If you are a basic bitch raised in the last 18 months on that ISO swag, then you might think this is the Gold re-release. Wrong. DDB is pulling some wild alechaeology with this bad ratchet.

What in fucks sake is a splinter and how do you blue it?

“What is Splinter Blue? Splinter Blue combines three of our favorite things – Dreamweaver, tart cherries, and Brettanyomyces. To begin this process we fermented Dreamweaver wort with Belgian/Lambic yeast blend. After a complete fermentation,… we aged the beer in oak barrels with wild yeast and souring bacteria for one year, and then added eighty pounds of tart cherries for another six months of aging. Splinter Blue pours a cloudy rose color with copious carbonation and a Brettanyomyces yeast funk. The beer’s effervescence highlights it’s sharp acidic cherry flavor, followed by a doughy cereal-like finish that lets you know there’s wheat in there.”

Alright now let’s talk about this 2010 release that most people completely forgot about. Except PA tickers. They will remind you about this beer relentlessly.

The beer pops with a crackly carb that leaves gushing out quickly, grabs a handful of Doritos and then peaces out. It sits there with insubstantial lacing kinda like an amber tepid cider flexing its serrata ready to spar .

The nose is intense acidity like a kriek cut with a framboise, cherry tannins and a robust sour shock tart meets earthy musk. The taste provides an American wild ale experience with low ph by the fist full but also gives a nice faded fruit profile as well, gently drying with currant and red grape and a touch of dry oak along your bitter zones. If you ever made out with a chick in 8th grade and got that braces special in your face hole, you will know the power this beer has. Or if you currently have an 8th grade girlfriend …I am not here to tell you how to live your life.

This oddly reminds me of veritas 013, except with a different fruit aspect to it. It is hard to find a direct analog, but imagine if Upland cherry had more than one dimension… Or let’s say someone like Ale Apothecary made a cherry wild ale, this would be it, and then 4 years on it.

I don’t even adjectives that hard.

All my trade boxes are super fresh 18 hour delivery, thanks to this ultra negligent courier service I use.

Going way back for this one, saison ancestral ghosts. The cap looked haggard but the cork was in surprisingly good shape and ejected fairly easily with a pop and foamy gush, letting the late nineties genie out of its green glass prison.

The carb was still spot on and produced nice rings of lacing and webbing. I peppered my angus for an oxidized overload but the nose was pleasant, a musky funky cobweb mixed with lemon pith, tangerines, and a Granny Smith apple character. The oxidation was present on the mouthfeel but not to the degree I was fearing. This is essentially an ultra musky pissenlit with surprisingly bright Fuji Apple, biscuit and honey, old comic books, bike seat in the rain and a dry cheesy finish like cave aged cheese.

This is a complicated affair well worth the price of entry if for no other reason that it is extremely difficult to approximate the flavors of sheer time pumped into the veins of this farmhouse banger.

Covered my jorts in protoplasm

Them 2013 Mexican cake tier tickers finna see this and WAT so hard

Beerturfly effect

Such due diligence

Much consumer confusion

Wow

Ddb got those culturally intensive fans.

Clean hard water profile with a mineral aspect and chocolate that washes away with zero cling

Tastes like a roasty dr pepper and a sort of chalky finish. Would bang again

I paired it with smoked salmon.

Your butthole will pucker when that champagne oxy cap pops upon opening. This pours with massive carb and that billowing logsdon attenuation, like sloppy tittes when that underwire is breached. The cloudy golden and brassy hues are beautiful and don’t need your gelatin cold crashing, god made BdG like this and who are you to demand sick clarity?

Nose is crisp pear, lemongrass, biscuity goodness and some of the clove and banana you’d expect from the yeast strain. The taste is like a BFM saison or something from Vapeur with that hard water profile, clean esters, cornbread and honey merging with an expansive grassy herbal finish. Just destroyable and meant for these warm days in Colorado where people are currently getting hailed on during firestorms. THOT shit, ultra ratchet

This is likely sitting under a layer of dust at your bottle shop and you probably passed it up 3 years ago when it was imported, do yourself a favor and start taking BCAAs and do some real farmhouse sets. None of this Red Barn elliptical shit, real lifting, engage your core and go hit those green bottles like it means something. You walk past Sans Culottes all the time and girls don’t respect you, time to warm on those rustic hands and them saison quads with a farmers carry.

This is an excellent beer, but for $10 my readers would still rather buy some fruited stout or some shit. Prometheus can only slang so many DuPont strains.

Here is a beer that no one is ISO, so you actually have to buy it and drink it. Oh fuuuuuu-

Alright so as a shameless Bruery apologist, you probably think I am going to come out servicing this 510 glory hole and giving them Rare Barrel boys sloppy dome shots. DDB HAS JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY OKAY.

So these Berkeley bad bitches have been turning out a litany of sours, producing fancy ass ceramic growlers, and keeping their ranks tight with a cellar society: BUT WHAT DO THEIR BEERS FUCKING TASTE LIKE? If your dickhead answer is “prolly like the Bruery LOL !!1!!” Welllll you wouldn’t be wrong, but you wouldn’t know what you are talking about either. Let’s push deeper inside this tart cervix.

This beer pours with a wispy carbonation that crackles and resides quickly with little cling or residual proteins in the glass. If you drink American wild ales expecting mad lacing, well, good luck with that. The color looks like a brown ale base was used and adopts this chocolate meets violet hue that isn’t as beautiful as say them fruited goldens you stroke it to, but pretty in its own way, like Maya Rudolph.

The smell at cold temps is acidic, blackberry, acetic, sour black cherry tannins, and at warmer temps the fruit and vinous profile is more akin to a big dry oaky Sonoma cab. Not a huge bouquet of musk, but it’s largely because the acidic profile is doing sick burn outs and hitting on your sister, not much room for anything else on that stage.

The taste is intensely acidic with an oaky dryness akin to Otiose if you even remember that beer you negligent asshole. You get a touch of cranberry, raspberry, light chocolate and fig, and it closes with a resonant acidic character that resounds gracefully. If Consecration is the 7 series, consider this the 3, except less Persian. The lip smacking dryness leaves the tannins from the wine profile but none of the fruity smuckers fun, them sugars were well metabolized. This is highly drinkable due to the abv and it’s clean sharp finish, like when you eat hot Cheetos and you feel the sting that begs for another taste.

Overall, this is a less substantial version of say, Otiose, but it stands on it’s own due to the light execution and acidic interplay. The path of dark sours is a rough road indeed, but this fares the journey with calm poise and enamel raping panache.

Every night is Friday night if you are perpetually swerved

The fuck do I even know about cider

I cook carnitas in Angry Orchard.

This rustic gem made with authentic Lake Michigan water is more of a biere de pays meets table saison with that clean sub 5% abv trill, however, it still goes in with a nice dry mouthfeel like fruit strip gum yellow flavor, clove, banana, a lemon grass pinch to it and a lightly herbal (saaZ?) closer. Highly crushable and EVEN THE XX CHROMOSOMAL ORDER COULD DRINK THIS WHAT WITH THEIR BACKWARDS PALATES AND INSIDE OUT genitals.

But srs, highly crushable if not lacking in complexity. It does what it sets out to do: bone your super hot cousin that is off limits to you.

Also succeeds at being a clean wispy tiny dancer of a saison. Think Jester King Das wunderkind type of shit with lower ferm temps.

Who even reads this site anymore fuck