Top 10 Beers that DDB Pissed Out in 2015

At the end of each year, every hack beer website makes a list of all this pedestrian shit that they enjoyed and tosses their smashed bottles at your feet like some kind of definitive list.  If all you tried was some myopic offshelf distro in 2015, then no one should give a fuck about your views on Narwhal and Shift.  If I was a movie critic and only watched MEDEA films, you would rightly tell me to fuck off when I made prescriptive global statements about the quality of film in 2015.

Thankfully, since DDB is the most comprehensive resource for credible beer journalism, we have compiled our own top beers from 2015, to help the other trifling “double digit hits a day” beer blogs. I think I just tore my rotator cuff patting DDB on the back so hard.

NUMBER TEN: De Garde Lily (original batch, b2 johnny come latelies GTFO)

I don’t give a shit that it wasn’t released in 2015, I didn’t review Broken Truck so suck your own tits.

I hesitate to ever get fully tumescent for american fruited wilds because, by the time someone else lands an elusive gem, it probably is a bottle of korean nail polish with gushers smashed in it.  Lily goes in on every track.

NUMBER NINE: Fuzzy Baby Ducks

The duck memes alone should carry this beer

Phenomenal beer I have been chasing for years and that shit was quacktastic.

NUMBER EIGHT: SMOG CITY BLACK CURRANT SAISON

OH SHIT FIRE UP THE HOMERISM ACCUSATIONS

If I like anything even remotely touching the Pacific Ocean I have to dig through a pile of used syringes to convince people that it wasn’t some inherent stupid bias.  DDB LIKES THIS BEER FROM ANCHORAGE BREWING TYPICAL WEST COAST/ARCTIC CIRCLE BIAS. This beer was fucking awesome.  Because DDB clearly needs to pump up the trade value of bottles, like I don’t dump them in the drain for attention or get enough free shit as it is. HOMER ALERT OPINIONS INVALID.

NUMBER SEVEN: Cycle Brewing Nooner 8

Florida Traders kickin u square in the hazelnuts

As much as I heckle those Nascar loving waterhags, Florida has an untouched pedigree in the stout game and this was no exception. Adjuncts and sticky drizzly fondant is what they do best, honorable mention: seek out &+ to ramp up the adjuncts to awesome new heights. The pinnacle of that chili/kitchen sink stout genre.

Number Six: CASEY BLACKBERRY CUT

doing mad burpees and glutamine, CUT THE FUQQQ UP

Some might prefer some of the subsequent stonefruit cuts, and it’s ok to have a sub-compact palate without cruise control.  I understand. This beer was phenomenal and Casey continues to ramp shit up in quality and mind blowing beers across the saison/american wild ale spectrum, exclusively.

NUMBER FIVE: Side Project ANABASIS

Them BBWs aint for anaBASIC tixxxxers

This took my second favorite style and dropped sick beats on it, 128 bpm drop with that bitter/hop/creme brule shell mashup. I still get nightsweats and pop a Xanny thinkin of them BALs.

NUMBER FOUR: Holy Mountain Brewing Barrel 7

DDB Continues to Ruin Shit for Every PNW Beer Lover

Had to blow the hinges off of this one, West Ashley meets the subtle silky mouthfeel of them Shauny Verde Mont boys? SIGN ME UP.  Right after DDB posted this, numerous ISOs flooded the boards, ensuring that I will never try this shit again.  Because being a “Homer” benefits me so much, I guess?

NUMBER THREE: Drie Fonteinen Zenne y Frontera
Sherry from Accounts Receivable Letting U Get Inside that 40 y/o cASSk

This was a masterpiece that defies comment. Between the incredible earthy depth and mind blowing cheesy creamy mouthfeel, the entire experience was euphemism driven. A must-try.

NUMBER TWO: Evil Twin Pappy’s Imperial Biscotti Break

BEAN > GRIND > PAPPY > BALS

This is as close to the pinnacle of coffee stouts that you can get, nearly flawless in every way.  Especially with the rampant infections from BCBCS this year, this makes an incredible barrel aged bean grinder all the more refreshing.

BEFORE I REVEAL THE NUMBER ONE BEER, time to remove a rib and S my own D:
BEST DDB NARRATIVE OF 2015:
18th street Brewing Sophmoric Saison

I know it’s nothing like the content you get at say BEERPULSE or BEERSTREETJOURNAL, but at least I am trying. Next year it is just gonna be label reposts and WHO IS ACQUIRING WHOM. aka top tier beer site “original content.”

AND THE NUMBER ONE BEER DDB TRIED IN 2015 THAT MAYBE NECESSARILY WASNT EVEN MADE IN THAT YEAR BECAUSE FUCK YOUR STEPSISTER IS………

A TIE BETWEEN HILL FARMSTEAD CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE 11 and ART

No saison gods please

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE

I don’t really have shit else to say about these two.  They are as close to saison perfection as I can recently recall. At this point I can bunker down and field dumbshit complaints about how I overlooked [recent canned hoppy wheat from MY DISTRO THAT WAS ZOMG] or “every beer on this list is overhyped bullshit, where’s the Lagunitas High Westified, GAWD DID HE EVEN TRY GEESE ISLAND RARE THIS YEAR?” or whatever the fuck else. Typical.

Here’s a few notable mentions that should have made the list but I arbitrarily capped it at ten:

Fundamental Observation didn’t need any more praise.

1993 Fantome Ete was made way too fucking long ago to top a 2015 list

Bottleworks X is also too geriatric to not solicit complaints from stupid readers

Summation would be decried as HOMEBREW under some pejorative and I didn’t feel like dealing with it.

SOSUS is just another awesome beer from Toppling Goliath and I am sick of writing about those assholes in Iowa.

Barrel Aged Gratitude was something I was waiting on for years, so maybe I was a nuanced consumer but I loved this as well.

Rum BA Cigar City Cafe Americano was incredible but Wayne Wambles wont return my snapchats.

So that’s it.  Enjoy attending custody hearings in 2016 and listening to more and more assholes quote amorphous secondary values predicated on a website with no user input. It’s gonna be a fun year watching things finally burn to their foundation, enjoy it while it lasts you covetous assholes, you’re the reason things are so horrible. THANKS!

 

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