If you have been in the trade game for a hot minute, you will know that low bottlecount whales have kinda been the Florida NICHE for quite some time.  Back in 2011 when the world had a nervous breakdown over the 50 bottle release of Funky Buddha WIDE AWAKE, the precedent was well established, which is to say nothing of the 84 bottles of Apple Brandy Huna and all kinds of other apeshit releases.  Well today we have a 1 per person, 300 bottle release that put up world class stats in the stout game, so why not soloskull this shit and share it with no one, PAR FOR THE COURSE ON THE DDB COUNTRY CLUB LINKS

Even the nicest camera wont make someone less of an adjunct stout coveting shitlord

Nooner 8, Floridaland, Cycle Brewing

Hazelnut BA Rare Dos, 10.5% abv, Imperial Stout

The elongated countertop was essential to the composition

A: It pours viscous and emits a frothy mocha frap foam that cascades upwards like a garbage disposal pushing your refuse back into your life.  The coating is nicely executed and stains the glass enough, but not in that weakling Central Water(y) sort of way.

S:  Even just pouring this it is a hazelnut, coffee creamer extravaganza.  It smells like some negligent ass barista dropped a bottle of torani syrup in my kitchen and just left it there.  It is wave upon wave of Snickers, Kit Kats, Malted whoppers and sticky chocolate.  I even get an odd like laundry dryer sheet sort of waxiness on the nose, straight up Yankee candle shit for sure.

STOUT BALLER SQUAD CHECKING IN

T:  The taste is a liquified Ferrero Rocher.  If you are poverty status and dont know what that is, that is an overpiced candy that white people give to other white people at Christmas when they hate each other.  It is comically overdone with vanilla oils like Tollhouse cookies, wafflecone, just absurd amounts of oiliness to it that creates a sticky sweet greasiness like a funnel cake.  I can see people loving this in limited doses but holy fuck this goes completely overboard and makes Grey Monday seem restrained by contrast.

Just an exceptional stout, no need for concern

M:  This is nimble on the palate and doesn’t coat excessively, but jesus does that Hazelnut exercise some squatter’s rights. It imparts an endless oiliness on the gumline that clings with the sweet nutty aspects for dear life.  You know how when someone does “DONT STOP BELIEVING” in kareoke you get to laugh your ass off at them having to do the same chorus for the final 3 minutes? That is how this plays out.  I want to take another sip and it is like ENOUGH ALREADY, you made your point.  This is the hazelnut equivalent of asking someone “wait so what is Crossfit” or “so if you are vegan what can you eat?” It is going to be long laborious interaction.

adjunct stouts put ur tastebuds inthe friendzone so hard wats the point

D:  I killed this with relative ease but felt like a decadent 18th century French aristocrat.  This is a perfect example of a beer that will put up Calvin Broadus numbers because invariably some stupid fuck will give up their entire cellar to land it and it will get split 19 ways to much fanfare and backslapping at a tasting.  So of course everyone will lose their shit.  Don’t get me wrong, it is VERY good, it is better than Grey Monday due to approachability, but it isn’t on some next level Puga Royale/BVDL shit. Seek it out if you care enough, with 8 of these you might land an Aquavint Derk Lerd.

ONE CAN ONLY DREAM.