The clipping pace of the beer stream moves quickly these days.  Does anyone remember when people gave a fuck about Dragontraxxx three weeks ago? LOL ME EITHER. You can barely dip your toe in the Heraclitean river before the piss from some muttonchopped asshole upstream comes down your way.

We already did the Grrrz set

LAST

YEAR

SO THE FUCK WHAT

Welp, one of these is a repeat, same exceptionally made/delicious kriek.  BUT WAIT HOLD THE FUCK ON.

you have got to be shitting me up the dick with this one

Take a look above.  What a magnificent “kriek,” right? Except it isn’t a fucking kriek at all.  This is some like fruitless parody on consumers, a cherryless enclosure like every Delta Gamma sorority house. It honestly tasted like a worse version of the regular ass Le Roar Grzzz from last year.  Some musk, a little lemony cheesiness like brie and jazz apples, but where in the fuck is the fruit i so painstakingly traded for?  This is no fruit wild ale and it is somehow more deficient than just the blank Le Roar from last year, which as incredible.

How could they fuck this one up this badly? Was the bottle mislabeled? Was there a barrel that simply got zero cherries?

who do i even talk to about this

Let’s do a quick analysis:

this is the kriek from last year, does this look anything fucking remotely close to what you see above, this year’s “kriek.”

And just to drill the point home, let’s take a look at last year’s “cherry free le roar”

WAIT HOLD ON IS THAT A KRIEK LEMMIE GET MY SRM GUIDE

Complete fucking ripoff, mislabeled or misfilled, a wildly disappointing endeavor.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER THREE?

Thankfully, all of those were fully strapped like a Vietnamese dominatrix.  Each one was impressive in its own light and present new and rad riffs on the already remarkable Le Roar lineage.

Juicing it harder than Barry Bonds

The berry could be considered the “worst” of the three but it is still god damn delicious through and through. It passes the DUI sobriety test by walking the jam/acidity line impeccably, presenting nice tannic structure like a Grenache wine.  The dryness is kept in check by a lovely silky crackly mouthfeel and the whole experience had me nearly lactating lacto out these sanddollar nips.

Shit is getting progressively more real in the field

Like most strawberry beers, I buckled down and puckered my butthole for the inevitable plastic, bandaid, or outright earthy sickness of insoluble fiber.  This pulled me the other way and instead went the pleasant red 5, fruit by the foot, Gushers, squeezit, and acidic jolly rancher path.  The sweetness is tempered by this awesome clean finish like a Rose to the mouthfeel, lingering buttery oak expansive like a major chord from a Les Paul.  Just short of Omniscience and Proseltyism and Kiwi Herman, this is amongest the best I have ever seen strawberry executed.

you already kno

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BEST AND HOW MUCH OF THE BEST IS IT COMPARED TO THE OTHER BEST BESTS?S!?!

UOENO

I don’t even need to feign surprise with this one.  It was a magical award winning combination out the gate: them stone fruits that people who never eat fruit covet, coupled with an incredible wild ale base that fruit eaters will never taste.  The merger is a magical melange of fruit and acidity, skins and shirts, garden nursery and cheese emporium.  This hits as hard as the best of them in the realm of Chez, but falling short of the Persica b1 contingency. It has just enough tempered juicy kumquat sweetness, mandarin orange, this lingering long as fuck buttery chard closer: it goes hard in the paint.

tfw u remembr what u traed for a bottle

Time for the inevitable question: is it as good as Fou? That really depends on what you are into. Fou of course will age gracefully and present more of a grist at the outset and acidity over time, this is better at the juice and fruit and getting the skis waxed up because juicy fruit is gonna move ya.  It is outstanding toe to tip and even though Bullfrog tested the elasticity of my anoos with a complete ripoff Kriek, this more than made up for it.

I still prefer last year’s plain old Bullfrog Le Roar Grrrz though, god damn was that beer flawless American Pajotenland incarnate.

y must traed so hi

inb4 “THATS Y U DONT TRAED FOR BEER U NEVER KNOW WHAT U GONNA GET BEERS NOT MEANT FOR TO BE SHIPPING ALL OVER THE PLAEC NOT BULLFROGS FAULT COULD HAVE BEEN A KRIEK BEFOR SHIPPING U NEVR KNO”

in case you have a Compaq presario and don’t use Twitter or Instagram, here’s some a1 raw COMIN fresh off the scale, unstepped on

Bbbw feels kickin in

Thirsty ass tickers leveraging hard

Lol sike newmoney don’t want kaggen: no adjuncts

Mbc bills ain’t gonna pay theyselves

PayPal account lookin haggard AF

“What’s foo fun?”

Talkin bout its they favorite saison an shit

Such maple tones, Tommy Handy #1 bourben, the waiting for the steeping is the hardest part. BRB putting bottles on MBC to recoup costs, no one can tell.

Traders on ISO:FT boards be like

All day, every day.

You might recognize Saison Du Ble as the beer that rapacious shitlords were attempting to flip minutes after release, just after going through the line as many times as possible with all the mules available.  That’s the one.  God forbid people in St. Louis actually drink some of these world class bangers.

Pulling Nails b3 was another release that anomalously hit the boards flooded with FTs, seemingly before anyone even tried this beer.  It is a shame because both of these “accessible” Side Project beers are incredible and don’t deserve to be liquidated into some Blue Chips retirement saison account bullshit. I guess coming to this website and having DDB tell you to drink beer is a bit misleading, so let’s dive in and figure out why you shouldn’t drink these two:

Shout out to midwest renters dropping all expendable income on sugar and ethanol. I see you grindin.

Blended “saison” 6% abv

“Blend of: Oude du Ble that was aged in French Oak for 1 year & then aged on Apricots + 14-Month-Old Foedre Beer + 2-year-old Missouri Spontaneous Blonde.”

These pulling nails blends are constantly separating themselves from the intensely sour underpinning of the AWA realm and reaching longingly to the musky funk of the Belgian traincar chugging away from the platform.  This is best of the three released thus far and almost strikes me as a type of off-brand Duck Duck Gooze in several ways.  That is to say, it is phenomenal in both intensity and complexity.

frothy whipped up blended lemon home run pie

I predict that the 2014 Cicerone contingency will complain that they want their saisons more sourerer and that wild ales are exceptional when made more sour: the classic touchstone of brewing ability.  Sadly this beer caters to people who know what the fuck they are talking about. The nose reminds me of cave aged cheddar, some kumquat skins, a wheaty grist waft like if you french pressed La Moneuse with tangerines. It lingers with a wet canvas smell that is awesome to offset some of the stone fruit acidity.  The fact that Side Project was able to do this without pandering to some adjunct fruited E-brake is telling of their program developing something that was lacking at the outset: subtlety and nuance.

The taste presents a more acrimonious presence than the nose but still pushes a refreshing oakiness, a sort of french oak sickle dances along the bicuspids and produces that maxiosalivary reaction dropping residual orange juice tastes along the base of the molars.  It never goes overboard, but never feels watery or insubstanial either.  This would be too acidic if the yeast profile didn’t reach into the water and save it from drowning in its own discharge. The creamy grist closes out the acidity like bookends, tart granny smith stacked on a piece of gruyere rind, that type of canapes shit.

tickers see that black on white at a tasting dont even bother reading, ale boners throbbing at BAL emptying speeds

Less adept brewers would hit the fruit and acidity profile and call it a day, not big a fuck about depth or drinkability.  If the consumer base can’t handle the rough acrid profile JUST RAFFLE BOTTLES AND ULTRA RARE NO ONE WILL DRINK THEM ALONE.  It is an off accolade to praise a brewery for “relaxing” and emphasizing component blending over monoculture massaging, but that is what is going on here.  No, this isn’t on par with the Floras of the world, but it empties a full clip at the momma cribs of most other wild ales in the game at present.

WAIT I WAS PROMISED A SAISON DU BLE REVIEW WATDEFEX?

CASSIDY FLOWS, WE GOT ROOM KEYS, I CANT MEET YOU IN THE LOBBY BECAUSE I GOTTA WATCH MY BACK.
I aint just any body

“Saison du Blé is our Chardonnay barrel-aged Wheat Saison. Batch 1 was fermented in stainless and then aged in oak for 3 months with our rustic house blend.”

I love the fact that the “easiest” beer to land in the Side Project catalog exhibits some of the finest that the brewery has to offer.  It is a cosmic justice for all the assholes who traded away the Grisette and the Biere du Pays as though bottle limits dictated their inherent value.  Then again, these are the same St. Louis beer sommememliers who pass up Vapeur and Darbyste and obsess over new De Garde shit to boost their farmhouse C.V.

So while this might not be the most complex offering from these boys, it is easily the most overall enjoyable in crushability, drinkability, refreshing solosessions, The wheat grist coats and makes a frothy lil treat, those peppery lemongrass esters hit the bitter and sweet zones like decadent alcoholic Gatorade. The closer isn’t dry or offputting, it has a tangelo skin zest that lingers like tropical life savers, that weird pale cum colored one,

If you aren’t trying to stunt hard amongst 200 other maladjusted manchildren at Zwanze Day, trade for this and drink it alone while watching Mr. Robot.  Fuck this culture of unchecked avarice.  You do you boo boo.

Welp, I think it is a safe to say that the vast majority of people both were tumescent and underwhelmed by the first set of Barrel Aged Monster’s Park deviants that came out a while back.  The carb left something to be desired and something felt a bit too Kelly Ripa about the mouthfeel.  This resulted in a series of ultra judgmental cicerones writing off what is an unquestionably 1) hooked up and 2) awesome barrel program.

So these old whale oil salesmen already are sourcing rad coffee roasts from themselves, and they have a direct in with K&L for choice barrel picks as well. Modern Times got that Panamera shittin on a 911.  For every other trifling brewery with their speculative “MIGHT BE PEPPY VAN WALKER!!” Modern Times can tell you exactly the nature of their barrels.

that 50 srm, IT’S LIKE HOW MUCH BLACKER COULD IT BE? NONE. THE ANSWER IS NONE.

So this is their second anniversary beer, to celebrate going from 9600 to 14.4 baud. 336 bottles were released and they were criminally overlooked, and the core of their recent adjuncted deviants continue to snipe midwest tickers from the weeds with that .300 knockout with the flash hider.

This beer racks Monsters Park to a 10 year Four Roses barrel straight from the Rutledge era as it will soon be called, then lets it rest for 9 months, thats like 7 times as long as North Carolina breweries prefer.

The pour is noticeably more hefty in scope and magnitude than the prior breach birth BAMP offerings.  The sheeting and carb stays on track like a box of Pumas. In a world obsessed with adjuncting their way to overwhelming profiles, it is refreshing to see something go ALL BALs to achieve the nuanced splendor.  It’s akin to tuners eschewing forced induction FOR ONCE I MEAN FUCK WE CANT ALL OWN STIs JEEZ.

Tomegame don’t fuxx wit dem chocolate/black patent malts

The nose is a toasty ethiopian sort of cafe roast, you get mallow for days like you were on a s’more binge, bakers chocolate is doing naked diamond pushups in the aisle and the flight attendant looks pissed. The werther’s original closes things out with a lingering oakiness, even Fetty Wap would introduce this beer to his stove.

The taste again exhibits that balance and calm hand of a brewery that isn’t in a hurry to oversaturate a beer (see a certain forthcoming 2 year aged stout) nor does it produce a knowingly flabby, sugar laden bomb to impress untappd dipshits who think that intense residual sugar is a hallmark of impressive brewing.  It feels less substantial than it actually is, and that is a hat trick I can get behind every time.  Those Julian Shrago type of parlor sleight of hands that make bottles disappear.

I loved the brownie batter aspect and it reminds me a of devils food cake if it had a sort of boozy soaked lady fingers middle body to it.  The hilarious part about this beer is that is shines in the vanilla and coconut without the use of adjuncts, underscoring how they don’t need their performance enhancing materials to put up those Lance Armstrong numbers. No asterix on this beer, it was obtained, consumed, not traded, and crushed it behind the scenes like that foreign exchange student who is always knee deep in the poon but never makes a huge deal about it.  FUCKING JACQUES SPREAD THE LOVE HOMIE WE NEED MORE BA STOUTS.

OH GOOD A STORY BRB READING THE CLIFFS NOTES BY DRINKING IT INSTEAD KTHX

I won’t tell you to seek this out, the vanilla/coconut/nougat crew wont anyway.  Plus, it would be largely pointless anyway.  For every asshole tripping over their micropeen to land whatever the newest variant is on the same prexisting tropes, they rush past quality gems like these in search of whatever has the most ISOs at the moment.  I am completely content with that.

The takeaway is, how many more of these incredibly ranked Modem Tones stouts do they need to release before it just becomes common knowledge that these are things you should inherently be drawn to, like a Jetski with a kegerator on it. I hope people continue to leave this shit alone, it will simplify my life and I can get back to my tumbling career, my floor routine is in woeful disrepair.

  
MMM extra honey to add body and dry it out. Such balance, massive pine sol phenolic refreshment.

Welp, people from Southern California were seed pissed when I not only exposed their Highland Park honeyhole, but gave it irritating praise as well.  Not content to ruin things for my own locals, it’s time to ruin things for those shrewd Seattle hucksters who have been sitting on a saison goldmine. Those chicanerous tricksters thought they could keep this farmhouse factory a secret, but as usual, DDB is here to fuck things up for all parties involved.

Alright so, farmhouse focus: check, 10 barrel system: check, barrel program: check, small yields: check.  So are we dealing with Upright version 2.0? Ehhh, not really.  This is more like if pre-sellout Logsdon scissored with Prairie, and the friction generated a spontaneous yeastchild, in defiance of science and labial integrity.

So many rolls of paper towels will be lost in the enjoyment of these rustic nukes.

Their marketing is rather ho hum and is almost inspiring in how clean, simple, and focused their branding is.  Paper mache labels, and simple white keeps the focus on the 750ml glory inside.  This isn’t some midwest, flash art, Affliction text and tattoo parlor dragons wrapped around pounder cans type of shit.  The message is simple, the beers are subtle but complex.

Like most 7-10 barrel brewers, they have this Tired Handsy focus on hoppy/farmhouse/make a billion different ticks a month.  After a year and some change I think they are outpacing Cellarmaker for more apeshit offerings per month than anyone else.  Let’s review 6 of their bottled beers today and complain like entitled pussies, de rigueur.

This one does a final dry hopping in your mouth with actual hop sediment vegetal sludge

Fellowcraft

This belgian pale ale is messy as fuck.  I mean that in several ways, first, the attenuation is apeshit on all of these bottles.  Second, this had half a juniper stalk of free floating buds and sediment floating around and the final pour was like licking the soles of someone on the final day of Burning Man.  I would rate this as 87 International Rusticity Units (IRUs.)  This was the weakest beer in the lineup and it was like a soft offering from LeChouffe. Not bad but, get the Brawny.

Saison launch detected. Spawn more overlords.

The Goat, saison, 4.9% abv

Alright, if things weren’t apeshit enough with the prior bottle the goat takes over attenuation to full krausened insanity.  I opened this beer and not just a “whoa Logsdon gusher” this was full on projectile Bellagio fountain shit.  I pushed my thumb into the bottle and it impelled force to spray a jetstream like some Brazzers squirtvid all over my ceiling.  After that Double Dare shit was over, this fantastic, gentle, belgian single/table beer maintained this awesome earthy meets floral aspect like Avril. The swallow is lightly tart and reminds me a lot of Clara, clementines and whipped egg. Croosh to the nth power.

Again, I am not usually in the practice of hosing my bottles down like a Sir Mix a Lot video. These things gush harder than a jewish mother to her sassy gay friend.

The Gray Tower

Grisette (?) 5.4% abv

This was pretty deece and a solid entry in their lineup that really reminded me a lot of the bretty oaked saisons from Prairie.  One caveat I have to mention is that I am reviewing these saisons relative to their own stellar lineup and a lineage of the best saisons of recent memory. This has a great lemony brett C funk, some phenolic esters like a stack of comic books and limoncello.

FLAWLESS BEER ALERT HOLY SHIT MOUNTAIN

Barrel #7, american wild ale with stone fruit

I have literally nothing to complain about this beer and I am confident that this will land in the DDB top 10 beers of 2015.  This is a softer, more european, subtler version of West Ashley.  It has the awesome aspects of Flora Satsuma in the gentle acidity, perfect balance of tartness to creamy clean grist, a lingering chardonnay oak and this peach jolly rancher closer.  This is absolutely unmissable, a refined baby brother improvement upon the already staggering Peche n Brett forte.

AH ONE AH TWO AH THREEEEE, how many licks does it take to get to the center of the HNNNGGG

“A hoppy saison brewed with wheat and aged in oak with brett.
This batch was aged for over three months in our foudre with brettanomyces and then dry hopped. Refermented in the bottle with brettanomyces.”

The archetypical HOPPY FARMHOUSE entry in every saison centered brewery.  We all know one. If you wanted a more resinous version of Noble King, or a stemmier version of Prairie Hop, your prayers have been answered.  If you were underwhelmed by HF Sue, then this will be your nemesis because it executes like a more yard clippings forward type of bone dry Dorothy.  You get the pine, aserose, some raked leaves, frothy whiskey sour and a long oaky finish. Ba dum tish. That’s all there is to it.

Poppin shots at these rustic ass haters

The hart, oak aged saison, 6.5% abv

If you can’t get barrel 7, then please lock this bad ratchet down.  This is a phenomenal entry from these guys that shows holy mountain has a delicate hand like a Vietnamese seamstress.  The union of classic belgian esters, grapefruit pith, orange julius, mandarin slices and a frothy mouthfeel makes killing this 750ml incredibly easy, frustrating even. I highly recommend checking out their saison lineup and this would be second only to the Persicab1-tier madness of Barrel 7. I was watching Killing Them Softly and I drilled this entire bottle before Brad Pitt even showed up in the first act.  It is refreshing, complex, everything a modern saison should be but with the gravitas of a proud lineage.

I would watch these guys in the future, they are already putting out incredible offerings, coupled with tiny counts, low limits: PNW got a cetacean shitstorm a-brewin off the Puget Sound, movin inland at 40 knots.

They better play this shit in their tasting room.

  
That lager strain hit yo chest like a fitty cal. Perfect for these sticky icky ooo wee 90 degree days complete with danky rain and forest fires.

Ultimately if I could be the Blend Raymond of Humulus Lager, I would be ok with that life goal. I think Ddb is something like 400 nelson check ins away from that goal. Let’s just pray Green Flash doesn’t make a bid on the Bruery and then ruins their hoppy beers as well.  

The venerable hub of beer news and ale-based journalism, POLLENNATION.com (srs, not joking) asked me to share this infographic with you ungrateful assholes.

Usually when I get some unsolicited spam from a linkback company I LOL, look at whatever novelty garbage they are pandering, and move on.  I would be remiss to now show you this gem, though:

NOW UR PLAYING W POWER

I did not make this up. Holy shit, this is so awesome.  I suggest all of you do, all these things with like, bottles of Cable Car Kriek, or Framboos, or Southampton Black Raspberry Lambic.  Please.

In fact, maybe its time to fire up the old 4k camera and do all of these things. OH MAN THE GEAR ARE A-TURNIN.

Just so you know DDB isn’t messing with you:

SOURCE: http://www.serenataflowers.com/pollennation/8-beer-hacks-you-didnt-know-about/

Solid Friday LULZ