Avery Scarlata Cucumis, BREWERY ONLY SPA JUICE TELL UR MASSEUSE

avery

Holy shit those block letters letting you know THIS IS BREWERY ONLY. It’s like when you see a girl in Vegas with a shirt that says I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD. It’s like damn, no one was asking about your availability, chill.  Thankfully, the beer inside is weird, and inspired, and in many ways, pretty awesome.

On the surface this looks like some Tired Hands meets Funk Buddha type of shit: cucumber and hibiscus barrel-aged sour.  This is nothing like what I was anticipating and if this is a sign of what Avery has up their sleeve then sign me up because this beer is bizarre and oddly nuanced.  The nose is a Bath and Body Works neck kissing, fancy floral soaps, herbal peels, and rose hip tea.  It seriously reminds me of the water they serve you at a spa with the intense cucumber frappe notes. When you combine those two the result is this really pleasant watermelon cum de agua fresca.  I want you to understand how hard it is to characterize a beer with absolute no clear analogue, it’s gonna be a pure adjectival slough with no tethering points so rappel down with me into this salty REI.

aww

Whole Squad on Deck.

The beer is intensely clean and swerves alternatingly to the shoulders of Crystal Light and Blood Orangina.  The acidity is so so soft that it almost mirrors a mineral water in the swallow and you can drink gallons upon gallons of this.  If this beer has a high price tag, then that simply is not fair to the consumer given how fast you will skull this thirst quencher.  Also, releasing this right before winter, I mean. Wat.

One thing I need to underscore is how the cucumber is all up in this like, no…that euphemism would be too easy.  That distilled cucumber essence can be smelled in barrio fruit carts, usually with some kind of cayenne rub, but this is all pithy refreshment and toes into a sort of herbal/vegetal aspect that works for some reason.  If you have ever been to a fancy restaurant like a $$ on Yelp, there will be those tanks with cucumber and strawberries, that’s this beer.  That stepmom gear with a core in the middle to steep things in the water pitcher, that’s this beer’s spirit animal.

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There’s literally nothing on the market like this and, my wife, who hates beer through and through, asked why all the “other shitty beer” that I drink couldn’t taste more like this beer. THANKS A LOT AVERY FOR CAUSING DOMESTIC DISPUTES GOSH.

 

 

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