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Hey It’s Friday, Let’s Review Four @oxbowbeer Farmhouse Beers. WHY NOT.

Maine has this odd beer scene that at one pole is the Northeast innovator of older days, and also a reactionary to what Vermont is currently producing. You have the consistent top notch work from Allagash, but you also have the likes of upstarts Bissell Bros and Austin Street brew company doing their own mixolydian riffs on the hoppy farmhousey doric scales from Vermont.

THAT GRIZZY GREEZY

THAT GRIZZY GREEZY

Oxbow shines best when it focuses in its realm of clear influence: shredding the high neck with saison solos. Their barrel aged pale ale was prison shanking unsuspecting palates in the shower and their draft lineups often don’t make it past state lines. Let’s take a look at some of their recent offerings to see what them ‘Bow boys be brewin.

Oxbow Grizacca Grisette 5.2% abv

I love liter sized grumblers but this is one instance where a two liter needs to be the mandatory format. The 33oz feels more like a comforting back massage without the full table shower. It is intensely clean and drillable, the hop profile steps aside and lets the lemony rustic cultures impart a dry lemon aspect that pulls tight head spins on the cardboard. It is simple and doesn’t have any real grist or heft to the mouthfeel which would be nice if you had a touch of that creamy wheat character but, as it stands it is a lemon orange carbonated Gatorade that you can drill during your shift at CiCi’s pizza. No one expects you to be sober at that job anyway.

feided

feided

Crossfade

With the barrel aged pale ale, oxbow proved that they were competent Brewers and blenders in the Wallonian realm. This beer drags their catalog backwards into obscured mediocrity. It is by no means bad, but chances are you have some 10bbls local upstart doing this same shit.

Kool Mo Dee fade.

Kool Mo Dee fade.

It is wiped out, watery, not especially complex, bitter and herbaceous, with a mild tart sweet tarts aspect to the finish. You can live your entire life, miss this, and your wife will still have an Ashleymadison account. This beer changes nothing and is of little circumstance.

Shit was aiite.

Shit was aiite.

Saison dell’argosta

Alright time to romp into a strange salty realm not unlike a Craigslist casual encounter. This is a clean, Low abv saison brewed with maine lobsters. That is about as Maine as you can get just short of a used Stephen King condom filled with autumn leaves. If you have tried Jester King snorkel, you basically have already had this shit. It is insanely drinkable and the touch of salinity only lends to chain combos, cascading your palate into the sky with no recourse.

Shared this with the boys at Highland Park Brewing. Zero ragrets.

Shared this with the boys at Highland Park Brewing. Zero ragrets.

These beers made with exotic proteins make headlines but the vast majority of snails, oysters, bulls testicles, whatever, are just unfermentable solids that contribute calcium profile, some alkaline and salt. That’s about it. Drop an alka seltzer into a Stone saison if you need to approximate this bubbly crisp experience.

In sum this lobster pot is incredibly delicious and refreshing, get your CLAWS in one before it TAILS it out of here.

beer not for gardeing

beer not for gardeing

Liquid swords

For all their mastery of the traditional saison game, Oxbow has piss running down its leg when it comes to Biere De Gardes. This french style eludes so many breweries and it is even harder to define the realm of good and bad beyond pointing to “acetic bad” and “Sans culottes good.” This Amber affair doesn’t have the red wine vinegar trappings of some amateur shit, they knew what they were doing, it just didn’t turn out that well.

I mean, it's alite.

I mean, it’s alite.

First and foremost, the body is too watery, splishy splashy, lacking that candy caramel complexity and red delicious you probably are craving. Secondly I am assuming oxbow has a hard ass water profile because it is lightly copper and metallic.

To approximate this experience, get some BFM Abbaye du St Bin Chien, add water to it, let it sit for an hour. Or just ask OEC for one of their jankest barrels.

Oxbow is clipping along with some hits, some mediocre whiffs, but no clear failures.  That’s more than some breweries can say at this juncture.

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Speedwale from 2009: @newbelgium Bottleworks X Anniversary Ale

Today we have an aging matriarch from the days of the Speedway Jim top 100 white whale list aka them extinct speedwales. If you are a johnny come lately to the beer game who covets King Henry and thinks that Sr-71 should trade on par with Zomer, chances are you have no fucking idea what this is. To those people, Bottleworks is that one store that sometimes sells Deviation, and that’s it. To everyone else Bottleworks is the proto-City Beer model of classic bottle shop meets beer culture hub from the old tymie days. This is the tenth anniversary bottle brewed by New Belgium, 1400 bottle one off released in 2009.

It might even pull a single bottle of Vanilla Rye if you are lucky.

washed out label, needs more contrast, cool pic

washed out label, needs more contrast, cool pic

New Belgium, Colorado

American Wild Ale, 6.5% abv

For some reason Hair of the Dog also posted up hard in the trap and brewed Matt for Bottleworks X that year, so this old gem is often forgotten under the sands of ticker time. This bottle represents something larger for New Belgium as a ubiquitous ultra micro giant, the end of a non-pasteurized, brewery only fun times era. Now you usually hear about them when your drunk stepdad tells you about how he loves “Fat Tire Brewing Company” and you nod in sad reflection, thinking of Caged and corked la folies past.

This beer is foeder fermented la folie, la terroir and a golden ale blended together and bottled live, un pasteurized, rolling monocultures all raw dog.

The pour immediately looks more beautiful than both Twisted Spoke and 2009 cage and corked la Folie. You can hardly pull your penis out on the metro without someone mentioning those two beers next to this one. The pour is a ruddy burnt orange and light amber that radiates like a turbid blood orange cocktail, with the carb still billowing flawlessly with determined cling. It isn’t that dark auspicious deep mahogany of its contemporaries and it looks great.

Oppressive Portland sun ruining everything for all the white people in that city.

Oppressive Portland sun ruining everything for all the white people in that city.

The nose thankfully doesn’t exhibit any of the acetic red wine vinegar aspects of the 09 la folie and instead has tangerine zest, Brie cheese rind, clementines, sliced honeydew, oak and pencil shavings, a touch of light construction paper oxidation and a red berry closer that lingers. The whole affair puckers the bunghole air tight and there is no seepage, no weeping. For all the things that time could have denatured, it has unquestionably improved this beer to a level without contemporary analogue. There’s a degree of musk and earthiness that only time can accomplish, despite what some kettle souring Colorado charlatan may tell you.

The taste is a touch more acidic than the nose suggests but the creamy mouthfeel with ultra fine jacuzzi bubbles offsets the acrimonious effect. It pushes a raspberry and grapefruit pith, there’s a bit of vanilla and Chardonnay staves, white grape that is equally moscato sweet and tart like rainier cherries. The whole experience is a many faced God and a ticker never forgets.

No salad dressing tones detected

No salad dressing tones detected

I feel like the aging grampa in the 80’s complaining “they don’t make ’em like this no more” and referencing the non pasteurized, aged, meticulous Detroit steel beers from the past. This is truly a magnificent, highly drinkable gem that stands in stark contrast to so many of the ultra acidic offerings clouding today’s lacto and ultra Brett L focused market.

Yet another entry in the ever expanding journal of “this near extinct beer is great, seek it out” annals. DDB is a useless resource, I need to switch to 140 char UNTAPPD reviews for the millennials with short, heavily-medicated attention spans. SOMEDAY

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Lost Abbey RE-REVIEW update B2 CURRENT DUCK DUCK GOOZE news breaking UPDATES

Alright, I already reviewed this batch 1 bad bitch a while back, but most 2012ers were still sucking on Ovila Quad on instagram straight flexing back then. Well if you aren’t a complete pussy, you will put up with the b2 review and nod in cool reverence for the living work that is DDB. It isn’t duplicative content if you call yourself out on it, right? Anyway, here are my notes from the new batch. If you just got pubes and need to play catch up, here is the ORIGINAL DDG BATCH 1 reviewww

This dude from Virginia put me on blast for like 6 bubbles of nucleation in the bottom.  Apparently the dickriding glass cleaners from South Carolina have migrated to an equally racist area.

This dude from Virginia put me on blast for like 6 bubbles of nucleation in the bottom. Apparently the dickriding glass cleaners from South Carolina have migrated to an equally racist area.

The Lost Abbey
California, United States
American Wild Ale | 7.00% ABV

I wanted to do a batch 1 vs batch 2 review but ain’t nobody got time for that.

A: Deep orange and radiant hay/illuminated foxtails at the edges of the glass, bubbly frothy eggshell carb, nice lacing dropping doily webbing like Peter Parker down the edges. This is what was inside of Marcellus Wallace’s briefcase. In the shitty 3oz plastic cup at the release I was like “Wtf is this berliner shit?” But the bottle version does serious acidic kettleball workouts and doesn’t skip lactic leg day. Fucking pumped and complex making Cascade offerings look like a one dimensional communcations major from Arizona State.

some people will do horrible things for that sweet DDG nectar

some people will do horrible things for that sweet DDG nectar

S: Incredible fruit esters, apricot, lactic acidity, tangelo, nectarines, tangerines, a subtle sweetness and a light musk on the backend like wet hay. One complaint that I would like to address is that it lacks a certain brett funk and layers of complexity that top tier belgians bring to the table, but it more than makes up for it in the taste and mouthfeelings, addressed herein.

KBS offers. lel.

KBS offers. lel.

T: This just rips up the mouth carpet like a day laborer and lays acidic laminate like a licensed ph3 contractor. There is shocktarts, sweet tarts, lemon zest, grapefruit dryness, and a musky leather aspect on the backend that keeps the acidity in check. Absolutely phenomenal.

M: This is incredibly drying and just drills your gumline like a Peter North video. Incredibly acidic and rolls back those bicuspics and leaves your mandible aching in the best possible way. She is raw with your mouth but you wouldn’t have it any other way, you already are waiting for her to return in 3 years for another tryst in the hay. Cankersores await in the morning but it is the sweet succor of a casual duck sesh.

DDG: you prolly dont even get it

DDG: you prolly dont even get it

D: this is exceptionally drinkable despite the incredible acidity and if you can’t handle it, work your jaws up with some Petrus and take your complaints elsewhere. The price and availability of this is a complete testicle and wallet defacement that makes me longing for more. Some will take calm refuge and say that 3F Oude Gueuze is better, denial is a hella of a panacea. This is an almost perfect AWA in every way, it is not a gueuze, but it goes beyond even traditional Goozies in sheer excess and panache like an acidic ZR1 that pushes you down in your seat with sheet acidic stiff arming. Fucking phenomenal, every bit as good as B1 that will continue to improve despite the 1.000000000000000001 FG. Mark my words.