BUZZFEED FOUND THE 25 CRAZIEST BEERS NAMES EVER STOP THE PRESSES !!!1!!1

I think we all realize that buzzfeed is like the 98 cent store of generic internet entertainment, but even this stolen half hearted list is enough to make even basic bitch tickers wince:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/h2/fbsp/esquire/25-of-the-most-amazing-craft-beer-names-youll-ever-see?s=mobile

Are you ready for the most amazing beer names EVER?
Well I hope you enjoy hop puns because the bar has been set that fucking low for what constitutes the best beer label ever: puns. This might be the grossest misuse of the word “amazing” in the history of the English language since the reboot of the amazing spoderman franchise.

Here are a few of my favorite names that they selected:

“Hibernation” holy shit this is like Voltaire space docking with Moliere levels of cleverness.

“Blind pig” how irreverent oh shit swine with disabilities.

“Bad elf” well finger my dickhole calling it just “elf” would have been amazing enough but tossing that extra adjective in there: solid gold.

“Get down American brown” it is like the apotheosis of divinity in beer marketing, the sublime prose reaching levels only previous reached by a 7th grade math teacher at a pep rally making groan worthy puns for kids without pubes.

And the hands down absolute best beer name “LIL helper” like holy shit what crack team of writers in marketing cooked up this gem?

It wouldn’t be so ridiculous if the shitty buzzfeed list wasn’t basically generated with a randomize function. Name any beer, try to convince yourself it doesn’t belong on this list.

“Honker ale” holy fuck like the goose? GENIUS.

“Nelson” oh fuck like the hop variety? No way, tell me more.

“Smuttynose porter” oh shit the brewery name and then beer style? That’s FUCKING OUT THERE.

The best part is they follow up this uninspired shitty list of beers with an ad for an equally uninspired show that sets beer culture back decades with each episode aired: fucking Brew Dogs.

Solid work for Buzzfeed, notches above their “top 22 signs you are from Boise” list.

20140612-171630-62190851.jpg

LOL BEER IS SO RANDOM!!!!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s