watery mouthfeel that detracted from the experience, like a modernist entryway, there was no lacing to speak of.  They are pretty deece, but then again so are the saisons from Penrose, it’s hard to raise a flag for something neither doing something exceptional nor shitting the bed in a White Birch way.  I am without remark on these blends and they are, by definition and in medical parlance, unremarkable.

So to sum up these 1100 words:

Awesome fruited beers, incredible sangria lineup, meh house beers, smashtastic hopped 750s, and pretty deece blends.  And references about how Santa Ana used to be the place where you would buy a fake SSN and throwing stars.

That about sums up Good Beer Co, go check them out, or don’t, I dont give a fuck I am rich off these clickbucks, brb selecting which type of ostrich interior I want in my g5.  WHO SAYS THEY CANT FLY AMIRITE????

  
And other perplexing methane tales.

  
Holy butterscotch monsters, this beast is the Willett lineup answer to WLW and it does not disappoint. The nasal drip is like crushed up Werthers original adderall, massive firey sugar daddies and caramel apples made in a synthetic oak lab. 

This is too much to handle undiluted for my baby palate and a tiny eye dropper of water brings this into a Parkers heritage 8 realm of sorts, but still exceptional and sticky mallow drippings.

So is it in the realm of the tater chaser pvwcxxxx dipshits?

No.

Thank god. Let Willett rest in peace with these mind blowing offerings knowing DDB doesn’t affect shit in the mudwater realm

An elusive lambic one off made the Three Floyd’s European facility, Drie Feonteinenes? You know DDB had to give nana a smooch and taste them sherry tonez:

At the outset you probably assume that DDB is drinking out of a vase to be a demonstrative asshole.  Ah yes, that timeworn paradigm, drinking a $500 beer out of something nonstandard to degrade the beer and concurrently demonstrate a modicum of superiority, as trite as the summer day is long.

But low key the label TELLS you to decant this beer.  TOTALLY DIFFERENT than the usual DDB attention seeking, community college drama student bullshit.

So what makes this beer so decantable? THEM OLD, WITHERED SHERRY BALS:

“Zenne y Frontera is a unique creation from master-brewer and geuze-blender Armand Debelder and maître-sommelier Andy De Brouwer. This natural millésime beer is a blend of young lambics that have been aged for another 12 months in 40 year old Oloroso and PX sherry casks. Thanks to the long maturation, the geuze-like notes of our authentic 3 Fonteinen lambic are well accentuated by the typical, fine Oloroso and Pedro Ximénez characteristics. By gently decanting the Zenne y Frontera, the aroma of this unique lambic will evolve from vividly tangy to a complex nutty and fully fruity bouquet.”

THIS IS MOAR RARE THAN RARE.  40 year sherry casks > 35 year Heavens Hills barrels, do the math.

So at the outset I was circumspect of degassing a gentle lambic, but holy shit this beer became pillowy and sublime.  The look has that ruddy, wheaty, gristy orange and copper haze like many of the usual 3F goozies, but the carb just has this frothy whip to it like furniture stuffing.  The sheeting even in the decanter was substantial and clung harder than a Samoan preteen being sent to weight-loss camp.

rare lambic? ANOTHER ONE.

The nose is amongst the most complex you could ever demand. This honestly is the entire reason for this beer and decanting it takes this gentle flower and unpacks the strata of mineral spritzer, chalk, figs, morels, deep port wine tannins, and this long earthy closer that is more fall than even Herfst presented.  It is autumn incarnate, and absolutely flawless.

The taste after decanting was far more gentle than I anticipated and never once crackled along the gumline without restraint.  The acids rolled in a cheesy grist imparting those deep merlot meets grapefruit pith, closing long with that alkaline drip of snorting rails of lambic that has never been stepped on.  There is a residual lip smacking dryness that tastes older than it actually is, the elements of thrift store and attic underscore the dustiness of the fragile antique.  Again, it never overstays its welcome, nor does it put up any fruity pretenses.  It is refined in every aspect and easily one of the finest lambics I have ever tasted.  I would have enjoyed a bit more middle carb and pop to the mid-palate, but i fucking decanted it, that’s like wishing for a backseat in your lambo.

PRETY GOOD BELGIUM WILD ALE IMPORT

This is that sheepish moment where I “suggest” you go track down a 600 bottle, Belgium only release that is reselling for hundreds and hundreds of dollars.  “Thanks DDB, go bang your Jar Jar Binks fleshlight.”

ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU.

  
Inb4 jokes about how this Sazzy is “legal” or other age statement shit.

  
Before the noble Vanilla experiment was conducted, this beer was the toast of the town. The speculation across the board was that this beer would usher in a new era of stout prosperity and barrel aged benevolence to the subservient retinue of vanilla attendants. And to be clear, it did very well. It held its own amiably against arguably the fiercest lineup this side of a BVDL omission.

But after two hard fought years, nothing oily can stay. I can imagine that this at the height of its reign was an even handed ruler of the Vanillaverse. This explains the rampant JEGquisitions and willingness to drop $43 for a 12oz bottle after shipping. It is STILL better than most vanilla stouts out there. That being said the body has lost that interplay of black patent malt tempering the waffle cone that was present in the base beer. The whole thing is more integrated but feels less substantial, like Florida retirees, it has become cloyingly conservative in its waning years.

The vanilla and fudge brownie are still a confectioner’s Dream and the barrel presence has fused into a cold stone creamery gang bang of sorts: chocolate sauce and cake batter all over your chest. It just isn’t FRESH vanilla frosting shooting in frothy ropes.

Even still, nothing is more hilarious than stupid dipshits paying $250+ for a 5+ year old bottle of 2010 bcbvs, this beer held up leagues better than that geriatric driver. Lock down a Vanilla Eclipse for a third of the entry cost and move on in anticipation of the next Danish invasion.   

Looking forward to the future.

 
 The k and l single barrel pick has nice cut lumber and residual oakiness, but really only marginally better than regular old forester which is a solid deal in the $30 realm.
The 2013 was my personal favorite of this baby vert, blast of red berry and cherry cordial tempered with a touch of red hots.

The 2014 was also very good but not the darling everyone painted it out to be in them brown water tater forums. The nose is dried banana chips; duraflame log and hot tamales. The taste is an oaky tannic blast of shop class and nilla wafers. It closes with a sort of almond skin that is fine but def not worth the steep cost of entry. Plus this nearly double in secondary price over the past year, so maybe just sip regular ass eagle rare or woodford reserve instead.

The 2015 is also exceptional and one of the best deals in the real of “affordable secondary notes” sitting pretty at like $160 at this time. A 12 year age statement with a perfectly refined 100 proof that delivers the calm heat of something akin to four roses yellow label. This is sticky candy apple, maple and brown sugar, and an exceptionally long finish. The nose screams holiday cheer with vanilla and clove, puréed elf cum and smashed gingerbread persons. 

Oh hey shit you know what else is an awesome 100 proof banger?

  
I love that the majority of BTAC obsessed wholly ignore the stellar offerings from SAOS. An age stated single barrel offering for $60 is crazy in this day and age. It makes me hesitant to bring up the Bookers one offs and such on this site because while I am content to ruin beer for myself, I don’t feel like ruining the bourbon world for myself just yet. 

No amount of cinnamon dregs will make this Gop debate palpable.

When I first saw the mock ups for the Hoof Hearted marketing materials, I was like “makes sense, use placeholding MS Paint images until they, wait what, that’s seriously what their logo looks like? Well- shit.”

Now they are pushing the envelope, creasing it in half with IPAs that look like this:

It is like a trub-race to see who can make the filthiest IPA in the game.  Those MA and VT technicians were leading the charge and canning shaken pineapple juice, but Hoof Hearted said fuck all that and is now just canning Wyeast smack packs.

With the modern ticker palates being what they are, by 2017 “IPAs” will look like Wendy’s frosties and people will be like “OH SHIT THAT BEIGE OPAQUE LOOK IS SO ON POINT, I LOVE THE KHAKI LACING FROM THE MILKY DISCHARGE 100/100.”

This “matter in suspension” aka YEAST WARS has no chill. No chill haze. I can only assume that the Hoof Hearted way is to toss 80% of each batch and only hand source the most mayonaisey of the trub cake, aka that reserve Solara method aka Camry sourcing.

God damn I cannot wait to actually try one of these so I can eat my own words if these are actually delicious. I will gladly recant if these taste better than they look, but as it stands this is straight Donald Duck grocery aisle OJ.

For comparison, try to determine which is a glass of Hoof Hearted and which is actually lukewarm chicken broth:

  
Edit: holy shit their merchandise page I cant even

Don’t worry, Revolution Brewing doesn’t make a barrel aged vanilla stout.

After months of work and hundreds of dollars tracking down these 19 bottles, opening them blind, and crunching all the numbers: I am now fully prepared to listen to the blubbering of landlocked dipshits complaining about how Bourbon Vanilla Dark Lord was not included.

In opening so many world class beers blind, it almost is a sleight to think of any of these beers as “losing” such a competition.  Alas, in blind rankings someone has to bring up the rear, and there were quite a few surprises along the way.

This is the order in which the bottles were opened, from L to R:

The winners and “losers” were as follows:

Text nonsense below:

Pictured in order as ranked above:

This time inverted, first place on the far right, down to the humble Pipeworks Vanilla abduction on the far left.

Some takeaways from this noble experiment:

1. There appears to be a noted bias against the non-barrel aged control beers, and therefore perhaps Pipeworks and Brewdog would have stomped the testicles of the competition if their BALs were included. Perhaps.
2. The age of the bottle seemed to have some bearing on the scores, with the alleged “unfadeable” [fn1] 2010 BCBVS falling in the middle of the pack, but 2014 Vanilla Rye finishing first place.  This would also account for the placement of BA Vanilla shake, another crowd favorite turned upset.
3. Viscosity and mouthfeel are the stage in which the beans are flicked, so there appeared to be a trend wherein “thinner” beers like the offerings from Karbach and Highland Park came across like Pepsi and Dr. Pepper with their gentle waify bodies tossed around in favor of residual sugars and heft.

4.  The paradigm of cost to quality, within the scope of hype seemed to skew everywhere.  Certainly the cost of entry controls perceived value, but Derivation 2 was damn near the best regardless of hype. Of note are the two “homebrew” titans from Kyle Jukes and 3 Sons clocking in at the top of the pack, demonstrating that small batch beers on nonstandard setups can return awesome results.

5. The heralded battle between Fundamental Observation and Vanilla Rye almost ended up in a dead even stand-off.  Perhaps two different palates could have inverted these two results, the preferences were so contentious that they might be viewed in directly equal parity. Notwithstanding, it is important to note that “shelfturds” like the new Eclipse Vanilla and the wildly impressive Prairie Noir still held their own amiably in a ridiculously tough lineup.

6.  The Bruery, with almost zero fanfare received high praise and return pours once the beers were unveiled.  The perceived loss of stock in a company turning out consistently awesome beers is great in the climate of whale hunters who have moved on, seeking more cetacean waters.

7.  The biggest upsets of the evening were both SoCal darlings: Hangar 24 Pugachev Royale and Alesmith Velvet Speedway. After combing through the notes it appears that the death knell to these two beers was an odd lack of balance respective to each.  With Royale the common complaint was predicated on the “heat” of the bottle, which may have been remedied if served in larger pours at higher temps.  The relatively thin body of Velvet coupled with a subtle vanilla presence seemed to draw focus away from its nuanced style.  People were pretty shocked where both clocked in.

8.  Within the lower echelon were the nonstandard offerings which seemed deficient by contrast: either for a lack of barrel aging, a Natalie Portman thin body, cedar agign, or for merely being an Imperial Porter.  The numbers were unanimous in this regard and while the “bottom” tier in a world class tasting still contains notably awesome beers, they simply could not stand up to the Holly Holm onslaught of getting pounded in the bean all night.

Or maybe DDB is just a shill pussy offering prevaricating language to preserve relationships with the bottom ranked breweries.  Maybe DDB needs to pander and offer conciliatory prose to offer a gentle patpat on the scapula of the fallen.  Or maybe DDB doesnt trust its readers enough to infer that the worst in a tasting is no demarcation of an objective lack of quality.  Maybe DDB doesnt even know that Cocoa Psycho wasn’t even barrel aged and doesn’t even contain coffee or psycho. WHO KNOWS

At any rate, congratulations again to Chicago for literally and metaphorically representing both the best and the absolute worst in the beer world. Hats off to all of the breweries involved, fantastic job all around.

BRB setting up a gmail folder for all of the “SHITTY TASTING WHERE WAS MY [stupid obscure local draft-only import stout aged on vanilla beans]” emails.

[fn1 it is common knowledge that the adjuncts in midwest stouts never falloff, coffee and vanilla exist in perpetuity and will always drink JUST AS GOOD AS EVER, particularly in the esteem of parties attempting to trade away 5 year old bottles.]

Every year beer consumers develop nuances and habits that become increasingly difficult to break.  Some of them are downright INFURIATING.  Below is a list of the biggest offenders that you should cut out of your life in 2016:

1. Stop Mailing Corks and Cages to Your Ex Girlfriend

We have all been there, you have had a few and start looking through your phone, next thing you know, a collection of cork and aluminum garbage has been Fedex’ed to Jennifer in Tampa.  This is a normal activity between consenting adults, but it’s improper to mail a box full of these to just anyone.  You can’t keep this up in 2016, it’s time to move on.

2. Cut Ties with that Shamanic Kegwasher

It is easy to fall into routine and allow yourself to be pulled down by that necromage who cleans kegs and promises eternal splendor in exchange for your spiritual allegiance.  Stop collecting ingredients for his potions or eidolons.  You don’t need him anymore, 2016 is your year.

3.  Don’t Let Your Beer Representative Force You to Watch Kazaam

this ends in 2016.

In the three tier system, beer reps can be VERY persuasive.  Sometimes it feels like those 6 packs of Dortmunder got on the shelf practically on their own.  Despite this, you don’t need to be watching any 1996 family fantasy films starring Shaquille O’Neal. No matter what your beer rep says, there’s no need to watch STEEL either, you have more important things to do.

4.  Let Your Android Double Sent Back from the Future Out of Your Beer Cellar

he’s so bored down there

Old habits die hard, and this is no truer than when you need to cut ties with the cybernetic doppleganger you trapped in your basement.  You might feel like he is helping your beer collection, but in reality, no one needs a time traveling avatar and he needs to get back to correcting the chronology continuum in his own dimension.  A better you is right around the corner.

5.  Let Someone Else Declare, “This Was Overhyped” Once in a While

“I guess I just expected more, based upon things other people also said, to which I listened.”

In 2016 it will be important to know when to lead and when to allow others to dismissively write off a beer at a tasting. A balanced life means you allow others to complain loudly about something, don’t keep all those bold generalizations to yourself.  Sharing is growing.

6.  Designate Your Beer Collection to a Beneficiary in a Conditional Will

Getting older means planning for the future.  In the event of your untimely demise, it would be irresponsible to escheate all those stale barleywines to be divided up among your estranged family members pell mell.  Select a recipient and make receipt of the beer collection hinge upon a life trial.  “Stay Overnight in a Haunted House” is a bit trite, but 2016 is your year, you need to make these hard decisions.

7.  Stop Savagely Twisting the Nipples of Your Hop Vendor

[photo redacted]

This is a simple fix that many people overlook: it is improper and likely illegal to grip and twist the papilla of another person, so don’t do it.  Chances are, a wholesaler doesn’t like leaving an establishment with violent dermal ruptures, either. Sure you might feel that urge when he shows up with some Southern Cross or Opal, but wholly crushing a person’s areolas in mid-conversation is gauche at best.

8.  Finish the Great American Beer Trade Novel

You bought a Macbook last year, and despite this, you still never finished writing your magnum opus about two people dropping boxes off at UPS. What’s stopping you? 2016 is the year to remedy that. The public absolutely needs to read the tale of a box being shipped via railroad to a new destination. Writer’s Tip: mirror sections from Ulysses in your bottle shop hunt for dramatic effect.  A new year means a whole new year of creating!

9.  Stop Steeping Three Doors Down CDs in Roggenbiers

dont give in to temptation.

This might be the most difficult behavior to alter, but there is no better time than today to stop submerging six times platinum “THE BETTER LIFE” underneath German rye ales. You might not even notice that you are doing it at this point, but when you get the urge to completely soak your “KRYPTONITE” single, ask yourself if there’s something else you should be covering in Germanic esters instead.

10.  Don’t Send Any More Boxes of Beer to Voltaire

not even once.

Many people mistake “gratuity” with “buying affection” and this is no truer than when you attempt to send boxes of triple IPAs to French Enlightenment polymath, Voltaire.  Despite having been deceased for over 238 years, it shows poor confidence to constantly pander to the Gallic historian. You deserve better.  This one simple trick will also stop international boxes from being returned with labels to “CANDIDE MAN, Versailles.”  This will save you hundreds of dollars in a single year!

DDB hopes that these tips improve your 2016 immeasurably, HOP SLAM IS COMING OUT NEXT MONTH!