Firestone Walker Just Dropped Their Best Beer Since 2011 Abacus: DREAMWOOD

Share if you saw the crumb

Firestone Walker is in this newly single midlife crisis of late. After being the craft beer darling in the mid-2000s, turning out genre defining strong ales in the early 2010’s, they got married to a Duvel of fine stock and set their sights on grocery story 805 purveyance and taking strokes off their Luponic Distortion game.

Now they are back in the club spilling 1942 wearing a viscose Celine button down swiping people on Raya at age 47. It’s not unwelcome, it’s just different.

The Brewmaster’s Collective [don’t you dare call it RESERVE otherwise you’ll draw a strongly worded Bruery letter] has been a fun society. It is FW entering a realm that they don’t need to. The results have been hits and strange misses, but it is a sticky $600 ride. Then they go and drop this absolute marvel: DREAMWOOD.

1pp, society exclusive, 15 year and 23 year pappy barrels, double barrel aged, no adjuncts, 120 cases, 16% abv. It’s the grizzled old stout detective pulled back in, THIS TIME THEY GOT YOUR CORN DAUGHTER. While those are all hype bromides, this beer surpasses hype and delivers to an intense degree on the cask pedigree.

I love when dudes 9 months into craft beer actively seek out a double barrel, extended casked stout and then complain about the heat on it, the very thing they are paying a premium for. The fusel is a Cowichan sweater fresh out of the dryer. It drags with a sweet peanut brittle heat that hits a warm tone like a fretless Warwick bass.

The body is Parabola, which sounds dicey as in the modern era that is now deemed svelte. The lack of sugar presents a nimble stripped down stout that bleeds oak presence, spice drops, butterscotch kisses, crackly lava cake, and peach hookah. A Porsche Taycan fueled by a cornwater generator. It is raw power.

It didn’t need to be this good and it will polarize tastes. The seltzer and haze segment have short attention spans, dangly cross earrings, Bass Pro Shop hats worn post-meta ironically. This isn’t for them. Firestone has presented a dignified, complex, salt and peppered air inviting you for a tour on their elegant bowrider. If cask heat is gatekeeping, genZ palates can seek solace elsewhere.


Side Project Continuance 2: The Garden of Malty Delights

I enjoy this less than Anabasis but more than Langst. So it’s still really tasty.

Hieronymus Bosch painted the three panel triptych, The Garden of Earthly Delights, in 1510. Interpretations varied at the time. To high middle ages sensibility, this insane fever dream was a commentary on the fall of man due to lust and depravity. To the renaissance appreciator, this was a sign of altered perspective and things to come. How much you enjoy these carnal depictions depends on which era you’re in.

Continuance 2 is a composition fallacy in itself. Being single barrel MJK, you would think this is salacious and spicy. Pure deviant malts, the fall of mash. However, they added cinnamon and vanilla to it. If MJK was already so good, what was the deal with these expensive single barrels that warranted the divine corruption?

If you’re in Bosch’s left panel, your Eden would have been a lower abv, simpler, non adjuncted beer. The cinnamon and vanilla contributes a Drumstick ice cream cone with that ribbon of soft caramel in the center, the holy barrel is compromised. From a theological perspective, this is pure sin. It is complexity at the expensive of purity.

If you’re in Bosch’s right panel, the fall of barleywine is in itself progress. Casting off the pralines and cream shackles for a dulce de leche experience furthers the human experience. The cask purity is denatured. Knowledge of food parallels is corruption that beer welcomes. It is all a matter of perspective.

I am more of a center panel ticker. You can find me bathing in the VSOJ fountain, touching Gratitude crows, embracing the moderate hedonism of the current age. The vanilla is distracting, but it also modifies giving the barleywine a tootsie roll and waffle cone aspect. The carb is de minimis and sits murky and deep mahogany with sticky frogs on its bank. It veers so heavily into the stout realm that it feels like it is outright losing the virtues of MJK itself, a Miltonian fall from grace into the fleeting hellscape of pastry stout lovers.

We don’t have objective prescriptivity for how barleywines SHOULD taste. This is very good, nonstandard, linestepping, and heretical. Life is too short to conform to seltzer norms, sipping mediocre macro lagers at cookouts.


Russell’s Reserve 13 Year: Wild Turkey isn’t Immune to Crotchshotting Flippers

Back on my 24mm bullshit

The quest to answer “What Happened to Double Digit Age Statements?” trudges on with a new offering from Wild Turkey: Russell’s Reserve 13 Year. This might as well have not even actually been released considering that almost none of these bottles even hit the shelf.

Double digit age statements aren’t extinct, they’re being conscripted. Wild Turkey could have taken a NCF cask strength bottle with 13 years and made it a special release. Instead they priced it at $70, barely higher than the much worse, RR10. The result is predictable, adults who still shop at Tilly’s flip them for $400. These are the same dudes who are like “Vegas aint ready for us” like Vegas hasn’t seen 5 dumpy guys sharing queen beds wearing camp collar shirts from Marshall’s. So the bourbon world ain’t ready for them.

Wild Turkey is the most red headed of the major corn children. Even still, it is crotchshotted and flipped before it leaves the parking lot. Even WT isn’t sacred. The resale HSV from Buffalo Trace has now infected the drinker tier bottles as well, pass the Carmex.

This has a gorgeous deep bronze like oversteeped tea and the nose presents all that amazing dance that keeps people who don’t drink bourbon away from Wild Turkey: actual bourbon hallmarks. It is dry, toasty, Hot Tamales, French toast, and burned brioche. Taste provides dried mango, Dr. Pepper, anise, Darjeeling tea, and nutmeg. It veers so far away from the betapalate “BUTTERSCOTCH BOMB BRO” that Paste Magazine bourbon drinkers require that I wonder who these are even being flipped to. There cant be as many people as stupid as me paying resale just to open them, can there? DDB is the HSV bourbon sore.

Like moving unfolded laundry daily from bed to floor, this is fulfilling in its delay. The finish is extremely dry, lemon heavy sun tea, Christmas wreath, semianiline couch leather. It’s better than Blue Run 14, which also costs the same, also ruined. It is far superior to Stagg Jr and ECBP contemporaries. The heat is on the swallow and burns like the “SO WHAT ARE WE” text left on read. Bro I swear this distillery is down bad bread crumbing you, leave WT on purple triangle homie.


Selins Grove Same Old Ipa, A Past Preserved in Amber

Yes. Nucleation.

With 8000+ breweries and emergent smootheries and seltzeries in the marketplace today, there is a pressing need to innovate to survive. Some breweries thrive by staunchly sticking to their old methods. In the sleepy Pennsylvania hamlet of Selin’s Grove, home to the “world’s largest banana split” the future lies within the past.

Back in 2011 on Beer Advocate, he said while whittling, Selin’s Grove Brewing IPA was on the Top 100 Beers of Fame. It was extremely hard to trade for since no one really lives near this remote PA town. I guess ask your friends from Harrisburg, or Wilkes-Barre to make the drive. Also, the beer was only allowed offsite in growlers with French gaskets. These would act like paint packs in bank robbery films and immediately blow up once you shipped them.

After a few botched trades and PA friends confused as hell with what I wanted, I finally tried Selin’s Grove IPA and it crushed. This is that beer, renamed, with a different abv (?) Part of the vibe is the Kuhnhennesque complete lack of fucks to give.

So now in the present we have this amber, dank, c60 bomb of malt and evergreen, 3000’ conifer line, absolute duraflame meets resin in the best way possible. It is like the best and cleanest example of the excesses of the IBU war era. Taking a sip out of this you fall out of your rhizome time machine and see people typing on T Mobile Sidekicks, wearing multiple polo shirts with popped collars. The ambient stickiness of warrior hops and puka shells fills the room.

Is there a function for this past literally preserved in amber? Absolutely. First, this beer remains delicious and wholly immune to market influences. That in itself is crazy refreshing. Second, there’s a malty historical revisionism that consumes and disposes of fading styles. There’s power in focusing on the past for growth, like that dude who owns a heavily modded Ford Raptor but refuses to go to therapy.

This isn’t a whale, loaded with fruit, 1pp, invite only, raffle destroyer, eggdrop soup can collab with Visvim. It’s an extremely malty amber IPA. If you can’t handle that there are plenty of vapid Sunny D hazecan accounts on IG with Tavour associate links for you to use.


Lakefront Brewing Bourbon BA Quad Is Pure Wisconsin Raisin Fig Overload

So espicey

There’s something magical about Wisconsin. The people are genial, frozen, recklessly drunk. The sports teams seem to be having the best of times. The serial killers are of the bumbling “oops left blood on the center console” variety. Not only do they consume more beer than anyone per capita, but they have a rich history of macro lagers and cheese consumption.

Lakefront brewery is equally insane, quintessentially Wisconsin. A relatively massive brewery with long running historical roots, it still manages to have fun. If you have a sports mascot who slides down a chute into a mug of beer, why not buy his Chalet and literally put it into your brewery? Why not allow couples to book it as a private romantic getaway? Why not let patrons get absolutely hammered drunk BEFORE DURING AND AFTER the tour, go for it, fall into the Milwaukee River. The guys at Mo’s steakhouse downriver will fish you out.

Oh I’m sorry, their flagship amber lager wasn’t sexy enough for you? Well how about a 15% bourbon BA quad. This thing just gushes dates and figs, grape tobacco, Syrah grape and a prickly phenolic Mediterranean dessert of spicy esters. The swallow is spicy and distinctively Belgian without allowing the substantial oak to become its entire personality like when dudes turn 30 and their identity is smoked meats. WOW HE BOUGHT A TRAEGER LET US ALL LAUGH AT HIM.

It is a fun riff on the strong ale world, an excessive Milwaukee quad that mirrors BLVD and North Coast efforts, but in a cheesehead amplified way. There’s no subtelty but if I ever go to Madison I want a dude beet faced in a Carhartt shirt screaming in my face about how space lasers started the Oregon forest fires. I want it over the top.

Most drinkers wont embrace raisins and Wild Turkey as an enjoyable beverage. There’s a way lonely people tell stories, tease the conclusion up top, and then fill in excessive details so you can’t walk away. Soft loneliness creates the nuance. This isn’t that, this is a guy spitting currant Moon Man in your face explaining Delta Variant 5G chips. And I love it.


Knob Creek 12 Year Optimizes Taste to Cost Masterfully


I like where Beam sits in the bourbon world. It is always available, very solid, underhyped, straightforward offerings that are as consistent as the rickhouse aisles are long. In our ongoing analysis of “what happened to double digit age statements” we land on this 12 year old gem.

The days of white label Elijah Craig 12 year are gone, and Mckenna and Eagle Rare 10 year are becoming quickly extinct thanks to hoarders. As a result, it is refreshing to see a 12 year bottle for less than $100 that hasn’t been infected by flippers who love pithy backstories to prop up values. Knob Creek tried to go NAS on us, but the 9 and 12’s couldn’t stay away. Pure ether.

The cost to value ratio is off the charts. You get the depth, dryness, robust oak and lacquer of the age, but without dropping $400 on a bottle some celebrities or CEOs blended into a fancy bottle. This is just consistent, solid, relatively old juice at a fantastic price. There isn’t that disconnect like the person who buys produce but never eats it.

It isn’t pure fusel bucking bronco with a slipping transmission, you have Bookers for that, it isn’t proofed down into nothingness, you have Basil Haydens for that. KC12 is a bastion of accessibility, price, complexity, without having to dip into the trash tide pools and paying secondary to some stupid flipper who wears his Android phone on his belt buckle and purchases “tactical” items.

The nose is without surprises, defaults to zucchini bread, allspice, gingersnaps, and English Breakfast Tea. The taste showcases the age better with Brooks leather bicycle saddle, Samoa cookies, and butane churro. At 100pf it is entirely approachable without sacrificing runtime. Finish seems much older than 12 year and goes this Diageo wet deck, Skoal, and bananas fosters. Anyone can drink this, seasoned drinkers won’t feel like they made a concession, most things above this will be a marked loss on ROI.

Whenever a bourbon reviewer has something expensive they always do this awshucks salt of the earth final paragraph where they suggest the same 5 sub-$60 bottles so they can seem relatable. That isn’t needed here. This is already the optimized taste to cost form, just buy this. Everything else is a corncession.


Is Revolution Brewing VSOJ b2 on par with Batch 1? We Shall See.

I deleted the tack sharp version I don’t wanna hear about it

There’s a heraclitean aspect to beer. You’re always trying to step back into the same malty stream that is ever changing. Both from a subjective palate level, and beer as a living product, subject to neckbeard entropy. So much of beer enjoyment hinges on freshness, setting, and contextual aspects. Unlike bourbon or wine, who enjoy the immutable fetishism of people who just love to possess, beer is actively dying every second. We are beer and we don’t get a b2.

So is VSOJ B2 better than B1? It’s like trying to change the staves on a barrel that is rolling out into Milwaukee avenue. Some dudes obsess over what order to show their kids the Star Wars movies, as though their appraisal of the past has any bearing on current quality. VSOJ B2 is extremely well done, but it is different than B1.

With terrible/paid editorial beer reviews, you’ll get evasive language, platitudes, and lengthy description of PLACE. I will outright say I enjoy B2 less than I enjoyed B1, but it is currently drinking better than batch 1. Let’s lean instead upon contrasts, like the guy who tosses his keys to the valet for his Grand Cherokee and says KEEP IT CLOSE.

Batch 2 is steeped in barrel to a staggering degree, it is pure heat and long intense cask that is masterfully done. If you pay a premium for ultra aging and then complain about the spirit profile, you’re the exact consumer who needs to switch to one of the “possession” based hobbies. Your wardrobe is from Kohl’s and like 6 pairs of shoes in plastic boxes you never wear. Yes, technically you care about clothes.

The initial sip is less sweet malt and a tighter, burnt marshmallow, almond brittle, the rye crackle of Four roses, sugar babies, melanoidins like brown sugar Cream of Wheat, and a finish longer than the film Magnolia. This will age better than b1 and is far more complex, albeit thinner.

If you take boomerangs of aperol spritzes, maybe skip this one. It is for a different breed of fire livered buyer. This extravagant malty gem is to be savored low and slowly like when your friend offhanded mumbles that their parents paid for the down but THEY PAY THE MORTGAGE. The complexities of generational blending.


Blue Run 14 Year Bourbon: Let Someone Else do all the work, Take all the credit

The heavier the bottle the more expensive it is

We have reached a new pinnacle in hype churning. Leave it to the bourbon world, the kings of “zero value added” transactions to take us here. So a bunch of rich dudes from Nike and Facebook decided that they wanted to be master distillers. They did what anyone would do, hire Jim Rutledge from four roses to do all the work, then hire a hype sneaker designer to design a bottle, charge $170.00 retail.

The final piece of this puzzle is shiftless liquor store magnates who have never opened a bottle flip them for $400 immediately, as is tradition. But is Blue Run 14 year good?

Well yeah, it’s fantastic, largely because 14 year old Four Roses is amazing. It’s contract sourced, contract bottled, marked up, flipped, and then tucked on a West Elm bookcase next to the Portrait of Cornian Grey. Ageless.

The best is the press release “Blue Run features the brand’s signature gold butterfly medallion which symbolizes the metamorphosis of the bourbon industry as it reaches a broader audience which appreciates fine bourbon through Blue Run.” Jim Rutledge picking out the teenage casks is like “thanks, guy who invented Facebook Marketplace, for giving me this boarder audience of people who will never open this, taste it, or know about my involvement.”

The nose isn’t the usual rye punch 4R is known for and instead leans towards a refined crème brulee peanut brittle aspect, allspice and Chick-o-stick. The taste shows its age and maturity allowing ample oak, bandsaw, lacquer, bananas fosters, and an experience akin to a proofed up Eagle Rare 17. The 113 proof is that flawless strike zone of warmth like your lil tumtum is a caramel ramekin being pulled out of the oven.

The finish really embraces the lumberyard and state fair churro aspect, that Red Hots profile found in Bookers Oven Buster, long dry closer makes me wonder if it is even older than 14 years, but resale is high enough as is.

After being thoroughly ripped off by Peyton Manning and his 13 year Tennessee juice, this is refreshing. Here’s where I amp up the relatability and go “JUST BUY KNOB CREEK 9 YEAR” and we engage in class warfare so everyone gets to feel special and alive. WE GOTTA GET YOU OUT ON THAT LAKE


Mortalis Pear Brandy Leto is a Masterpiece, That’s Bad For Everyone.


Follow me for iPhone portrait mode tips that involve using a Sony a7III 70mm

When I saw a stout reselling for $1000, it had all the shitlord hallmarks: never sold to the public, 70 bottles in existence, something made to commemorate something special hyped to interstellar proportion. My hype beast alert went off when I saw it had a 4.96 on untapped and not a single person had a negative thing to say about Pear Brandy Barrel Leto. Not one. Isn’t there like at least one dude with a NoTW sticker on his Tacoma that finds almond cookies sinful?

Then I tasted it and it crumbled my pretenses like Pecan Sandies in warm tea. It is almost annoying to validate the quality of something that has been denatured. On one hand, this will likely end up in the DDB top 10 for the year. it is a world class fermentation achievement, a stylistic bon mot. On the other hand, the shitlords hoover this up like eels on benthic silt. Praising it makes me part of the problem, while affirming a brewery’s good work. Moral Malty Paradoxes, so let’s talk about taste.

This shines in reconciling a lithe body dripping in macaroon, pistachio ice cream, spumoni, Almond Roca and currants. It does this while maintaining the framework somewhere between BCBS and Parabola. For the style, it is floor length Shein dress modesty in chocolate malt form.

The barrel has an overseeing warm sweetness like pralines and spooning. Ultimately it just drips almond cookies in a way that exaggerates the idea of them. Like an alien civilization elevated a single confectionary item, thinking it was humanity’s sole cookie deity.

The effect of a review like this is nothing but deleterious. It makes old ivory tower DDB unrelatable. People resent reading reviews of homebrew scale double digit never released bottles. It fuels demand for an already bad situation. It sleights the brewery’s masterpiece by clouding it in this toxic need from entitled dudes who want to get their cookies dipped. But to NOT highlight what a fantastic achievement is equally damning, because then the palate terrorists win.

So go bother Mama Lor’s Café in Webster New York. Show up asking for a growler of batter. Then at least we would see a line of stretchmarked dudes waiting for literal pastries.


The Eighth State Ember Just Rekindled The S’Mores Flame for the Ashen Ones

Then reach out and touch my strength

When designing EMBER, Eighth State loaded up a kiddie ball pit with hype orbs and pulled these out:

1. Peruvian Cocoa Nibs

2. Vanilla Beans

3. Graham Crackers (Honeymade?)

4. Old Forester Single Barrel

5. Boneflower

6. Michigan Star Thistle Honey

7. Charity (?)

8. aged 2+ years

9. less than 180 bottles

10. small format

And the collective wheezing of South Carolina beer bros was sufficient to divert a Myrtle Beach tropical storm. This is toxic behavior to make a beer like this.

So what is the ontological “goal” with all of that as the framework? I guess from the jump it is going to be nocturnal emissions and syrupy jowels a-salivating. But what’s the aesthetic goal? Near as I can tell: make s’mores. If they set out to make $250 campfire treats, then mission accomplished.

This is a glorious Zero bar melted over a slice of lowcountry buttermilk pie. Hell, even Pecan Sandies get in the mix. I feel terrible drinking it. First, it’s like an hour of cardio to offset these 12 ounces. Second, the gatekeeping and exclusionary wheelie of this type of review is inherent. You can declare anything if only 300 other people will hear it and nod approvingly.

The problem of beer consumption, unlike other arts that it is finite, discrete, and fleeting. Imagine one of the most decadent, sumptuously chocolatey fondue films was released and only 271 arthouse critics got to see it. The films ignite after the reel is spun. In those conditions did this sticky SnoBall confectionary delight really help anyone? Yes. It all boils down to context.

Let’s say you later get a peasant 8th State tick, a massive 1200 bottle run. You are diving into that collective August Gloomp chocolate fountain. The fact that the R8 exists reinforces the quality of the A4. The real takeaway is that no one NEEDS an R8. It is a loss leader.

No one needs this beer, but damn is it good. Unless you’re one of those “Bowties, suspenders, mason jars and Converse wedding” type of dudes with no identity, you can get by without this. The backhanded boasts “I DID A THING” “SO THIS HAPPENED” “JUST GONNA LEAVE THIS HERE” is the twinge of craving validation. This beer is valid on its own.

Burger King pairings.

Back to the chocolate ballpit