It’s no secret that I absolutely love the Bourbon Barrel version of this beer, but what about the original source of all the majesty? Is this the magnificent seed from which the 14% abv monster was begotten? We shall see in today’s review. If things get heated, step down from this review and plead that fif.
Dark Horse, Plead the 5th
Imperial Stout, 12% abv
A: This is another deep, angry stout, and it delivers on the appearance in a huge way. The inky blackness spills out as from a pressed squid, delivering no splashiness, just dropped heavy and thick into the glass with little rebound. This is incredibly viscous and lets no light escape its dark pallor. Nice mocha chocolate foamy head that subsides at its own pace.
S: This has huge acidic coffee notes, bitter chocolate, burnt caramel, and smoked raisins present. Very nice smell, this beer has nice roast and a great cocoa finish. No jokes to be made here, pretty by the numbers, much like an episode of Home Improvement.
T: This tastes very similar to Event Horizon, but with more of a coffee bitterness to it in place of the sweet notes. This delivers a great sweet chocolate note for a moment then starts going to town on the haunches of your bitter zones almost taking your mouth to a tobacco no-no zone where daddy keeps his secret things. The most pleasant part of this beer is the swallow which is, trout cleaning, firewood gathering, man all the way though. It is a deep bitter smokiness with hints of cigar. Tough enough.
M: This isn’t a malt bomb, despite the huge flavor profile, it has a moderately fleeting taste that allows the taster to reel a bit but return wanting more and not carrying it around all day like a pengiun with a salmon in his backpack. It imparts huge charred notes and then gets on down to the liver where the matter of payment is directly at hand.
D: This isn’t exactly drinkable, but for the same reasons that make it great. A Dodge Viper would be a great car for Sunday drives where you take pictures of local children at parks with a high power lens, but not an everyday experience. It is just too imbalanced and aggressive to really invite over to dinner or have on a long car ride. Somehow, I get the impression that this beer doesn’t care what I have to say about it. If a beer had a dismissive brow, this is it, it stares down it scornfully waiting for me to complete my order uncaring of my tastes.
Narrative: “But, if I don’t testify, the record will remain incomplete and all those people will think that I RAPED THAT GIRL!” William Colgate pleaded with his attorney entreatingly. His counsel, Bruce Levinson sighed audibly and rested both palms on the cool metal table in between them. “GOD DAMNIT WILL. If you DO TESTIFY, they will find out that you RAPED HER DOG.” There was a tense silence between them for a moment and William sipped his water pensively. “I ain’t no human raper. I don’t get off on that SICK SHIT” he noted emphatically. “Well quite the catch-22 we have here, your alibi make it seem as though you raped the dog sitter, but GUESS WHAT, you aren’t charged with raping her, you are on trial for animal abuse” Bruce ejaculated and slid a packet toward William. “You have to plead the Fifth, we can’t have you testify, human raper or no.” William sighed and shook his head in disbelief, “well, if that’s the way of it, I guess Scylla of sexual assault is no better than the Charybdis of dog sex.” Both parties looked at one another in cool reverence.