Hoof Hearted Has Got to Be Trolling People, Taking that Turbidity IPA to Bold New Slurries

When I first saw the mock ups for the Hoof Hearted marketing materials, I was like “makes sense, use placeholding MS Paint images until they, wait what, that’s seriously what their logo looks like? Well- shit.”

Now they are pushing the envelope, creasing it in half with IPAs that look like this:

hoof1

It is like a trub-race to see who can make the filthiest IPA in the game.  Those MA and VT technicians were leading the charge and canning shaken pineapple juice, but Hoof Hearted said fuck all that and is now just canning Wyeast smack packs.

With the modern ticker palates being what they are, by 2017 “IPAs” will look like Wendy’s frosties and people will be like “OH SHIT THAT BEIGE OPAQUE LOOK IS SO ON POINT, I LOVE THE KHAKI LACING FROM THE MILKY DISCHARGE 100/100.”

This “matter in suspension” aka YEAST WARS has no chill. No chill haze. I can only assume that the Hoof Hearted way is to toss 80% of each batch and only hand source the most mayonaisey of the trub cake, aka that reserve Solara method aka Camry sourcing.

God damn I cannot wait to actually try one of these so I can eat my own words if these are actually delicious. I will gladly recant if these taste better than they look, but as it stands this is straight Donald Duck grocery aisle OJ.

For comparison, try to determine which is a glass of Hoof Hearted and which is actually lukewarm chicken broth:

  
Edit: holy shit their merchandise page I cant even

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13 thoughts on “Hoof Hearted Has Got to Be Trolling People, Taking that Turbidity IPA to Bold New Slurries

  1. Hahahaha, I love the post. But, the beer is good. Isn’t part of what makes craft beer fun is people doing this “different”? Why are people getting angry about them having a goofy gimmicky name and fun cheesy artwork? They’re making great beer.

  2. I dated a guy that lived in Marengo for a year and a half. I’m surprised they have internet there. That being said, that’s a damn tasty brew.

  3. @dontdrinkbeer- this stuff is legit- their triple IPA, dragon saddle, might be the most amazing imperial IPA I have had. (But us Midwesterners have so few top tier ones around)

  4. I’m sure it’s good. But with a little more time and effort, it could probably be even better. After all, appearance is part of the whole experience.

  5. I prefer the super turbid cloudy look to a clean/ clear look. Usually is accompanied by an amazing, creamy, delicious mouthfeel too. To each their own I guess (full discloure I’m a NE IPA snob) but Hoof is one of the only breweries I’ll trade NE hops for and the cloudy look is a big part of why.

  6. I dunno man, Columbus has a pretty amazing beer scene and people are just about shoving each other over to get their hands on it. It’s pretty spectacular, and I’d be prepared to eat those words.

  7. Pingback: Hoof Hearted Mega Review: Them Elusive Egg Drop Sou-IPAs – Web-Log9

  8. Mmmmm chicken broth that taste like papaya juice!! Sorry for your massive hurting in your butt, but these beers aren’t going anywhere. People are just jealous that people are enjoying something SO much!!! Get a life

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