Blackberry phones, people still buying bottles in clubs, back when you could still get a platinum plaque without a melody.

  
I heard good things about the base beer but tread cautiously into the coffee porter realm when BALs became involved. Thankfully they were drained to full completion as this beer did not disappoint in any meaningful way. 

When you open this the barista musk exits in waves, a phenomenal two hit combo of toasted pumpernickel and intense espresso aroma will fill your sad studio apartment. For being a porter you anticipate a bit less in the mouthfeel but lactose finna lactose and the creamy substantial froth of it seems more akin to a heavy whip milk stout. Got Fraps on deck.

The taste almost pushed things to excess: the coffee is more relentless than a Serbian in a night club. It does not back down or give you an inch of breathing space with the low acidity cold brew profile, a long bitter roast and macchiato finish. This wouldn’t be an issue if it didn’t overwhelm that phenomenal barrel treatment peeking out from beneath the floorboards. 

If you want to unearth that coconut caramel barrel presence you’re gonna have to wait until this opens up to the 60 degree range. Otherwise the coffee is gonna be trying to get your snapchat name, your bumble, buy you a Moscow mule, offer to uber your friends home: IT WONT GET OFF YOUR SHIT FOR A SINGLE SECOND.

In sum: a frothier, oddly heftier version of barrel aged Speedway, which is a phenomenal class within which to shoulder ranks. Highly recommended.

  
Cuddlebug just scissored peche n Brett.

  
This man is a generosity monster. Or he wants every single Texas brewery to get more exposure, not sure yet.

It’s no secret that I enjoy Voodoo’s barrel program.  While non-BA offerings like Big Bad Voodoo Daddy leave something to be desired, their barrel program is one of the absolute best in the country.  Even when shit is weird like Jive Turkey or Bourmuda Triangle, it is still the absolute best that THAT beer could have been done.

That’s why when Voodoo wants to take some liberties to do some weird shit I give them a pass because the quality will be there even if the concept is lacking. You end up with shit like the best pumpkin beer of all time: CAUTION!  So like a prime time TV drama Judge: I WILL ALLOW IT.

Well at any rate, we have three completely safe offerings each tactically crafted to make husky beer nerds asthmatic with Stoutphyxiation.  Web MD aint gonna solve these syrupy diagnoses. Let’s get to it:

Whenever I see ANOTHER barrel aged Hispanic Stout being turned out of the barrio, I resign myself to a volley of praise from dumbfucks who enjoy reading ingredients on a label and confirming them out loud as they drink the beer.  These beers are for the Guy Fieri beer tasters of the world “OHH MAN i am getting CHILI, theres the coffee, OH MAN there’s the vanilla, WOW I AM TOTALLY PICKING UP THESE NOTES THAT THEY TOLD ME ARE PRESENT.”

The real issue with this style is that the capacity to make a total fucking disaster is a very real horror.  Too much chili, too much vanilla, too much cinnamon, the pitfalls are more prevalent than in E.T. for the Atari 2600. Further damning: I wasn’t a huge fan of the Apple Brandy Version of this beer.  It was a chili fever dream that left my areolas aching.

The good news, this hits the perfect Aristotelian mean and is easily top three in this this genre.  If Apple Brandy Huna is GOAT and &+/Red Wine Mexican Cake has the silver, this is a respectable bronze that excels in moderation.  The mouthfeel isn’t a swampy mess of coffee and residual sugar.  Shit is dialed in, but not so much as to submarine the vessel upon which the adjuncts are sailing. The chili is far more restrained than in the apple brandy version and allows the magnificent barrel character to shine them staves.  I was able to easily drill this and the Lindt chocolate took shit to ridiculous levels.  Fall of Rome decadence, vanilla Vandals, chili Gauls, Franks ravaging my liver in tandem.

It lacks in integrating all of the aspects in the way that the Florida contingency does, but it is still god tier for the genre.  Really exceeded my expectations and helped to shape my anger at the less deficient items in this style.

This beer however, was a throbbing disappointment across the board.  Let me temper that statement with some foundation first. Pappy Black Magick is top 5, perhaps top 3 BA stout of all time. You simply cannot enter with that pedigree in mind.  This falls closer to the lackluster Buffalo Trace variant.  Still pretty legit, but you could also have Pugachev’s Cobra for far less and save them Fedexxx bucks.

So where did this fail to live up to expectations? The coating was almost too substantial and seemed excessively sticky, or it might be that the cling was more noticeable because the rye profile is SPICY as fuck.  This isn’t that gentle Michter’s 10 rye holding your hand at the bakery, this is that jet fuel 2 year Willett pushing your own boxers into your mouth and posting it on xHamster.  The oak is a massive bomb and almost makes the spice and fusel notes center stage.  On the backend is a sort of baker’s chocolate waving goodbye in the rear window of a stationwagon.  That stout you used to love leaving the station. It doubly sucks because after three years, I was so ready to have a huge BM. Wait, that doesn’t sound right.

The crackle along the gumline burns in a spearmint and bitter oaky sweetness that clashes with the roast.  It is just too much and the swallow is this oddly briney pickle salinity akin to overoaking (Rare15 getting its Vlasic on.)  I am probably being a 1%er complaining asshole, try it for yourself.

But guess what, none of that matters because: THIS BEER FUCKING SLAYS ON EVERY LEVEL.  Traders have been going apeshit over this like it is the third coming of KBBS, and in the words of Gucci Mane: BITCH IT MIGHT BE.

So what’s the deal?  Let’s copy the description so Jason Yester can spin webs of precum calling me a COPY PASTER or whatever he finds to be a novel insult:
Curt came up with this crazy idea over 5 years ago and now, 3 years in the making, is finally ready for your enjoyment. He first started by seeking out the finest local honey and maple syrup and aged it in freshly emptied bourbon barrels for over a year. Then he brewed the biggest beer we’ve ever made, a robust imperial stout with house applewood and hickory smoked Munich malt, and aged it in the barrels that previously held bourbon, maple syrup and honey. The result is a truly complex work of liquid art designed to be savored.

To be honest when I saw the description I was fully preparing for PA residents to See the Stars the fuck out of people.  The old Prop15 Maple bait and switch.  Well holy shit was I wrong.  This beer is massive but has that flawless heft and viscosity that drags with a long sweet IHOP fellatio maple, but closes all cold brew and cohibas.  The two work dynamically to book end the experience that make your sips chained like railway cars on the tracks to flavorstation.

This is every bit deserving of the praise it has been receiving because, as ambitious as it is, it is a phenomenal BA stout FIRST and uses the maple/honey/roast to round out the cast.  This isn’t some confusing ensemble stout like MAGNOLIA, the core leather and tobacco is coupled beautifully with sticky belgian waffle sweetness and a caramel brownie finish.

And with that, I have fucked myself over because the hype train is leaving the station and I wont be able to hit this component blend of Man/Bear/Pig.
YOU CAN TASTE THE PIG SO MUCH OMG.

Absolutely do not skip this one, there is no clear analog or cheaper alternative at this time. MBP RYDE OR DIE.

  
Gonna write these Meadville rails up once the plug hits me w the drop

I will tell you right from the start, this isn’t going to be a megawrite up that is replete with yukyuks.  For that you can blame Jackie O’s for making beer that doesn’t taste like it was fermented with compost from nursing homes.  People just don’t like reading some waves of praise being lauded on a brewer for doing their fucking job or improving beer culture in a meaningful way.  You can go to Beerpulse or PintsNpanels or whatever for that.  I will try my best today to complain and remain the curmudgeonous fuck in the face of overwhelmingly delicious product.

Let’s get these Ohio tracks over with, I am ready to get chopped and screwed:

Before I talk about this ridiculous sniper of a barleywine, I want to talk about the camping techniques employed by Ohio fanboys.  They continue to respawn at this brewery, consume all the product, send none of it out, and don’t even make the old Chicagoan try to hype up these beasts.  I remember trying Kopi Dark Apparition and being like “why the hell aren’t more people after these beers?” and then wasting thousands of dollars on fedex to shovel used condoms into this dumpster fire of a website.

Back to this BBBK.  It is phenomenal in almost every category, and I have not seen a single ISO for it in recent memory.  If you love the Skor bar decadence of english toffee, whoppers and nougat, then take those and cut those bricks with a tempered American barleywine profile from the BA treatment.  It is like an odd melange of BA Gratitude meets (non-infected) BCBBW, sweet and deep oaky blast of cut lumber, shop class and werthers originals.  The mouthfeel is delightfully thin in that Central Waters way but it has a touch more girth and frothiness akin to Sucaba in that long oaky sheeting.

I would say that this is their best beer, if they didn’t secretly turn out some other insane beers noted herein.

Then they go nuclear and input the coffee vanilla launch codes to send ICBM barrel aged blasts of the most predictable whaley blueprint possible. If you recall, I loved the base beer and that is what stoked my coals to give Jackie O’s another shake since after a foray of disappointing sours in 2012/2013 I let them simmer on the back burner.  What I was unaware of was that they were pulling some baby Kuhnhenn shit covertly behind Great Lakes lines.

Let’s not mince words: this is very good.  I would wager to say that it is within the realm of Velvet and BAVSS, but I don’t want to have the California contingency crack and break off into the Pacific with proxyboy rage.  Oddly, I think that I might enjoy the regular ass base beer more because the vanilla is more one dimensional and over the top.  The base beer was like an insane bean grinding adventure akin to Fury Road.  This seems a touch thinner, lacks that substantial coating on the swallow and the depth distracts from the punchlines in the beans.  It’s still damn good, but I am naturally inclined to make this battle the likes of Fundamental Observation and Vanilla Rye, and perhaps that isn’t the arena to which this beer is suited.

Thankfully you can get this for like half of a single Treehouse can.  So go get it.

My outstanding photography skills notwithstanding: this is the beer that I was just cranking down to supra, except they added nuts. This sounded just as stupid to me as it does to you: but it is god damn delicious, and it might be the best beer that they make.  Not joking or trying to push some nut-based agenda like your Bumble matches.

It takes everything I love about the BBBkiln and the nuts impart this oily sheeting found in the likes of Prop13’s NUTZZZ, that lipid aspect just accentuates the oak but it also gives it a prailines and waffle cone thing that really blurs the English vs. American dichotomy. That tannic almond skin type of swallow lingers anomalously dry for a beer this sticky and I just want more loads of nut in and around my face and cellar.

There were probably something stupid AF like 150 of these made, so that’s cool. Thanks a lot Brad.

So JO also makes IPAs, but calm your tits, this doesnt even have deflocculation or flour added.  Trub levels dont even touch their Ohioan chicken broth purveying cousins, Hoof Hearted.  As a result there’s this inexplicable west coast gem land locked with a massive mango meets shallots, lightly conifer while remaining tropical and zesty.  This was much better than I expected and if you enjoy the likes of Chill Wave, you will like this, one of those geographically misguided beers that maintains awesome mouthfeel, never becomes cloying, and has sheets of aserose on the swallow.

I bet they have this in Athens movie theaters and people don’t even give a shit. People ordering 6 layer Fat Heads sandwiches and focusing on chili dynamics and overlooking these solid stablehorses.  Typical Ohio shit.

Pictured above: Regular Ass Dark Apparition

I drank the DA backstage before a sketch comedy show so I couldn’t take a photo, but suffice it to say, it is meh as fuck in light of its subsequent progeny.  It is by no means a BAD beer, in the way that you shrug your shoulders and accept a pour of regular ass Darkness at a tasting.  It won’t compel the blunt palates from the 2015 cicerone class, but it also lacks that depth and nuanced roast that some old school dude who has his BJs certified looks for in non-BA stouts.  It isn’t the Batman vs. Superman of the stout world, but let’s just say that Dark Apparition’s mother’s name is also Martha.

Fortunately, JO makes a serious of munition that work in tandem with one another to make some devastating barrel aged carpet bombs.  Cellar Cuvee 1 is a blend of BA Dark Apparition and Wood Ya Honey.  The latter I remember being a sweet mess, but that James O Incandenza apparition taught that Wood Ya how to operate within the lines of component blended tennis. This is one of those odd beers that, in stretching your palate two directions in a DP scene, is oddly fulfilling.  Think Reforged or Firestone 16. It’s a strong ale? It’s BA old ale? The end result is this weird kinda Umbrella Corp. version of BB4d that will kick some ass but be virally unstable in the end.

I enjoy the stickiness that is ratcheted back by the stout roast, it is adept at many trades but you wont take it on high level raids because it doesn’t have a specialization for god tier Barleywine equips. It lacks the chocolate DPS of a BA stout, it’s this weird hybrid that is good and doesn’t rattle your cage with some one dimensional blast from its maple syrupy chest jewel.

I reviewed this first out of the box because I expected it to be complete shit and I could pad out my 1500 word review by strawmanning some Imperial Amber Ale.  I went in with my knuckles wrapped ready to ground and pound some fucked up version of nugget nectar and when that Old Ale Octagon door closed this mixed media Adam from the Wood type of combatant entered.  Amber ale this cannot be, it throws deep malty body blows with a long american oak finish, the booziness was a touch distracting for the nimble body, but the whole thing was tolerable because it moves swiftly and never drills one barrel set.

Right when you think you have the residual hop meets oak thing down, it changes its skillset when at low health to this strangely copper/ultra aged rye, and to the last moments it feels like a barrel aged version of Bell’s Old Ale while you are wrestling it to the mat.  The shit was a ride but I loved it. Woodsmash again 4 shure.

So, while everyone else is pulling their scrotum skin assembling verts, offloading Props, investigating Abnormal brewing, and bitching about what Dark Lord session they are in: Jackie O’s is silently amassing arms to charge northward to unseat those Kuhnhenn icelords north of the wall.  Their strong ale game is getting better and better, and I begin to seriously doubt the veracity of these alcolyzer reports on the labels.

Get some of these before Florida finds out about them and ruins it for everyone.

Typical.