All Hail the Pumpkin King
Alright, Autumn week continues with all its autumnal splendor. Give Gramma a kiss for me.
Shipyard Pumpkinhead, Pumpkin Ale, 5% abv
A: Mellow gold with absolute transparency, nice fizzy carbonation that dissipates immediately. It appears like apple juice through and through.
S: The nose is easily the best part of this beer, it is like having your face smashed in a jack o lantern full of cinnamon. There’s a bit of clove and nutmeg and a honey finish. Reminds me of lovingly pushing elderly people into piles of leaves. Oh autumn.
T: The taste is similar to the nose but more watery and muted. It has a nice sweet introduction and a cornbread sweetness with a nice pumpkin pie finish. Nothing to complain about here, it is exactly as represented.
M: This is about as thin as an adjunct lager. However, the mouthfeel doesn’t feel like an adjunct lager, it feels like there was actually some legit pumpkins up in the mix during the mashing. However, the watery finish almost commands a 6 pack serving size. I can barely finish this review and it is already almost gone.
D: See infra. This is crisp, light little adjunct lagery pumpkin ale that has a limited arsenal of parlor tricks. It isn’t bad by any means, it is just limited in scope. I will say, however, that my girlfriend and my dog thoroughly enjoyed it.
Narrative: Not all mutants end up as super heroes. That is a grave misconception that is entertained by lovers of lore and those who deny simple medical facts. “Well this isn’t easy for me to say this to you Skylar, so I will just say it,” Dr. Tabby wiped his glasses on his jacket and hesitated for a moment. “your orbital and suture bones have, well they-” Skylar shifted on the wax paper and leaned forward intently, “GOD DAMNIT! YOUR HEAD IS A PUMPKIN! IT’s just…pumpkin. I am so sorry.” Skyler notted his massive produce cranial reflectively. Deep down he always knew it would come to this, a mild concussion at Le Crosse practice and then the old “your head is actually a pumpkin” speech. “Save your MEDICAL JARGON DOCTOR, just, tell me, am I gonna make it?” Doctor Tabby smiled a wry smile and stated softly “with great power comes great responsibility my boy” and he nodded enticingly. “Yes, but, my skull, a good part of my skull has become a pumpkin, I mean how do I deal with this in my life?” “Ah, I see what you are saying: ‘I have a massive pumpkin head, do I use this for good or evil?’” “No that’s not at all what I was asking, am I in danger, can I die from thi-” Dr. Tabby folded his arms behind his back and looked out the window onto the elementary school, strangely placed next door. “You see those children, there Skylar? Each a normal child with a perfectly normal bone skull. Not a single one of them extraordinary in any way, that is to say, not a pumpkin cranium amongst the lot.” Skylar shed a single pumpkin tear that dripped a viscous orange liquid to his lapel. “I KNOW WHAT I MUST DO!” Skylar declared, jumping up to action, and, the subsequent police report brought many a smile to the local children and horror to the faces of produce farmers alike in the tri-state area.