In degrees of turnt. Let’s label this: fully.

Is this better than Kibbibbis?

No, but close. If the mouthfeel was higher, it would be a dead tie. This is an outright phenomenal coffee stout. 25 year bourbon barrel, cacao nibs, single origin coffee.
God damn it.

Solid trade with Edwardfortyhands.

He said he would so multiples once he got more bottles later on.

Another year. More dead flat adjunct stout beetus.

God I know I don’t even need to repost this for you guys since pretty much all of us have Firstwefeast.com set as our homepages, but they just released a SHOCKING STORY letting the public know the seedy underbelly of covetous perma-virgins who are hoarding vessels of sugar water in their midwest basements, behold:

http://firstwefeast.com/drink/craft-beer-mules-exposed/

In case you had some pangloss hope for trying some rare beers in the future, this cautionary tale lets you know ”

The circulation of rare craft beers is rigged, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Here’s how the sophisticated game of hoarding and reselling really works.”

Dear Diary: today my boner was cracked squarely in half and the waves of disappointment washed over me like an Herbal Essences commercial. We are led by a beer hoarding expert “SAM” down this rabbit hole of intrigue.

New traders get all wet when someone brings up a massive whale like that 2012 Cherry Rye ohh fuuuuu-

Like an unsuspecting Scientologist, poor Sam was led into a tawdry beer trading den of iniquity by TIM, who wanted to get deep inside of his cellar:
“Tim then asked Sam if he might be interested in joining his “muling group.” Sam didn’t know what that meant, but agreed to sign up and investigate.

“You don’t sign up,” Tim informed him. “We decide to invite you.”

So that is how this works in the modern age.  Long gone are the days of equitable changes, I want this, I will send that, now it is a meretricious affair like the Skulls but with heavy breathing, screen print T shirts and trilbies.

As if this complex structure of manchildren was not unbelievable enough, you should see the manner of UNRESTRAINED JAPERY that occurs in these private writhing mounds of beer sodomy:

“Language on the group’s Facebook wall is typically crass, and most non-beer talk drifts into the sexual. Several guys in Sam’s group enjoy posting nude pictures of women, often holding rare beers between their bare breasts.”  The erections are visible and encouraged.

Once I read this article I felt myself being ground between the machinations of capitalism and the human condition. If you are not in the elite cream invited into a private beer group, you can spin webs of precum in your studio apartment thinking about the RARs that could have been.

There are far worse ways to fuck up your life than beer trading.

BUT HOW DO THEY GET SO MANY BOTTLES THO?

” Often, a guy like Jack is friendly with his local brewery and doesn’t have to waste time waiting in a snaking line with all the other shnooks; he simply loads as many cases as he needs into the back of his Buick. At worst, Jack is going to have to call in some favors from friends and family to help him mule more beers. For other operatives, it might mean putting an ad on Craigslist to get a few warm bodies,”

This article not only exposes these laudable and praiseworthy tactics but also gives a nod of clemency to the top tier dipshits who engage in these Varsity Beta tactics. I can only pray his Buick was an Enclave or something else sponsored by Shaquille O’ Neal. This is the state of beer affairs today and, even more laughably, this is the current state of beer journalism.  Coming from this lukewarm pile of used condoms that passes for a website, that says a lot.

If you think things are bad now, wait until the day laborers currently hired to stand in line unionize with the Central American cartels.  Soon you will be buying adjunct stouts on the east side from a 5’3 Honduran dude wearing a Ducktales shirt.

Looking forward to 2015, the year beer trading becomes a commoditized sack of camel fetuses like the Whiskey game or worse, the post-menopausal realm of Wine traders.  With a tip of the hat being delivered to BCBS predators, secondary values being quote in tandem with $4$, and dipshit 2k13 tickers who have a mountain of past releases to catch up on, we can expect to see people attempting to maximize every. single. bottle.  In the near future.

Secondary markets were previously frowned upon, now foodie assholes have infected the trade game like anal fissures and everyone is being stung with their “cash rules” mentality.  The muling groups are largely an extension of that iconoclasm and serve to deconstruct the “AW SHUCKS” home townie vibe that beer has enjoyed until scarcity and demand have ramped things up to this Katniss Everdeen model of people pounding buttholes for the scantest taste of succor.

I don’t even want to touch upon the subject of EdwardFortyHands and the recent seismic cataclysm of recapping and refilling limited releases.  There are specific spheres of the underworld reserved for those people just below “secretly transmitted hep C to your wife.” But it is indicative of the rising cost of doing business in a hobby where all the Zumba bodies want that full swole, but don’t want to push any weight.

If you think this shit is bad, wait until 2016 when all the Pappy dumbfucks from BevMo converge upon the pre-diabetic beer world in what is being anticipated as THE PERFECT SHITSTORM.  I cannot wait, because at the nexus of satire and reality exists this fringe world of deeply obsessive introverts who practically write the material for DDB at this point with their hilarious IRL antics.

Time to load a Motherless dot com brower window and put in some work.

Pictured above: this shit isn’t even cbs, been trying to make do

You guize a limited number of CBS kegs are FINALLY being tapped. It’s draft only so you know it tastes evn bettr.

After 3 solid years without any ba coffee stout options, we can finally bask in the radiance of CBS and post as many pics as possible.

The drought is ovar. Prepare for a deluge of single digit reviews from new palate cicerones.

Chicago tickers unquestionable have baller stouts, and unapproachable barleywines at their disposal.  Their farmhouse game is currently weaker than Geena Davis’s career though, and no one seems to be stepping up to the plate despite the clamoring demand from 2k13 tickers about to discover the style.

Fractal

Chicago

6.2% Belgian IPA

Don’t tell me Sofie Paradisi is carrying the crest or that Gillian is “JUST A TOUCH OFF STYLE,” them 312 kids simply don’t have many legit farmhouse offerings.  Usually when it gets brought up someone brings up ABSINTHE BARREL TREATMENT and shit goes way off the rails.

Enter Penrose brewing with a bouquet of lilacs in hand.  This is perhaps the best shot that Chiraq has at redeeming their current Small Animal Big Farmhouse program.  But have they lived up to their end of the bargain?

Their basic farmhouse got my nips blasting:

@penrosebrewing Penrose Saison is Chicago’s finest accomplishment since Chief Keef

But what about their every day/watching Burn Notice/avoiding your Father in Law types of beer?  Today we have a Belgian IPA to stoke the coals.

Usually this style elicits groans from weathered vets because it is usually some type of watered down La Choufe shit.  Not quite an IPA, not quite a farmhouse, some half assed golden ale made with the Westmalle strain and then bastardized in some way.  Thankfully, that is not the case here.

The look falls closer on the IIPA side of things and has my expectations cautiously tailored given the brassy hues and deep crystal/honey looking tones.  Thankfully, the nose is fantastic and unites the earthy aserose and pine with a touch of citrus that doesn’t serve to overload the belgian aspects of the beer.  It is decidedly European in the cultures with pink peppercorn and some yeasty clove up in the mix.  Pretty inviting.

The taste is a nice melange of the two elements but fails to shine as either a IIPA with saison-curious leanings, nor is it a hoppy saison like Dorothy that you want to bang again because of them oils she brings. By moderating the two elements it fails to be a standout in either realm, kinda like that weird new Scion FRS, I am not sure who it is exactly for, but I know it is well made?

The mouthfeel is chewy and expansive with nice carb that never overstays its welcome and increases the overall drinkability, like that conversation with a guy from high school you didn’t really know, it is pleasantly short, sweet, and unendingly nostalgic of other forms.

So perhaps this isn’t the farmhouse savior rising on the third day to provide redemption for Chiberia tickers.  Not yet, perhaps the gospel is being established in other forms and on the 40th day they will begin their ascension.  Saison pentecost up in this bitch.

Does new Glarus have a twitter yet? They need to get in on this internet fad before it bursts.

Anyway, this is a criminally underAppreciated beer that goes hard in the paint. It exhibits grace and balance, both pineapple, honey and clementines in the nose. There is a ratcheted acidity that makes it way more pleasant, a lingering sweetness of melon that gives way to a syrupy mouthfeel that gives a great stage for the acidity to dance upon.

The whole affair is amongst NG’s best and for everyone drying their jazz rags over wild peach, this beer is vastly under serviced.

Don’t stop get it get it. Don’t stop let a ticker hit it.

Traders still fapping to vsb and sleeping on the recent 226 de garde releases this quarter.

Well now that all the typical dipshits have quieted down with their rumors of persicas demise, let’s take an active look retrospectively at these member only apricot bangers.

If you know anything you probably heard a cadre of core skills palates grumbling about a diacetyl referementation in persica blend 1 and 2, but guess what, unlike your mangy pubes situation: it cleans itself up. So anyone who spun clever yarns with their favorite BJCP off flavor adjectives like BUTTER POPCORN APPLE GREEN APPLE GRANNY SMITH MARGARINE can now stfu. These apple polishers love the decline of an idol, and burning persica after the flawless batch 1 was coveted seems to be their manner of coping.

Let’s get this out there at the outset: none of these approach Persica batch one, which isn’t really a fair benchmark as that remains one of the finest awa ever made. Only Gremlins surpasses the original, but that’s a story for another day.

Let’s rank these so the simple Prop huggers can know where to misplace their covetous eyes:

Third place/

Persica blend 2

This beer was refreshing and exhibited the best carb of the three but looks are not everything, despite what that girl from Arizona State led you to believe. This beer on it’s own would fall near the top of the crooked stave offerings but short of masterpieces like L Brett d or grand cru. The nose is awesome, tangerine, apricot, peach jolly ranchers and a produce aisle musk. The taste has a touch of brackish salinity but follows with faint dry fruit and not a hint of diacetyl. I would imagine the Brett was the rock to those scissors and knocked it out.

Overall pretty deece but perhaps not worth the top tier price of entry in the trade game

Second/

Persica blend 1

This is the mama bear bed in the three bears house that is persica. It isn’t nearly as acidic as waelzblood but not as gentle in execution as blend 2, it just is. In that kanthan vein of epistemological concerns I feel like I dc can’t know this thing in itself because it flies under the radar in every aspect and is therefore more difficult to comment upon. The nose is not as pronounced as blend 2 but excels in the across the aisle compromise of juice for musk bartering.

This is worth seeking out and very tasty, topping the finest of the crooked stave lineup.

First place/

Walezblood

This beer was a 125 bottle “release” that was a gift to members who reupped their cellar society memberships from 2012 to 2013. For those who had faith.

Commercially they spin it like this:

“COMMERCIAL DESCRIPTION
Aged in NBB Love barrels with CO Peaches and Hibiscus. This beer is made as a one of a kind beer for the 2012 Cellar Reserve Members who joined again in 2013 as loyal members. To you we raise our glass and say, Cheers!”

But to be honest this seems like a single barrel batch 1 persica blended with blend 2. Best of both worlds.

The look is strange at the outset because it looks tannic as fuck, brassy and unlike any persica brethren. I suspected oxy but NOPE just intense acidity and intense musk. The pour is damn near still with a ring that leaves faster than Clay Aiken at a pantera concert.

The nose just overdoes it in every way, highly acidic like kumquats and Meyer lemon, Raked Leaves and leather abound. It feels much older than it is, like when you dust off some doesjel and wonder what it was like fresh.

The taste is haribo peach rings rolled in lime and kiwis. It has a coating to the mouthfeel that is intensely tart but coats generously, an odd paradox.

This is unlike anything in the cs canon or other brewers portfolios in general and seems to have taken a page from flaming fury in many respects.

It is wildly delicious and like the conclusion of a Franklin and Bash marathon, I am left aching for more.

It leaves me scared but hopeful for the future , like those 22 minute rounded characters every week.

Worst part is these guys have no plans of slowing down or even making shittier beer. I thought that’s usually what expansion means.

Btac bourbon
An old wheaterzzzz flasker
Some adjunct porter
A fucking 2001 mead based gueuze

Bonkers.