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Mikkeller/Stillwater Two Gypsies Saison, When ONE GYPSY JUST ISN’T ENOUGH

Alright, these extra bonus reviews are struggling in the photography department, but hey, you get what you pay for on this site, free chuckles and yukyuks. Anyway, I LOVE SAISONS, so let’s see how this old chestnut turned out given the fact that I love Stillwater and have a general distrust of Mikkeller:

Just another day at Beachwood.

Stillwater/Mikkeller Two gypsies Saison

A honey golden with huge carbonation, nice lacing with mild middle body, amazing white water carbonation that I love to see in saisons just ready to lambast your nose holes with amazing herbs and citrus.

Section reserved for baller ass Saisons only, call your buddy to come get you.

S There is some Belgian sweetness, clove, citrus, and classic saison spiciness, I get some musky maple leaf and slight hint of hoppiness of the more alpha variety. It reminds me of the dude at the gym doing a ton of reps on the fly machine but making a ton of noise, it’s like, chill bro.

T: This is a nice dryness with mellow hops. The taste has a type of great pepper notes to it with some coriander. That makes it sound far more herbal than it is but overall very crisp and refreshing with great wheat notes. It is like giving a hug to that uncle who happens to be from belgium and pulls a hop cone from behind your ear from time to time.

saisons are kinda like pizza or sex, even when it is bad, it is still mad loot.

M: There is a very light character with great crisp character. However, in the realm of saisons it gets subsumed by many other iconic brands. It is not exceptionally memorable, overall, unfortunately. But understand I mean that in the leagues of big guns Hill Farmstead, Fantome, etc. This is still and excellent beer, just not the best in show. You can get disqualified by those AKC assholes for PRACTICALLY NOTHING.

D Like many Saisons, it is a very light and refreshing beer, but if it were not, it would be a pretty unsatisfactory saison. The light brett funk is good but ultimately forgettable. I always look for a spicy note or something to take it to that juicy key lime level that saisons like Magic Ghost or certain Vermont offerings have accomplished, but again, still a great beer, just nothing to tattoo on your foreskin.

There is something familiar, yet creepy going on here, not unlike a gypsy.

Narrative: Life was pretty consistent for Carl Cirrus. He was born from coastal pressure as a cirrus cloud, no surprise there, but he always longed for more. He would often glide along without purpose and refresh airplane passengers in a mild way. Ultimately, he wanted so much more. He wanted to live a life of excitement and pizzazz like his humulus and stratus brethren. They would toss and turn, flip into funnels, destroy Midwest towns; and yet here he was, just a placid long bed of evapotranspiration that no one gave a thought to. “I create those healthy jet streams for travel and the currents for watering cro-” PSsFFHFHHHSSHHH:::: a new satellite was launched trough Carl’s cirrus sternum: MTV3 just went live.

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Three Floyds/Struise/Mikkeller/Surly Baller Stout, This Stout is Blended too Hard to be Ballin on a Budget

Oh shit, the Voltron of baller ass beers,l a blend of: Black Albert, Darkness, Dark Lord, and Beer Geek Brunch. I will let you ruminate on the potential for a moment. Alright. Let’s get this show on the road.

This beer -BALs so hard, but first barrels gotta find me.

Three Floyds Baller Stout, Russian Imperial Stout, 13.8% abv

A: It has a bit of a wateriness to the pour that doesn’t really blow me away given the all start lineup of dark potations blended. The Darklord alone should be enough to consume the world, but it isn’t necessarily bad as a result. For the composition of those 4 beasts to create something with the coating of gentle Czar Jack, the result is anomalous. The carbonation is fantastic and clings to the glass with Ellis Island desperation. The color of the foam is dead on Dockers’ khakis, my favorite Mervyn’s foam selection.

WAIT. Darkness. Dark Lord, Black Albert. Beer Geek Brunch? I see what you did thar.

S: The smell has a nice coffee roast with a bit of an oakiness popping in here and there, however, the wheelies are popped by the chocolate and sweetness. I can only assume that Darklord and Darkness teamed up to whip the other two rapscallions into shape. The brownie batter smell lingers until a nice espresso element sutures the wound and the smell is done. Pretty impressive really, don’t know what haters hate.

T: The sweetness has a great interplay with the coffee element and the result is a bitter upfront port character that is not altogether chocolate, but not just roasted malts either. It is funny how each beer contributed a different element to the final product, there’s the obvious sweetness from the Darklord that is faint, a nice coffee from Beer Geek Brunch, some roasted malts from Darkness, and a nice charred oakiness from Black Albert. No falacy by composition here, just a solid stout, BALLER EVEN.

Combining these beers has showed me something that I knew about myself all along. Just like Uncel Dolan.

M: The mouthfeel is surprisingly light given the composition of the 4 knuckleheads involved. Notwithstanding, I feel that it is a more original product as a result. I don’t enjoy this more than any one of the parts involved, but it’s kinda like a janky ass Voltron. It might even be Go-Bot status. But even the sorriest Transformer like Nightscream or Cosmos is still a Transformer, that’s pretty bad ass.

D: The individual beers involved, Black Albert excepted, aren’t exceptionally drinkable, but strangely, this beer is splishy splashy and drinkable. The coating isn’t intense and as a result the synthetic oil burns cooler. I don’t know who was submarining the efforts to make this thinner and easier to drink but, I would say that this is the greatest aspect of the synergy between the elements. I don’t know that I will put this in my water bottle before I get into some sick ass MMA, but it’s pretty breezy and enjoyable for a gigantic stout. This beer has me feeling all like a Newport Slims advertisement up in this mix.

RISE MY BARREL AGED ARMY.

Narrative: Metroplex was a shitty Transformer and he knew it. Sure, Transformed he was a bad ass robot that would make Gundam quiver. But he “disguised” himself as an entire city block. The rest of the Decepticons just kinda sighed robot sighs and shrugged their massive robotic shoulders when Metroplex would dissassemble himself into a Jiffylube, Chick-Fil-A, Planned Parenthood, and Ju Jitsu Studio. “Starscream, please can you just, tell him it is painfully obvious, no one is fooled, literally not even the blind Transformer Brailzor is fooled by his transformation.” Deep down Metroplex had feelings too. He knew that the disguise was shitty and inoperable. The Planned Parenthood was always closed and the Ju Jitsu studio just had a guy who watched a ton of Affliction tapes but, deep down he had spirit. The elements that composted his false city were bad ass in their own right, even if assembled it was an underwhelming display of power. “So then Megatron was all like Metroplex? More like METROSEX! Oh, oh, didn’t see you standing there Metro, uh, we were just-” Metroplex ran to the lower chambers of the elaborate robot facility and buried his face in his iridium pillow. “THEY DON’T GET YOU! NO ONE GETS YOU!” he cried his autotuned sobs into his comforter while his My Chemical Robomance poster looked on ruefully.

3

Mikkeller 10 IPA, Oh wow, ten types of hops, hold on let me call the Prime Minister

Oh wow, another one of those cute vintage reviews that you have to suffer through, back when I was all serious and hardline on beer content that no one gives a fuck about. Oh well, just suck it up, I am sure there will be some slams against community college students soon enough.

MIkkeller Ten, Ten Times as expensive as things you can just get from California.

Mikkeller 10, IPA, 6.9%

A: it appears traditional enough, orange hues with light amber hues, HUGE foamy head that is relentless and annoying like Jehovas witness followers. The head lingers like a watchtower pamphlet to your chagrin.

No amount of cute hedgehogs can make this beer worthwhile.

S: smell has a huge floral bouquet that raises itself like an avenging ghost for thousands of fallen hop friends, it reminds me of those angry flowers in Ursula’s cave in the Little Mermaid that are relentless and drag you back for more.

T: The taste is fairly predicatable, with some bittering notes and some herbal finish but nothing to really make it fall out of the rank and file of standard IPAs, with the exception of a nice maltiness that links up with a sort of herbal finish that makes it delicious, but inaccessible and cumbersome to enjoy at length due to cost prohibitions.

Would I like to pay for another overpriced Mikkeller beer? No. I always say no.

M: the mouthfeel is awesome with great balance for the single IPA style, very drinkable and a superbly balanced IPA for the new-comer, it is a college freshman dewey eyed and receptive to many tastes, with reciprocal affection in turn.

D: This beer is exceptionally drinkable, economically infeasible. There are cheaper alternatives that are better suited and better equipped. Go with those, leave this section alone unless you find a patch of it exceptionally cheap.

It's a mediocre IPA, get over it and drink something else. Space Gorilla has spoken.

Narrative: “wait wait, the MSRP on this car is only 20 grand, how did this final invoice total over FORTY THOUSAND?!” The auto dealer sighed and decided to err on the side of propriety “well, when you walked through the doors of Encino Hyundai, I knew that was a man who likes comfort and the finer things in life, so sure, I could have put you in a run of the mill Elantra and think nothing of it” “yes that is exactly what I was looking for” “BUT THEN i thought, no, you know what, what is a car without a suede roof, prada leather, 4 navis, and optional hydrogen cells” The car gleamed under 7 clear coats and was quite a sight to look at, but at the core of it, a mediocre compact sedan that has been polished to a strange refinement. The core experience is nothing to write home about, however, a certain panache has driven up the price inexplicably. “Listen I am not saying that the ostrich interior is too gaudy, it is, but I just cant afford this.” The car dealer looked remonstratively at the car and ruefully pointed to the fishtank in the truck. “Well….can I show you our new…Santa Fes?”

1

Mikkeller Black Hole, scotch whisky barrel aged, the worst beer of the year. A winrar is this.

This beer is horrible, avoid at all costs. Finally a beer to adequately represent this website. Do not drink this beer.

It tastes like giving a smooch to your drunk old highlander grandpa. The bubbles are a vile scorching oak taste like popov and nair on your mouth. It’s a scorching oral douche that has no place outside of the hateful island from whence it came.

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Seriously, I can safely say that, with the aroma, taste, and mouthfeel of this abomination, it doesn’t matter what style that this beer is, it is a chimera of testicle assaults. Ok, so I open it up, it smells like peat, dirt, home depot fertilizer, a rented van, Okla-, well, just horrible. It looks nice enough until she opens her mouth, just petulant candor and despicable things. The foam alone tastes like someone took a swig of Cutty Sark while smoking a cigar and spit it in your mouth.

I can’t underscore this enough, do not pay the $12.99 for this 12oz bottle, dont let anyone buy this for you, this is seriously the absolute worst beer that I have ever tasted.

My face was all like this after only 5oz.