Bottle Logic went and made an 11% abv coconut infused stout, I suppose DDB is tasked with reviewing it.  Therein lies the cringe and reticent nature of compelling myself to comment on really anything at this point.  With so many people reading this site and anomalously relying upon it for “value appraisal” the snake hilariously eats its own tail.  The function of the reviews was to impart a degree of detached sober [sic] commentary, not to dive headlong into flames fanning like some solipsistic “Beer-Black-Book-by-any-other-name-raffles-as-sweet” type of hype machine.

At the outset, I will say that nothing DDB can say will make Space Trace trade higher than say, Black Agnes, and honestly, who gives a fuck? The gnashing of teeth over coconut oil and this latent fear of sugar water stock dropping is in equal measure hilarious and wince-inducing from an adult community dabbling in luxury consumables.  The end result is akin to Skynet creating more John Connors, destabilizing the singularity with chaotic self interest.  Suffice it to say, all that shit makes me not even want to review this beer. The toxic lactic acid-dripping fan base of beer speculators is more corrosive than an Upland pellicle and a single independent clause of praise will pump clouds of conspiratorial caustic fumes my way like the battle of Marne.  Oh well, here goes.

This beer is pretty good. Granted it isn’t the absolute best beer of 2016, but it is very tasty and hits the benchmarks that I feel it sets out to achieve.  I enjoyed it a touch more than Snowed In, a touch less than Coconut Eclipse, and it exists in covalent parity with say, Prop13, baconators notwithstanding.

Here’s the obligatory negs to establish “journalistic integrity” that everyone will dismiss in their detached debridement of the review: the body is a touch thin. This is within the framework of an 11% beer, so cavconut emptor.  The viscosity is akin to Snowed In and the entire beer orbits that buoy as a counterweight of comparison.  It is heftier than the svelte Central Waters crowd, but presents like a cardio-forward Parabola.  This never entirely detracts, but the “DME before bottling pls” crowd will no doubt complain that a person is able to frustratingly dispatch a 500ml to themselves.  That should never be the function of an imperial stout.  If you can take down any more than 3 ounces with your sweaty maladjusted comrades-through-excess, then that brewery has intrinsically failed.

More negs, no legs. The retention of this beer leaves something to be desired since, I assume the head and sheeting is all but destroyed from the lipid dance of suntan oil below.  The same people who give Kuhnhenn and AftW a constant pass will no doubt prepare the finest effigy with regards to the relatively tame body and mouthfeel to this beer.

Here’s the point I expect to read captured in every Cicerone’s 150 character Untappd ivory tower clinical study of this beer: there’s more than just coconut on the nose.  Please read that as a crucial flaw if you have been into beer for less than 18 months.  The beer has the audacity to both be barrel aged and then somehow manifest an intent to show the depth of that casking.  2/10 would not drink, not enough coconut.  If I don’t get to full throttle some tired ALMOND JOYS IN A GLASS ZOMG epithets, then the brewery has failed me.  I don’t have time to talk about the refined oak profile at low 60s, or talk about how the fleshy oily coconut integrates with cacao nibs to create a separate experience, the safe weed hewn tramping lies in “NOT A COCONUT BOMB THO NEEDS MORE TBH ALL SIXTEEN OF US AGREED.”

Now, to wholly discredit the burgeoning narrative with qualified praise. Let’s make it clear my goal here is to drive up the “value” of this beer, because trade values and, I simply need to land more beer. As long as we understand that while Spinoza grinds out the warped lenses for us, we will be fine.

The flawless integration of chocolate and coconut is exceedingly well done.  This is a Kid Chameleon who changes from a fairly coconut forward experience at low temps to a See’s Candy type of amalgamate at higher temps.  You never get palate fatigue and it is a rare instance where I would tolerate a 22oz or, god forbid, a 750ml of an adjunct stout.  There is a degree of intentionality to this because the saccharine notes, which I predicted would be front and center, actually don’t chew the scenery.  The beer allows an ensemble approach and the macaroon and caramel of the bourbon barrels get a few pithy monologues in.

I didn’t receive a free bottle, but let’s pretend that I did to explain away genuine impressions while trudging through this next section of lauded statements.  If this model isnt SPONSORED then it simply doesn’t make sense to absolutely praise the manner in which the cocoa nibs don’t impart an insane amount of sweetness and almost serve to counter-balance the pina colada oiliness of the coconut.  The drag is long and sweet and it comes across like some 85% cacao expert confectioner product, dipped in Willet.  I loved the Nestle Cocoa aspect of this beer and the way that a touch of roast tempers this chocolate armor forged by Hephaestus.  The oak interplay is flawless and doesn’t hit an oversaturation, nor is it entirely vestigial like the old “North Carolina, 6 weeks aged, for-the-label-only” type of approach.  This bakery case delight opens up at higher temps and shows the underpinning of delicious malt/nougat/kit kat/snickersy notes without emptying your entire plastic orange trick or treat pumpkin.

There you have it! The value has now been set, the returns shall be immeasurable.  The pulpit of a shitty wordpress site has spoken.  DDB cant show his tax returns because of all the collusion, how do we even know what ties he has, every other beer blog has released their tax returns, this is clearly a pay to play system.

This was a delicious, refined, romp on the coconut beach.