Schneider Aventinus, Germany All Up in This Mix like a 30 Year’s War.

This USED to be a top 100 beer, first world problems.

Schnieder Aventinus, Weizenbock/Doppelbock, 8.2% abv

A: It has a deep brown amber almost brown ale color with a certain muddiness to it. The bottle conditioning yields tiny bubbles with almost no lacing. It’s pretty legit for how widely available it is, not unlike Snow’s first album.

S: Sweet figs, brown sugars, roasted oats, and some dark fruits similar to a Belgian tripel. It reminds me of how Miller Boyett productions would always link their shows together like how Harriett worked with Larry and Balki and then Steve crash landed in Wisconsin at the Lambert’s backyard. It is an example of canonical cohesion is what I am trying to say.

This beer is good and delivers in a simple refreshing way. You know what I am saying.

T: There is an almost tart sweetness at the forefront. The bubbles are tingly and almost sour with the dark fruits coming through like a deep burnt wheat finish. It is strange how many genres this covers without being a strange cuvee of some sort. The dark fruits are still present but its is almost more blackberry or a sweet pecan syrup taste to it. IHOP ALL UP IN THIS BITCH.

M: The mouthfeel has some good coating but with a strange tingliness to it. This is not a light wheat beer finish but it is not heavy similar to a dunkelweisen or a thin porter, it has a strange distinct nature to it. It is likely perfect for the style, but essentially I am not a huge fan of this style I suppose or perhaps I am just uneducated with regards to the variety of examples of this type of beer. That being said, this is still a delicious beer but I would have a hard time pairing this effectively given its strange hybrid of sweetness and tartness. You want to invite her to one of your friends, but she’s all into slam poetry and weird shit so you have to abstain.

This beer delivers. I ain't even mad though.

D: This is exceptionally drinkable but seems more suited for fall weather than long sessions in any form of hot weather. The sugars aren’t overly filling like a Belgian tripel but the strange crispness doesn’t make it bothersome. I couldn’t take on more than a pint of this but it was an enjoyable fleeting experience.

Narrative: Gretchen Dulceberg’s candy business was in dire straights. For starters, opening a confectionary boutique in rural Utah was bound to cause some problems with the Mormon populace. Second, the recession hit the gourmet fusion sweets market especially hard. The average blonde haired blue eyes Utahite would saunter in with a sweet tooth for a simple Snickers or a Chic-O-Stick and be welcomed with Truffled Cocoa with dried ahi tuna or muddled marshmellow foam imbued with beef stock marrow. The price of Gretchen’s goods would leave a sour taste in the mouth of the most proper Latter Day Saint. Ultimately, Ms. Dulceberg’s sweet tooth was too obtuse for the average Mormon, but in Dresden, this place would have been a dunklesmash.


Andechser Dopplebock Dunkel, Doppelbock 7.1% abv, Teach Me How to Dunkel.

My neck, my sack, my dopple and my boch.

Oh shit, another top 100 beer? Guess it must be the waxing moon.

Andechser Dopplebock Dunkel, Doppelbock 7.1% abv

A: The beer pours a translucent deep caramel color with a huge amount of carbonation that maintains a generous head and sticks to the sides of the glass. It looks like a root beer float in many ways. Take this to a 6th grade slumber party and you will be the life of the PARTY, and shortly asked to leave.

S: This has a great smell of sweet clove, banana esters, Belgian spice, and mild milk chocolate. The cocoa and dates make it feel like a tame Belgian quad in many ways. It handles your nose like the gentlest of returns cashiers at Target, making sure that you are satisfied through and through.

T: This beer delivers a very mild cocoa front with some clove that melds into a banana and apple sweetness. The whole experience is just tame but understated like the calm poise of a regal mother in law from Connecticut. You know there’s a lot going on there, but it doesn’t get all up in your face about it.

M: The mouthfeel is both creamy and thin at the same time, PARADOXES ABOUND. The actual water seems very hard in that it has a crisp clean finish but the carbonation and slickness coats in a quick way. The drinker is left with a satisfying sheen like when you get out of a gnar gnar moshpit, dirty, yet, cleansed.

D: This beer shines in pulling off a crazy hat trick of imparting a ton of flavor, masking the moderate abv, and washing away incredibly quickly in a refreshing manner. It’s not like bears are MEANT for unicycles, but when you see the two combined, no objections resound. Tl;dr – lots flavor, good drink.

Narrative: :::BRRRVRRRMMMM::: Another full-sized 2.0L Bavarian truck rushed by unnoticing of the small German boy’s plight. Hans Geinlich’s caramel apple stand was not going so well. The modest price of 1 euro was not off-putting, nor was his fashionable marketing strategy of precariously reaching his arm out to motorists passing by. “Und zen, you schould be trying ze apples!” he shouted as a gaudy BMW roared past at 200 km/h. It was the location. He had an amazing caramel apple, sublime even. It was a manifestation of Gluck’s finest symphony within an ambrosial treat, but selling them in a remote stretch of the Autobahn did no one any favors. He once almost caused a 12 car pile up when a driver screeched to a halt to sample his wares, damn near flipping a series of tiny French hatchbacks behind him. “Und zen, zey cink zat I am ze jokes wit ze apples!” he sobbed mournfully and sat on a charred tire. Someday Hans would realize his dreams and create a Bavarian chocolate factory with a marketing gimmic involving golden tickets, but for the time being, it was roadside apple sales for this likeable little Prussian.