Taking the Site in a New Direction: Encouraging People New to Beer To Try New Beers! Drink Local!

I thought long and hard about what a trivial endeavor the last 3 years of Dont Drink Beer has been: reviewing rare beers, making fun of people who take beer seriously, never buying a single beer off of a regular shelf.

I am so embarassed with my conduct and I wanted to take the site in a new direction: everyone should be able to enjoy tasty suds!

There’s no point in highlighting the best beers in the world when, THE BEST BEER IS THE ONE IN YOUR HAND! Sorry, I saw that on my friend’s Pintrest profile and wanted to “borrow” it LOL.  But supes serial, beer should just be all about fun times and never making anyone feel bad just because they are misinformed, selfish, or attempting to pull one over on the beer community.  Life is too short for bad vibes!

From now on the site will consist mostly of reviewing mixed 12 packs from Sam Adams or whatever seasonals I can find at the grocery store, and taking the reviews very seriously.  I noticed that I had strayed pretty far from my BJCP adjective guidelines (why did I even take the test if I don’t use the certificate amiright!?!) so now we are getting rid of similes or any descriptions that someone who reads the Hunger Games Novels could not understand.  Beer is all inclusive and beer REVIEWS should be for everyone, too!

I noticed that I had not reviewed enough red ales, ambers, or kolschs in the past and we are going to fix that asap! I am going to be compiling nothing but top 10 lists from here on out composed strictly of beers distributed everywhere in the United States.  I mean, why go and just drink the beer that’s sitting on the shelf, when you can read my opinion about it first! 


Top 10 Best Brunch Beers with Your Besties:
10. Rogue Hazelnut (mmm coffee treats!)

9. Miller Fortune (fortune favors the bold (omelette!))

8. Chainbreaker White IPA (Exotic, like Yerba Matte tea)

7. Stone (the light one, not the heavy one (it’s breakfast))

6.  Samuel Smith’s Oatmeal Stout (order it with oatmeal~~it’s a pair made in heaven)

5. Sam Adams Alpine Spring (OMG, perfect with scones when you’re dishing gossip.)

4. New Belgium Hoptober Ale (the hops should be mellow now and not hot, great with cronuts mmm)

3. Michelob Ultra (perfect after a spinning class or HOT BIKRAM YOGA, can you say yummmm?)

2.  Shocktop Honeycrisp Apple Wheat (it’s like apple juice, try it with a belgian waffle OMG pastry heaven)

and the number one beer to have at brunch with your besties is….

1. WILD BLUE BLUEBERRY BEER! (can u say WHOA, 8% abv, it’s liek a blueberry mimosa to sip on while you get caught up on NASHVILLE or Scandal, order it with pancakes and you will be in FRUIT HEAVEN!)



I hope you guys like the new layout, we aren’t going to have pictures anymore because I feel like its bad karma to not respect copyrights, from now on it’s going to be all about the EXPERIENCE of beer.  Post in the comments if you want me to review something new or PLEASE SEND ME BEERS TO REVIEW THAT WOULD BE SUPES AH-MAZE.


TTYL ❤ xoxox



Lost Abbey RE-REVIEW update B2 CURRENT DUCK DUCK GOOZE news breaking UPDATES

Alright, I already reviewed this batch 1 bad bitch a while back, but most 2012ers were still sucking on Ovila Quad on instagram straight flexing back then. Well if you aren’t a complete pussy, you will put up with the b2 review and nod in cool reverence for the living work that is DDB. It isn’t duplicative content if you call yourself out on it, right? Anyway, here are my notes from the new batch. If you just got pubes and need to play catch up, here is the ORIGINAL DDG BATCH 1 reviewww

This dude from Virginia put me on blast for like 6 bubbles of nucleation in the bottom.  Apparently the dickriding glass cleaners from South Carolina have migrated to an equally racist area.

This dude from Virginia put me on blast for like 6 bubbles of nucleation in the bottom. Apparently the dickriding glass cleaners from South Carolina have migrated to an equally racist area.

The Lost Abbey
California, United States
American Wild Ale | 7.00% ABV

I wanted to do a batch 1 vs batch 2 review but ain’t nobody got time for that.

A: Deep orange and radiant hay/illuminated foxtails at the edges of the glass, bubbly frothy eggshell carb, nice lacing dropping doily webbing like Peter Parker down the edges. This is what was inside of Marcellus Wallace’s briefcase. In the shitty 3oz plastic cup at the release I was like “Wtf is this berliner shit?” But the bottle version does serious acidic kettleball workouts and doesn’t skip lactic leg day. Fucking pumped and complex making Cascade offerings look like a one dimensional communcations major from Arizona State.

some people will do horrible things for that sweet DDG nectar

some people will do horrible things for that sweet DDG nectar

S: Incredible fruit esters, apricot, lactic acidity, tangelo, nectarines, tangerines, a subtle sweetness and a light musk on the backend like wet hay. One complaint that I would like to address is that it lacks a certain brett funk and layers of complexity that top tier belgians bring to the table, but it more than makes up for it in the taste and mouthfeelings, addressed herein.

KBS offers. lel.

KBS offers. lel.

T: This just rips up the mouth carpet like a day laborer and lays acidic laminate like a licensed ph3 contractor. There is shocktarts, sweet tarts, lemon zest, grapefruit dryness, and a musky leather aspect on the backend that keeps the acidity in check. Absolutely phenomenal.

M: This is incredibly drying and just drills your gumline like a Peter North video. Incredibly acidic and rolls back those bicuspics and leaves your mandible aching in the best possible way. She is raw with your mouth but you wouldn’t have it any other way, you already are waiting for her to return in 3 years for another tryst in the hay. Cankersores await in the morning but it is the sweet succor of a casual duck sesh.

DDG: you prolly dont even get it

DDG: you prolly dont even get it

D: this is exceptionally drinkable despite the incredible acidity and if you can’t handle it, work your jaws up with some Petrus and take your complaints elsewhere. The price and availability of this is a complete testicle and wallet defacement that makes me longing for more. Some will take calm refuge and say that 3F Oude Gueuze is better, denial is a hella of a panacea. This is an almost perfect AWA in every way, it is not a gueuze, but it goes beyond even traditional Goozies in sheer excess and panache like an acidic ZR1 that pushes you down in your seat with sheet acidic stiff arming. Fucking phenomenal, every bit as good as B1 that will continue to improve despite the 1.000000000000000001 FG. Mark my words.