Author Archives: dontdrinkbeer

1

Civil Disobedience 9, because @Hillfarmstead Simply Will Not Obey Societal Mandates

|

For those of you who have DDB posters on they walls all day long, idolize the Youtube videos and know all them songs, you may have realized that DDB has reviewed every single Civil Disobedience except #9.  This wasn’t some intentional slight, for some reason when this dropped those VT tickers wanted to test the elasticity of DDB’s frail anus to a point that was unbearable.  Like all things, my pink sock has grown in fortitude in the intervening months, so we can now FINALLY review this bad ratchet.

When you hit adulthood, life is about making cogent financial decisions, like spending $13 on a Billy Ocean single on vinyl

When you hit adulthood, life is about making cogent financial decisions, like spending $13 on a Billy Ocean single on vinyl

Hillfarmstead, Vermont (no shit)

XXXX% abv, let’s call it 6.9% abv, barrel aged saison (no shit)

Commercial Reacharound:

“A single wine barrel blend of farmstead ales aged for nearly a year. Pale, citrusy and pleasantly tart.”

The appearance is a touch more orangey orange, radiant sun and less of the paleypale of Florence/Flora and company.  The carb leaves your house looking like a Gallagher show, foamy detonation everywhere.  When it hits the glass things settle down like when you ask the housekeeper where your tennis bracelet went. It has gentle cling, not like your Philipino ex-gf, but enough.

CD9 WALKED ON BY IN PAINTED ON JEANS

CD9 WALKED ON BY IN PAINTED ON JEANS

The nose on this beer is an interesting entry and the overarching milieu is “rind” and I mean that as the Hephaestean mold from which all aspects of this beer is forged.  You get grapefruit rind, honeydew rind, pineapple rind, and gruyere cheese rind.  It has a gristy touch of biscuit, so I guess “Biscuit rind” if you are really shitty at baking.  There seems to be a lingering faded hop element that comes across as a form of dry bitterness similar to what Sue was working with, but this adds a blast of charming fruits to keep its face down like Terry Sawchuck getting blasted in the domepiece.

The taste is the most bitter of the Civil Disobedience entries and honestly reminds me quite a bit of an off-brand Juicy.  It is hoppy but not distractingly so, kinda like that resinous old aspect, hop cones that fought in the battle of the Marne and have seen some shit in their day. It is dry and tart, pleasantly greek yogurty in the mouthfeel, a creamy crackle like Trix cereal after you eat all the fruits and you’re left with this lightly tart sweet dankness. Silly trader, ticks are for permavirGINs.

I mean, HF could spend their time with other pursuits, if you really want that-

I mean, HF could spend their time with other pursuits, if you really want that-

The finish is long and fulfilling, like that final episode of Parenthood where Zeke dies. OH SHIT SPOILER ALERT FOR ALL MY MENOPAUSAL FANS. It exhibits a fair degree of oaky woodiness, but the residual hops come across like that white grist from an orange when you peel it like shit.  L2PEEL FUXER.

When people ask you how to land HF bottles, it be like-

When people ask you how to land HF bottles, it be like-

Should you trade for this? Absolutely, it is phenomenal and you will get a glimpse into some of the more untouchable offerings from HF at a far more “accessible” cost of entry (read: only a single Veritas instead of 4.) What should you drink instead of this? Something incredible similar is either 1) Surette Reserva Dry Hopped OR 2) Crooked Stave WWB Batch 50, they taste astoundingly similar to this and your butthole will remain unfettered.

0

Tioga Sequoia Catacomb Brew, a vanilla saison that exhibits neither of those properties

|

 A vanilla saison with zero vanilla is almost praiseworthy in itself, thoroughly unremarkable in the classic sense, I have nothing to say about this forgettable offering.
If midwest vanilla beans can magically endure in bcbs for 5 years allegedly without fading at all, I refuse to believe that this was a totally different beer when it was fresh. It wasn’t offensive or objectionable, and as a standalone Saison it was a phoned in dupont strain fermented at low temps.

I mean, it is fine, I guess?

0

Red white and blue(/black Flora), Happy Memorial Day @hillfarmstead

|

 
I was blown away by satsuma Flora, pleased with blueberry Flora, and in the wake of the recent black Currant Smog city saison, couldn’t wait to try this bad ratchet.

The pour is, as to be expected, Sofia Vegarra-tier beautiful. Radiant hues of violet and off pink carb sit atop this precious stone translucence. Bursting with blood red hues like when you stop taking your Valtrex.
The nose is blackberry jam with a dry Riesling aspect to it, farmers market meets prosecco with a lightly backish spray to it like you are on worlds ballerest catch.

The taste is a unique hybrid of tart, crisp Berry and this lingering cheesiness and oak. The result is a kind of odd “protofruit” character where you can’t pick out the individual nuances of the fruits but it feels like “fruits ET al.” It is hard to fault a beer for using a component fruit blend, but it becomes difficult for me to pick out its “intent” beyond the scope of “wild ale with fruit.” In the way that Sara fruit punch 1 suffered from this bipolar execution, it is incredibly refreshing and hits all the right marks without the clear depth of satsuma. 

 The fruit on this is as real as it gets, artificially fruited Saisons: not even once. 
So should you go apeshit locking this down? It is well worthy of your time and you should put it all inside of you. Aside from the Smog City release, I can’t think of a clear analog and you could certainly do far worse in this realm. That being said, this does not quite approach the pedigree of the prior iterations of Flora, or even Flora b5 in my estimation. Which is to say, it is very good but feels more like a four door m3, the additions are subtractions by way of contrast, but you still got a sick juicy Berry whip with amazing PowerPlant and tannic underpinnings.

1

Top 8 Beers to Drink if you Refuse to Vaccinate Your Child, NUMBER THREE WILL SHOCK YOU!

|

Craft beer saw HUGE gains in 2014, and took massive strides against reviled MACROBREWERIES, demonstrating the clear changing of the tide for top tier consumables in the life of the average consumer.  More people elected to drink non-pasteurized and bottle conditioned beers, home births are on the rise, and naturally most beer drinkers are contemplating whether they should embrace modern medicine and immunize their children.

This is a serious decision, and like all great beer culture, a pairing is a natural extension to making this life altering choice.  SO HERE IS A LIST OF EIGHT BEERS TO DRINK IF YOU DECIDE NOT TO VACCINATE YOUR CHILD!

Number Eight: Alesmith Brandy Barrel Old Numbskull – https://dontdrinkbeer.com/2014/06/30/alesmith-brewing-co-old-numbskull-brandy-barrel-edition-got-my-barleybones-a-throbbing/

It is a serious decision.

Whenever you start putting back some serious 11% beers, you might question that vaccines prevent communicable disease and impart lasting immunity, it happens all the time.  Once you get sufficiently hammered on sticky raisins and dates you will realize that vaccinated people are the most immunocompromised, and are always the ones contracting the diseases against which they were vaccinated.  Tell me that hasnt happened when you drank BA barleywines, like every time.

Number SEVEN: Tired Hands Westy XIII https://dontdrinkbeer.com/2014/06/18/tiredhandsbeer-i-put-13s-on-the-westy-now-all-the-tickers-mirin/

SO TRUE

If you have ever sat down and had saison yeast in a 13% quad then you know this topic has come up.  Someone will bust out Settlers of Catan and invariably someone will start talking about how every single study used as “evidence” that vaccines are safe erroneously compares side effects from one vaccine to side effects from another vaccine, effectively canceling them out.  Then shit gets super real at the game night.

Number Six: The Bruery Wineification I https://dontdrinkbeer.com/2013/12/31/thebruery-wineification-the-first-full-legit-review-on-the-internet-stompin-on-your-grapes/

TYPICAL

Maybe it happens when you are at Ross, maybe it is Claimjumpers, you open a 450 bottle count wine must infused imperial stout and THE TOPIC COMES UP.  While you are trying to appreciate the nuance of the tannins and barrel profile someone will ALWAYS BE LIKE “Little do most people know that the first vaccine ever produced, for smallpox, was a complete disaster. The health consequences in those who received it included syphilis and death

NUMBER FOUR: Three Floyd’s Baller Stout and MURDA’D OUT STOUT https://dontdrinkbeer.com/2013/12/14/3floyds-baller-stout-vs-murdad-out-stout-what-a-complete-waste-of-time/

Since we all usually open these together, several times a week, I already sympathize with the gravity of the decision lain at your feet.  You’ll be watching Burn Notice, trying to pick out the component nuances of the beers and then, out of nowhere you realize: Vaccines are highly profitable for drug companies, which aren’t held liable for damages.  You dont even know if that is true, but you feel like it is something you should just post on facebook, not even citing shit, because you suddenly are both a medical professional and a lawyer, thanks to these two beers.

NUMBER THREE: Cantillon Crianza Helena https://dontdrinkbeer.com/2012/12/19/cantillon-crianza-helena-the-face-that-launched-a-thousand-shits-on-ebay/

We all have walked down this well-tread path.  We are gonna sit down and open a Cantillon one off, for like the third time this week, to cool the nerves from the stress of working at Staples.  BOOM.  You are enjoying the complexity of the barrel blending and a little voice calls out “all vaccines contain deadly, neurodamaging chemicals like aluminum, mercury and formaldehyde. Many vaccines are also loaded with monosodium glutamate (MSG), antibiotics and even genetically modified organisms”

You might not even be a physician or even know what those things are, but you have rare beer and opinions, and you will be buggered if you don’t pop them both open in front of people.  IT IS NOT JUST ME IT FEELS SO GOOD TO KNOW.

At this point you realize that you have been vaccinated and didn’t even NOTICE THAT NUMBER FIVE WAS MISSING.  Because vaccines in children cause long lasting computational errors.

NUMBER FIVE: 2004 Fantome Ete https://dontdrinkbeer.com/2012/12/07/fantome-saison-derezee-ete-slaying-that-elusive-ghost-whale/

Listen, just because something is ultra desirable for years and years doesn’t mean that people will care about it forever.  You must have felt that gnawing in your soul, knowing something wasn’t right with your coveted Fantome collection, the way the baby wheezes while positioned on his stomach. Then it hits you, International studies looking at the health outcomes of unvaccinated children compared to their vaccinated peers have repeatedly shown that the unjabbed are generally less afflicted with allergies, autism, behavioral disorders, autoimmune dysfunction and respiratory ailments.

You don’t know if that is true, but it FEELS CORRECT.  If the vaccines were so desirable then why aren’t they on the ISO:FT boards? It is like Abyss all over again, your vaccine cellar in your body is faded and over the hill.  Everyone knows it.

NUMBER TWO: Surly CynicAle https://dontdrinkbeer.com/2012/12/03/surly-cynicale-for-all-the-sophists-cynics-epicureans-and-stoics/

Somehow, between chaining together sugar water and neglecting all other life duties, you have time to make concrete decisions about your child, even if they are wildly contrary to modern medicine.  Surly Cynicale always brings this out in Minnesotan consumers who, despite clear documentation, continue to breed.  I feel like there isn’t a person who hasn’t been in a Minneapolis watering hole without hearing this old chestnut: “Vaccine companies can’t be sued if you or your child is harmed by vaccines. If vaccines really are as safe as the jab-pushers constantly claim they are, then why was the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act passed in 1986, exempting vaccine and drug companies, as well as health practitioners, from liability in the event of injury or death?

I mean, it sounds like bullshit but, you are wasted on Czar jack, so what do you know.  There’s so many lakes and so few places to learn how to science.  It seems legit, I mean, you just had unprotected sex, not a law degree seminar.

NUMBER ONE!!!!!! De Cam Framboise https://dontdrinkbeer.com/2014/07/02/de-cam-framboise-lambiek-you-only-yolo-once/

At this point I mean, who gives a fuck really? You are already at least $321,000 deep per child so, why not forge your own path and just dig deep in the cellar for a beer that just goes hard in the paint.  The crushing reality of responsibility weighs deep on your immune system and an agrarian society seems not unpleasant in the face of attempting to mortgage a new property with additional bedrooms.  So why not De Cam? At the end of the day maybe Natural exposure to disease is the best vaccine. Truth be told, the only way to truly develop vibrant, lifelong immunity is to live your life as you normally would, but without injecting dead (and in some cases live) viruses and chemical adjuvants into your muscle tissue. Natural exposure to whatever diseases are lurking in the world is the only way for the body to develop permanent antibodies that will forever protect against disease

Or maybe you are stupid dipshit who failed high school Biology because you had a constant hormonal imbalance, caused by vaccines, resulting in perpetual erections.  Your kid will be a complete asshole and demand an SS Camaro at age 15 regardless of what antiquated medicine you choose to embrace.  THE VINTAGES CHANGE BUT THE CELLAR REMAINS CONSTANT!