Once you have this triple IPA you have seen everything the acorn penis beer world has to offer.
Neckbearded Darklord shirt wearing beer experts be scissoring in untappd comparing badges on their Grindr accounts.
While I usually break Knee Deep’s balls, Simtra is a pretty okay substitute for pty and you don’t have to be a condescending pussy like me to get it.
Also FT: 3oz bathroom hand bottle ISO: Midwest 20k+ bottle off shelf release.
I am here at Mohawk Bend thought I would swing by for some Pliny the Younger. The event page said nothing about tickets just that it would be tapped at 6. Turns out all tickets were presold out by 4pm. Pretty fucking tight. They said they have some “left over” at 8pm but nobody got time for that.
I hate going to any beer bar this time of year, it is nothing but level one acorn penis Cicerones with their tired ass friends impressing with comments about maltiness and residual sugars. Suck your own labias. There are plenty of triple iPas out there, each maltose and more fusel than the last. Just because you stunted the fuck out of the crew of BJs doesn’t mean we need some interjecting advice from a dude in a Tommy Bahamas shirt and a Nextel phone. Fuck off.
This dude was like “if you like hops you gotta get row2 man it will show you what simcoe hops are” I was like “oh ok” and ordered a Humulus Lager. he shakes his head and goes “have EVER HAD SIMCOE HOPS!” and he exclaims “fuck man! You come for Pliny and order a lager! You gotta start learning about ales bro! There is a lot other beers out there man”
So tight.
Alright back down to business, fucking eastern europeans and slaying onsite only walez. This vintage is the one most people have the most complaints about, good ole 2010. When I say most people, I mean “prissy fucking beer nerds” you know, the guys who look like lumberjacks but watch Deep Space Nine, those kinda people. So everyone loves 2009, 08 has a great character, 07 is the famous wale, and kriek is a monster on its own, but what about this asshole, the 2010? Well, let’s pick this shitbasket apart in today’s review.
Back in 2010 you were still working on that GED
The Lost Abbey
California, United States
Style | ABV
American Wild Ale | 7.00% ABV
A: This is pretty similar to the other cable cars in the trolley lineup, deep orange hues, some amber at the center and dark yellowing at the edges. This is the darkest of the Cable Cars that I have had, but still delivers on carbonation and lacing. So if you are the tired ass jokester making Kentucky/Rare jokes and Three Floyd’s burned down fucking quips, look, a carbonated Lost Abbey beer, go watch Paul Reiser standup.
Here to slay walez and amuse the fuck out of you. SING ME A SONG DDB.
S: This has a nice lactic waft of peaches and apricots at the outset but something is slightly amiss at the backend, a type of lavender/grassy aspect is on the back end and I really cant place it as a hoppy presence because it doesn’t quite seem vegetal, it is almost like something from Bed Bath and Beyond or some weird shit. That aspect is why this is like the jankiest Ferrari on the lot, that is the Cable Car lineup. Also, this one comes the closest on delivering a true overseas full Belgian prostitute completion. The waft has this mushroom meets crushed yard trimmings funkiness to it that the other sour patch kids do not have. It is more complex, but flawed as a result. Think of the musk in Doesjel if you need clarification.
T: This imparts that tart acidity that was expected, but also drops a nice cheesy/leather aspect when it finishes. You get a bonus deal of fruits and some dairy, if you know what I am saying. If you don’t, you are at the wrong fucking website, go try reddit.com/beer or some other shit. I like the nectarine going on but again that bitter earthy finish makes this my least favorite of the san francisco treats.
Pop a Cable Car. Pick up chicks.
M: This is extremely dry, but also funky that leaves this lingering bitterness as well. If you can imagine an imperial glass of chardonnay paired with a semisoft cheese, that is the mouthfeel through and through. Some people like it, other people jack off to Lena Dunham. I am not here to tell you what to crank it to.
D: This is, despite its faults, actually one of the more drinkable Cable Cars because of the complexity and it ratchets back the acidity. Hell, maybe it balances it out, I am not a chemist. At any rate, the end product is something like buying a Z4, it is still very nice, but for the money and effort there are far better offerings in both Cable Car and other breweries alike. If you just want to be a completionist and get the tick, this one should be the easiest to lock down. If you are seeking a 2007, good fucking luck, you will need to bust out Bolt Cutter or some serious walez for that.
When people make fun of you for only having the 2010 CC vintage be like-
Narrative: Paul’s Toyota Supra Dealership in Billings, Montana wasn’t the best business entity from the get go. Paul Sharpe knew that going into things. Everyone told him “hey maybe open it up to other import sports cars” or “hey maybe rural Montana isn’t your target market. Paul didn’t give a shit. He loved his art and wanted the world to see the Toyota Supra in the same light that he did. From the lowly Supra Celica to the glorious Paul Walker MKIV Supra, his twin turbos spooled hard in his heart for this obscure automotive gem. Of all the Toyota sports cars on his lot, he had the hardest time moving the ultra shitty MKII. No one wanted that god forsaken turdbox. It looked like something from Blade Runner meets a run down Transformer. A relic from an earlier time whose purpose had been lost over the ages. Somehow, old Paul had an affinity for even the shittiest of Supras and wanted everyone else to love the early-80’s for what they were, not what they remembered of them.
9 months? Too old.
I have got a few requests from people who actually want to throw materials onto this burning trash heap of a website, and I am glad to oblige. Anything that allows me to black out harder and not have to write 900 words for you ungrateful assholes is a good day for me. Mama fixed the breakfast with no hop. Anyway, today’s guest review is from BA Hevvymetalhippie, if you see him, throw a peace sign and say slow down player. If you too would like to live in infamy on the best beer site on the entire fucking internet, let me know. You should be able to write at least at a Dan Brown level, dixpix optional. dontdrinkbeers@gmail.com
also email that fallopian tube who took the nonplural version of that shit, tell him to stop causing periods.
Oh shit, inb4 robey tones/NZ hatespeech
Lawson’s Finest Liquids
Vermont, United States
Style | ABV
American Double / Imperial IPA | 8.10% ABV
Appearance: For the few seconds I’m able to pull my eyes off Harlem Shake videos
on YouTube, Kiwi Double is a beautiful brassy orange amber with a frothy white
head of hair…err foam. Just ‘cause there’s a little snow on the roof…how does the
rest of that go? Head goes limp fairly quickly, so get your lacing kicks before it goes
flaccid.
This beer is mirthful yet powerful, and it might molest you
Smell: So the hop note may have faded a bit, but its still right up there, better than
most IPA’s available even in its Golden years…Gritty New Zealand hops, vegetal
and raw. Big, resinous pine and wood notes, grapefruit rind like woah. Malt comes
through more with some time on it, but caramel notes don’t pull out dentures
dentures. Will have you tweaked like J Howard Marshall key bumping blue steel.
Taste: Chewy, woodsy and hoppy. May have faded slightly, but we’re still in the
presence of greatness, so show your elders some respect and get in the closet! Citrus
and pine notes dominate, but soft malt notes support so hops can shine. Although a
little dull like grandpa, you can still tell hops were present, sort of like an old man
who just got off the bus and the seat you just got in is still warm…mmm.
when some people see guest reviews, they be like
Mouthfeel: Straightforward carbonation helps to wrestle bitterness off your palate,
but signs of a struggle and forced entry remain. Raw and uncut, like Clint Eastwood
making racist jokes in Grand Torino but goes down smooth like Clint Eastwood on
Donna Mills in Play Misty For Me. Old people boning. There I said it.
Drinkability/Overall: This is an awesome IPA, nothing but the best from Lawson’s.
It’s fully torqued hop profile, married with a subtle and complimentary malt bill
make Kiwi a must have, and only gets better when its fresh. The ABV hides well; you
barely notice it peaking at you through the blinds, hiding in the buses. Don’t share
this; be a greedy old bastard, those damn kids don’t appreciate anything nowadays.
I had this beer, but was too lazy to review it myself. When I tried it, my face be all like
Narrative: Sure, Red Dubois was the biggest bastard in the county, but he was also
the areas most eligible bachelor on Bingo Night at the Senior Center. He had money
once, from his formative years in modeling, but now his dance card was empty and
the years weighed heavily on his tired and pallid body. But tonight, things were
different. Debbie Sanderson was back from her trip to California looking radiant,
and Red felt the unbridled turgid strain of desire. Things hadn’t gone his way for
quite some time, but he knew tonight he’d the two of them would be yelling Bingo
long after game night was over…
So many hop folds
Lulz, PtY assholes are like the New Years gym assholes of the beer world. Go get another triple ipa and go the fuck back to drinking mothership wit.
Saison Dog MillionALE
WE DO PUNS NOW.
I remember making this drunk one night, but the post was deleted. So here’s an old gem for anyone who missed it
I have just been lazy as shit and never reviewed it.
dontdrinkbeer 