Craft Beer is experiencing a huge market bubble in recent years, recent studies show that a new craft brewery is opening every 18 hours! Despite this rise in interest and market share, the inherent lack of meaning in life and existence devoid of purpose helps these pro brewers ferment some TASTY TREATS. The taps wont stop flowing! We asked each one of these brewers about their secret ingredients used in brewing, well knowing that their struggles against the mortal coil will be completely in vain.
NUMBER NINE! – Vinnie Cilurzo, Russian River Brewing
THE PLINY MASTER!
“One thing most people overlook are simcoe hops, it imparts a nice resinous aspect, especially since a person exists only as a consequence of his culpability and whose life is an expiation of the crime of being born. So it rounds out hoppy beers really!”
NUMBER EIGHT – Wayne Wambles – Cigar City Brewing
Huna MASTERMIND
“A great late boil addition is turbinado sugar, if you can somehow overlook the fact that the higher the organism, the greater the suffering, the more acute awareness of mortality. Plus it boosts the abv, cleans out the mouthfeel, and helps to eschew the omnipresent feelings of dread at the inequities of life.”
NUMBER SEVEN – Matt Lincoln – Fremont Brewing Company
MATT IS THE B-BOMB!
“When I am not dwelling on the oppressive inherent adsurdism of free will, I like to spice things up with a fistful of Caravienne to give my beers a touch of that toffee taste, and take my thoughts away from recurrent sisyphean sadness.”
NUMBER SIX – Brian “Spike” Buckowski – Terrapin Brewing Company
Spike dips a madeline into Earl Grey and it all comes rushing back to him LIKE A FOAMY KEG!
“Since we are in Georgia, we tweak our water supply with malic acid to lower the pH to get a more continental execution to our beers. But to be honest, no amount of human activity will secure a meaningful legacy in a thoughtless, uncaring world. I don’t know why we even bother, really.”
NUMBER FIVE – Cory King – Side Project/Perennial Brewing
Cory takes expert care with his barrels, despite the fact that all matter will ultimately be destroyed by entropy
” Most people overlook the classic Optic malt from the UK. While our beers might seem Belgian in execution, eventually the sun will explode, consuming everyone we have ever known or loved, leaving no record of our endless toils behind. Despite this, we like to keep a very dynamic brewing schedule, and this malt is a great workhorse!”
NUMBER FOUR – Jason Perkins – Allagash Brewing
Perkins produces world-class Belgian inspired ales, well knowing that the weight of ethical responsibility can never be truly attained
“While we are certainly inspired by Senne Traditions, we use German Acidulated malt to stop the night tremors and constant feelings of dread that our one finite existence is squandered with perpetual inaction, also it helps to lower mash pH, but primarily we use it for the former reasons. It really shines in Curieux.”
NUMBER THREE – Dan Carey – New Glarus Brewing Company
Wisconsin’s own master of malts
“You can’t over-complicate the beer you are setting out to create. Wisconsin Door Cherries are a great addition that gives that natural rustic sweetness, but never approaches being overly cloying. Ultimately, Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does. There’s really no escaping that axiom in brewing.”
NUMBER TWO – Ron Gansberg – Cascade Brewing
The genius behind Cascade’s serious SOUR POWER
” At Cascade we- a man never is happy, but spends his whole life in striving after something which he thinks will make him so; he seldom attains his goal, and when he does, it is only to be disappointed; he is mostly shipwrecked in the end, and comes into harbor with mast and rigging gone. And then, it is all one whether he has been happy or miserable; for his life was never anything more than a present moment always vanishing; and now it is over.”
NUMBER ONE – Arthur Schopenhauer – Schopenhauer Rustic Ales
Triple Gold medal winner at the 2009 GABF Awards
“in order to increase his pleasures, man has intentionally added to the number and pressure of his needs, which in their original state were not much more difficult to satisfy than those of the brute. Hence luxury in all its forms; delicate food, the use of tobacco and opium, spirituous liquors, fine clothes, and the thousand and one things that he considers necessary to his existence.”
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED ALL THE HOT BREWING TIPS! Remember: the best beer in the world IS THE ONE IN YOUR GLASS!
This is a tried and true stallion of the mega farmhouse world and the 11/14 release is no exception. 
dontdrinkbeer 