Toney Moans, Modem Tones – Monster’s Park Aged In Four Roses Barrels (10-yr-old) – Roney Floams.

Welp, I think it is a safe to say that the vast majority of people both were tumescent and underwhelmed by the first set of Barrel Aged Monster’s Park deviants that came out a while back.  The carb left something to be desired and something felt a bit too Kelly Ripa about the mouthfeel.  This resulted in a series of ultra judgmental cicerones writing off what is an unquestionably 1) hooked up and 2) awesome barrel program.

So these old whale oil salesmen already are sourcing rad coffee roasts from themselves, and they have a direct in with K&L for choice barrel picks as well. Modern Times got that Panamera shittin on a 911.  For every other trifling brewery with their speculative “MIGHT BE PEPPY VAN WALKER!!” Modern Times can tell you exactly the nature of their barrels.

that 50 srm, IT'S LIKE HOW MUCH BLACKER COULD IT BE? NONE. THE ANSWER IS NONE.

that 50 srm, IT’S LIKE HOW MUCH BLACKER COULD IT BE? NONE. THE ANSWER IS NONE.

So this is their second anniversary beer, to celebrate going from 9600 to 14.4 baud. 336 bottles were released and they were criminally overlooked, and the core of their recent adjuncted deviants continue to snipe midwest tickers from the weeds with that .300 knockout with the flash hider.

This beer racks Monsters Park to a 10 year Four Roses barrel straight from the Rutledge era as it will soon be called, then lets it rest for 9 months, thats like 7 times as long as North Carolina breweries prefer.

The pour is noticeably more hefty in scope and magnitude than the prior breach birth BAMP offerings.  The sheeting and carb stays on track like a box of Pumas. In a world obsessed with adjuncting their way to overwhelming profiles, it is refreshing to see something go ALL BALs to achieve the nuanced splendor.  It’s akin to tuners eschewing forced induction FOR ONCE I MEAN FUCK WE CANT ALL OWN STIs JEEZ.

Tomegame don't fuxx wit dem chocolate/black patent malts

Tomegame don’t fuxx wit dem chocolate/black patent malts

The nose is a toasty ethiopian sort of cafe roast, you get mallow for days like you were on a s’more binge, bakers chocolate is doing naked diamond pushups in the aisle and the flight attendant looks pissed. The werther’s original closes things out with a lingering oakiness, even Fetty Wap would introduce this beer to his stove.

The taste again exhibits that balance and calm hand of a brewery that isn’t in a hurry to oversaturate a beer (see a certain forthcoming 2 year aged stout) nor does it produce a knowingly flabby, sugar laden bomb to impress untappd dipshits who think that intense residual sugar is a hallmark of impressive brewing.  It feels less substantial than it actually is, and that is a hat trick I can get behind every time.  Those Julian Shrago type of parlor sleight of hands that make bottles disappear.

I loved the brownie batter aspect and it reminds me a of devils food cake if it had a sort of boozy soaked lady fingers middle body to it.  The hilarious part about this beer is that is shines in the vanilla and coconut without the use of adjuncts, underscoring how they don’t need their performance enhancing materials to put up those Lance Armstrong numbers. No asterix on this beer, it was obtained, consumed, not traded, and crushed it behind the scenes like that foreign exchange student who is always knee deep in the poon but never makes a huge deal about it.  FUCKING JACQUES SPREAD THE LOVE HOMIE WE NEED MORE BA STOUTS.

OH GOOD A STORY BRB READING THE CLIFFS NOTES BY DRINKING IT INSTEAD KTHX

OH GOOD A STORY BRB READING THE CLIFFS NOTES BY DRINKING IT INSTEAD KTHX

I won’t tell you to seek this out, the vanilla/coconut/nougat crew wont anyway.  Plus, it would be largely pointless anyway.  For every asshole tripping over their micropeen to land whatever the newest variant is on the same prexisting tropes, they rush past quality gems like these in search of whatever has the most ISOs at the moment.  I am completely content with that.

The takeaway is, how many more of these incredibly ranked Modem Tones stouts do they need to release before it just becomes common knowledge that these are things you should inherently be drawn to, like a Jetski with a kegerator on it. I hope people continue to leave this shit alone, it will simplify my life and I can get back to my tumbling career, my floor routine is in woeful disrepair.

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