Irrelevant Brewery Releases Beer Brewed with Strange Ingredient, Attention Seeking Bullshit Ensues

Local unknown and subpar brewery from a heretofore undiscovered region has announced their bold plans to release a beer made with some attention seeking bullshit.  “We listened to the nonexistent consumers and went with our gut to generate press in the most petty way possible,” head brewer noted confidently, “some people may see this as a completely tactless ruse to generate buzz for our other substandard boring lineup of fortgettable offerings, BUT THEY CAN JUST WAIT AND SEE.”

This shitty brewery may intend to use these, it doesn't matter.

This shitty brewery may intend to use these, it doesn’t matter.

This local brewery previously serviced the people around their general vicinity with underattenuated riffs on a California ale strain, that is until Head Brewer discovered the wonderful potential of this stupid kitschy gimmic ingredient.  “Yeah at first everyone was like ‘that doesn’t belong in beer, you use that to cure meats with’ but we wont listen to them, our desire to receive undeserved attention is too great.  We are too innovative and ambitious to hold ourselves back,” Head Brewer noted while slicing up vile portions of the gelatinous ingredient, to be added during the boil and into the secondary.

They are just gonna put basically whatever into the fermenter, who gives a shit

They are just gonna put basically whatever into the fermenter, who gives a shit

Most local patrons had already assumed the Local Brewery had shut down before they attempted to launch this most pathetic of marketing ploys.  Already this forgettable nothing brewery is generating linkshares from Aunts and ignorant co-workers alike, each more shocked than the last to see what wacky things these beer people like.  “Yeah, I heard about this irrelevant shitwater that I will never try, I even heard about the nonstandard ingredient that they added.  I keep having to hear about this bullshit from everyone who knows that I enjoy beer, ” local Craft Beer connoisseur lamented, “every time some shithole brewery does this, the links come pouring in from friends and relatives who assume I am into this stupid shit.  It never fails.”

Could the shitty base beer involve this ingredient? It really doesn't fucking matter.

Could the shitty base beer involve this ingredient? It really doesn’t fucking matter.

At press time the Irrelevant Brewery stated its plans to press on despite objections from insular completely unknown protest groups. “We wouldn’t be where we are today if we listened to people telling us how to brew and we aren’t about to ratchet up the actual quality of our beer when we can just add obscure items to it.  Call it simple, but that’s just what we believe here at Unknown Irrelevant Until Yesterday Brew Works,” the formless anonymous brewer stated with a gleaming pride.

As long as stupid people continue to share the link, who give a fuck if they actually use these.

As long as stupid people continue to share the link, who give a fuck if they actually use these.

UPDATE: the link concerning the shitty attention seeking beer has now been forwarded over 1.2m times and Forgettable Brewery now plans both a 100x increase in production and a new offsite facility to serve its nonexistent customer base.

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2 thoughts on “Irrelevant Brewery Releases Beer Brewed with Strange Ingredient, Attention Seeking Bullshit Ensues

  1. Pingback: The Secret Ingredient is Comedy (NSFW) | Brewtastic

  2. Pingback: I can’t say I disagree | I brew – U brew

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