So allaboutbeer magazine told me last month that this is the most influential brewery that no one knows about. No one.  It even multinational distributor Shelton brothers or the many many states they distribute this hoppy biere de Garde OH SHIT SORRY AMBER FARMHOUSE🏪🏩🏨🏬🏢🏦🏢.

Anyway, this wouldn’t be my go to for biere de gardes, it’s no sans cullottes, it isn’t my hoppy farmhouse choice either as long as de Ranke XX is around. It isn’t really heavily influential on the American saison scene as they are obsessed with lactic ultra acidic ph3 Saisons, I don’t understand why that article changed my life so hard.

This beer is tasty, intensely clean, amazing carb, caramel and walnut merged with creamy almond skins and a honey finish. It’s tasty but serving an odd, unread ground that perhaps isn’t for everyone. I can’t say I need these laid down in copious number, ever so often I may want a hoppy amber farmhouse, then I will go to my gynecologist.



Turnt the fuck up and ready for st paddys







No shocker here, this beer is very tasty. You get the same ultra thin and attenuated beachwood profile that Julian strives for on the reg, and then add massive layers of cascading decadence. The nose is praline, caramel, light smoke, and a molasses aspect. The taste is like a bone dry old ale or a roasty barleywine with a deep raisin and toffee closer to it.  If you enjoyed one of the 150 bottles of Jean quad van damme, you will love this nutrishop version.

Or you can drop twice that on a bottle of three floyds ba behemoth. It’s your life





You may have seen this massive genie bottle in your botle shop and shivered at that MASSIVE thirty dollar price tag. I mean for that cash you could buy a three floyds sour beer, not some saison blended with Drie lambic, decisions decisions.

The ronies on ba gave this a flat 4. This phenomenal delicate burst of oak and spice and lemon was basically a failing grade for that site. The substantial carb and generous sheeting, the wafts of cut grass and wet leaves, the refreshing tropical fruits were insubstantial to those palates I suppose.

This is a tasty saison/drie lambic blend, albeit a bit rectum puckering at the $30 price point. No ragrets. You could do far worse with your money and I welcome you to name an analogous to a farmhouse ale blended with 3F lambic, I will wait.



I know you be lookin



I think we can all agree that one needs need to stop being being such a bitxh about the cinnamon 



Pretty dank hop bill, dry with tropical fruits and a lingering oily finish. Love this one and look forward to people obsessing over Equinox hops in the near future

Beachwood ultra hop 2000 is dope if you have a fat hopthrobber for Equinox hops. 

Also, All M-XXXL shirts have gone out. If you are a size Small, enjoy your svelte feminine frame and wait. Go do cardio or something.





Bruery, placentia

15% Abv, baby making brews

Alright another hoarders exclusive that naysayers already are frothing at the mouth to discredit, I love how shorty under attenuated stouts with cinnamon chocolate chilis = take my cellar but, you put that this in a stellar old ale? OMG NO THANKS WOW I CNT EVEN

Put summarily, this is the charm and panache of massive melange 3 with that quirky spice and sweetness of Huna. You get caramel and toffee, waves of bourbon and oak, then the under drive pulley kicks in and you get cocoa and Abuelita tones, it closes with a crackly light chili on the bitter zones.

You can’t finish an entire bottle without being Biglobo, powz, Markintihar, or one of the staples of the midwest canon. Ftowne could drill a 15% old ale and then rebuild a 302 but most people can’t handle this shit.

Shared amongst friends or exwives, this is delightful. There’s nothing similar to this which could be good or bad, if you want a clean focused laser precise old ale like bb4d, look elsewhere. If you are down to take bumps in an Arby’s bathroom and get twisted, this is for you.



“Ooooooold ale? Well that reminds me of the ss Guerrero and the involvement in the banana wars you see I-“

If this were a proper Ftowne party we would be drinking malt liquor and 15% abv beers and listening to Magic Mike.

So many pedios.

God I am not looking forward to shipping all these out

At 2.3% abv, you know shit is about to get real. Sure we can focus on how the dry hopping presents a fantastic citrus bouquet, or we can talk about the massive crackling carb that makes this beyond drillable, to fracking even.

I would prefer to draw everyone’s attention to the fact that, with a petite frame this beer presents an incredible degree of refreshment and lingering lemon lime goodness. The water profile finishes clean and hard with no residual acid or mineral aspects, further making this beer absurdly drinkable. One fault lies in the fact that this beer will make you look like a raging alcoholic when you destroy a 750ml in less time than it takes to watch an Adult Swim half episode.

When you compare the flavor profile and price point, Jester King’s petite Prince comes across as a massive rip off by contrast, and I really enjoyed that beer. I can only assume this is a second runnings beer, either that or Trevor is extremely wasteful, either way this is phenomenal and it serves an almost nonexistent market of SUPER SESSION beers, like for when you need to both drink and chop firewood for hours on end. A very Oregonian consumer market is being targeted here and I can only shake my head that there is no readily available analogue off the shelf.

THOSE GOD FORSAKEN TILLAMOOKIANS JUST LIVING THE DREAM

So refreshing like end to end mail on mail action. Gas to gas.

Tickers used to care about this world class beer in 2011 and due to divine fortuitous providence, no one gives a shit and now I take it all and filter it through my insides and work on my kinetic sculptures

I hope people new to beer continue to not like things that I enjoy. If they take all the chili stouts and leave the Biere de gardes, life will be so sweet