One week in. Dat HOA POOLWATER so strong

What a bizarre but oddly refreshing beer, way off style for an IPA with massive attenuation, zero coating, washes away clean leaving no oils, the crisp dryness of a Logsdon offering, this resinous hop profile that was more woody than dank, the fruit character coming across like a Chardonnay with a funky phenolic finish. Bonkers but highly drinkable.

Kinda reminded me of when trinity barrel aged their IPAs with Brett like red swingline and that whole realm. Defies classification really.

Perfect for those coveted “entirely foam” saison pours for those highly attenuated ratchets.

How do I load this on my Jitterbug so I can post comments about Shipyard beers?

Pumpkin beer season is only weeks away I need to get on this.

Write up to follow

I am not gonna waste your time with my misguided ass bourbon impressions.

It was really tasty, would bang again as my bourbon side bitch

I think we all realize that buzzfeed is like the 98 cent store of generic internet entertainment, but even this stolen half hearted list is enough to make even basic bitch tickers wince:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/h2/fbsp/esquire/25-of-the-most-amazing-craft-beer-names-youll-ever-see?s=mobile

Are you ready for the most amazing beer names EVER?
Well I hope you enjoy hop puns because the bar has been set that fucking low for what constitutes the best beer label ever: puns. This might be the grossest misuse of the word “amazing” in the history of the English language since the reboot of the amazing spoderman franchise.

Here are a few of my favorite names that they selected:

“Hibernation” holy shit this is like Voltaire space docking with Moliere levels of cleverness.

“Blind pig” how irreverent oh shit swine with disabilities.

“Bad elf” well finger my dickhole calling it just “elf” would have been amazing enough but tossing that extra adjective in there: solid gold.

“Get down American brown” it is like the apotheosis of divinity in beer marketing, the sublime prose reaching levels only previous reached by a 7th grade math teacher at a pep rally making groan worthy puns for kids without pubes.

And the hands down absolute best beer name “LIL helper” like holy shit what crack team of writers in marketing cooked up this gem?

It wouldn’t be so ridiculous if the shitty buzzfeed list wasn’t basically generated with a randomize function. Name any beer, try to convince yourself it doesn’t belong on this list.

“Honker ale” holy fuck like the goose? GENIUS.

“Nelson” oh fuck like the hop variety? No way, tell me more.

“Smuttynose porter” oh shit the brewery name and then beer style? That’s FUCKING OUT THERE.

The best part is they follow up this uninspired shitty list of beers with an ad for an equally uninspired show that sets beer culture back decades with each episode aired: fucking Brew Dogs.

Solid work for Buzzfeed, notches above their “top 22 signs you are from Boise” list.

LOL BEER IS SO RANDOM!!!!

God with the number of people obsessed with Westbrook Gose you would think someone would pony up the extra cash and go for this exceptional salt free beer.

This is straight crisp Anjou pears, clean white grape, jazz apples, light biscuit profile, a touch of all spice musk, and a refreshing mineral closer. It drinks like an after gym beer, straight pear spritzer.

If you don’t like this beer, you might as well go cultivate opium, because nothing will satisfy you

Pop Brett Saisons, fire up omeggle, cyber hard

Just blast Lisa Loeb and let my external ovaries blast. This is worse than their more accessible pedestrian offerings. There is a sticky estery clove note that is off putting and the tannic presence is so muted it might as well be spec’ed as a silent Paladin.

I love what these guys are up to conceptually, but their binary execution makes this a bigger gamble than the trades can justify. That chewed bubble gum finish, lingering calcium and strange turbinado sugar presence.

I WAS PROMISED BERRIES AND ALL I GOT WAS MY TWIG TWISTED

My face when I expected some blabaer banger

This is such a strange base to take to dizzying new heights. You get an ultra clean attenuated toasty almond and walnut base with medium roast, caramel and werthers original in the taste, amazing macaroon on the nose. It is a bizarre sweet and roasty affair top to bottom that is wildly crushable.

It isn’t needlessly sticky, it isn’t under attenuated, it doesn’t boost mouthfeel with nefarious means: it is just a clean robust beer that is all motor not forced induction.

Use protection when approaching this seemingly sessionable ba banger