So BRAT sent me this Elifish Maple Wee Heavy and already I was like HERE WE GO: no water, no barrel aging, mixing wee heavy tones with IHOP OTPHJ. It was fine, the beer is a fair to good mélange of the pancake world with almost braggot execution at times that was sticky sweet but fun enough. Malty backbone with some continental breakfast French toast, yawn.

Then she buried the God damn lede. Surreptitiously tucked into the box was an absolute heater: gin barrel aged pillow talk. They took this lowly wit, pounded it with mixed ferm, just annihilated it with 10 brett cultures, then tossed it into a Vicks Vapor rub botanical prison. The result is fantastic.

You can miss me with the maple 10 times out of 10 unless Brad Clark is involved and then this Witbier is just sniping from the PNW weeds with a .300 Knockout. You get geranium, juniper, frothy creamy mint and dill, Hot Dog on a Stick limeade, and this subtle gristy swallow. It was legitimately better than the gin BA Side Project table bier that I had the same night.

I had never even heard of this plucky little NY upstart but now your boy Eli is Fishin. You know Book of Eli? In this one Denzel is foraging for herbs and Gary Oldman is sourcing herbaceous barrels. They couldn’t get Mila Kunis due to brand sponsorship conflict with Jim Beam. The point is NEW YORK CAN SOMETIMES BE OREGON BUT WITH SNOW. You even been to Batavia? Me fucking either but I bet there’s dudes with North Face pullovers ripping nicsticks complaining about big city people from Rochester sinking their $140k housing economy.

Gin barrel aged wheat is the same whereever you are. Right now someone from Attica or Avon is writing scathing gin soaked response explaining how they’re so much different than Portland or Buffalo. Doesn’t matter, when we are all ripped on herbal grist, you can have an owl tattoo, an arrow tattoo, an infinity sign, a zodiac sign, the stupid heartbear that turns into music notes, even basic ass koi fish bros are welcome.

Gin beers unite people, maple beers divide them.