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@cptlawrencebeer Flaming Fury, First Your Mouth is Flaming, Then Your Angus Is Flamed by this Rari

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2013 ticker alienation continues with another old whale from times past. Back before the white whale list was filled with T25’s and Mimosa, this used to be a sought out old standby. Then sometime around 18 months ago, people started the old rumor mill of wackiness “ERMAGERD ITS LIKE NAIL PERLESH” and other unsubstantiated claims. Then, haters who will never try the beer, take that and validate their own inability to try it and give credence to the sourest of grapes. Anyway, I said fuck Benzino and got the cover of the Source. I still wanted to tick it, so here we are. Let’s see if this acidic asshole has learned to calm down since 2009 or if its still Flaming so hard

Johnny Blaze flaming on with that Reed Richards tip.

Johnny Blaze flaming on with that Reed Richards tip.

Captain Lawrence, New York
American Wild Ale
10% (?)

Bottle Hype: This was a fun one to make. We took some of our barrel aged sour golden ale and added a bunch of fresh picked local peaches and let the barrels ripen. The flavors are earthy, fruity and of course…SOUR. Enjoy this one on a hot summer day with a ripe juicy peach in hand. From the Captain’s cellar to yours, we hope you enjoy!

A: This looks like a radiant, welcoming lil snifter of sunlight. The lacing is actually pretty substantial given the claims of insane acidity and the srm remains inviting throughout with soapy bubbles that don’t just crackle and peace out instantly. If you liked the way Ithaca Brute looked in a nightgown, here’s another New Yorker that will move that malt paddle.

Don't let the hard rep of this beer scare you, it has a soft gentle aspect to it

Don’t let the hard rep of this beer scare you, it has a soft gentle aspect to it

S: Ok, butthole tightening commencing forthright. This is unquestionably an ph bomber dropping in that sub-4 range gracefully and letting you know the danger like a Monarch butterfly. Signaling phenotypes all up in this bitch. There is a light musk, lemongrass, some wet hay but overridingly so this is an apricot and orange pith bomb with huge citrus leaping out of the glass and melting your face like those Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. A deep pull will give you a sort of “unbalanced Fou Foune” aspect to it, like if an American decided Foune needed a bigger wing, racing stripes and MOMO 5 point harness seats. That. Fucking aggro foune, essentially.

T: This ramps up the delicate profile of Foune and adds apricot, but then covers all those tastes up with amped up acidity, then ramps up the tannic dryness until it feels like you are getting your ass beat to join a Lambic gang that you never asked to be a part of. This is pleasant and so over the top in the foregoing ways that you need to take small sips and let it warm up to even make heads or tails of the wall of death/circle pit taking place. The musk is almost non-present and if you have ever had a mid-2000’s fou foune, then dialed back the musk/funk for a sort of creamy acidity: you have just been flamed. You might as well dye your pubes fire engine red after sampling this bad bitch, completely flaming. Ronald McBush for sheeze.

drop this in the cup, then run to the GI specialist.

drop this in the cup, then run to the GI specialist.

M: This is incredibly drying, wipes out the gumline with covering fire, uproots your bicuspids with a deep burn like sick box jumps bro super RHABDO. Acidity is banging and they prolly were gonna bottle this in a non-silica based container since it may eat through the bottle soon: this shit is dry and verrryyyy sour. That being said, this is not Motherfunker, this isn’t 2010 Weyerbacher Riserva, this isn’t THAT kinda sour. People reach far too quickly for nail polish/vinegar or whatever tired ass uninspired adjectives to toss on this beer. Flaming Fury isn’t that. It is just imperial acidity without the off flavors attendant thereto. It is shockingly delicious for how punishing it is. You ever play that game Dark Souls? You know how you get so mad and it just keeps kicking the shit out of you, but you just want more? That’s Flaming Fury. It will tear you up and you will like it.

feel the cankersores forming and your face be like

feel the cankersores forming and your face be like

D: This is strangle crushable in the way that Hot Cheetos are oddly addicting. You take a drink and you are like FUCK THIS BURNS LET ME TAKE ANOTHER SIP TO FIX THIS. Then you have red fingers and a scorched mouth, just wanting more. Sure, it is rare. Sure, there might be some other “comparable” American wilds, a completely unbalanced DDG comes to mind. But ultimately nothing is QUITE the same. This is def worth a tick, still drinking strong, worth trading for and well worth the cost of entry if not for the memorable lambic deuce you will drop the next morning. Dust off that Lindley Park and go embarrass yourself trying to lock this one down. I believe in you.

At first you only consider your brain and insides melting, then you feel a strange welcoming aspect to the experience

At first you only consider your brain and insides melting, then you feel a strange welcoming aspect to the experience

Narrative: Flaming Man was one of Dr. Wily’s little known creations. The old doctor never took the trouble to make him his own realm, or even to patent a power for poor old Flaming Man: such was his burden. In reality Flaming Man was really just a huge anthropomorphic beaker of pure acid. There was little use for him around the castle but Dr. Wily felt bad turning such an acidic bastard out on his haunches like Protoman. “Sssiirrrr, I errrhmmm need towelllsss I scorcheddd the entryyyy way marbllleeee. SSSSoorrryyyy-” Flaming Man droned on while attempting to push the pools of acid around with a Brawny towel, making things immeasurably worse. “FOR FUCKS SAKE FLAMING, just, stop get out of here, go bother Cutman or something-” Dr. Wily ordered with a stern command. He had been around for so long and some were outright afraid of him. But deep down the acidity was his undeniable charm, his scorching efficacy, his tingling embrace. He would later earn serious points by spilling and melting Rush’s face off, completely by accident. Not even Megaman himself could deny the memorable wrangling of this caustic bastard.

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@terrapinbeerco Depth Charge, 2009 Coffee Stouts Aging As Gracefully As CBS (Stout and Network)

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Aw shit, time to alienate some 2013ers for the umpteenth time on old DDB. If you were around back when Bruery was first banging out BT, back when Dark Lord was a relevant product, back when people still used Blackberry’s and shit: you know this beer. This is an old whale from days past, 2009 Terrapin Depth charge. “What a fantastic idea, reviewing a 6.5% abv milk stout made with coffee” yes. It is a fantastic idea, about as good an idea as reviewing a vanilla stout 3 years after bottling, holleratchaBCBVS.

Midwest pour detected: 22oz into straight crystal. Decadent as a MyFreecams premium account.

Midwest pour detected: 22oz into straight crystal. Decadent as a MyFreecams premium account.

Formerly brewed at Terrapin Beer Company
Style: Sweet Stout
Athens, Georgia USA
6.5% Abv

Terrapin Midnight Project Brew Two 2009. Sometime around midnight in a city nobody can agree on, the idea for Terrapin and Left Hand to brew a collaboration beer was born. Depth Charge is the second in the series of one-time releases between the two breweries. Be wary of the calm before the storm. This creamy, deeply delicious milk stout will seduce you into submission while the explosion of hand roasted gourmet espresso will blow you into next week. We Shall Drink in the breweries. We Shall Drink in the pubs, We Shall Drink the the comfort of our homes. We Shall Never Surrender.

A: This is still a beautiful lil mocha beauty out of the gates, sea biscuiting that foam all over the place. I had to be careful, using a $200 glass and all, so maybe I didn’t go as aggro on the pour as I should have. The carb is substantial and the residual malts lace the glass with sticky webbing like your keyboard after an 8th grade sick day. The thin mocha brown texture spills out like the guts of a Magic 8 Ball after you smash it on a misbehaving chlid’s forehead, but darker and inkier, deep black in execution but a shimmering lake at night pallor to it. Jason Voorhees is about to pop up out this bitch in the final 3 minutes.

Sometimes you must seek the future to understand the past. Drinking old coffee stouts is not one such time.

Sometimes you must seek the future to understand the past. Drinking old coffee stouts is not one such time.

S: The coffee, shockingly, seems to have faded over the 4 years in captivity. There is still this pleasant residual sweetness in the waft that reminds me of a halfway house between boring ass/refreshing irish dry and a full on oatmeal stout. It isn’t quite as sweet as the framework for a milk/sweet stout would make you reach for, and this is a good thing given the fact that the coffee is no longer around to keep things in check. There’s a certain lactose aspect and a saccharine waft to it, and this faded roastiness like a lingering receipt from a strip club; memories of boners past.

T: This is exceedingly thin and sticky sweet in execution. There is an initial taste of light acidic roast that gets your hopes up, then the mochafrap team rolls in with a watery milky whip to close out your dreams. If you have ever had those thin espresso drinks from Illy, you know exactly what this tastes like. This is a light affair, you can sip it casually while being read your rights, nodding in calm repose, morning beverage in hand while they execute the search warrant. There is a lingering sweetness that is like stevia mixed with Hershey’s syrup that is actually more refreshing than it is complex, like basically any Channing Tatum movie.

"COFFEE STOUTS IMPROVE WITH AGE" "CBS IS DRINKING GREAT" "HAVE YOU HAD A 2008 KBS LATELY? MMM"

“COFFEE STOUTS IMPROVE WITH AGE” “CBS IS DRINKING GREAT” “HAVE YOU HAD A 2008 KBS LATELY? MMM”

M: This is incredibly thin and washes the inside of your mouth with a limp wristed mocha sweetness and then ducks out. You can smash this and chain combo these bitches up into the 2 bomber range no problem. KKKKKKILLER COMBO straight Glacius style on the coffee mocha tip. This isn’t free trade shade grown cold brew 49th parallel shit. This is just thin, normal, espresso from a gas station in a nice part of town with a splash of smashed up kit kats mixed in, for the discerning trucker. It is good if not a bit too sweet. I get it, the coffee faded, it’s different now. We all need to move on. I will never be your ex boyfriend and this beer cant be uncoffeed ok. The past is the past, I know how he satisfied you, let’s just drink this stout and not talk about his girth.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable and loses a bit on the complexity as a result. No 6.5% stout is really gonna be some Dostoyevsky affair of introspection anyway, unless its a Funky Buddha offering that has been adjuncted into the fucking ground. Should you give up massive whales for this limited/extinct beer? I don’t know, how much do you care about ticks? I gave up 5 bottles for faded ass RUSSIAN RIVER DEPURATION so maybe you aren’t asking the right fucking person. Open this up at Magic City and watch them red bottoms clack clack in Georgian opulence.

Soometimes you must revisit the past, to taste something again, FOR THE FIRST TIME

Soometimes you must revisit the past, to taste something again, FOR THE FIRST TIME

Narrative: South Dakota was not a bustling hub of progressive gourmands. The State Fair usually offered the newest innovations in deep frying and small plating, most recently deep fried Squeezits, a commodity still on the shelves in old S to the D. A bold enterprise took form in Pierre in the form of small batch single pourovers blended with Macadamia milk. The populace with tucked in flannel shirts and gun racks was not accustomed to seeing $7.00 craft coffee beverages, but the future approached them with a startling alacrity. Pierre Jieusseps cared not for the local plebs and their affinity for Monster energy drinks, his was a plan of purpose aimed at touching the rural hearts and minds of South Dakotans. “Right, but I jes want like, coffee, like, in a pot you know, not these drink made for fa-” one local resident complained as the steam gushed and the hopper tilled beans at $22.00/half pound. Pierre served the decadent 4oz beverage and read the order ticket “KOOTER! Your single press, 2 minute, slow grind, cold brew is now ready!” A sunburned man in a Godsmack t-shirt bewilderedly grabbed his tiny beverage and headed to his child custody hearing.